the history of john bull-第15部分
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* Betraying the interests of the Church when got into preferments。 ** The original of the distinction in the names of Low Churchmen and High Churchmen。
A parcel of tall fellows； who thought themselves affronted by the discourse； took up the quarrel； and to it they went； the tall men and the low men； which continues still a faction in the family； to the great disorder of our mistress's affairs。 The said Timothy carried this frolic so far； that he proposed to his mistress that she should entertain no servant that was above four feet seven inches high； and for that purpose had prepared a gauge； by which they were to be measured。 The good old gentlewoman was not so simple as to go into his projectsshe began to smell a rat。 〃This Trim；〃 quoth she； 〃is an odd sort of a fellow； methinks he makes a strange figure with that ragged； tattered coat appearing under his livery； can't he go spruce and clean； like the rest of the servants？ The fellow has a roguish leer with him which I don't like by any means； besides； he has such a twang in his discourse； and an ungraceful way of speaking through the nose； that one can hardly understand him； I wish the fellow be not tainted with some bad disease。〃 The witnesses further made oath； that the said Timothy lay out a…nights； and went abroad often at unseasonable hours； and it was credibly reported he did business in another family： that he pretended to have a squeamish stomach； and could not eat at table with the rest of the servants； though this was but a pretence to provide some nice bit for himself； that he refused to dine upon salt fish； only to have an opportunity to eat a calf's head （his favourite dish） in private； that for all his tender stomach； when he was got by himself； he could devour capons； turkeys； and sirloins of beef； like a cormorant。
Two other witnesses gave the following evidence： That in his officious attendance upon his mistress； he had tried to slip a powder into her drink； and that he was once caught endeavouring to stifle her with a pillow as she was asleep； that he and Ptschirnsooker were often in close conference； and that they used to drink together at the 〃Rose；〃 where it seems he was well enough known by his true name of Jack。
The prisoner had little to say in his defence； he endeavoured to prove himself alibi； so that the trial turned upon this single question； whether the said Timothy Trim and Jack were the same person； which was proved by such plain tokens； and particularly by a mole under the left pap； that there was no withstanding the evidence； therefore the worshipful Mr。 Justice committed him； in order to his trial。
CHAPTER XII。 How Jack's friends came to visit him in prison； and what advice they gave him。
Jack hitherto had passed in the world for a poor； simple； well…meaning； half…witted； crack…brained fellow。 People were strangely surprised to find him in such a roguerythat he should disguise himself under a false name； hire himself out for a servant to an old gentlewoman； only for an opportunity to poison her。 They said that it was more generous to profess open enmity than under a profound dissimulation to be guilty of such a scandalous breach of trust； and of the sacred rights of hospitality； in short； the action was universally condemned by his best friends。 They told him in plain terms that this was come as a judgment upon him for his loose life； his gluttony； drunkenness； and avarice； for laying aside his father's will in an old mouldy trunk； and turning stock…jobber； newsmonger； and busybody； meddling with other people's affairs； shaking off his old serious friends； and keeping company with buffoons and pickpockets； his father's sworn enemies； that he had best throw himself upon the mercy of the court； repent； and change his manners。 To say truth； Jack heard these discourses with some compunction； however； he resolved to try what his new acquaintance would do for him。 They sent Habakkuk Slyboots；* who delivered him the following message； as the peremptory commands of his trusty companions：
* Habakkuk Slyboots； a certain great man who persuaded the Dissenters to consent to the Bill against Occasional Conformity as being for their interest。
HABAKKUK。Dear Jack； I am sorry for thy misfortune： matters have not been carried on with due secrecy； however； we must make the best of a bad bargain。 Thou art in the utmost jeopardy； that's certain； hang； draw； and quarter； are the gentlest things they talk of。 However； thy faithful friends； ever watchful for thy security； bid me tell thee that they have one infallible expedient left to save thy life。 Thou must know we have got into some understanding with the enemy by the means of Don Diego；* he assures us there is no mercy for thee； and that there is only one way left to escape。 It is； indeed； somewhat out of the common road； however； be assured it is the result of most mature deliberation。
* A noble Tory lord。
JACK。Prithee tell me quickly； for my heart is sunk down in the very bottom of my belly。
HAB。It is the unanimous opinion of your friends that you make as if you hanged yourself；* they will give it out that you are quite dead； and convey your body out of prison in a bier； and John Bull； being busied with his lawsuit； will not inquire further into the matter。
* Consent to the Bill against Occasional Conformity。
JACK。How d'ye mean； make as if I hanged myself？
HAB。Nay； you must really hang yourself up in a true genuine rope； that there may appear no trick in it； and leave the rest to your friends。
JACK。Truly this is a matter of some concern； and my friends； I hope； won't take it ill if I inquire a little into the means by which they intend to deliver me。 A rope and a noose are no jesting matters！
HAB。Why so mistrustful？ hast thou ever found us false to thee？ I tell thee there is one ready to cut thee down。
JACK。May I presume to ask who it is that is entrusted with so important an office？
HAB。Is there no end of thy hows and thy whys？ That's a secret。
JACK。A secret； perhaps； that I may be safely trusted with； for I am not like to tell it again。 I tell you plainly it is no strange thing for a man before he hangs himself up to inquire who is to cut him down。
HAB。Thou suspicious creature！ if thou must needs know it； I tell thee it is Sir Roger；* he has been in tears ever since thy misfortune。 Don Diego and we have laid it so that he is to be in the next room； and before the rope is well about thy neck； rest satisfied he will break in and cut thee down。 Fear not； old boy； we'll do it； I'll warrant thee。
* It was given out that the Earl of Oxford would oppose the occasional Bill； and so lose his credit with the Tories； and the Dissenters did believe he would not suffer it to pass。
JACK。So I must hang myself up upon hopes that Sir Roger will cut me down； and all this upon the credit of Don Diego。 A fine stratagem； indeed； to save my life； that depends upon hanging； Don Diego； and Sir Roger！
HAB。I tell thee there is a mystery in all this； my friend； a piece of profound policy； if thou knew what good this will do to the common cause； thy heart would leap for joy。 I am sure thou wouldst not delay the experiment one moment。
JACK。This is to the tune of 〃All for the better。〃 What's your cause to me when I am hanged？
HAB。Refractory mortal！ if thou wilt not trust thy friends； take what follows。 Know assuredly； before next full moon； that thou wilt be hung up in chains； or thy quarters perching upon the most conspicuous places of the kingdom。 Nay； I don't believe they will he contented with hanging； they talk of impaling； or breaking on the wheel； and thou choosest that before a gentle suspending of thyself for one minute。 Hanging is not so painful a thing as thou imaginest。 I have spoken with several that have undergone it； they all agree it is no manner of uneasiness。 Be sure thou take good notice of the symptoms； the relation will be curious。 It is but a kick or two with thy heels； and a wry mouth or so： Sir Roger will be with thee in the twinkling of an eye。
JACK。But what if Sir Roger should not come； will my friends be there to succour me？
HAB。Doubt it not； I will provide everything against to…morrow morning： do thou keep thy own secretsay nothing。 I tell thee it is absolutely necessary for the common good that thou shouldst go through this operation。
CHAPTER XIII。 How Jack hanged himself up by the persuasion of his friends； who broke their words； and left his neck in the noose。
Jack was a professed enemy to implicit faith； and yet I dare say it was never more strongly exerted nor more basely abused than upon this occasion。 He was now； with his old friends； in the state of a poor disbanded officer after a peace； or rather a wounded soldier after a battle； like an old favourite of a cunning Minister after the job is over； or a decayed beauty to a cloyed lover in quest of new game； or like a hundred such things that one sees every day。 There were new intrigues； new views； new projects； on foot。 Jack's life was the purchase of Diego's friendship； much good may it do them。 The interest of Hocus and Sir William Crawley which was now more at heart； made this operation upon poor Jack absolutely necessary。 You may easily guess that his rest that night was but small； and much disturbed； however； the remaining part of his time he did not employ （as his custom was formerly） in prayer； meditation； or singing a double verse of a Psalm； but amused himself with disposing of his bank stock。 Many a doubt； many a qualm； overspread his clouded imagination： 〃Must I then；〃 quoth he； 〃hang up my own personal； natural； individual self with these two hands！ Durus Sermo！ What if I should be cut down； as my friends tell me？ There is something infamous in the very attempt； the world will conclude I had a guilty conscience。 Is it possible that good man； Sir Roger； can have so much pity upon an unfortunate scoundrel that has persecuted him so many years？ No； it cannot be； I don't love favours that pass through Don Diego's hands。 On the other side； my blood chills about my heart at the thought of these rogues with their bloody hands pulling out my very entrails。 Hang it； for once I'll trust my friends。〃 So Jack resolved； but he had
