the uncommercial traveller-第58部分

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a　sticky　lantern。



The　political　economy　of　the　master　of　the　turnpike　thus　expressed

itself。



'How　goes　turnpike　business；　master？'　said　I　to　him；　as　he　sat　in

his　little　porch；　repairing　a　shoe。



'It　don't　go　at　all；　master；'　said　he　to　me。　　'It's　stopped。'



'That's　bad；'　said　I。



'Bad？'　he　repeated。　　And　he　pointed　to　one　of　his　sunburnt　dusty

children　who　was　climbing　the　turnpike…gate；　and　said；　extending

his　open　right　hand　in　remonstrance　with　Universal　Nature。　　'Five

on　'em！'



'But　how　to　improve　Turnpike　business？'　said　I。



'There's　a　way；　master；'　said　he；　with　the　air　of　one　who　had

thought　deeply　on　the　subject。



'I　should　like　to　know　it。'



'Lay　a　toll　on　everything　as　comes　through；　lay　a　toll　on　walkers。

Lay　another　toll　on　everything　as　don't　come　through；　lay　a　toll　on

them　as　stops　at　home。'



'Would　the　last　remedy　be　fair？'



'Fair？　　Them　as　stops　at　home；　could　come　through　if　they　liked；

couldn't　they？'



'Say　they　could。'



'Toll　'em。　　If　they　don't　come　through；　it's　THEIR　look　out。

Anyways；　…　Toll　'em！'



Finding　it　was　as　impossible　to　argue　with　this　financial　genius　as

if　he　had　been　Chancellor　of　the　Exchequer；　and　consequently　the

right　man　in　the　right　place；　I　passed　on　meekly。



My　mind　now　began　to　misgive　me　that　the　disappointed　coach…maker

had　sent　me　on　a　wild…goose　errand；　and　that　there　was　no　post…

chaise　in　those　parts。　　But　coming　within　view　of　certain

allotment…gardens　by　the　roadside；　I　retracted　the　suspicion；　and

confessed　that　I　had　done　him　an　injustice。　　For；　there　I　saw；

surely；　the　poorest　superannuated　post…chaise　left　on　earth。



It　was　a　post…chaise　taken　off　its　axletree　and　wheels；　and　plumped

down　on　the　clayey　soil　among　a　ragged　growth　of　vegetables。　　It

was　a　post…chaise　not　even　set　straight　upon　the　ground；　but　tilted

over；　as　if　it　had　fallen　out　of　a　balloon。　　It　was　a　post…chaise

that　had　been　a　long　time　in　those　decayed　circumstances；　and

against　which　scarlet　beans　were　trained。　　It　was　a　post…chaise

patched　and　mended　with　old　tea…trays；　or　with　scraps　of　iron　that

looked　like　them；　and　boarded　up　as　to　the　windows；　but　having　A

KNOCKER　on　the　off…side　door。　　Whether　it　was　a　post…chaise　used　as

tool…house；　summer…house；　or　dwelling…house；　I　could　not　discover；

for　there　was　nobody　at　home　at　the　post…chaise　when　I　knocked；　but

it　was　certainly　used　for　something；　and　locked　up。　　In　the　wonder

of　this　discovery；　I　walked　round　and　round　the　post…chaise　many

times；　and　sat　down　by　the　post…chaise；　waiting　for　further

elucidation。　　None　came。　　At　last；　I　made　my　way　back　to　the　old

London　road　by　the　further　end　of　the　allotment…gardens；　and

consequently　at　a　point　beyond　that　from　which　I　had　diverged。　　I

had　to　scramble　through　a　hedge　and　down　a　steep　bank；　and　I　nearly

came　down　a…top　of　a　little　spare　man　who　sat　breaking　stones　by

the　roadside。



He　stayed　his　hammer；　and　said；　regarding　me　mysteriously　through

his　dark　goggles　of　wire：



'Are　you　aware；　sir；　that　you've　been　trespassing？'



'I　turned　out　of　the　way；'　said　I；　in　explanation；　'to　look　at　that

odd　post…chaise。　　Do　you　happen　to　know　anything　about　it？'



'I　know　it　was　many　a　year　upon　the　road；'　said　he。



'So　I　supposed。　　Do　you　know　to　whom　it　belongs？'



The　stone…breaker　bent　his　brows　and　goggles　over　his　heap　of

stones；　as　if　he　were　considering　whether　he　should　answer　the

question　or　not。　　Then；　raising　his　barred　eyes　to　my　features　as

before；　he　said：



'To　me。'



Being　quite　unprepared　for　the　reply；　I　received　it　with　a

sufficiently　awkward　'Indeed！　　Dear　me！'　　Presently　I　added；　'Do

you　…　'　I　was　going　to　say　'live　there；'　but　it　seemed　so　absurd　a

question；　that　I　substituted　'live　near　here？'



The　stone…breaker；　who　had　not　broken　a　fragment　since　we　began　to

converse；　then　did　as　follows。　　He　raised　himself　by　poising　his

finger　on　his　hammer；　and　took　his　coat；　on　which　he　had　been

seated；　over　his　arm。　　He　then　backed　to　an　easier　part　of　the　bank

than　that　by　which　I　had　come　down；　keeping　his　dark　goggles

silently　upon　me　all　the　time；　and　then　shouldered　his　hammer；

suddenly　turned；　ascended；　and　was　gone。　　His　face　was　so　small；

and　his　goggles　were　so　large；　that　he　left　me　wholly　uninformed　as

to　his　countenance；　but　he　left　me　a　profound　impression　that　the

curved　legs　I　had　seen　from　behind　as　he　vanished；　were　the　legs　of

an　old　postboy。　　It　was　not　until　then　that　I　noticed　he　had　been

working　by　a　grass…grown　milestone；　which　looked　like　a　tombstone

erected　over　the　grave　of　the　London　road。



My　dinner…hour　being　close　at　hand；　I　had　no　leisure　to　pursue　the

goggles　or　the　subject　then；　but　made　my　way　back　to　the　Dolphin's

Head。　　In　the　gateway　I　found　J。　Mellows；　looking　at　nothing；　and

apparently　experiencing　that　it　failed　to　raise　his　spirits。



'I　don't　care　for　the　town；'　said　J。　Mellows；　when　I　complimented

him　on　the　sanitary　advantages　it　may　or　may　not　possess；　'I　wish　I

had　never　seen　the　town！'



'You　don't　belong　to　it；　Mr。　Mellows？'



'Belong　to　it！'　repeated　Mellows。　　'If　I　didn't　belong　to　a　better

style　of　town　than　this；　I'd　take　and　drown　myself　in　a　pail。'　　It

then　occurred　to　me　that　Mellows；　having　so　little　to　do；　was

habitually　thrown　back　on　his　internal　resources　…　by　which　I　mean

the　Dolphin's　cellar。



'What　we　want；'　said　Mellows；　pulling　off　his　hat；　and　making　as　if

he　emptied　it　of　the　last　load　of　Disgust　that　had　exuded　from　his

brain；　before　he　put　it　on　again　for　another　load；　'what　we　want；

is　a　Branch。　　The　Petition　for　the　Branch　Bill　is　in　the　coffee…

room。　　Would　you　put　your　name　to　it？　　Every　little　helps。'



I　found　the　document　in　question　stretched　out　flat　on　the　coffee…

room　table　by　the　aid　of　certain　weights　from　the　kitchen；　and　I

gave　it　the　additional　weight　of　my　uncommercial　signature。　　To　the

best　of　my　belief；　I　bound　myself　to　the　modest　statement　that

universal　traffic；　happiness；　prosperity；　and　civilisation；

together　with　unbounded　national　triumph　in　competition　with　the

foreigner；　would　infallibly　flow　from　the　Branch。



Having　achieved　this　constitutional　feat；　I　asked　Mr。　Mellows　if　he

could　grace　my　dinner　with　a　pint　of　good　wine？　　Mr。　Mellows　thus

replied。



'If　I　couldn't　give　you　a　pint　of　good　wine；　I'd　…　there！　…　I'd

take　and　drown　myself　in　a　pail。　　But　I　was　deceived　when　I　bought

this　business；　and　the　stock　was　higgledy…piggledy；　and　I　haven't

yet　tasted　my　way　quite　through　it　with　a　view　to　sorting　it。

Therefore；　if　you　order　one　kind　and　get　another；　change　till　it

comes　right。　　For　what；'　said　Mellows；　unloading　his　hat　as　before；

'what　would　you　or　any　gentleman　do；　if　you　ordered　one　kind　of

wine　and　was　required　to　drink　another？　　Why；　you'd　（and　naturally

and　properly；　having　the　feelings　of　a　gentleman）；　you'd　take　and

drown　yourself　in　a　pail！'







CHAPTER　XXV　…　THE　BOILED　BEEF　OF　NEW　ENGLAND







The　shabbiness　of　our　English　capital；　as　compared　with　Paris；

Bordeaux；　Frankfort；　Milan；　Geneva　…　almost　any　important　town　on

the　continent　of　Europe　…　I　find　very　striking　after　an　absence　of

any　duration　in　foreign　parts。　　London　is　shabby　in　contrast　with

Edinburgh；　with　Aberdeen；　with　Exeter；　with　Liverpool；　with　a

bright　little　town　like　Bury　St。　Edmunds。　　London　is　shabby　in

contrast　with　New　York；　with　Boston；　with　Philadelphia。　　In　detail；

one　would　say　it　can　rarely　fail　to　be　a　disappointing　piece　of

shabbiness；　to　a　stranger　from　any　of　those　places。　　There　is

nothing　shabbier　than　Drury…lane；　in　Rome　itself。　　The　meanness　of

Regent…street；　set　against　the　great　line　of　Boulevards　in　Paris；

is　as　striking　as　the　abortive　ugliness　of　Trafalgar…square；　set

against　the　gallant　beauty　of　the　Place　de　la　Concorde。　　London　is

shabby　by　daylight；　and　shabbier　by　gaslight。　　No　Englishman　knows

what　gaslight　is；　until　he　sees　the　Rue　de　Rivoli　and　the　Palais

Royal　after　dark。



The　mass　of　London　people　are　shabby。　　The　absence　of　distinctive

dress　has；　no　doubt；　something　to　do　with　it。　　The　porters　of　the

Vintners'　Company；　the　draymen；　and　the　butchers；　are　about　the

only　people　who　wear　distinctive　dresses；　and　even　these　do　not

wear　them　on　holidays。　　We　have　nothing　which　for　cheapness；

cleanliness；　convenience；　or　picturesqueness；　can　compare　with　the

belted　blouse。　　As　to　our　women；　…　next　Easter　or　Whitsuntide；　look

at　the　bonnets　at　the　British　Museum　or　the　National　Gallery；　and

think　of　the　pretty　white　French　cap；　the　Spanish　mantilla；　or　the

Genoese　mezzero。



Probably　there　are　not　more　second…hand　clothes　sold　in　London　than

in　Paris；　and　yet　the　mass　of　the　London　population　have　a　second…

hand　look　which　is　not　to　be　detected　on　the　mass　of　the　Parisian

population。　　I　think　this　is　mainly　because　a　Parisian　workman　does

not　in　the　least　trouble　himself　about　what　is　worn　by　a　Parisian

idler；　but　dresses　in　the　way　of　his　own　class；　and　for　his　own

comfort。　　In　London；　on　the　contrary；　the　fashions　descend；　and　you

never　fully　know　how　inconvenient　or　ridiculous　a　fashion　is；　until

you　see　it　in　its　last　descent。　　It　was　but　the　other　day；　on　a

race…course；　that　I　observed　four　people　in　a　barouche　deriving

great　entertainment　from　the　contemplation　of　four　people　on　foot。

The　four　people　on　foot　were　two　young　men　and　two　young　women；　the

four　people　in　the　barouche　were　two　young　men　and　two　young　women。

The　four　young　women　were　dressed　in　exactly　the　same　style；　the

four　young　men　were　dressed　in　exactly　the　same　style。　　Yet　the　two

couples　on　wheels　were　as　much　amused　by　the　two　couples　on　foot；

as　if　they　were　quite　unconscious　of　having　themselves　set　those

fashions；　or　of　being　at　that　very　moment　engaged　in　the　display　of

them。



Is　it　only　in　the　matter　of　clothes　that　fashion