boyhood-第14部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　the　stature　as　in　the　hands；　the　walk；　the　voice；　the　favourite　expressions；　and；　above　all；　the　way　of　playing　the　piano　and　the　whole　demeanour　at　the　instrument。　Lubotshka　always　arranged　her　dress　when　sitting　down　just　as　Mamma　had　done；　as　well　as　turned　the　leaves　like　her；　tapped　her　fingers　angrily　and　said　〃Dear　me！〃　whenever　a　difficult　passage　did　not　go　smoothly；　and；　in　particular；　played　with　the　delicacy　and　exquisite　purity　of　touch　which　in　those　days　caused　the　execution　of　Field's　music　to　be　known　characteristically　as　〃jeu　perle〃　and　to　lie　beyond　comparison　with　the　humbug　of　our　modern　virtuosi。

Papa　entered　the　room　with　short；　soft　steps；　and　approached　Lubotshka。　On　seeing　him　she　stopped　playing。

〃No；　go　on；　Luba；　go　on；〃　he　said　as　he　forced　her　to　sit　down　again。　She　went　on　playing；　while　Papa；　his　head　on　his　hand；　sat　near　her　for　a　while。　Then　suddenly　he　gave　his　shoulders　a　shrug；　and；　rising；　began　to　pace　the　room。　Every　time　that　he　approached　the　piano　he　halted　for　a　moment　and　looked　fixedly　at　Lubotshka。　By　his　walk　and　his　every　movement；　I　could　see　that　he　was　greatly　agitated。　Once；　when　he　stopped　behind　Lubotshka；　he　kissed　her　black　hair；　and　then；　wheeling　quickly　round；　resumed　his　pacing。　The　piece　finished；　Lubotshka　went　up　to　him　and　said；　〃Was　it　well　played？〃　whereupon；　without　answering；　he　took　her　head　in　his　two　hands；　and　kissed　her　forehead　and　eyes　with　such　tenderness　as　I　had　never　before　seen　him　display。

〃Why；　you　are　crying！〃　cried　Lubotshka　suddenly　as　she　ceased　to　toy　with　his　watch…chain　and　stared　at　him　with　her　great　black　eyes。　〃Pardon　me；　darling　Papa！　I　had　quite　forgotten　that　it　was　dear　Mamma's　piece　which　I　was　playing。〃

〃No；　no；　my　love；　play　it　often；〃　he　said　in　a　voice　trembling　with　emotion。　〃Ah；　if　you　only　knew　how　much　good　it　does　me　to　share　your　tears！〃

He　kissed　her　again；　and　then；　mastering　his　feelings　and　shrugging　his　shoulders；　went　to　the　door　leading　to　the　corridor　which　ran　past　Woloda's　room。

〃Waldemar；　shall　you　be　ready　soon？〃　he　cried；　halting　in　the　middle　of　the　passage。　Just　then　Masha　came　along。

〃Why；　you　look　prettier　every　day；〃　he　said　to　her。　She　blushed　and　passed　on。

〃Waldemar；　shall　you　be　ready　soon？〃　he　cried　again；　with　a　cough　and　a　shake　of　his　shoulders；　just　as　Masha　slipped　away　and　he　first　caught　sight　of　me。

I　loved　Papa；　but　the　intellect　is　independent　of　the　heart；　and　often　gives　birth　to　thoughts　which　offend　and　are　harsh　and　incomprehensible　to　the　feelings。　And　it　was　thoughts　of　this　kind　that；　for　all　I　strove　to　put　them　away；　arose　at　that　moment　in　my　mind。



XXIII。　GRANDMAMMA

Grandmamma　was　growing　weaker　every　day。　Her　bell；　Gasha's　grumbling　voice；　and　the　slamming　of　doors　in　her　room　were　sounds　of　constant　occurrence；　and　she　no　longer　received　us　sitting　in　the　Voltairian　arm…chair　in　her　boudoir；　but　lying　on　the　bed　in　her　bedroom；　supported　on　lace…trimmed　cushions。　One　day　when　she　greeted　us；　I　noticed　a　yellowish…white　swelling　on　her　hand；　and　smelt　the　same　oppressive　odour　which　I　had　smelt　five　years　ago　in　Mamma's　room。　The　doctor　came　three　times　a　day；　and　there　had　been　more　than　one　consultation。　Yet　the　character　of　her　haughty；　ceremonious　bearing　towards　all　who　lived　with　her；　and　particularly　towards　Papa；　never　changed　in　the　least。　She　went　on　emphasising　certain　words；　raising　her　eyebrows；　and　saying　〃my　dear；〃　just　as　she　had　always　done。

Then　for　a　few　days　we　did　not　see　her　at　all；　and　one　morning　St。　Jerome　proposed　to　me　that　Woloda　and　I　should　take　Katenka　and　Lubotshka　for　a　drive　during　the　hours　generally　allotted　to　study。　Although　I　observed　that　the　street　was　lined　with　straw　under　the　windows　of　Grandmamma's　room；　and　that　some　men　in　blue　stockings　＇Undertaker's　men。＇　were　standing　at　our　gate；　the　reason　never　dawned　upon　me　why　we　were　being　sent　out　at　that　unusual　hour。　Throughout　the　drive　Lubotshka　and　I　were　in　that　particularly　merry　mood　when　the　least　trifle；　the　least　word　or　movement；　sets　one　off　laughing。

A　pedlar　went　trotting　across　the　road　with　a　tray；　and　we　laughed。　Some　ragged　cabmen；　brandishing　their　reins　and　driving　at　full　speed；　overtook　our　sledge；　and　we　laughed　again。　Next；　Philip's　whip　got　caught　in　the　side　of　the　vehicle；　and　the　way　in　which　he　said；　〃Bother　the　thing！〃　as　he　drove　to　disentangle　it　almost　killed　us　with　mirth。　Mimi　looked　displeased；　and　said　that　only　silly　people　laughed　for　no　reason　at　all；　but　Lubotshkaher　face　purple　with　suppressed　merrimentneeded　but　to　give　me　a　sly　glance；　and　we　again　burst　out　into　such　Homeric　laughter；　when　our　eyes　met；　that　the　tears　rushed　into　them　and　we　could　not　stop　our　paroxysms；　although　they　nearly　choked　us。　Hardly；　again；　had　we　desisted　a　little　when　I　looked　at　Lubotshka　once　more；　and　gave　vent　to　one　of　the　slang　words　which　we　then　affected　among　ourselveswords　which　always　called　forth　hilarity；　and　in　a　moment　we　were　laughing　again。

Just　as　we　reached　home；　I　was　opening　my　mouth　to　make　a　splendid　grimace　at　Lubotshka　when　my　eye　fell　upon　a　black　coffin…cover　which　was　leaning　against　the　gateand　my　mouth　remained　fixed　in　its　gaping　position。

〃Your　Grandmamma　is　dead；〃　said　St。　Jerome　as　he　met　us。　His　face　was　very　pale。

Throughout　the　whole　time　that　Grandmamma's　body　was　in　the　house　I　was　oppressed　with　the　fear　of　death；　for　the　corpse　served　as　a　forcible　and　disagreeable　reminder　that　I　too　must　die　some　daya　feeling　which　people　often　mistake　for　grief。　I　had　no　sincere　regret　for　Grandmamma；　nor；　I　think；　had　any　one　else；　since；　although　the　house　was　full　of　sympathising　callers；　nobody　seemed　to　mourn　for　her　from　their　hearts　except　one　mourner　whose　genuine　grief　made　a　great　impression　upon　me；　seeing　that　the　mourner　in　question　wasGasha！　She　shut　herself　up　in　the　garret；　tore　her　hair　and　refused　all　consolation；　saying　that；　now　that　her　mistress　was　dead；　she　only　wished　to　die　herself。

I　again　assert　that；　in　matters　of　feeling；　it　is　the　unexpected　effects　that　constitute　the　most　reliable　signs　of　sincerity。

Though　Grandmamma　was　no　longer　with　us；　reminiscences　and　gossip　about　her　long　went　on　in　the　house。　Such　gossip　referred　mostly　to　her　will；　which　she　had　made　shortly　before　her　death；　and　of　which；　as　yet；　no　one　knew　the　contents　except　her　bosom　friend；　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch。　I　could　hear　the　servants　talking　excitedly　together；　and　making　innumerable　conjectures　as　to　the　amount　left　and　the　probable　beneficiaries：　nor　can　I　deny　that　the　idea　that　we　ourselves　were　probably　the　latter　greatly　pleased　me。

Six　weeks　later；　Nicolawho　acted　as　regular　news…agent　to　the　houseinformed　me　that　Grandmamma　had　left　the　whole　of　her　fortune　to　Lubotshka；　with；　as　her　trustee　until　her　majority；　not　Papa；　but　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch！



XXIV。　MYSELF

Only　a　few　months　remained　before　I　was　to　matriculate　for　the　University；　yet　I　was　making　such　good　progress　that　I　felt　no　apprehensions；　and　even　took　a　pleasure　in　my　studies。　I　kept　in　good　heart；　and　learnt　my　lessons　fluently　and　intelligently。　The　faculty　I　had　selected　was　the　mathematical　oneprobably；　to　tell　the　truth；　because　the　terms　〃tangent；〃　〃differentials；〃　〃integrals；〃　and　so　forth；　pleased　my　fancy。

Though　stout　and　broad…shouldered；　I　was　shorter　than　Woloda；　while　my　ugliness　of　face　still　remained　and　tormented　me　as　much　as　ever。　By　way　of　compensation；　I　tried　to　appear　original。　Yet　one　thing　comforted　me；　namely；　that　Papa　had　said　that　I　had　〃an　INTELLIGENT　face。〃　I　quite　believed　him。

St。　Jerome　was　not　only　satisfied　with　me；　but　actually　had　taken　to　praising　me。　Consequently；　I　had　now　ceased　to　hate　him。　In　fact；　when；　one　day；　he　said　that；　with　my　〃capacities〃　and　my　〃intellect；〃　it　would　be　shameful　for　me　not　to　accomplish　this；　that；　or　the　other　thing；　I　believe　I　almost　liked　him。

I　had　long　ago　given　up　keeping　observation　on　the　maidservants'　room；　for　I　was　now　ashamed　to　hide　behind　doors。　Likewise；　I　confess　that　the　knowledge　of　Masha's　love　for　Basil　had　greatly　cooled　my　ardour　for　her；　and　that　my　passion　underwent　a　final　cure　by　their　marriagea　consummation　to　which　I　myself

contributed　by；　at　Basil's　request；　asking　Papa's　consent　to　the　union。

When　the　newly…married　couple　brought　trays　of　cakes　and　sweetmeats　to　Papa　as　a　thank…offering；　and　Masha；　in　a　cap　with　blue　ribbons；　kissed　each　of　us　on　the　shoulder　in　token　of　her　gratitude；　I　merely　noticed　the　scent　of　the　rose　pomade　on　her　hair；　but　felt　no　other　sensation。

In　general；　I　was　beginning　to　get　the　better　of　my　youthful　defects；　with　the　exception　of　the　principal　onethe　one　of　which　I　shall　often　again　have　to　speak　in　relating　my　life's　historynamely；　the　tendency　to　abstract　thought。



XXV。　WOLODA'S　FRIENDS

Although；　when　in　the　society　of　Woloda's　friends；　I　had　to　play　a　part　that　hurt　my　pride；　I　liked　sitting　in　his　room　when　he　had　visitors；　and　silently　watching　all　they　did。　The　two　who　came　most　frequently　to　see　him　were　a　military　adjutant　called　Dubkoff　and　a　student　named　Prince　Nechludoff。　Dubkoff　was　a　little　dark…haired；　highly…strung　man　who；　though　short　of　stature　and　no　longer　in　his　first　youth；　had　a　pleasing　and　invariably　cheerful　air。　His　was　one　of　those　limited　natures　which　are　agreeable　through　their　very　limitations；　natures　which　cannot　regard　matters　from　every　point　of　view；　but　which　are　nevertheless　attracted　by　everything。　Usually　the　reasoning　of　such　persons　is　false　and　one…sided；　yet　always　genuine　and　taking；　wherefore　their　narrow　egotism　seems　both　amiable　and　excusable。　There　were　two　other　reasons　why　Dubkoff　had　charms　for　Woloda　and　myselfnamely；　the　fact　that　he　was　of　military　appearance；　and；　secondly　（and　principally）；　the　fact　that　he　was　of　a　certain　agean　age　with　which　young　people　are　apt　to　associate　that　quality　of　〃gentlemanliness〃　which　is　so　highly　esteemed　at　their　time　of　life。　However；　he　was　in　very　truth　un　homme　comme　il　faut。　The　only　thing　which　I　did　not　like　about　it　all　was　that；　in　his　presence；　Woloda　always　seemed　ashamed　of　my　innocent　behaviour；　and　still　more　so　of　my　youthfulness。　As　for　Pr