the history of john bull-第7部分

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een　bag　yourself；　rather　than　we　shall　make　an　end　of　our　lawsuit：　　I'll　teach　them　and　you　too　to　manage。

D。　DIEGO。For　God's　sake；　madam；　why　so　choleric？　　I　say　this　letter　is　some　forgery；　it　never　entered　into　the　head　of　that　honest　man；　Nic。　Frog；　to　do　any　such　thing。

MRS。　BULL。I　can't　abide　you。　　You　have　been　railing　these　twenty　years　at　Squire　South；　Frog；　and　Hocus；　calling　them　rogues　and　pickpockets；　and　now　they　are　turned　the　honestest　fellows　in　the　world。　　What　is　the　meaning　of　all　this？

D。　DIEGO。Pray　tell　me　how　you　came　to　employ　this　Sir　Roger　in　your　affairs；　and　not　think　of　your　old　friend　Diego？

MRS。　BULL。So；　so；　there　it　pinches。　　To　tell　you　truth；　I　have　employed　Sir　Roger　in　several　weighty　affairs；　and　have　found　him　trusty　and　honest；　and　the　poor　man　always　scorned　to　take　a　farthing　of　me。　　I　have　abundance　that　profess　great　zeal；　but　they　are　damnable　greedy　of　the　pence。　　My　husband　and　I　are　now　in　such　circumstances；　that　we　must　be　served　upon　cheaper　terms　than　we　have　been。

D。　DIEGO。Well；　cousin；　I　find　I　can　do　no　good　with　you；　I　am　sorry　that　you　will　ruin　yourself　by　trusting　this　Sir　Roger。



CHAPTER　XVI。　　How　the　guardians　of　the　deceased　Mrs。　Bull's　three　daughters　came　to　John；　and　what　advice　they　gave　him；　wherein　is　briefly　treated　the　characters　of　the　three　daughters。　　Also　John　Bull's　answer　to　the　three　guardians。*

*　Concerns　of　the　party；　and　speeches　for　carrying　on　the　war；　etc。　Sentiments　of　the　Tories　and　House　of　Commons　against　continuing　the　war　for　setting　King　Charles　upon　the　throne　of　Spain。

I　told　you　in　a　former　chapter　that　Mrs。　Bull；　before　she　departed　this　life；　had　blessed　John　with　three　daughters。　　I　need　not　here　repeat　their　names；　neither　would　I　willingly　use　any　scandalous　reflections　upon　young　ladies；　whose　reputations　ought　to　be　very　tenderly　handled；　but　the　characters　of　these　were　so　well　known　in　the　neighbourhood；　that　it　is　doing　them　no　injury　to　make　a　short　description　of　them。

The　eldest*　was　a　termagant；　imperious；　prodigal；　lewd；　profligate　wench；　as　ever　breathed；　she　used　to　rantipole　about　the　house；　pinch　the　children；　kick　the　servants；　and　torture　the　cats　and　the　dogs；　she　would　rob　her　father's　strong　box；　for　money　to　give　the　young　fellows　that　she　was　fond　of。　　She　had　a　noble　air；　and　something　great　in　her　mien；　but　such　a　noisome　infectious　breath；　as　threw　all　the　servants　that　dressed　her　into　consumptions；　if　she　smelt　to　the　freshest　nosegay；　it　would　shrivel　and　wither　as　it　had　been　blighted：　　she　used　to　come　home　in　her　cups；　and　break　the　china；　and　the　looking…glasses；　and　was　of　such　an　irregular　temper；　and　so　entirely　given　up　to　her　passion；　that　you　might　argue　as　well　with　the　North　wind；　as　with　her　ladyship：　　so　expensive；　that　the　income　of　three　dukedoms　was　not　enough　to　supply　her　extravagance。　　Hocus　loved　her　best；　believing　her　to　be　his　own；　got　upon　the　body　of　Mrs。　Bull。

*　Polemia。

The　second　daughter；*　born　a　year　after　her　sister；　was　a　peevish；　froward；　ill…conditioned　creature　as　ever　was；　ugly　as　the　devil；　lean；　haggard；　pale；　with　saucer　eyes；　a　sharp　nose；　and　hunched　backed；　but　active；　sprightly；　and　diligent　about　her　affairs。　　Her　ill　complexion　was　occasioned　by　her　bad　diet；　which　was　coffee**　morning；　noon；　and　night。　　She　never　rested　quietly　a…bed；　but　used　to　disturb　the　whole　family　with　shrieking　out　in　her　dreams；　and　plague　them　next　day　with　interpreting　them；　for　she　took　them　all　for　gospel；　she　would　cry　out　〃Murder！〃　and　disturb　the　whole　neighbourhood；　and　when　John　came　running　downstairs　to　inquire　what　the　matter　was；　nothing　forsooth；　only　her　maid　had　stuck　a　pin　wrong　in　her　gown；　she　turned　away　one　servant　for　putting　too　much　oil　in　her　salad；　and　another　for　putting　too　little　salt　in　her　water…gruel；　but　such　as　by　flattery　had　procured　her　esteem；　she　would　indulge　in　the　greatest　crime。　　Her　father　had　two　coachmen；　when　one　was　in　the　coach…box；　if　the　coach　swung　but　the　least　to　one　side；　she　used　to　shriek　so　loud；　that　all　the　street　concluded　she　was　overturned；　but　though　the　other　was　eternally　drunk；　and　had　overturned　the　whole　family；　she　was　very　angry　with　her　father　for　turning　him　away。　　Then　she　used　to　carry　tales　and　stories　from　one　to　another；　till　she　had　set　the　whole　neighbourhood　together　by　the　ears；　and　this　was　the　only　diversion　she　took　pleasure　in。　　She　never　went　abroad；　but　she　brought　home　such　a　bundle　of　monstrous　lies；　as　would　have　amazed　any　mortal；　but　such　as　know　her：　　of　a　whale　that　had　swallowed　a　fleet　of　ships；　of　the　lions　being　let　out　of　the　Tower；　to　destroy　the　Protestant　religion；　of　the　Pope's　being　seen　in　a　brandy…shop　at　Wapping；　and　a　prodigious　strong　man　that　was　going　to　shove　down　the　cupola　of　St。　Paul's；　of　three　millions　of　five　pound　pieces　that　Squire　South　had　found　under　an　old　wall；　of　blazing　stars；　flying　dragons；　and　abundance　of　such　stuff。　　All　the　servants　in　the　family　made　high　court　to　her；　for　she　domineered　there；　and　turned　out　and　in　whom　she　pleased；　only　there　was　an　old　grudge　between　her　and　Sir　Roger；　whom　she　mortally　hated　and　used　to　hire　fellows　to　squirt　kennel　water　upon　him　as　he　passed　along　the　streets；　so　that　he　was　forced　constantly　to　wear　a　surtout　of　oiled　cloth；　by　which　means　he　came　home　pretty　clean；　except　where　the　surtout　was　a　little　scanty。

*　Discordia。　**　Coffee…house　tattle。

As　for　the　third*　she　was　a　thief　and　a　common　mercenary。　　She　had　no　respect　of　persons：　　a　prince　or　a　porter　was　all　one；　according　as　they　paid；　yea；　she　would　leave　the　finest　gentleman　in　the　world　to　go　to　an　ugly　fellow　for　sixpence　more。　　In　the　practice　of　her　profession　she　had　amassed　vast　magazines　of　all　sorts　of　things：　she　had　above　five　hundred　suits　of　fine　clothes；　and　yet　went　abroad　like　a　cinder　wench。　　She　robbed　and　starved　all　the　servants；　so　that　nobody　could　live　near　her。

*　Usuria。

So　much　for　John's　three　daughters；　which　you　will　say　were　rarities　to　be　fond　of。　　Yet　Nature　will　shew　itself。　　Nobody　could　blame　their　relations　for　taking　care　of　them；　and　therefore　it　was　that　Hocus；　with　two　other　of　the　guardians；　thought　it　their　duty　to　take　care　of　the　interest　of　the　three　girls　and　give　John　their　best　advice　before　he　compounded　the　lawsuit。

HOCUS。What　makes　you　so　shy　of　late；　my　good　friend？　　There's　nobody　loves　you　better　than　I；　nor　has　taken　more　pains　in　your　affairs。　　As　I　hope　to　be　saved　I　would　do　anything　to　serve　you；　I　would　crawl　upon　all　fours　to　serve　you；　I　have　spent　my　health　and　paternal　estate　in　your　service。　　I　have；　indeed；　a　small　pittance　left；　with　which　I　might　retire；　and　with　as　good　a　conscience　as　any　man；　but　the　thoughts　of　this　disgraceful　composition　so　touches　me　to　the　quick　that　I　cannot　sleep。　　After　I　had　brought　the　cause　to　the　last　stroke；　that　one　verdict　more　had　quite　ruined　old　Lewis　and　Lord　Strutt；　and　put　you　in　the　quiet　possession　of　everything　then　to　compound！　　I　cannot　bear　it。　　This　cause　was　my　favourite；　I　had　set　my　heart　upon　it；　it　is　like　an　only　child；　I　cannot　endure　it　should　miscarry。　　For　God's　sake　consider　only　to　what　a　dismal　condition　old　Lewis　is　brought。　　He　is　at　an　end　of　all　his　cash；　his　attorneys　have　hardly　one　trick　left；　they　are　at　an　end　of　all　their　chicane；　besides；　he　has　both　his　law　and　his　daily　bread　now　upon　trust。　　Hold　out　only　one　term　longer；　and　I'll　warrant　you　before　the　next　we　shall　have　him　in　the　Fleet。　　I'll　bring　him　to　the　pillory；　his　ears　shall　pay　for　his　perjuries。　　For　the　love　of　God　don't　compound。　　Let　me　be　damned　if　you　have　a　friend　in　the　world　that　loves　you　better　than　I。　　There　is　nobody　can　say　I　am　covetous　or　that　I　have　any　interests　to　pursue　but　yours。

SECOND　GUARDIAN。There　is　nothing　so　plain　as　that　this　Lewis　has　a　design　to　ruin　all　his　neighbouring　tradesmen；　and　at　this　time　he　has　such　a　prodigious　income　by　his　trade　of　all　kinds；　that；　if　there　is　not　some　stop　put　to　his　exorbitant　riches；　he　will　monopolise　everything；　nobody　will　be　able　to　sell　a　yard　of　drapery　or　mercery　ware　but　himself。　　I　then　hold　it　advisable　that　you　continue　the　lawsuit　and　burst　him　at　once。　　My　concern　for　the　three　poor　motherless　children　obliges　me　to　give　you　this　advice；　for　their　estates；　poor　girls；　depend　upon　the　success　of　this　cause。

THIRD　GUARDIAN。I　own　this　Writ　of　Ejectment　has　cost　dear；　but　then　consider　it　is　a　jewel　well　worth　the　purchasing　at　the　price　of　all　you　have。　　None　but　Mr。　Bull's　declared　enemies　can　say　he　has　any　other　security　for　his　clothing　trade　but　the　ejectment　of　Lord　Strutt。　　The　only　question；　then；　that　remains　to　be　decided　is：　　who　shall　stand　the　expenses　of　the　suit？　　To　which　the　answer　is　as　plain：　　who　but　he　that　is　to　have　the　advantage　of　the　sentence？　　When　Esquire　South　has　got　possession　of　his　title　and　honour　is　not　John　Bull　to　be　his　clothier？　　Who；　then；　but　John　ought　to　put　in　possession？　　Ask　but　any　indifferent　gentleman；　Who　ought　to　bear　his　charges　at　law？　and　he　will　readily　answer；　His　tradesmen。　　I　do　therefore　affirm；　and　I　will　go　to　death　with　it；　that；　being　his　clothier；　you　ought　to　put　him　in　quiet　possession　of　his　estate；　and　with　the　same　generous　spirit　you　have　begun　it　complete　the　good　work。　　If　you　persist　in　the　bad　measures　you　are　now　in；　what　must　become　of　the　three　poor　orphans！　　My　heart　bleeds　for　the　poor　girls。

JOHN　BULL。You　are　all　very　eloquent　persons；　but　give　me　leave　to　tell　you　you　express　a　great　deal　more　concern　for　the　three　girls　than　for　me。　　I　think　my　interest　ought　to　be　considered　in　the　first　place。　　As　for　you；　Hocus；　I　can't　but　say　you　have　managed　my　lawsuit　with　great　address　and　much　to　my　honour；　and；　though　I　say　it；　you　have　been　well　paid　for　it。　　Why　must　the　burden　be　taken　off　Frog's　back　and　laid　upon　my　shoulders？　　He　can　drive　about　his　own　parks　and　fields　in　his　gilt　chariot；　when　I　have　been　forced　to　mortgage　my　estate；　his　note　will　go　farther　than　my　bond。　　Is　it　not　matter　of　fact；　that　from　the　richest　tradesman　in　all　the　country；　I　am　reduced　to　beg　and　borrow　from　scriveners　and　usurers　that　suck　the　heart；　blood；　and　guts　out　of　m