the foundations of personality-第40部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ualism　of　man's　nature　that　makes　him　yearn　not　only　for　fellowship；　but　also　for　superiority。　These　desires　are　in　eternal　opposition；　but　are　not　necessarily　antagonistic；　any　more　than　are　the　thumb　and　the　little　finger　as　they　meet　in　some　task；　any　more　than　are　excitation　and　inhibition。　Every　function　in　our　lives　has　its　check　and　balance；　and　fellowship；　yearning　and　superiority　urge　one　another。　From　the　cradle　to　the　grave；　we　desire　fellowship　as　an　addition　to　our　gregarious　feeling。　We　ask　for　approval；　for　we　expand　under　sympathy　and　contract　under　cold　criticism。　Nothing　is　so　pleasant　as　〃appreciation；〃　which　means　taking　us　at　our　own　valuation　or　adding　to　it；；　and　there　is　no　complaint　so　common　as；　〃They　don't　understand　me；〃　which　merely　means；　〃They　blame　me　without　understanding　that　I　really　seek　the　good；　that　I　am　really　good；　though　perhaps　I　seem　not　to　be。〃　The　child　who　hurts　its　thumb　runs　to　its　mother　for　sympathy；　and　the　pain　is　compensated　for；　at　least　in　part；　by　that　sympathy。　Throughout　life　we　desire　sympathy　for　our　hurts；　except　where　that　sympathy　brings　with　it　a　feeling　of　inferiority。　To　be　helped　by　others　in　one　way　or　another　is　the　practical　result　of　this　aspect　of　fellowship。　（There　is　a　convincing　physical　element　in　the　feelings　and　desires　of　man；　evidenced　in　language　and　phrase。　Superiority　equals　aboveness；　inferiority　equals　beneathness；　sympathy　equals　the　same　feeling。　To　criticize　is　to　〃belittle〃　and　to　cause　the　feeling　of　littleness；　to　praise　is　〃to　make　a　man　expand；〃　to　enlarge　him。　Blame　hurts　one's　feelings；〃He　wounded　me；〃　etc。）　At　the　same　time　we　are　strangely　affected　by　the　condition　of　others。　Where　no　competitive…jealousy　complex　is　at　work；　we　laugh　with　other　people　in　their　happiness；　we　are　moved　to　tears　by　suffering；　we　admire　vigor；　beauty　and　the　fine　qualities　of　others；　we　accept　their　purposes　and　beliefs；　we　are　glad　to　agree　with　the　stranger　or　the　friend　and　hate　to　disagree。　We　establish　within　ourselves　codes　and　standards　largely　because　we　wish　to　accept　and　believe　and　act　in　the　same　way　as　do　those　we　want　as　fellows。　Having　set　up　that　code　as　conscience　or　ideals；　it　helps　us　to　govern　our　lives；　it　gives　a　stability　in　that　we　tend　at　once　to　resist　jealousy；　envy；　the　〃wrong〃　emotions　and　actions。　〃Helping　others〃　becomes　a　great　motive　in　life；　responding　to　misery　with　tears；　consolation　and　kindness；　reacting　to　the　good　deeds　of　others　with　praise。　To　be　generous　and　charitable　becomes　method　for　the　extension　of　fellowship。　Asking　for　help　in　its　varied　form　of　praise；　appreciation　and　kindness；　giving　help　as　appreciation　and　kindness；　are　the　weak　and　strong　aspects　of　the　fellowship　feelings。　It　is　a　cynical　view　of　life；　perhaps；　but　it　is　probably　true　that　the　weak　phase　is　more　common　and　more　constant　than　the　second。　Almost　everybody　loves　praise　and　appreciation；　for　these　enlarge　the　ego　feeling；　and　some；　perhaps　most；　like　to　be　helped；　though　here；　as　was　above　stated；　there　is　a　feeling　of　inferiority　aroused　which　may　be　painful。　Relatively　there　are　few　who　are　ready　to　praise；　especially　those　with　whom　they　are　in　close　contact　and　with　whom　they　are　in　a　sort　of　rivalry。　The　same　is　true　of　genuine　appreciation；　of　real　warm　fellow　feeling；　the　leader；　the　hero；　the　great　man　receives　that　but　not　the　fellow　next　door。　As　for　giving；　charity；　kindness；　these　are　common　enough　in　a　sporadic　fashion；　but　rarely　are　they　sustained　and　constant；　and　often　they　have　to　depend　on　the　desire　〃not　to　be　outdone；〃　not　to　seem　inferior；have；　as　it　were；　to　be　shamed　into　activity。　For　there　is　competition　even　in　fellowship。　There　are　people；　especially　among　the　hysterics；　who　are　deeply　wounded　when　sympathy　is　not　given；　when　appreciation　and　praise　is　withheld　or　if　there　is　the　suggestion　of　criticism。　They　are　people　of　a　〃tender　ego；〃　not　self…sustaining；　demanding　the　help　of　others　and　reacting　to　the　injury　sustained；　when　it　is　not　given；　by　prolonged　emotion。　These　sensitive　folk；　who　form　a　most　difficult　group；　do　not　all　react　alike；　of　course。　Some　respond　with　anger　and　ideas　of　persecution；　some　with　a　prolonged　humiliation　and　feeling　of　inferiority；　still　others　develop　symptoms　that　are　meant　to　appeal　to　the　conscience　of　the　one　who　has　wounded　them。　On　the　other　hand；　there　are　those　whose　feeling　of　self　sustains　them　in　the　face　of　most　criticism；　who　depend　largely　upon　the　established　mentor　within　themselves　and　who　seek　to　conform　to　the　rulings　of　that　inward　mentor。　Such　people；　if　not　martyred　too　soon；　and　if　possessed　of　a　fruitful　ideal；　lay　new　criteria　for　praise　and　blame。　Contrasting　with　the　desires　and　purposes　of　fellowship　we　find　the　desires　and　purposes　of　superiority　and　power。　Primarily　these　are　based　on　what　McDougall　calls　the　instinct　of　self…display；　which　becomes　intellectualized　and　socialized　very　early　in　the　career　of　the　child。　In　fact；　we　might　judge　a　man　largely　by　the　way　he　displays　himself；　whether　by　some　essentially　personal　bodily　character；　some　essentially　mental　attribute　or　some　essentially　moral　quantity；　whether　he　seeks　superiority　as　a　means　of　getting　power　or　as　a　means　of　doing　good；　whether　he　seeks　it　within　or　without　the　code。　One　might　go　on　indefinitely；　including　such　matters　as　whether　he　seeks　superiority　with　tact　or　the　reverse　and　whether　he　understands　the　essential　shallowness　and　futility　of　his　pursuit　or　not。　To　be　superior　is　back　of　most　of　striving；　and　it　is　the　most　camouflaged　of　all　human　motives　and　pleasures。　For　this　is　true：　that　the　preaching　of　humility；　of　righteous　conduct；　of　service；　of　self…sacrifice；　by　religion　and　ethics　have　convinced　man　that　these　are　the　qualities　one　ought　to　have。　So　men　seek；　whenever　they　can；　to　dress　their　other　motives　and　feelings　in　the　garb　of　altruism。　Camouflage　of　motive　as　a　means　of　social　approval　has　thus　become　a　very　important　part　of　character；　we　seek　constantly　to　penetrate　the　camouflage　of　our　rivals　and　enemies　and　bitterly　resist　any　effort　to　strip　away　our　own；　often　enough　hiding　it　successfully　from　ourselves。　There　are　few　who　face　boldly　their　own　egoism；　and　their　sincerity　is　often　admired。　Indeed；　the　frank　child　is　admired　because　his　egoism　is　refreshing；　i。　e。；　he　offers　no　problem　to　the　observer。　Out　of　the　uneasiness　that　we　feel　in　the　presence　of　dissimulation　and　insincerity　has　arisen　the　value　we　place　on　sincerity；　frankness　and　honesty。　To　be　accused　of　insincerity　or　dishonesty　of　motive　and　act　is　fiercely　resented。　The　desire　for　power　and　superiority　will　of　course　take　different　directions　in　each　person；　according　to　his　make…up；　teaching　and　the　other　circumstances　of　his　life。　Property　as　a　means　of　pleasure；　and　as　a　symbol　of　achievement　and　of　personal　worth；　is　valued　highly　from　the　earliest　days　of　the　child's　life。　Very　early　does　the　child　show　that　it　prizes　goods；　shows　an　acquisitive　trend　that　becomes　finally　glorified　into　a　goal；　an　ambition。　Money　and　goods　become　the　symbol　and　actuality　of　power；　triumph；　superiority；　pleasure；　safety；　benevolence　and　a　dozen　and　one　other　things。　Men　who　seek　money　and　goods　may　therefore　be　seeking　very　different　things；　one　is　merely　acquisitive；　has　the　miser　trend；　another　loves　the　game　for　the　game's　sake；　picks　up　houses；　bonds；　money；　ships；　as　a　fighter　picks　up　trophies；　and　they　stand　to　him　as　symbols　of　his　superiority。　Some　see　in　property　the　fulcrum　by　which　they　can　apply　the　power　that　will　shift　the　lives　of　other　men　and　make　of　themselves　a　sort　of　God　or　Fate　in　the　destinies　of　others。　For　others；　and　for　all　in　part；　there　is　in　money　the　safety　against　emergencies　and　further　a　something　that　purchases　pleasure；　whether　that　pleasure　be　of　body；　or　taste　or　spirit。　Wine　and　women；　pictures　and　beautiful　things；　leisure　for　research　and　contemplation；money　buys　any　and　all　of　these；　and　as　the　symbol　of　all　kinds　of　value；　as　the　symbol　of　all　kinds　of　power；　it　is　sought　assiduously　by　all　kinds　of　men。　There　are　many　who　start　on　their　careers　with　the　feeling　and　belief　that　money　is　a　minor　value；　that　to　be　useful　and　of　service　is　greater　than　to　be　rich。　But　this　idealistic　ambition　in　only　a　few　cases　stands　up　against　the　strain　of　life。　Unless　money　comes；　a　man　cannot　marry；　or　if　he　marries；　then　his　wife　must　do　without　ease　and　leisure　and　pretty　things；　and　he　must　live　in　a　second…rate　way。　Sooner　or　later　the　idealist　feels　himself　uneasily　inferior；　and　though　he　may　compensate　by　achievement　or　by　developing　a　strong　trend　towards　seclusiveness；　more　often　he　regrets　bitterly　his　idealism　and　in　his　heart　envies　the　rich。　For　they；　ignorant　and　arrogant；　may　purchase　his　services；　his　brains　and　self…sacrifice　and　buy　these　ingredients　of　himself　with　the　air　of　one　purchasing　a　machine。　So　the　idealist　finds　himself　condemned　to　a　meager　life；　unless　his　idealism　brings　him　wealth；　and　he　drifts　in　spirit　away　from　the　character　of　his　youth。　It　is　the　strain　of　life；　the　fear　of　old　age　and　sickness；　the　silent　pressure　of　the　deprivations　of　a　man's　beloved　ones；　the　feeling　of　helplessness　in　disaster　and　the　silent　envious　feeling　of　inferiority　that　makes　inroads　in　the　ranks　of　the　idealists　so　that　at　twenty　there　are　ten　idealists　to　the　one　found　at　forty。　I　remember　well　one　of　my　colleagues；　working　patiently　in　a　laboratory；　out　of　sight　of　the　world　and　out　of　the　stream　of　financial　reward；　enthused　by　science　and　service；　who　threw　up　his　work　and　went　into　the　practice　of　medicine。　〃Why？〃　I　asked　him。　〃Because　when　one　of　my　brothers　took　sick　and　was　in　dire　need；　I　who　loved　him　could　not　help。　I　had　no　money；　and　all　my　monographs　put　together　could　not　help　him　buy　a　meal。　There　is　a　cousin　of　ours；　who　has　grown　rich　running　a　cheap　moving…picture　house；　where　the　taste　of　the　community　is　debauched　every　day。　He　lent　my　brother　two　thousand　dollars　out　of　his　superfluities；　it　involved　no　sacrifice　to　him；　for　he　purchased　a　third　car　at　the　same　timeand　yet　HE　is　our　savior。　Love　alone　is　a　torture。　I　am　going　to　get　money。〃　The　world　is　built　up　on　the　sacrifices　of　the　idealists；　and　eternally　it　crucifies　them。　W