the history of john bull-第14部分
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JOHN BULL。〃If thou wilt not let me have them； wilt thou take them thyself？〃 Then Nic。 grinned； cackled； and laughed； till he was like to kill himself； and seemed to be so pleased that he fell a frisking and dancing about the room。
JOHN BULL。〃Shall I leave all this matter to thy management； Nic。； and go about my business？〃 Then Nic。 got up a glass and drank to John； shaking him by the hand till he had like to have shook his shoulder out of joint。
JOHN BULL。〃I understand thee； Nic。； but I shall make thee speak before I go。〃 Then Nic。 put his finger in his cheek and made it cry 〃buck！〃 which was as much as to say； 〃I care not a farthing for thee。〃
JOHN BULL。〃I have done； Nic。； if thou wilt not speak； I'll make my own terms with old Lewis here。〃
John； perceiving that Frog would not speak； turns to old Lewis： 〃Since we cannot make this obstinate fellow speak； Lewis； pray condescend a little to his humour； and set down thy meaning upon paper； that he may answer it in another scrap。〃
〃I am infinitely sorry；〃 quoth Lewis； 〃that it happens so unfortunately； for； playing a little at cudgels t'other day； a fellow has given me such a rap over the right arm that I am quite lame。 I have lost the use of my forefinger and my thumb； so that I cannot hold my pen。〃
JOHN BULL。〃That's all one； let me write for you。〃
LEWIS。〃But I have a misfortune that I cannot read anybody's hand but my own。〃
JOHN BULL。〃Try what you can do with your left hand。〃
LEWIS。〃That's impossible； it will make such a scrawl that it will not be legible。〃
As they were talking of this matter； in came Esquire South； all dressed up in feathers and ribbons； stark staring mad； brandishing his sword； as if he would have cut off their heads； crying 〃Room； room； boys； for the grand esquire of the world！ the flower of esquires！ What！ covered in my presence？ I'll crush your souls； and crack you like lice！〃 With that he had like to have struck John Bull's hat into the fire； but John； who was pretty strong…fisted； gave him such a squeeze as made his eyes water。 He went on still in his mad pranks： 〃When I am lord of the universe； the sun shall prostrate and adore me！ Thou； Frog； shalt be my bailiff； Lewis my tailor； and thou； John Bull； shalt be my fool！〃
All this while Frog laughed in his sleeve； gave the esquire the other noggan of brandy； and clapped him on the back； which made him ten times madder。
Poor John stood in amaze； talking thus to himself： 〃Well； John； thou art got into rare company！ One has a dumb devil； the other a mad devil； and the third a spirit of infirmity。 An honest man has a fine time on it amongst such rogues。 What art thou asking of them after all？ Some mighty boon one would think！ only to sit quietly at thy own fireside。 What have I to do with such fellows？ John Bull； after all his losses and crosses； can live better without them than they can without him。 Would I lived a thousand leagues off them！ but the devil's in it； John Bull is in； and John Bull must get out as well as he can。〃
As he was talking to himself； he observed Frog and old Lewis edging towards one another to whisper；* so that John was forced to sit with his arms akimbo； to keep them asunder。
* Some attempts of secret negotiation between the French and the Dutch。
Some people advised John to bleed Frog under the tongue； or take away his bread…and…butter； which would certainly make him speak； to give Esquire South hellebore； as for Lewis； some were for emollient poultices； others for opening his arm with an incision knife。
CHAPTER XI。* The apprehending； examination； and imprisonment of Jack for suspicion of poisoning。
* The four following chapters contain the history of passing the Bill against Occasional Conformity； and of the Whigs agreeing to it。
The attentive reader cannot have forgot that the story of Van Ptschirnsooker's powder was interrupted by a message from Frog。 I have a natural compassion for curiosity； being much troubled with the distemper myself； therefore to gratify that uneasy itching sensation in my reader； I have procured the following account of that matter。
Van Ptschirnsooker came off （as rogues usually do upon such occasions） by peaching his partner； and being extremely forward to bring him to the gallows； Jack* was accused as the contriver of all the roguery。 And； indeed； it happened unfortunately for the poor fellow； that he was known to bear a most inveterate spite against the old gentlewoman； and； consequently； that never any ill accident happened to her but he was suspected to be at the bottom of it。 If she pricked her finger； Jack； to be sure； laid the pin in the way； if some noise in the street disturbed her rest； who could it be but Jack in some of his nocturnal rambles？ If a servant ran away； Jack had debauched him。 Every idle tittle…tattle that went about； Jack was always suspected for the author of it。 However； all was nothing to this last affair of the temperating； moderating powder。
* All the misfortunes of the Church charged upon the Puritan party。
The hue and cry went after Jack to apprehend him dead or alive； wherever he could be found。 The constables looked out for him in all his usual haunts； but to no purpose。 Where d'ye think they found him at last？ Even smoking his pipe； very quietly； at his brother Martin's； from whence he was carried with a vast mob at his heels； before the worshipful Mr。 Justice Overdo。 Several of his neighbours made oath；* that of late； the prisoner had been observed to lead a very dissolute life； renouncing even his usual hypocrisy and pretences to sobriety； that he frequented taverns and eating…houses； and had been often guilty of drunkenness and gluttony at my Lord Mayor's table； that he had been seen in the company of lewd women； that he had transferred his usual care of the engrossed copy of his father's will to bank bills； orders for tallies； and debentures：** these he now affirmed； with more literal truth； to be meat； drink； and cloth； the philosopher's stone； and the universal medicine；*** that he was so far from showing his customary reverence to the will； that he kept company with those that called his father a cheating rogue； and his will a forgery； that he not only sat quietly and heard his father railed at； but often chimed in with the discourse； and hugged the authors as his bosom friends；**** that instead of asking for blows at the corners of the streets； he now bestowed them as plentifully as he begged them before。*** In short； that he was grown a mere rake； and had nothing left in him of old Jack except his spite to John Bull's mother。
* The manners of the Dissenters changed from their former strictness。 ** Dealing much in stock…jobbing。 *** 〃Tale of a Tub。〃 **** Herding with deists and atheists。
Another witness made oath； that Jack had been overheard bragging of a trick* he had found out to manage the 〃old formal jade；〃 as he used to call her。 〃Hang this numb…skull of mine；〃 quoth he； 〃that I could not light on it sooner。 As long as I go in this ragged tattered coat； I am so well known； that I am hunted away from the old woman's door by every barking cur about the house； they bid me defiance。 There's no doing mischief as an open enemy； I must find some way or other of getting within doors； and then I shall have better opportunities of playing my pranks； besides the benefit of good keeping。〃
* Getting into places and Church preferments by occasional conformity。
Two witnesses swore* that several years ago； there came to their mistress's door a young fellow in a tattered coat； that went by the name of Timothy Trim； whom they did in their conscience believe to be the very prisoner； resembling him in shape； stature； and the features of his countenance。 That the said Timothy Trim being taken into the family； clapped their mistress's livery over his own tattered coat； that the said Timothy was extremely officious about their mistress's person； endeavouring by flattery and tale…bearing to set her against the rest of the servants： nobody was so ready to fetch anything that was wanted； to reach what was dropped。 That he used to shove and elbow his fellow…servants to get near his mistress； especially when money was a paying or receivingthen he was never out of the way； that he was extremely diligent about everybody's business but his own。 That the said Timothy； while he was in the family； used to be playing roguish tricks； when his mistress's back was turned； he would loll out his tongue； make mouths； and laugh at her； walking behind her like Harlequin； ridiculing her motions and gestures； but if his mistress looked about； he put on a grave； demure countenance； as if he had been in a fit of devotion； that he used often to trip up…stairs so smoothly that you could not hear him tread； and put all things out of order； that he would pinch the children and servants； when he met them in the dark； so hard； that he left the print of his forefingers and his thumb in black and blue； and then slink into a corner； as if nobody had done it。 Out of the same malicious design he used to lay chairs and joint…stools in their way； that they might break their noses by falling over them。 The more young and inexperienced he used to teach to talk saucily； and call names。 During his stay in the family there was much plate missing； being caught with a couple of silver spoons in his pocket； with their handles wrenched off； he said he was only going to carry them to the goldsmiths to be mended： that the said Timothy was hated by all the honest servants； for his ill…conditioned； splenetic tricks； but especially for his slanderous tongue； traducing them to their mistress as drunkards and thieves： that the said Timothy； by lying stories； used to set all the family together by the ears； taking delight to make them fight and quarrel； **particularly one day sitting at table； he spoke words to this effect： 〃I am of opinion；〃 quoth he； 〃that little short fellows； such as we are； have better hearts； and could beat the tall fellows； I wish it came to a fair trial； I believe these long fellows； as sightly as they are； should find their jackets well thwacked。〃
* Betraying the interests of the Church when got into preferments。 ** The original of the distinction in
