david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第132部分
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himself;’ said Tiffey; ‘having sent his own groom home by the
coach; as he sometimes did; you know—’
‘Well?’
‘The phaeton went home without him。 The horses stopped at
the stable…gate。 The man went out with a lantern。 Nobody in the
carriage。’
‘Had they run away?’
‘They were not hot;’ said Tiffey; putting on his glasses; ‘no
hotter; I understand; than they would have been; going down at
the usual pace。 The reins were broken; but they had been
dragging on the ground。 The house was roused up directly; and
three of them went out along the road。 They found him a mile off。’
‘More than a mile off; Mr。 Tiffey;’ interposed a junior。
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David Copperfield
‘Was it? I believe you are right;’ said Tiffey;—‘more than a mile
off—not far from the church—lying partly on the roadside; and
partly on the path; upon his face。 Whether he fell out in a fit; or got
out; feeling ill before the fit came on—or even whether he was
quite dead then; though there is no doubt he was quite
insensible—no one appears to know。 If he breathed; certainly he
never spoke。 Medical assistance was got as soon as possible; but it
was quite useless。’
I cannot describe the state of mind into which I was thrown by
this intelligence。 The shock of such an event happening so
suddenly; and happening to one with whom I had been in any
respect at variance—the appalling vacancy in the room he had
occupied so lately; where his chair and table seemed to wait for
him; and his handwriting of yesterday was like a ghost—the indefinable impossibility of separating him from the place; and
feeling; when the door opened; as if he might come in—the lazy
hush and rest there was in the office; and the insatiable relish with
which our people talked about it; and other people came in and
out all day; and gorged themselves with the subject—this is easily
intelligible to anyone。 What I cannot describe is; how; in the
innermost recesses of my own heart; I had a lurking jealousy even
of Death。 How I felt as if its might would push me from my ground
in Dora’s thoughts。 How I was; in a grudging way I have no words
for; envious of her grief。 How it made me restless to think of her
weeping to others; or being consoled by others。 How I had a
grasping; avaricious wish to shut out everybody from her but
myself; and to be all in all to her; at that unseasonable time of all
times。
In the trouble of this state of mind—not exclusively my own; I
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hope; but known to others—I went down to Norwood that night;
and finding from one of the servants; when I made my inquiries at
the door; that Miss Mills was there; got my aunt to direct a letter to
her; which I wrote。 I deplored the untimely death of Mr。 Spenlow;
most sincerely; and shed tears in doing so。 I entreated her to tell
Dora; if Dora were in a state to hear it; that he had spoken to me
with the utmost kindness and consideration; and had coupled
nothing but tenderness; not a single or reproachful word; with her
name。 I know I did this selfishly; to have my name brought before
her; but I tried to believe it was an act of justice to his memory。
Perhaps I did believe it。
My aunt received a few lines next day in reply; addressed;
outside; to her; within; to me。 Dora was overcome by grief; and
when her friend had asked her should she send her love to me;
had only cried; as she was always crying; ‘Oh; dear papa! oh; poor
papa!’ But she had not said No; and that I made the most of。
Mr。 Jorkins; who had been at Norwood since the occurrence;
came to the office a few days afterwards。 He and Tiffey were
closeted together for some few moments; and then Tiffey looked
out at the door and beckoned me in。
‘Oh!’ said Mr。 Jorkins。 ‘Mr。 Tiffey and myself; Mr。 Copperfield;
are about to examine the desks; the drawers; and other such
repositories of the deceased; with the view of sealing up his private
papers; and searching for a Will。 There is no trace of any;
elsewhere。 It may be as well for you to assist us; if you please。’
I had been in agony to obtain some knowledge of the
circumstances in which my Dora would be placed—as; in whose
guardianship; and so forth—and this was something towards it。
We began the search at once; Mr。 Jorkins unlocking the drawers
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and desks; and we all taking out the papers。 The office…papers we
placed on one side; and the private papers (which were not
numerous) on the other。 We were very grave; and when we came
to a stray seal; or pencil…case; or ring; or any little article of that
kind which we associated personally with him; we spoke very low。
We had sealed up several packets; and were still going on
dustily and quietly; when Mr。 Jorkins said to us; applying exactly
the same words to his late partner as his late partner had applied
to him:
‘Mr。 Spenlow was very difficult to move from the beaten track。
You know what he was! I am disposed to think he had made no
will。’
‘Oh; I know he had!’ said I。
They both stopped and looked at me。 ‘On the very day when I
last saw him;’ said I; ‘he told me that he had; and that his affairs
were long since settled。’
Mr。 Jorkins and old Tiffey shook their heads with one accord。
‘That looks unpromising;’ said Tiffey。
‘Very unpromising;’ said Mr。 Jorkins。
‘Surely you don’t doubt—’ I began。
‘My good Mr。 Copperfield!’ said Tiffey; laying his hand upon my
arm; and shutting up both his eyes as he shook his head: ‘if you
had been in the Commons as long as I have; you would know that
there is no subject on which men are so inconsistent; and so little
to be trusted。’
‘Why; bless my soul; he made that very remark!’ I replied
persistently。
‘I should call that almost final;’ observed Tiffey。 ‘My opinion
is—no will。’
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It appeared a wonderful thing to me; but it turned out that
there was no will。 He had never so much as thought of making
one; so far as his papers afforded any evidence; for there was no
kind of hint; sketch; or memorandum; of any testamentary
intention whatever。 What was scarcely less astonishing to me; was;
that his affairs were in a most disordered state。 It was extremely
difficult; I heard; to make out what he owed; or what he had paid;
or of what he died possessed。 It was considered likely that for
years he could have had no clear opinion on these subjects
himself。 By little and little it came out; that; in the competition on
all points of appearance and gentility then running high in the
Commons; he had spent more than his professional income; which
was not a very large one; and had reduced his private means; if
they ever had been great (which was exceedingly doubtful); to a
very low ebb indeed。 There was a sale of the furniture and lease; at
Norwood; and Tiffey told me; little thinking how interested I was
in the story; that; paying all the just debts of the deceased; and
deducting his share of outstanding bad and doubtful debts due to
the firm; he wouldn’t give a thousand pounds for all the assets
remaining。
This was at the expiration of about six weeks。 I had suffered
tortures all the time; and thought I really must have laid violent
hands upon myself; when Miss Mills still reported to me; that my
broken…hearted little Dora would say nothing; when I was
mentioned; but ‘Oh; poor papa! Oh; dear papa!’ Also; that she had
no other relations than two aunts; maiden sisters of Mr。 Spenlow;
who lived at Putney; and who had not held any other than chance
communication with their brother for many years。 Not that they
had ever quarrelled (Miss Mills informed me); but that having
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been; on the occasion of Dora’s christening; invited to tea; when
they considered themselves privileged to be invited to dinner; they
had expressed their opinion in writing; that it was ‘better for the
happiness of all parties’ that they should stay away。 Since which
they had gone their road; and their brother had gone his。
These two ladies now emerged from their retirement; and
proposed to take Dora to live at Putney。 Dora; clinging to them
both; and weeping; exclaimed; ‘O yes; aunts! Please take Julia
Mills and me and Jip to Putney!’ So they went; very soon after the
funeral。
How I found time to haunt Putney; I am sure I don’t know; but I
contrived; by some means or other; to prowl about the
neighbourhood pretty often。 Miss Mills; for the more exact
discharge of the duties of friendship; kept a journal; and she used
to meet me sometimes; on the Common; and read it; or (if she had
not time to do that) lend it to me。 How I treasured up the entries;
of which I subjoin a sample!—
‘Monday。 My sweet D。 still much depressed。 Headache。 Called
attention to J。 as being beautifully sleek。 D。 fondled J。 Associations
thus awakened; opened floodgates of sorrow。 Rush of grief
admitted。 (Are tears the dewdrops of the heart? J。 M。)
‘Tuesday。 D。 weak and nervous。 Beautiful in pallor。 (Do we not
remark this in moon likewise? J。 M。) D。; J。 M。 and J。 took airing in
carriage。 J。 looking out of window; and barking violently at
dustman; occasioned smile to overspread features of D。 (Of such
slight links is chain of life composed! J。 M。)
‘Wednesday。 D。 comparatively cheerful。 Sang to her; as
congenial melody; “Evening Bells”。 Effect not soothing; but
reverse。 D。 inexpressibly affected。 Found sobbing afterwards; in
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own room。 Quoted verses respecting self and young Gazelle。
Ineffectually。 Also referred to Patience on Monument。 (Qy。 Why on
monument? J。 M。)
‘Thursday。 D。 certainly improved。 Better night。 Slight tinge of
damask revisiting cheek。 Resolved to mention name of D。 C。
Introduced same; cautiously; in course of airing。 D。 immediately
overcome。 “Oh; dear; dea