the history of john bull-第3部分
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d him you might lead him like a child。 John's temper depended very much upon the air； his spirits rose and fell with the weather…glass。 John was quick and understood his business very well； but no man alive was more careless in looking into his accounts； or more cheated by partners； apprentices； and servants。 This was occasioned by his being a boon companion； loving his bottle and his diversion； for； to say truth； no man kept a better house than John； nor spent his money more generously。 By plain and fair dealing John had acquired some plums； and might have kept them； had it not been for his unhappy lawsuit。
Nic。 Frog was a cunning； sly fellow； quite the reverse of John in many particulars； covetous； frugal； minded domestic affairs； would pinch his belly to save his pocket； never lost a farthing by careless servants or bad debtors。 He did not care much for any sort of diversion； except tricks of high German artists and legerdemain。 No man exceeded Nic。 in these； yet it must be owned that Nic。 was a fair dealer； and in that way acquired immense riches。
Hocus was an old cunning attorney； and though this was the first considerable suit that ever he was engaged in he showed himself superior in address to most of his profession。 He kept always good clerks； he loved money； was smooth…tongued； gave good words； and seldom lost his temper。 He was not worse than an infidel； for he provided plentifully for his family； but he loved himself better than them all。 The neighbours reported that he was henpecked； which was impossible； by such a mild…spirited woman as his wife was。
CHAPTER VI。 Of the various success of the Lawsuit。*
* The success of the war。
Law is a bottomless pit； it is a cormorant； a harpy； that devours everything。 John Bull was flattered by the lawyers that his suit would not last above a year or two at most； that before that time he would be in quiet possession of his business； yet ten long years did Hocus steer his cause through all the meanders of the law and all the courts。 No skill； no address was wanting； and； to say truth； John did not starve the cause； there wanted not yellowboys to fee counsel； hire witnesses； and bribe juries。 Lord Strutt was generally cast； never had one verdict in his favour； and John was promised that the next； and the next； would be the final determination； but； alas！ that final determination and happy conclusion was like an enchanted island； the nearer John came to it the further it went from him。 New trials upon new points still arose； new doubts； new matters to be cleared； in short； lawyers seldom part with so good a cause till they have got the oyster and their clients the shell。 John's ready money； book debts； bonds； mortgages； all went into the lawyers' pockets。 Then John began to borrow money upon Bank Stock and East India Bonds。 Now and then a farm went to pot。 At last it was thought a good expedient to set up Esquire South's title to prove the will forged and dispossess Philip Lord Strutt at once。 Here again was a new field for the lawyers； and the cause grew more intricate than ever。 John grew madder and madder； wherever he met any of Lord Strutt's servants he tore off their clothes。 Now and then you would see them come home naked； without shoes； stockings； and linen。 As for old Lewis Baboon； he was reduced to his last shift； though he had as many as any other。 His children were reduced from rich silks to doily stuffs； his servants in rags and barefooted； instead of good victuals they now lived upon neck beef and bullock's liver。 In short； nobody got much by the matter but the men of law。
CHAPTER VII。 How John Bull was so mightily pleased with his success that he was going to leave off his trade and turn Lawyer。
It is wisely observed by a great philosopher that habit is a second nature。 This was verified in the case of John Bull； who； from an honest and plain tradesman； had got such a haunt about the Courts of Justice； and such a jargon of law words； that he concluded himself as able a lawyer as any that pleaded at the bar or sat on the bench。 He was overheard one day talking to himself after this manner： 〃How capriciously does fate or chance dispose of mankind。 How seldom is that business allotted to a man for which he is fitted by Nature。 It is plain I was intended for a man of law。 How did my guardians mistake my genius in placing me； like a mean slave； behind a counter？ Bless me！ what immense estates these fellows raise by the law。 Besides； it is the profession of a gentleman。 What a pleasure it is to be victorious in a cause： to swagger at the bar。 What a fool am I to drudge any more in this woollen trade。 For a lawyer I was born； and a lawyer I will be； one is never too old to learn。〃* All this while John had conned over such a catalogue of hard words as were enough to conjure up the devil； these he used to babble indifferently in all companies； especially at coffee houses； so that his neighbour tradesmen began to shun his company as a man that was cracked。 Instead of the affairs of Blackwell Hall and price of broadcloth； wool； and baizes； he talks of nothing but actions upon the case； returns； capias； alias capias； demurrers； venire facias； replevins； supersedeases； certioraries； writs of error； actions of trover and conversion； trespasses； precipes； and dedimus。 This was matter of jest to the learned in law； however Hocus and the rest of the tribe encouraged John in his fancy； assuring him that he had a great genius for law； that they questioned not but in time he might raise money enough by it to reimburse him of all his charges； that if he studied he would undoubtedly arrive to the dignity of a Lord Chief Justice。 As for the advice of honest friends and neighbours John despised it； he looked upon them as fellows of a low genius； poor grovelling mechanics。 John reckoned it more honour to have got one favourable verdict than to have sold a bale of broadcloth。 As for Nic。 Frog； to say the truth； he was more prudent； for though he followed his lawsuit closely he neglected not his ordinary business； but was both in court and in his shop at the proper hours。
* The manners and sentiments of the nation at that time。
CHAPTER VIII。 How John discovered that Hocus had an Intrigue with his Wife；* and what followed thereupon。
John had not run on a madding so long had it not been for an extravagant wife； whom Hocus perceiving John to be fond of； was resolved to win over to his side。 It is a true saying； that the last man of the parish that knows of his cuckoldom is himself。 It was observed by all the neighbourhood that Hocus had dealings with John's wife that were not so much for his honour； but this was perceived by John a little too late： she was a luxurious jade； loved splendid equipages； plays； treats and balls； differing very much from the sober manners of her ancestors； and by no means fit for a tradesman's wife。 Hocus fed her extravagancy （what was still more shameful） with John's own money。 Everybody said that Hocus had a month's mind to her； be that as it will； it is matter of fact； that upon all occasions she ran out extravagantly on the praise of Hocus。 When John used to be finding fault with his bills； she used to reproach him as ungrateful to his greatest benefactor； one that had taken so much pains in his lawsuit； and retrieved his family from the oppression of old Lewis Baboon。 A good swinging sum of John's readiest cash went towards building of Hocus's country house。** This affair between Hocus and Mrs。 Bull was now so open； that all the world was scandalised at it； John was not so clod…pated； but at last he took the hint。 The parson of the parish preaching one day with more zeal than sense against adultery； Mrs。 Bull told her husband that he was a very uncivil fellow to use such coarse language before people of condition；*** that Hocus was of the same mind； and that they would join to have him turned out of his living for using personal reflections。 How do you mean； says John； by personal reflections？ I hope in God； wife； he did not reflect upon you？ 〃No； thank God； my reputation is too well established in the world to receive any hurt from such a foul…mouthed scoundrel as he； his doctrine tends only to make husbands tyrants； and wives slaves； must we be shut up； and husbands left to their liberty？ Very pretty indeed！ a wife must never go abroad with a Platonic to see a play or a ball； she must never stir without her husband； nor walk in Spring Garden with a cousin。 I do say； husband； and I will stand by it； that without the innocent freedoms of life； matrimony would be a most intolerable state； and that a wife's virtue ought to be the result of her own reason； and not of her husband's government： for my part； I would scorn a husband that would be jealous； if he saw a fellow with me。〃 All this while John's blood boiled in his veins： he was now confirmed in all his suspicions； the hardest names； were the best words that John gave her。 Things went from better to worse； till Mrs。 Bull aimed a knife at John； though John threw a bottle at her head very brutally indeed： and after this there was nothing but confusion； bottles； glasses； spoons； plates； knives； forks； and dishes； flew about like dust； the result of which was； that Mrs。 Bull received a bruise in her right side of which she died half a year after。 The bruise imposthumated； and afterwards turned to a stinking ulcer； which made everybody shy to come near her； yet she wanted not the help of many able physicians； who attended very diligently； and did what men of skill could do； but all to no purpose； for her condition was now quite desperate； all regular physicians and her nearest relations having given her over。****
* The opinion at that time of the General's tampering with the Parliament。 ** Blenheim Palace。 *** The story of Dr。 Sacheverel； and the resentment of the House of Commons。 **** The opinion of the Tories about that House of Commons。
CHAPTER IX。 How some Quacks undertook to cure Mrs。 Bull of her ulcer。*
There is nothing so impossible in Nature but mountebanks will undertake； nothing so incredible but they will affirm： Mrs。 Bull's condition was looked upon as desperate by all the men of art； but there were those t
