the history of john bull-第8部分
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reduced to beg and borrow from scriveners and usurers that suck the heart； blood； and guts out of me； and what is all this for！ Did you like Frog's countenance better than mine？ Was not I your old friend and relation？ Have I not presented you nobly？ Have I not clad your whole family？ Have you not had a hundred yards at a time of the finest cloth in my shop？ Why must the rest of the tradesmen be not only indemnified from charges； but forbid to go on with their own business； and what is more their concern than mine？ As to holding out this term I appeal to your own conscience； has not that been your constant discourse these six years； 〃One term more and old Lewis goes to pot？〃 If thou art so fond of my cause be generous for once； and lend me a brace of thousands。 Ah； Hocus！ Hocus！ I know thee： not a sous to save me from jail； I trow。 Look ye； gentlemen； I have lived with credit in the world； and it grieves my heart never to stir out of my doors but to be pulled by the sleeve by some rascally dun or other。 〃Sir； remember my bill。 There's a small concern of a thousand pounds； I hope you think on't； sir。〃 And to have these usurers transact my debts at coffee…houses and ale…houses； as if I were going to break up shop。 Lord！ that ever the rich； the generous John Bull； clothier； the envy of all his neighbours； should be brought to compound his debts for five shillings in the pound； and to have his name in an advertisement for a statute of bankrupt。 The thought of it makes me mad。 I have read somewhere in the Apocrypha； 〃That one should not consult with a woman touching her of whom she is jealous； nor with a merchant concerning exchange； nor with a buyer； of selling； nor with an unmerciful man； of kindness； etc。〃 I could have added one thing more： nor with an attorney about compounding a lawsuit。 The ejectment of Lord Strutt will never do。 The evidence is crimp： the witnesses swear backwards and forwards； and contradict themselves； and his tenants stick by him。 One tells me that I must carry on my suit； because Lewis is poor； another； because he is still too rich： whom shall I believe？ I am sure of one thing； that a penny in the purse is the best friend John can have at last； and who can say that this will be the last suit I shall be engaged in？ Besides； if this ejectment were practicable is it reasonable that； when Esquire South is losing his money to sharpers and pickpockets； going about the country with fiddlers and buffoons； and squandering his income with hawks and dogs； I should lay out the fruits of my honest industry in a lawsuit for him； only upon the hopes of being his clothier？ And when the cause is over I shall not have the benefit of my project for want of money to go to market。 Look ye； gentlemen； John Bull is but a plain man； but John Bull knows when he is ill used。 I know the infirmity of our family： we are apt to play the boon…companion and throw away our money in our cups。 But it was an unfair thing in you； gentlemen； to take advantage of my weakness； to keep a parcel of roaring bullies about me day and night； with huzzas and hunting horns； and ringing the changes on butcher's cleavers； never let me cool； and make me set my hand to papers when I could hardly hold my pen。 There will come a day of reckoning for all that proceeding。 In the meantime； gentlemen； I beg you will let me into my affairs a little； and that you would not grudge me the small remainder of a very great estate。
CHAPTER XVII。 Esquire South's Message and Letter to Mrs。 Bull。*
* Complaints of the deficiencies of the House of Austria； Prince Eugene's journey and message。
The arguments used by Hocus and the rest of the guardians had hitherto proved insufficient。 John and his wife could not be persuaded to bear the expense of Esquire South's lawsuit。 They thought it reasonable that； since he was to have the honour and advantage； he should bear the greatest share of the charges； and retrench what he lost to sharpers and spent upon country dances and puppet plays to apply it to that use。 This was not very grateful to the esquire； therefore； as the last experiment； he was resolved to send Signior Benenato； master of his foxhounds； to Mrs。 Bull to try what good he could do with her。 This Signior Benenato had all the qualities of a fine gentleman that were set to charm a lady's heart； and if any person in the world could have persuaded her it was he。 But such was her unshaken fidelity to her husband； and the constant purpose of her mind to pursue his interest； that the most refined arts of gallantry that were practised could not seduce her heart。 The necklaces； diamond crosses； and rich bracelets that were offered she rejected with the utmost scorn and disdain。 The music and serenades that were given her sounded more ungratefully in her ears than the noise of a screech owl。 However； she received Esquire South's letter by the hands of Signior Benenato with that respect which became his quality。 The copy of the letter is as follows； in which you will observe he changes a little his usual style：
MADAM；The Writ of Ejectment against Philip Baboon （pretended Lord Strutt） is just ready to pass。 There want but a few necessary forms and a verdict or two more to put me in the quiet possession of my honour and estate。 I question not but that； according to your wonted generosity and goodness； you will give it the finishing stroke： an honour that I would grudge anybody but yourself。 In order to ease you of some part of the charges； I promise to furnish pen； ink； and paper； provided you pay for the stamps。 Besides； I have ordered my stewards to pay out of the readiest and best of my rents five pounds ten shillings a year till my suit is finished。 I wish you health and happiness； being with due respect； Madam； your assured friend； SOUTH。
What answer Mrs。 Bull returned to this letter you shall know in my second part； only they were at a pretty good distance in their proposals； for as Esquire South only offered to be at the charges of pen； ink； and paper； Mrs。 Bull refused any more than to lend her barge* to carry his counsel to Westminster Hall。
* Sending the English Fleet to convoy the forces to Barcelona。
PART II。
THE PUBLISHER'S PREFACE。
The world is much indebted to the famous Sir Humphry Polesworth for his ingenious and impartial account of John Bull's lawsuit。 Yet there is just cause of complaint against him； in that he relates it only by parcels； and won't give us the whole work。 This forces me； who am only the publisher； to bespeak the assistance of his friends and acquaintance to engage him to lay aside that stingey humour and gratify the curiosity of the public at once。 He pleads in excuse that they are only private memoirs； wrote for his own use in a loose style to serve as a help to his ordinary conversation。 I represented to him the good reception the first part had met with； that； though calculated only for the meridian of Grub Street； it was yet taken notice of by the better sort； that the world was now sufficiently acquainted with John Bull； and interested itself in his concerns。 He answered with a smile； that he had； indeed； some trifling things to impart that concerned John Bull's relations and domestic affairs。 If these would satisfy me he gave me free leave to make use of them； because they would serve to make the history of the lawsuit more intelligible。 When I had looked over the manuscript I found likewise some further account of the composition； which； perhaps； may not be unacceptable to such as have read the former part。
CHAPTER I。 The Character of John Bull's Mother。*
* The Church of England。
John had a mother whom he loved and honoured extremely； a discreet； grave； sober； good…conditioned； cleanly old gentlewoman as ever lived。 She was none of your cross…grained； termagant； scolding jades that one had as good be hanged as live in the house with； such as are always censuring the conduct and telling scandalous stories of their neighbours； extolling their own good qualities and undervaluing those of others。 On the contrary； she was of a meek spirit； and； as she was strictly virtuous herself； so she always put the best construction upon the words and actions of her neighbours； except where they were irreconcileable to the rules of honesty and decency。 She was neither one of your precise prudes； nor one of your fantastical old belles that dress themselves like girls of fifteen； as she neither wore a ruff； forehead…cloth； nor high…crowned hat； so she had laid aside feathers； flowers； and crimpt ribbons in her head…dress； furbelow…scarfs； and hooped…petticoats。 She scorned to patch and paint； yet she loved to keep her hands and her face clean。 Though she wore no flaunting laced ruffles； she would not keep herself in a constant sweat with greasy flannel。 Though her hair was not stuck with jewels； she was not ashamed of a diamond cross； she was not； like some ladies； hung about with toys and trinkets； tweezer…cases； pocket…glasses； and essence…bottles； she used only a gold watch and an almanack to mark the hours and the holy days。
Her furniture was neat and genteel； well fancied with a bon gout。 As she affected not the grandeur of a state with a canopy； she thought there was no offence in an elbow…chair。 She had laid aside your carving； gilding； and Japan work as being too apt to gather dirt。 But she never could be prevailed upon to part with plain wainscot and clean hangings。 There are some ladies that affect to smell a stink in everything； they are always highly perfumed； and continually burning frankincense in their rooms。 She was above such affectation； yet she never would lay aside the use of brooms and scrubbing…brushes； and scrupled not to lay her linen in fresh lavender。
She was no less genteel in her behaviour； well…bred； without affectation； in the due mean between one of your affected； curtseying pieces of formality and your romps that have no regard to the common rules of civility。 There are some ladies that affect a mighty regard for their relations。 〃We must not eat to…day； for my uncle Tom； or my cousin Betty； died this time ten years。 Let's have a ball to…night； it is my neighbour Such…a…one's birthday。〃 She looked upon all
