屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第9部分
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tionofthissacrifice；whichwassohardandyetsosweettome；nowmakemesmile？
isitsocertainthatthevalueofagiftisinitself；ratherthanintheintention？ifthecupofcoldwaterinthegospelisrememberedtothepoorman；whyshouldnottheflowerberememberedtothechild？letusnotlookdownuponthechildssimpleactofgenerosity；itisthesewhichaccustomthesoultoself…denialandtosympathy。icherishedthismoss…rosealongtimeasasacredtalisman；ihadreasontocherishitalways；astherecordofthefirstvictorywonovermyself。
itisnowmanyyearssinceiwitnessedthecelebrationofthefetedieu；butshouldiagainfeelinitthehappysensationsofformerdays？
istillrememberhow；whentheprocessionhadpassed；iwalkedthroughthestreetsstrewedwithflowersandshadedwithgreenboughs。ifeltintoxicatedbythelingeringperfumesoftheincense；mixedwiththefragranceofsyringas；jessamine；androses；andiseemednolongertotouchthegroundasiwentalong。ismiledateverything；thewholeworldwasparadiseinmyeyes；anditseemedtomethatgodwasfloatingintheair！
moreover；thisfeelingwasnottheexcitementofthemoment：itmightbemoreintenseoncertaindays；butatthesametimeitcontinuedthroughtheordinarycourseofmylife。manyyearsthuspassedformeinanexpansionofheart；andatrustfulnesswhichpreventedsorrow；ifnotfroming；atleastfromstayingwithme。sureofnotbeingalone；isoontookheartagain；likethechildwhorecoversitscourage；becauseithearsitsmothersvoicecloseby。whyhaveilostthatconfidenceofmychildhood？shallineverfeelagainsodeeplythatgodishere？
howstrangetheassociationofourthoughts！adayofthemonthrecallsmyinfancy；andsee；alltherecollectionsofmyformeryearsaregrowinguparoundme！whywasisohappythen？iconsiderwell；andnothingissensiblychangedinmycondition。ipossess；asididthen；healthandmydailybread；theonlydifferenceis；thatiamnowresponsibleformyself！asachild；iacceptedlifewhenitcame；anothercaredandprovidedforme。solongasifulfilledmypresentdutiesiwasatpeacewithin；andileftthefuturetotheprudenceofmyfather！mydestinywasaship；inthedirectingofwhichihadnoshare；andinwhichisailedasamonpassenger。therewasthewholesecretofchildhoodshappysecurity。sincethenworldlywisdomhasdeprivedmeofit。whenmylotwasintrustedtomyownandsolekeeping；ithoughttomakemyselfmasterofitbymeansofalonginsightintothefuture。ihavefilledthepresenthourwithanxieties；byoccupyingmythoughtswiththefuture；ihaveputmyjudgmentintheplaceofprovidence；andthehappychildischangedintotheanxiousman。
amelancholycourse；yetperhapsanimportantlesson。whoknowsthat；ifihadtrustedmoretohimwhorulestheworld；ishouldnothavebeensparedallthisanxiety？itmaybethathappinessisnotpossibleherebelow；exceptonconditionoflivinglikeachild；givingourselvesuptothedutiesofeachdayasites；andtrustinginthegoodnessofourheavenlyfatherforallbesides。
thisremindsmeofmyunclemaurice！wheneverihaveneedtostrengthenmyselfinallthatisgood；iturnmythoughtstohim；iseeagainthegentleexpressionofhishalf…smiling；half…mournfulface；ihearhisvoice；alwayssoftandsoothingasabreathofsummer！theremembranceofhimprotectsmylife；andgivesitlight。he；too；wasasaintandmartyrherebelow。othershavepointedoutthepathofheaven；hehastaughtustoseethoseofeartharight。
but；excepttheangels；whoarechargedwithnotingdownthesacrificesperformedinsecret；andthevirtueswhichareneverknown；whohaseverheardofmyunclemaurice？perhapsialonerememberhisname；andstillrecallhishistory。
well！iwillwriteit；notforothers；butformyself！theysaythat；atthesightoftheapollo；thebodyerectsitselfandassumesamoredignifiedattitude：inthesameway；thesoulshouldfeelitselfraisedandennobledbytherecollectionofagoodmanslife！
arayoftherisingsunlightsupthelittletableonwhichiwrite；thebreezebringsmeinthescentofthemignonette；andtheswallowswheelaboutmywindowwithjoyfultwitterings。theimageofmyunclemauricewillbeinitsproperplaceamidthesongs；thesunshine；andthefragrance。
sevenoclock鈥斺�攊tiswithmenslivesaswithdays：somedawnradiantwithathousandcolors；othersdarkwithgloomyclouds。thatofmyunclemauricewasoneofthelatter。hewassosickly；whenhecameintotheworld；thattheythoughthemustdie；butnotwithstandingtheseanticipations；whichmightbecalledhopes；hecontinuedtolive；sufferinganddeformed。
hewasdeprivedofalljoysaswellasofalltheattractionsofchildhood。hewasoppressedbecausehewasweak；andlaughedatforhisdeformity。invainthelittlehunchbackopenedhisarmstotheworld：
theworldscoffedathim；andwentitsway。
however；hestillhadhismother；anditwastoherthatthechilddirectedallthefeelingsofaheartrepelledbyothers。withherhefoundshelter；andwashappy；tillhereachedtheagewhenamanmusttakehisplaceinlife；andmauricehadtocontenthimselfwiththatwhichothershadrefusedwithcontempt。hiseducationwouldhavequalifiedhimforanycourseoflife；andhebecameanoctroi…clerk鈥斺�敚heoctroiisthetaxonprovisionsleviedattheentranceofthetown＇鈥斺�攊noneofthelittletoll…housesattheentranceofhisnativetown。
hewasalwaysshutupinthisdwellingofafewfeetsquare；withnorelaxationfromtheofficeaccountsbutreadingandhismothersvisits。
onfinesummerdaysshecametoworkatthedoorofhishut；undertheshadeofaclematisplantedbymaurice。and；evenwhenshewassilent；herpresencewasapleasantchangeforthehunchback；heheardtheclinkingofherlongknitting…needles；hesawhermildandmournfulprofile；whichremindedhimofsomanycourageously…bornetrials；hecouldeverynowandthenresthishandaffectionatelyonthatbowedneck；andexchangeasmilewithher！
thisfortwassoontobetakenfromhim。hisoldmotherfellsick；andattheendofafewdayshehadtogiveupallhope。mauricewasovereattheideaofaseparationwhichwouldhenceforthleavehimaloneonearth；andabandonedhimselftoboundlessgrief。hekneltbythebedsideofthedyingwoman；hecalledherbythefondestnames；hepressedherinhisarms；asifhecouldsokeepherinlife。hismothertriedtoreturnhiscaresses；andtoanswerhim；butherhandswerecold；hervoicewasalreadygone。shecouldonlypressherlipsagainsttheforeheadofherson；heaveasigh；andclosehereyesforever！
theytriedtotakemauriceaway；butheresistedthemandthrewhimselfonthatnowmotionlessform。
〃dead！〃criedhe；〃dead！shewhohadneverleftme；shewhowastheonlyoneintheworldwholovedme！you；mymother；dead！whatthenremainsformeherebelow？〃
astifledvoicereplied：
〃god！〃
maurice；startled；raisedhimself！wasthatalastsighfromthedead；orhisownconscience；thathadansweredhim？hedidnotseektoknow；butheunderstoodtheanswer；andacceptedit。
itwasthenthatifirstknewhim。ioftenwenttoseehiminhislittletoll…house。hejoinedinmychildishgames；toldmehisfineststories；andletmegatherhisflowers。deprivedashewasofallexternalattractiveness；heshowedhimselffullofkindnesstoallwhocametohim；and；thoughheneverwouldputhimselfforward；hehadaweleforeveryone。deserted；despised；hesubmittedtoeverythingwithagentlepatience；andwhilehewasthusstretchedonthecrossoflife；amidtheinsultsofhisexecutioners；herepeatedwithchrist；〃father；forgivethem；fortheyknownotwhattheydo。〃
nootherclerkshowedsomuchhonesty；zeal；andintelligence；butthosewhootherwisemighthavepromotedhimashisservicesdeservedwererepelledbyhisdeformity。ashehadnopatrons；hefoundhisclaimswerealwaysdisregarded。theypreferredbeforehimthosewhowerebetterabletomakethemselvesagreeable；andseemedtobegrantinghimafavorwhenlettinghimkeepthehumbleofficewhichenabledhimtolive。unclemauriceboreinjusticeashehadbornecontempt；unfairlytreatedbymen；heraisedhiseyeshigher；andtrustedinthejusticeofhimwhocannotbedeceived。
helivedinanoldhouseinthesuburb；wheremanywork…people；aspoorbutnotasforlornashe；alsolodged。amongtheseneighborstherewasasinglewoman；wholivedbyherselfinalittlegarret；intowhichcamebothwindandrain。shewasayounggirl；pale；silent；andwithnothingtoremendherbutherwretchednessandherresignationtoit。shewasneverseenspeakingtoanyotherwoman；andnosongcheeredhergarret。
sheworkedwithoutinterestandwithoutrelaxation；adepressinggloomseemedtoenvelopherlikeashroud。herdejectionaffectedmaurice；heattemptedtospeaktoher；sherepliedmildly；butinfewwords。itwaseasytoseethatshepreferredhersilenceandhersolitudetothelittlehunchbacksgood…will；heperceivedit；andsaidnomore。
buttoinettesneedlewashardlysufficientforhersupport；andpresentlyworkfailedher！mauricelearnedthatthepoorgirlwasinwantofeverything；andthatthetradesmenrefusedtogivehercredit。
heimmediatelywenttothemprivatelyandengagedtopaythemforwhattheysuppliedtoinettewith。
thingswentoninthiswayforseveralmonths。theyoungdressmakercontinuedoutofwork；untilshewasatlastfrightenedatthebillsshehadcontractedwiththeshopkeepers。whenshecametoanexplanationwiththem；everythingwasdiscovered。herfirstimpulsewastoruntounclemaurice；andthankhimonherknees。herhabitualreservehadgivenwaytoaburstofdeepestfeeling。itseemedasifgratitudehadmeltedalltheiceofthatnumbedheart。
beingnownolongerembarrassedwithasecret；thelittlehunchbackcouldgivegreaterefficacytohisgoodoffices。toinettebecametohimasister；forwhosewantshehadarighttoprovide。itwasthefirsttimesincethedeathofhismotherthathehadbeenabletosharehislifewithanother。theyoungwomanreceivedhisattentionswithfeeling；butwithreserve。allmauriceseffortswereinsufficienttodispelhergloom：sheseemedtouchedbyhiskindness；andsometimesexpressedhersenseofitwithwarmth；butthereshestopped。herheartwasaclosedbook；whichthelittlehunchbackmightbendover；butcouldnotread。intruthhecaredlittletodoso；hegavehimselfuptothehappinessofbeingnolongeralone；andtooktoinettesuchasherlongtrialshadmadeher；helovedherasshewas；andwishedfornothingelsebutstilltoenjoyherpany。
thisthoughtinsensiblytookpossessionofhismind；totheexclusionofallbesides。thepoorgirlwasasforlornashimself；shehadbeeaccustomedtothedeformityofthehunchback；andsheseemedtolookonhimwithanaffectionatesympathy！whatmorecouldhewishfor？untilthen；thehopesofmakinghimselfacceptabletoahelpmatehadbeenrepelledbymauriceasadream；butchanceseemedwillingtomakeitareality。aftermuchhesitationhetookcourage；anddecidedtospeaktoher。
itwasevening；thelittlehunchback；inmuchagitation；directedhisstepstowardthework…womansgarretjustashewasabouttoenter；hethoughtheheardastrangevoicepronouncingthemaidensname。hequicklypushedopenthedoor；andperceivedtoinetteweeping；andleaningontheshoulderofayoungmaninthedressofasailor。
atthesightofmyuncle；shedisengagedherselfquickly；andrantohim；cryingout：
〃ah！ein鈥斺�攅in！itishethatithoughtwasdead：itisjulien；itismybetrothed！〃
mauricetottered；anddrewback。asinglewordhadtoldhimall！
itseemedtohimasifthegroundshookandhisheartwasabouttobreak；butthesamevoicethathehadheardbyhismothersdeathbedagainsoundedinhisears；andhesoonrecoveredhimself。godwasstillhisfriend！
hehimselfacpaniedthenewly…marriedpairontheroadwhentheyle
