david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第11部分

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misfortune　extended　to　some　other　members　of　that　family　besides　
Mrs。　Gummidge。　But　Mr。　Peggotty　made　no　such　retort；　only　
answering　with　another　entreaty　to　Mrs。　Gummidge　to　cheer　up。　

‘I　an’t　what　I　could　wish　myself　to　be；’　said　Mrs。　Gummidge。　‘I　
am　far　from　it。　I　know　what　I　am。　My　troubles　has　made　me　

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David　Copperfield　

contrary。　I　feel　my　troubles；　and　they　make　me　contrary。　I　wish　I　
didn’t　feel　’em；　but　I　do。　I　wish　I　could　be　hardened　to　’em；　but　I　
an’t。　I　make　the　house　uncomfortable。　I　don’t　wonder　at　it。　I’ve　
made　your　sister　so　all　day；　and　Master　Davy。’　

Here　I　was　suddenly　melted；　and　roared　out；　‘No；　you　haven’t；　
Mrs。　Gummidge；’　in　great　mental　distress。　

‘It’s　far　from　right　that　I　should　do　it；’　said　Mrs。　Gummidge。　‘It　
an’t　a　fit　return。　I　had　better　go　into　the　house　and　die。　I　am　a　lone　
lorn　creetur’；　and　had　much　better　not　make　myself　contrary　here。　
If　thinks　must　go　contrary　with　me；　and　I　must　go　contrary　myself；　
let　me　go　contrary　in　my　parish。　Dan’l；　I’d　better　go　into　the　house；　
and　die　and　be　a　riddance！’　

Mrs。　Gummidge　retired　with　these　words；　and　betook　herself　to　
bed。　When　she　was　gone；　Mr。　Peggotty；　who　had　not　exhibited　a　
trace　of　any　feeling　but　the　profoundest　sympathy；　looked　round　
upon　us；　and　nodding　his　head　with　a　lively　expression　of　that　
sentiment　still　animating　his　face；　said　in　a　whisper：　

‘She’s　been　thinking　of　the　old　’un！’　

I　did　not　quite　understand　what　old　one　Mrs。　Gummidge　was　
supposed　to　have　fixed　her　mind　upon；　until　Peggotty；　on　seeing　
me　to　bed；　explained　that　it　was　the　late　Mr。　Gummidge；　and　that　
her　brother　always　took　that　for　a　received　truth　on　such　
occasions；　and　that　it　always　had　a　moving　effect　upon　him。　Some　
time　after　he　was　in　his　hammock　that　night；　I　heard　him　myself　
repeat　to　Ham；　‘Poor　thing！　She’s　been　thinking　of　the　old　’un！’　
And　whenever　Mrs。　Gummidge　was　overcome　in　a　similar　manner　
during　the　remainder　of　our　stay　（which　happened　some　few　
times）；　he　always　said　the　same　thing　in　extenuation　of　the　
circumstance；　and　always　with　the　tenderest　commiseration。　

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David　Copperfield　

So　the　fortnight　slipped　away；　varied　by　nothing　but　the　
variation　of　the　tide；　which　altered　Mr。　Peggotty’s　times　of　going　
out　and　coming　in；　and　altered　Ham’s　engagements　also。　When　the　
latter　was　unemployed；　he　sometimes　walked　with　us　to　show　us　
the　boats　and　ships；　and　once　or　twice　he　took　us　for　a　row。　I　don’t　
know　why　one　slight　set　of　impressions　should　be　more　
particularly　associated　with　a　place　than　another；　though　I　believe　
this　obtains　with　most　people；　in　reference　especially　to　the　
associations　of　their　childhood。　I　never　hear　the　name；　or　read　the　
name；　of　Yarmouth；　but　I　am　reminded　of　a　certain　Sunday　
morning　on　the　beach；　the　bells　ringing　for　church；　little　Em’ly　
leaning　on　my　shoulder；　Ham　lazily　dropping　stones　into　the　
water；　and　the　sun；　away　at　sea；　just　breaking　through　the　heavy　
mist；　and　showing　us　the　ships；　like　their　own　shadows。　

At　last　the　day　came　for　going　home。　I　bore　up　against　the　
separation　from　Mr。　Peggotty　and　Mrs。　Gummidge；　but　my　agony　
of　mind　at　leaving　little　Em’ly　was　piercing。　We　went　arm…in…arm　
to　the　public…house　where　the　carrier　put　up；　and　I　promised；　on　
the　road；　to　write　to　her。　（I　redeemed　that　promise　afterwards；　in　
characters　larger　than　those　in　which　apartments　are　usually　
announced　in　manuscript；　as　being　to　let。）　We　were　greatly　
overcome　at　parting；　and　if　ever；　in　my　life；　I　have　had　a　void　made　
in　my　heart；　I　had　one　made　that　day。　

Now；　all　the　time　I　had　been　on　my　visit；　I　had　been　ungrateful　
to　my　home　again；　and　had　thought　little　or　nothing　about　it。　But　I　
was　no　sooner　turned　towards　it；　than　my　reproachful　young　
conscience　seemed　to　point　that　way　with　a　ready　finger；　and　I　felt；　
all　the　more　for　the　sinking　of　my　spirits；　that　it　was　my　nest；　and　
that　my　mother　was　my　comforter　and　friend。　

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This　gained　upon　me　as　we　went　along；　so　that　the　nearer　we　
drew；　the　more　familiar　the　objects　became　that　we　passed；　the　
more　excited　I　was　to　get　there；　and　to　run　into　her　arms。　But　
Peggotty；　instead　of　sharing　in　those　transports；　tried　to　check　
them　（though　very　kindly）；　and　looked　confused　and　out　of　sorts。　

Blunderstone　Rookery　would　come；　however；　in　spite　of　her；　
when　the　carrier’s　horse　pleased—and　did。　How　well　I　recollect　it；　
on　a　cold　grey　afternoon；　with　a　dull　sky；　threatening　rain！　

The　door　opened；　and　I　looked；　half　laughing　and　half　crying　in　
my　pleasant　agitation；　for　my　mother。　It　was　not　she；　but　a　strange　
servant。　

‘Why；　Peggotty！’　I　said；　ruefully；　‘isn’t　she　come　home？’　

‘Yes；　yes；　Master　Davy；’　said　Peggotty。　‘She’s　come　home。　Wait　
a　bit；　Master　Davy；　and　I’ll—I’ll　tell　you　something。’　

Between　her　agitation；　and　her　natural　awkwardness　in　getting　
out　of　the　cart；　Peggotty　was　making　a　most　extraordinary　festoon　
of　herself；　but　I　felt　too　blank　and　strange　to　tell　her　so。　When　she　
had　got　down；　she　took　me　by　the　hand；　led　me；　wondering；　into　
the　kitchen；　and　shut　the　door。　

‘Peggotty！’　said　I；　quite　frightened。　‘What’s　the　matter？’　

‘Nothing’s　the　matter；　bless　you；　Master　Davy　dear！’　she　
answered；　assuming　an　air　of　sprightliness。　

‘Something’s　the　matter；　I’m　sure。　Where’s　mama？’　

‘Where’s　mama；　Master　Davy？’　repeated　Peggotty。　

‘Yes。　Why　hasn’t　she　come　out　to　the　gate；　and　what　have　we　
come　in　here　for？　Oh；　Peggotty！’　My　eyes　were　full；　and　I　felt　as　if　I　
were　going　to　tumble　down。　

‘Bless　the　precious　boy！’　cried　Peggotty；　taking　hold　of　me。　
‘What　is　it？　Speak；　my　pet！’　

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‘Not　dead；　too！　Oh；　she’s　not　dead；　Peggotty？’　

Peggotty　cried　out　No！　with　an　astonishing　volume　of　voice；　and　
then　sat　down；　and　began　to　pant；　and　said　I　had　given　her　a　turn。　

I　gave　her　a　hug　to　take　away　the　turn；　or　to　give　her　another　
turn　in　the　right　direction；　and　then　stood　before　her；　looking　at　
her　in　anxious　inquiry。　

‘You　see；　dear；　I　should　have　told　you　before　now；’　said　
Peggotty；　‘but　I　hadn’t　an　opportunity。　I　ought　to　have　made　it；　
perhaps；　but　I　couldn’t　azackly’—that　was　always　the　substitute　
for　exactly；　in　Peggotty’s　militia　of　words—‘bring　my　mind　to　it。’　

‘Go　on；　Peggotty；’　said　I；　more　frightened　than　before。　

‘Master　Davy；’　said　Peggotty；　untying　her　bonnet　with　a　shaking　
hand；　and　speaking　in　a　breathless　sort　of　way。　‘What　do　you　
think？　You　have　got　a　Pa！’　

I　trembled；　and　turned　white。　Something—I　don’t　know　what；　
or　how—connected　with　the　grave　in　the　churchyard；　and　the　
raising　of　the　dead；　seemed　to　strike　me　like　an　unwholesome　
wind。　

‘A　new　one；’　said　Peggotty。　

‘A　new　one？’　I　repeated。　

Peggotty　gave　a　gasp；　as　if　she　were　swallowing　something　that　
was　very　hard；　and；　putting　out　her　hand；　said：　

‘Come　and　see　him。’　

‘I　don’t　want　to　see　him。’　

—‘And　your　mama；’　said　Peggotty。　

I　ceased　to　draw　back；　and　we　went　straight　to　the　best　parlour；　
where　she　left　me。　On　one　side　of　the　fire；　sat　my　mother；　on　the　
other；　Mr。　Murdstone。　My　mother　dropped　her　work；　and　arose　
hurriedly；　but　timidly　I　thought。　

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‘Now；　Clara　my　dear；’　said　Mr。　Murdstone。　‘Recollect！　control　
yourself；　always　control　yourself！　Davy　boy；　how　do　you　do？’　

I　gave　him　my　hand。　After　a　moment　of　suspense；　I　went　and　
kissed　my　mother：　she　kissed　me；　patted　me　gently　on　the　
shoulder；　and　sat　down　again　to　her　work。　I　could　not　look　at　her；　I　
could　not　look　at　him；　I　knew　quite　well　that　he　was　looking　at　us　
both；　and　I　turned　to　the　window　and　looked　out　there；　at　some　
shrubs　that　were　drooping　their　heads　in　the　cold。　

As　soon　as　I　could　creep　away；　I　crept　upstairs。　My　old　dear　
bedroom　was　changed；　and　I　was　to　lie　a　long　way　off。　I　rambled　
downstairs　to　find　anything　that　was　like　itself；　so　altered　it　all　
seemed；　and　roamed　into　the　yard。　I　very　soon　started　back　from　
there；　for　the　empty　dog…kennel　was　filled　up　with　a　great　dog—　
deep　mouthed　and　black…haired　like　Him—and　he　was　very　angry　
at　the　sight　of　me；　and　sprang　out　to　get　at　me。　

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Chapter　4　

I　FALL　INTO　DISGRACE　

If　the　room　to　which　my　bed　was　removed　were　a　sentient　
thing　that　could　give　evidence；　I　might　appeal　to　it　at　this　
day—who　sleeps　there　now；　I　wonder！—to　bear　witness　for　
me　what　a　heavy　heart　I　carried　to　it。　I　went　up　there；　hearing　the　
dog　in　the　yard　bark　after　me　all　the　way　while　I　climbed　the　
stairs；　and；　looking　as　blank　and　strange　upon　the　room　as　the　
room　looked　upon　me；　sat　down　with　my　small　hands　crossed；　and　
thought。　

I　thought　of　the　oddest　things。　Of　the　shape　of　the　room；　of　the　
cracks　in　the　ceiling；　of　the　paper　on　the　walls；　of　the　flaws　in　the　
window…glass　making　ripples　and　dimples　on　the　prospect；　of　the　
washing…stand　being　rickety　on　its　three　legs；　and　having　a　
discontented　something　about　it；　which　reminded　me　of　Mrs。　
Gummidge　under　the　influence　of　the　old　one。　I　was　crying　all　the　
time；　but；　except　that　I　was　conscious　of　being　cold　and　dejected；　I　
am　sure　I　never　thought　why　I　cried。　At　last　in　my　desolation　I　
began　to　consider　that　I　was　dreadfully　in　love　with　little　Em’ly；　
and　had　been　torn　away　from　her　to　come　here　where　no　one　
seemed　to　want　me；　or　to　care　about　me；　half　as　much　as　she　did。　
This　made　such　a　very　miserable　piece　of　business　of　it；　that　I　
rolled　myself　up　in　a　corner　of　the　counterpane；　and　cried　myself　
to　sleep。　

I　was　awoke　by　somebody　saying　‘Here　he　is！’　and　uncovering　
my　hot　head。　My　mother　and　Peggotty　had　come　to　look　for　me；　

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and　it　was　one　of　them　who　had　done　it。　

‘Davy；’　said　my　mother。　‘What’s　the　matter？’　

I　thoug