the ninth vibration-第19部分

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en　you　can　always　call；　even　if　I　am　…　dead。〃

〃That　is　a　word　which　is　beginning　to　have　no　meaning　for　me。　You　have　said　things　to　me　…　no；　thought　them；　that　have　made　me　doubt　if　there　is　room　in　the　universe　for　the　thing　we　have　called　death。〃

She　smiled　her　sweet　wise　smile。

〃Where　we　are　death　is　not。　Where　death　is　we　are　not。　But　you　will　understand　better　soon。〃

Our　march　curving　took　us　by　the　Mogul　gardens　of　Achibal；　and　the　glorious　ruins　of　the　great　Temple　at　Martund；　and　so　down　to　Bawan　with　its　crystal　waters　and　that　loveliest　camping　ground　beside　them。　A　mighty　grove　of　chenar　trees；　so　huge　that　I　felt　as　if　we　were　in　a　great　sea　cave　where　the　air　is　dyed　with　the　deep　shadowy　green　of　the　inmost　ocean；　and　the　murmuring　of　the　myriad　leaves　was　like　a　sea　at　rest。　I　looked　up　into　the　noble　height　and　my　memory　of　Westminster　dwindled；　for　this　led　on　and　up　to　the　infinite　blue；　and　at　night　the　stars　hung　like　fruit　upon　the　branches。　The　water　ran　with　a　great　joyous　rush　of　release　from　the　mountain　behind；　but　was　first　received　in　a　broad　basin　full　of　sacred　fish　and　reflecting　a　little　temple　of　Maheshwara　and　one　of　Surya　the　Sun。　Here　in　this　basin　the　water　lay　pure　and　still　as　an　ecstasy；　and　beside　it　was　musing　the　young　Brahman　priest　who　served　the　temple。　Since　I　had　joined　Vanna　I　had　begun　with　her　help　to　study　a　little　Hindustani；　and　with　an　aptitude　for　language　could　understand　here　and　there。　I　caught　a　word　or　two　as　she　spoke　with　him　that　startled　me；　when　the　high…bred　ascetic　face　turned　serenely　upon　her；　and　he　addressed　her　as　〃My　sister；〃　adding　a　sentence　beyond　my　learning；　but　which　she　willingly　translated　later。　…　〃May　He　who　sits　above　the　Mysteries；　have　mercy　upon　thy　rebirth。〃

She　said　afterwards；

〃How　beautiful　some　of　these　men　are。　It　seems　a　different　type　of　beauty　from　ours；　nearer　to　nature　and　the　old　gods。　Look　at　that　priest　…　the　tall　figure；　the　clear　olive　skin；　the　dark　level　brows；　the　long　lashes　that　make　a　soft　gloom　about　the　eyes　…　eyes　that　have　the　fathomless　depth　of　a　deer's；　the　proud　arch　of　the　lip。　I　think　there　is　no　country　where　aristocracy　is　more　clearly　marked　than　in　India。　The　Brahmans　are　aristocrats　of　the　world。　You　see　it　is　a　religious　aristocracy　as　well。　It　has　everything　that　can　foster　pride　and　exclusiveness。　They　spring　from　the　Mouth　of　Deity。　They　are　His　word　incarnate。　Not　many　kings　are　of　the　Brahman　caste；　and　the　Brahmans　look　down　upon　them　from　Sovereign　heights。　I　have　known　men　who　would　not　eat　with　their　own　rulers　who　would　have　drunk　the　water　that　washed　the　Brahmans'　feet。〃

She　took　me　that　day；　the　Brahman　with　us；　to　see　a　cave　in　the　mountain。　We　climbed　up　the　face　of　the　cliff　to　where　a　little　tree　grew　on　a　ledge；　and　the　black　mouth　yawned。　We　went　in　and　often　it　was　so　low　we　had　to　stoop；　leaving　the　sunlight　behind　until　it　was　like　a　dim　eye　glimmering　in　the　velvet　blackness。　The　air　was　dank　and　cold　and　presently　obscene　with　the　smell　of　bats；　and　alive　with　their　wings；　as　they　came　sweeping　about　us；　gibbering　and　squeaking。　I　thought　of　the　rush　of　the　ghosts；　blown　like　dead　leaves　in　the　Odyssey。　And　then　a　small　rock　chamber　branched　off；　and　in　this；　lit　by　a　bit　of　burning　wood；　we　saw　the　bones　of　a　holy　man　who　lived　and　died　there　four　hundred　years　ago。　Think　of　it！　He　lived　there　always；　with　the　slow　dropping　of　water　from　the　dead　weight　of　the　mountain　above　his　head；　drop　by　drop　tolling　the　minutes　away：　the　little　groping　feet　through　the　cave　that　would　bring　him　food　and　drink；　hurrying　into　the　warmth　and　sunlight　again；　and　his　only　companion　the　sacred　Lingam　which　means　the　Creative　Energy　that　sets　the　worlds　dancing　for　joy　round　the　sun　…　that；　and　the　black　solitude　to　sit　down　beside　him。　Surely　his　bones　can　hardly　be　dryer　and　colder　now　than　they　were　then！　There　must　be　strange　ecstasies　in　such　a　life　…　wild　visions　in　the　dark；　or　it　could　never　be　endured。

And　so；　in　marches　of　about　ten　miles　a　day；　we　came　to　Pahlgam　on　the　banks　of　the　dancing　Lidar。　There　was　now　only　three　weeks　left　of　the　time　she　had　promised。　After　a　few　days　at　Pahlgam　the　march　would　turn　and　bend　its　way　back　to　Srinagar；　and　to　…　what？　I　could　not　believe　it　was　to　separation　…　in　her　lovely　kindness　she　had　grown　so　close　to　me　that；　even　for　the　sake　of　friendship；　I　believed　our　paths　must　run　together　to　the　end；　and　there　were　moments　when　I　could　still　half　convince　myself　that　I　had　grown　as　necessary　to　her　as　she　was　to　me。　No　…　not　as　necessary；　for　she　was　life　and　soul　to　me；　but　a　part　of　her　daily　experience　that　she　valued　and　would　not　easily　part　with。　That　evening　we　were　sitting　outside　the　tents；　near　the　camp　fire；　of　pine　logs　and　cones；　the　leaping　flames　making　the　night　beautiful　with　gold　and　leaping　sparks；　in　an　attempt　to　reach　the　mellow　splendours　of　the　moon。　The　men；　in　various　attitudes　of　rest；　were　lying　about；　and　one　had　been　telling　a　story　which　had　just　ended　in　excitement　and　loud　applause。

〃These　are　Mahomedans；〃　said　Vanna；　〃and　it　is　only　a　story　of　love　and　fighting　like　the　Arabian　Nights。　If　they　had　been　Hindus；　it　might　well　have　been　of　Krishna　or　of　Rama　and　Sita。　Their　faith　comes　from　an　earlier　time　and　they　still　see　visions。　The　Moslem　is　a　hard　practical　faith　for　men　…　men　of　the　world　too。　It　is　not　visionary　now；　though　it　once　had　its　great　mysteries。〃

〃I　wish　you　would　tell　me　what　you　think　of　the　visions　or　apparitions　of　the　gods　that　are　seen　here。　Is　it　all　illusion？　Tell　me　your　thought。〃

〃How　difficult　that　is　to　answer。　I　suppose　if　love　and　faith　are　strong　enough　they　will　always　create　the　vibrations　to　which　the　greater　vibrations　respond；　and　so　make　God　in　their　own　image　at　any　time　or　place。　But　that　they　call　up　what　is　the　truest　reality　I　have　never　doubted。　There　is　no　shadow　without　a　substance。　The　substance　is　beyond　us　but　under　certain　conditions　the　shadow　is　projected　and　we　see　it。

〃Have　I　seen　or　has　it　been　dream？〃

〃I　cannot　tell。　It　may　have　been　the　impress　of　my　mind　on　yours；　for　I　see　such　things　always。　You　say　I　took　your　hand？〃

〃Take　it　now。〃

She　obeyed；　and　instantly；　as　I　felt　the　firm　cool　clasp；　I　heard　the　rain　of　music　through　the　pines　…　the　Flute　Player　was　passing。　She　dropped　it　smiling　and　the　sweet　sound　ceased。

〃You　see！　How　can　I　tell　what　you　have　seen？　You　will　know　better　when　I　am　gone。　You　will　stand　alone　then。〃

〃You　will　not　go　…　you　cannot。　I　have　seen　how　you　have　loved　all　this　wonderful　time。　I　believe　it　has　been　as　dear　to　you　as　to　me。　And　every　day　I　have　loved　you　more。　I　depend　upon　you　for　everything　that　makes　life　worth　living。　You　could　not　…　you　who　are　so　gentle　…　you　could　not　commit　the　senseless　cruelty　of　leaving　me　when　you　have　taught　me　to　love　you　with　every　beat　of　my　heart。　I　have　been　patient　…　I　have　held　myself　in；　but　I　must　speak　now。　Marry　me；　and　teach　me。　I　know　nothing。　You　know　all　I　need　to　know。　For　pity's　sake　be　my　wife。〃

I　had　not　meant　to　say　it；　it　broke　from　me　in　the　firelight　moonlight　with　a　power　that　I　could　not　stay。　She　looked　at　me　with　a　disarming　gentleness。

〃Is　this　fair？　Do　you　remember　how　at　Peshawar　I　told　you　I　thought　it　was　a　dangerous　experiment；　and　that　it　would　make　things　harder　for　you。　But　you　took　the　risk　like　a　brave　man　because　you　felt　there　were　things　to　be　gained　…　knowledge；　insight；　beauty。　Have　you　not　gained　them？〃

〃Yes。　Absolutely。〃

〃Then；　is　it　all　loss　if　I　go？〃

〃Not　all。　But　loss　I　dare　not　face。〃

〃I　will　tell　you　this。　I　could　not　stay　if　I　would。　Do　you　remember　the　old　man　on　the　way　to　Vernag？　He　told　me　that　I　must　very　soon　take　up　an　entirely　new　life。　I　have　no　choice；　though　if　I　had　I　would　still　do　it。〃

There　was　silence　and　down　a　long　arcade；　without　any　touch　of　her　hand　I　heard　the　music；　receding　with　exquisite　modulations　to　a　very　great　distance；　and　between　the　pillared　stems；　I　saw　a　faint　light。

〃Do　you　wish　to　go？〃

〃Entirely。　But　I　shall　not　forget　you；　Stephen。　I　will　tell　you　something。　For　me；　since　I　came　to　India；　the　gate　that　shuts　us　out　at　birth　has　opened。　How　shall　I　explain？　Do　you　remember　Kipling's　'Finest　Story　in　the　World'？〃

〃Yes。　Fiction！〃

〃Not　fiction　…　true；　whether　he　knew　it　or　no。　But　for　me　the　door　has　opened　wide。　First；　I　remembered　piecemeal；　with　wide　gaps；　then　more　connectedly。　Then；　at　the　end　of　the　first　year；　I　met　one　day　at　Cawnpore；　an　ascetic；　an　old　man　of　great　beauty　and　wisdom；　and　he　was　able　by　his　own　knowledge　to　enlighten　mine。　Not　wholly　…　much　has　come　since　then。　Has　come；　some　of　it　in　ways　you　could　not　understand　now；　but　much　by　direct　sight　and　hearing。　Long；　long　ago　I　lived　in　Peshawar；　and　my　story　was　a　sorrowful　one。　I　will　tell　you　a　little　before　I　go。〃

〃I　hold　you　to　your　promise。　What　is　there　I　cannot　believe　when　you　tell　me？　But　does　that　life　put　you　altogether　away　from　me？　Was　there　no　place　for　me　in　any　of　your　memories　that　has　drawn　us　together　now？　Give　me　a　little　hope　that　in　the　eternal　pilgrimage　there　is　some　bond　between　us　and　some　rebirth　where　we　may　met　again。〃

〃I　will　tell　you　that　also　before　we　part。　I　have　grown　to　believe　that　you　do　love　me　…　and　therefore　love　something　which　is　infinitely　above　me。〃

〃And　do　you　love　me　at　all？　Am　I　nothing；　Vanna　…　Vanna？〃

〃My　friend；〃　she　said；　and　laid　her　hand　on　mine。

A　silence；　and　then　she　spoke；　very　low。

〃You　must　be　prepared　for　very　great　change；　Stephen；　and　yet　believe　that　it　does　not　really　change　things　at　all。　See　how　even　the　gods　pass　and　do　not　change！　The　early　gods　of　India　are　gone　and　Shiva；　Vishnu；　Krishna　have　taken　their　places　and　are　one　and　the　same。　The　old　Buddhist　stories　say　that　in　heaven　〃The　flowers　of　the　garland　the　God　wore　are　withered；　his　robes　of　majesty　are　waxed　old　and　faded；　he　falls　from　his　high　estate；　and　is　re…born　into　a　new　life。〃　But　he　lives　still　in　the　young　God　who　is　born　among　men。　The　gods　cannot　die；　nor　can　we　nor　anything　that　has　life。　Now　I　must　go　in。

I　sat　long　in　the　moonlight　thinking。　The　whole　camp　was　sunk　in　sleep　and　the　young　dawn　was　waking　upon　th