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the　back　of　his　hat；　looking　over　his　shoulder　at　them　airily　from

time　to　time　to　see　that　no　member　of　the　party　has　got　lost；　or

has　tumbled　down；　as　if　they　were　a　company　of　dim　old　dolls。



Resignation　of　a　dwelling　is　of　very　rare　occurrence　in　Titbull's。

A　story　does　obtain　there；　how　an　old　lady's　son　once　drew　a　prize

of　Thirty　Thousand　Pounds　in　the　Lottery；　and　presently　drove　to

the　gate　in　his　own　carriage；　with　French　Horns　playing　up　behind；

and　whisked　his　mother　away；　and　left　ten　guineas　for　a　Feast。　　But

I　have　been　unable　to　substantiate　it　by　any　evidence；　and　regard

it　as　an　Alms…House　Fairy　Tale。　　It　is　curious　that　the　only　proved

case　of　resignation　happened　within　my　knowledge。



It　happened　on　this　wise。　　There　is　a　sharp　competition　among　the

ladies　respecting　the　gentility　of　their　visitors；　and　I　have　so

often　observed　visitors　to　be　dressed　as　for　a　holiday　occasion；

that　I　suppose　the　ladies　to　have　besought　them　to　make　all

possible　display　when　they　come。　　In　these　circumstances　much

excitement　was　one　day　occasioned　by　Mrs。　Mitts　receiving　a　visit

from　a　Greenwich　Pensioner。　　He　was　a　Pensioner　of　a　bluff　and

warlike　appearance；　with　an　empty　coat…sleeve；　and　he　was　got　up

with　unusual　care；　his　coat…buttons　were　extremely　bright；　he　wore

his　empty　coat…sleeve　in　a　graceful　festoon；　and　he　had　a　walking…

stick　in　his　hand　that　must　have　cost　money。　　When；　with　the　head

of　his　walking…stick；　he　knocked　at　Mrs。　Mitts's　door　…　there　are

no　knockers　in　Titbull's　…　Mrs。　Mitts　was　overheard　by　a　next…door

neighbour　to　utter　a　cry　of　surprise　expressing　much　agitation；　and

the　same　neighbour　did　afterwards　solemnly　affirm　that　when　he　was

admitted　into　Mrs。　Mitts's　room；　she　heard　a　smack。　　Heard　a　smack

which　was　not　a　blow。



There　was　an　air　about　this　Greenwich　Pensioner　when　he　took　his

departure；　which　imbued　all　Titbull's　with　the　conviction　that　he

was　coming　again。　　He　was　eagerly　looked　for；　and　Mrs。　Mitts　was

closely　watched。　　In　the　meantime；　if　anything　could　have　placed

the　unfortunate　six　old　gentlemen　at　a　greater　disadvantage　than

that　at　which　they　chronically　stood；　it　would　have　been　the

apparition　of　this　Greenwich　Pensioner。　　They　were　well　shrunken

already；　but　they　shrunk　to　nothing　in　comparison　with　the

Pensioner。　　Even　the　poor　old　gentlemen　themselves　seemed　conscious

of　their　inferiority；　and　to　know　submissively　that　they　could

never　hope　to　hold　their　own　against　the　Pensioner　with　his　warlike

and　maritime　experience　in　the　past；　and　his　tobacco　money　in　the

present：　　his　chequered　career　of　blue　water；　black　gunpowder；　and

red　bloodshed　for　England；　home；　and　beauty。



Before　three　weeks　were　out；　the　Pensioner　reappeared。　　Again　he

knocked　at　Mrs。　Mitts's　door　with　the　handle　of　his　stick；　and

again　was　he　admitted。　　But　not　again　did　he　depart　alone；　for　Mrs。

Mitts；　in　a　bonnet　identified　as　having　been　re…embellished；　went

out　walking　with　him；　and　stayed　out　till　the　ten　o'clock　beer；

Greenwich　time。



There　was　now　a　truce；　even　as　to　the　troubled　waters　of　Mrs。

Saggers's　pail；　nothing　was　spoken　of　among　the　ladies　but　the

conduct　of　Mrs。　Mitts　and　its　blighting　influence　on　the　reputation

of　Titbull's。　　It　was　agreed　that　Mr。　Battens　'ought　to　take　it

up；'　and　Mr。　Battens　was　communicated　with　on　the　subject。　　That

unsatisfactory　individual　replied　'that　he　didn't　see　his　way　yet；'

and　it　was　unanimously　voted　by　the　ladies　that　aggravation　was　in

his　nature。



How　it　came　to　pass；　with　some　appearance　of　inconsistency；　that

Mrs。　Mitts　was　cut　by　all　the　ladies　and　the　Pensioner　admired　by

all　the　ladies；　matters　not。　　Before　another　week　was　out；

Titbull's　was　startled　by　another　phenomenon。　　At　ten　o'clock　in

the　forenoon　appeared　a　cab；　containing　not　only　the　Greenwich

Pensioner　with　one　arm；　but；　to　boot；　a　Chelsea　Pensioner　with　one

leg。　　Both　dismounting　to　assist　Mrs。　Mitts　into　the　cab；　the

Greenwich　Pensioner　bore　her　company　inside；　and　the　Chelsea

Pensioner　mounted　the　box　by　the　driver：　　his　wooden　leg　sticking

out　after　the　manner　of　a　bowsprit；　as　if　in　jocular　homage　to　his

friend's　sea…going　career。　　Thus　the　equipage　drove　away。　　No　Mrs。

Mitts　returned　that　night。



What　Mr。　Battens　might　have　done　in　the　matter　of　taking　it　up；

goaded　by　the　infuriated　state　of　public　feeling　next　morning；　was

anticipated　by　another　phenomenon。　　A　Truck；　propelled　by　the

Greenwich　Pensioner　and　the　Chelsea　Pensioner；　each　placidly

smoking　a　pipe；　and　pushing　his　warrior　breast　against　the　handle。



The　display　on　the　part　of　the　Greenwich　Pensioner　of　his

'marriage…lines；'　and　his　announcement　that　himself　and　friend　had

looked　in　for　the　furniture　of　Mrs。　G。　Pensioner；　late　Mitts；　by　no

means　reconciled　the　ladies　to　the　conduct　of　their　sister；　on　the

contrary；　it　is　said　that　they　appeared　more　than　ever　exasperated。

Nevertheless；　my　stray　visits　to　Titbull's　since　the　date　of　this

occurrence；　have　confirmed　me　in　an　impression　that　it　was　a

wholesome　fillip。　　The　nine　ladies　are　smarter；　both　in　mind　and

dress；　than　they　used　to　be；　though　it　must　be　admitted　that　they

despise　the　six　gentlemen　to　the　last　extent。　　They　have　a　much

greater　interest　in　the　external　thoroughfare　too；　than　they　had

when　I　first　knew　Titbull's。　　And　whenever　I　chance　to　be　leaning

my　back　against　the　pump　or　the　iron　railings；　and　to　be　talking　to

one　of　the　junior　ladies；　and　to　see　that　a　flush　has　passed　over

her　face；　I　immediately　know　without　looking　round　that　a　Greenwich

Pensioner　has　gone　past。







CHAPTER　XXX　…　THE　RUFFIAN







I　entertain　so　strong　an　objection　to　the　euphonious　softening　of

Ruffian　into　Rough；　which　has　lately　become　popular；　that　I　restore

the　right　word　to　the　heading　of　this　paper；　the　rather；　as　my

object　is　to　dwell　upon　the　fact　that　the　Ruffian　is　tolerated

among　us　to　an　extent　that　goes　beyond　all　unruffianly　endurance。

I　take　the　liberty　to　believe　that　if　the　Ruffian　besets　my　life；　a

professional　Ruffian　at　large　in　the　open　streets　of　a　great　city；

notoriously　having　no　other　calling　than　that　of　Ruffian；　and　of

disquieting　and　despoiling　me　as　I　go　peacefully　about　my　lawful

business；　interfering　with　no　one；　then　the　Government　under　which

I　have　the　great　constitutional　privilege；　supreme　honour　and

happiness；　and　all　the　rest　of　it；　to　exist；　breaks　down　in　the

discharge　of　any　Government's　most　simple　elementary　duty。



What　did　I　read　in　the　London　daily　papers；　in　the　early　days　of

this　last　September？　　That　the　Police　had　'AT　LENGTH　SUCCEEDED　IN

CAPTURING　TWO　OF　THE　NOTORIOUS　GANG　THAT　HAVE　SO　LONG　INVESTED　THE

WATERLOO　ROAD。'　　Is　it　possible？　　What　a　wonderful　Police！　　Here　is

a　straight；　broad；　public　thoroughfare　of　immense　resort；　half　a

mile　long；　gas…lighted　by　night；　with　a　great　gas…lighted　railway

station　in　it；　extra　the　street　lamps；　full　of　shops；　traversed　by

two　popular　cross　thoroughfares　of　considerable　traffic；　itself　the

main　road　to　the　South　of　London；　and　the　admirable　Police　have；

after　long　infestment　of　this　dark　and　lonely　spot　by　a　gang　of

Ruffians；　actually　got　hold　of　two　of　them。　　Why；　can　it　be　doubted

that　any　man　of　fair　London　knowledge　and　common　resolution；　armed

with　the　powers　of　the　Law；　could　have　captured　the　whole

confederacy　in　a　week？



It　is　to　the　saving　up　of　the　Ruffian　class　by　the　Magistracy　and

Police　…　to　the　conventional　preserving　of　them；　as　if　they　were

Partridges　…　that　their　number　and　audacity　must　be　in　great　part

referred。　　Why　is　a　notorious　Thief　and　Ruffian　ever　left　at　large？

He　never　turns　his　liberty　to　any　account　but　violence　and　plunder；

he　never　did　a　day's　work　out　of　gaol；　he　never　will　do　a　day's

work　out　of　gaol。　　As　a　proved　notorious　Thief　he　is　always

consignable　to　prison　for　three　months。　　When　he　comes　out；　he　is

surely　as　notorious　a　Thief　as　he　was　when　he　went　in。　　Then　send

him　back　again。　　'Just　Heaven！'　cries　the　Society　for　the

protection　of　remonstrant　Ruffians。　　'This　is　equivalent　to　a

sentence　of　perpetual　imprisonment！'　　Precisely　for　that　reason　it

has　my　advocacy。　　I　demand　to　have　the　Ruffian　kept　out　of　my　way；

and　out　of　the　way　of　all　decent　people。　　I　demand　to　have　the

Ruffian　employed；　perforce；　in　hewing　wood　and　drawing　water

somewhere　for　the　general　service；　instead　of　hewing　at　her

Majesty's　subjects　and　drawing　their　watches　out　of　their　pockets。

If　this　be　termed　an　unreasonable　demand；　then　the　tax…gatherer's

demand　on　me　must　be　far　more　unreasonable；　and　cannot　be　otherwise

than　extortionate　and　unjust。



It　will　be　seen　that　I　treat　of　the　Thief　and　Ruffian　as　one。　　I　do

so；　because　I　know　the　two　characters　to　be　one；　in　the　vast

majority　of　cases；　just　as　well　as　the　Police　know　it。　　（As　to　the

Magistracy；　with　a　few　exceptions；　they　know　nothing　about　it　but

what　the　Police　choose　to　tell　them。）　　There　are　disorderly　classes

of　men　who　are　not　thieves；　as　railway…navigators；　brickmakers；

wood…sawyers；　costermongers。　　These　classes　are　often　disorderly

and　troublesome；　but　it　is　mostly　among　themselves；　and　at　any　rate

they　have　their　industrious　avocations；　they　work　early　and　late；

and　work　hard。　　The　generic　Ruffian　…　honourable　member　for　what　is

tenderly　called　the　Rough　Element　…　is　either　a　Thief；　or　the

companion　of　Thieves。　　When　he　infamously　molests　women　coming　out

of　chapel　on　Sunday　evenings　（for　which　I　would　have　his　back

scarified　often　and　deep）　it　is　not　only　for　the　gratification　of

his　pleasant　instincts；　but　that　there　may　be　a　confusion　raised　by

which　either　he　or　his　friends　may　profit；　in　the　commission　of

highway　robberies　or　in　picking　pockets。　　When　he　gets　a　police…

constable　down　and　kicks　him　helpless　for　life；　it　is　because　that

constable　once　did　his　duty　in　bringing　him　to　justice。　　When　he

rushes