david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第93部分
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don’t know what she was—anything that no one ever saw; and
everything that everybody ever wanted。 I was swallowed up in an
abyss of love in an instant。 There was no pausing on the brink; no
looking down; or looking back; I was gone; headlong; before I had
sense to say a word to her。
‘I;’ observed a well…remembered voice; when I had bowed and
murmured something; ‘have seen Mr。 Copperfield before。’
The speaker was not Dora。 No; the confidential friend; Miss
Murdstone!
I don’t think I was much astonished。 To the best of my
judgement; no capacity of astonishment was left in me。 There was
nothing worth mentioning in the material world; but Dora
Spenlow; to be astonished about。 I said; ‘How do you do; Miss
Murdstone? I hope you are well。’ She answered; ‘Very well。’ I said;
‘How is Mr。 Murdstone?’ She replied; ‘My brother is robust; I am
obliged to you。’
Mr。 Spenlow; who; I suppose; had been surprised to see us
recognize each other; then put in his word。
‘I am glad to find;’ he said; ‘Copperfield; that you and Miss
Murdstone are already acquainted。’
‘Mr。 Copperfield and myself;’ said Miss Murdstone; with severe
composure; ‘are connexions。 We were once slightly acquainted。 It
was in his childish days。 Circumstances have separated us since。 I
should not have known him。’
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I replied that I should have known her; anywhere。 Which was
true enough。
‘Miss Murdstone has had the goodness;’ said Mr。 Spenlow to
me; ‘to accept the office—if I may so describe it—of my daughter
Dora’s confidential friend。 My daughter Dora having; unhappily;
no mother; Miss Murdstone is obliging enough to become her
companion and protector。’
A passing thought occurred to me that Miss Murdstone; like the
pocket instrument called a life…preserver; was not so much
designed for purposes of protection as of assault。 But as I had
none but passing thoughts for any subject save Dora; I glanced at
her; directly afterwards; and was thinking that I saw; in her
prettily pettish manner; that she was not very much inclined to be
particularly confidential to her companion and protector; when a
bell rang; which Mr。 Spenlow said was the first dinner…bell; and so
carried me off to dress。
The idea of dressing one’s self; or doing anything in the way of
action; in that state of love; was a little too ridiculous。 I could only
sit down before my fire; biting the key of my carpet…bag; and think
of the captivating; girlish; bright…eyed lovely Dora。 What a form
she had; what a face she had; what a graceful; variable; enchanting
manner!
The bell rang again so soon that I made a mere scramble of my
dressing; instead of the careful operation I could have wished
under the circumstances; and went downstairs。 There was some
company。 Dora was talking to an old gentleman with a grey head。
Grey as he was—and a great…grandfather into the bargain; for he
said so—I was madly jealous of him。
What a state of mind I was in! I was jealous of everybody。 I
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couldn’t bear the idea of anybody knowing Mr。 Spenlow better
than I did。 It was torturing to me to hear them talk of occurrences
in which I had had no share。 When a most amiable person; with a
highly polished bald head; asked me across the dinner table; if that
were the first occasion of my seeing the grounds; I could have
done anything to him that was savage and revengeful。
I don’t remember who was there; except Dora。 I have not the
least idea what we had for dinner; besides Dora。 My impression is;
that I dined off Dora; entirely; and sent away half…a…dozen plates
untouched。 I sat next to her。 I talked to her。 She had the most
delightful little voice; the gayest little laugh; the pleasantest and
most fascinating little ways; that ever led a lost youth into hopeless
slavery。 She was rather diminutive altogether。 So much the more
precious; I thought。
When she went out of the room with Miss Murdstone (no other
ladies were of the party); I fell into a reverie; only disturbed by the
cruel apprehension that Miss Murdstone would disparage me to
her。 The amiable creature with the polished head told me a long
story; which I think was about gardening。 I think I heard him say;
‘my gardener’; several times。 I seemed to pay the deepest attention
to him; but I was wandering in a garden of Eden all the while; with
Dora。
My apprehensions of being disparaged to the object of my
engrossing affection were revived when we went into the drawing…
room; by the grim and distant aspect of Miss Murdstone。 But I was
relieved of them in an unexpected manner。
‘David Copperfield;’ said Miss Murdstone; beckoning me aside
into a window。 ‘A word。’
I confronted Miss Murdstone alone。
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‘David Copperfield;’ said Miss Murdstone; ‘I need not enlarge
upon family circumstances。 They are not a tempting subject。’
‘Far from it; ma’am;’ I returned。
‘Far from it;’ assented Miss Murdstone。 ‘I do not wish to revive
the memory of past differences; or of past outrages。 I have
received outrages from a person—a female I am sorry to say; for
the credit of my sex—who is not to be mentioned without scorn
and disgust; and therefore I would rather not mention her。’
I felt very fiery on my aunt’s account; but I said it would
certainly be better; if Miss Murdstone pleased; not to mention her。
I could not hear her disrespectfully mentioned; I added; without
expressing my opinion in a decided tone。
Miss Murdstone shut her eyes; and disdainfully inclined her
head; then; slowly opening her eyes; resumed:
‘David Copperfield; I shall not attempt to disguise the fact; that
I formed an unfavourable opinion of you in your childhood。 It may
have been a mistaken one; or you may have ceased to justify it。
That is not in question between us now。 I belong to a family
remarkable; I believe; for some firmness; and I am not the
creature of circumstance or change。 I may have my opinion of you。
You may have your opinion of me。’
I inclined my head; in my turn。
‘But it is not necessary;’ said Miss Murdstone; ‘that these
opinions should come into collision here。 Under existing
circumstances; it is as well on all accounts that they should not。 As
the chances of life have brought us together again; and may bring
us together on other occasions; I would say; let us meet here as
distant acquaintances。 Family circumstances are a sufficient
reason for our only meeting on that footing; and it is quite
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David Copperfield
unnecessary that either of us should make the other the subject of
remark。 Do you approve of this?’
‘Miss Murdstone;’ I returned; ‘I think you and Mr。 Murdstone
used me very cruelly; and treated my mother with great
unkindness。 I shall always think so; as long as I live。 But I quite
agree in what you propose。’
Miss Murdstone shut her eyes again; and bent her head。 Then;
just touching the back of my hand with the tips of her cold; stiff
fingers; she walked away; arranging the little fetters on her wrists
and round her neck; which seemed to be the same set; in exactly
the same state; as when I had seen her last。 These reminded me; in
reference to Miss Murdstone’s nature; of the fetters over a jail
door; suggesting on the outside; to all beholders; what was to be
expected within。
All I know of the rest of the evening is; that I heard the empress
of my heart sing enchanted ballads in the French language;
generally to the effect that; whatever was the matter; we ought
always to dance; Ta ra la; Ta ra la! accompanying herself on a
glorified instrument; resembling a guitar。 That I was lost in
blissful delirium。 That I refused refreshment。 That my soul
recoiled from punch particularly。 That when Miss Murdstone took
her into custody and led her away; she smiled and gave me her
delicious hand。 That I caught a view of myself in a mirror; looking
perfectly imbecile and idiotic。 That I retired to bed in a most
maudlin state of mind; and got up in a crisis of feeble infatuation。
It was a fine morning; and early; and I thought I would go and
take a stroll down one of those wire…arched walks; and indulge my
passion by dwelling on her image。 On my way through the hall; I
encountered her little dog; who was called Jip—short for Gipsy。 I
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approached him tenderly; for I loved even him; but he showed his
whole set of teeth; got under a chair expressly to snarl; and
wouldn’t hear of the least familiarity。
The garden was cool and solitary。 I walked about; wondering
what my feelings of happiness would be; if I could ever become
engaged to this dear wonder。 As to marriage; and fortune; and all
that; I believe I was almost as innocently undesigning then; as
when I loved little Em’ly。 To be allowed to call her ‘Dora’; to write
to her; to dote upon and worship her; to have reason to think that
when she was with other people she was yet mindful of me;
seemed to me the summit of human ambition—I am sure it was
the summit of mine。 There is no doubt whatever that I was a
lackadaisical young spooney; but there was a purity of heart in all
this; that prevents my having quite a contemptuous recollection of
it; let me laugh as I may。
I had not been walking long; when I turned a corner; and met
her。 I tingle again from head to foot as my recollection turns that
corner; and my pen shakes in my hand。
‘You—are—out early; Miss Spenlow;’ said I。
‘It’s so stupid at home;’ she replied; ‘and Miss Murdstone is so
absurd! She talks such nonsense about its being necessary for the
day to be aired; before I come out。 Aired!’ (She laughed; here; in
the most melodious manner。) ‘On a Sunday morning; when I don’t
practise; I must do something。 So I told papa last night I must
come out。 Besides; it’s the brightest time of the whole day。