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thought myself favoured in her aversion。  But whether urged by her

despair and the short prospect of time she saw to accomplish her

designs; whether the hopes of revenge; or of her love; terminated in

the view of this my marriage with Cynthia; I know not; but this

morning she surprised me in my bed。



CARE。  Was there ever such a fury!  'Tis well nature has not put it

into her sex's power to ravish。  Well; bless us; proceed。  What

followed?



MEL。  What at first amazed mefor I looked to have seen her in all

the transports of a slighted and revengeful womanbut when I

expected thunder from her voice; and lightning in her eyes; I saw

her melted into tears and hushed into a sigh。  It was long before

either of us spoke:  passion had tied her tongue; and amazement

mine。  In short; the consequence was thus; she omitted nothing that

the most violent love could urge; or tender words express; which

when she saw had no effect; but still I pleaded honour and nearness

of blood to my uncle; then came the storm I feared at first; for;

starting from my bed…side like a fury; she flew to my sword; and

with much ado I prevented her doing me or herself a mischief。

Having disarmed her; in a gust of passion she left me; and in a

resolution; confirmed by a thousand curses; not to close her eyes

till they had seen my ruin。



CARE。  Exquisite woman!  But what the devil; does she think thou

hast no more sense than to get an heir upon her body to disinherit

thyself? for as I take it this settlement upon you is; with a

proviso; that your uncle have no children。



MEL。  It is so。  Well; the service you are to do me will be a

pleasure to yourself:  I must get you to engage my Lady Plyant all

this evening; that my pious aunt may not work her to her interest。

And if you chance to secure her to yourself; you may incline her to

mine。  She's handsome; and knows it; is very silly; and thinks she

has sense; and has an old fond husband。



CARE。  I confess; a very fair foundation for a lover to build upon。



MEL。  For my Lord Froth; he and his wife will be sufficiently taken

up with admiring one another and Brisk's gallantry; as they call it。

I'll observe my uncle myself; and Jack Maskwell has promised me to

watch my aunt narrowly; and give me notice upon any suspicion。  As

for Sir Paul; my wise father…in…law that is to be; my dear Cynthia

has such a share in his fatherly fondness; he would scarce make her

a moment uneasy to have her happy hereafter。



CARE。  So you have manned your works; but I wish you may not have

the weakest guard where the enemy is strongest。



MEL。  Maskwell; you mean; prithee why should you suspect him?



CARE。  Faith I cannot help it; you know I never liked him:  I am a

little superstitious in physiognomy。



MEL。  He has obligations of gratitude to bind him to me:  his

dependence upon my uncle is through my means。



CARE。  Upon your aunt; you mean。



MEL。  My aunt!



CARE。  I'm mistaken if there be not a familiarity between them you

do not suspect; notwithstanding her passion for you。



MEL。  Pooh; pooh! nothing in the world but his design to do me

service; and he endeavours to be well in her esteem; that he may be

able to effect it。



CARE。  Well; I shall be glad to be mistaken; but your aunt's

aversion in her revenge cannot be any way so effectually shown as in

bringing forth a child to disinherit you。  She is handsome and

cunning and naturally wanton。  Maskwell is flesh and blood at best;

and opportunities between them are frequent。  His affection to you;

you have confessed; is grounded upon his interest; that you have

transplanted; and should it take root in my lady; I don't see what

you can expect from the fruit。



MEL。  I confess the consequence is visible; were your suspicions

just。  But see; the company is broke up; let's meet 'em。





SCENE IV。





'To them' LORD TOUCHWOOD; LORD FROTH; SIR PAUL PLYANT; and BRISK。



LORD TOUCH。  Out upon't; nephew。  Leave your father…in…law and me to

maintain our ground against young people!



MEL。  I beg your lordship's pardon。  We were just returning。



SIR PAUL。  Were you; son?  Gadsbud; much better as it is。  Good;

strange!  I swear I'm almost tipsy; t'other bottle would have been

too powerful for me;as sure as can be it would。  We wanted your

company; but Mr。 Briskwhere is he?  I swear and vow he's a most

facetious person; and the best company。  And; my Lord Froth; your

lordship is so merry a man; he; he; he。



LORD FROTH。  Oh; foy; Sir Paul; what do you mean?  Merry!  Oh;

barbarous!  I'd as lieve you called me fool。



SIR PAUL。  Nay; I protest and vow now; 'tis true; when Mr。 Brisk

jokes; your lordship's laugh does so become you; he; he; he。



LORD FROTH。  Ridiculous!  Sir Paul; you're strangely mistaken; I

find champagne is powerful。  I assure you; Sir Paul; I laugh at

nobody's jest but my own; or a lady's; I assure you; Sir Paul。



BRISK。  How? how; my lord? what; affront my wit!  Let me perish; do

I never say anything worthy to be laughed at?



LORD FROTH。  Oh; foy; don't misapprehend me; I don't say so; for I

often smile at your conceptions。  But there is nothing more

unbecoming a man of quality than to laugh; 'tis such a vulgar

expression of the passion; everybody can laugh。  Then especially to

laugh at the jest of an inferior person; or when anybody else of the

same quality does not laugh with oneridiculous!  To be pleased

with what pleases the crowd!  Now when I laugh; I always laugh

alone。



BRISK。  I suppose that's because you laugh at your own jests; i'gad;

ha; ha; ha。



LORD FROTH。  He; he; I swear though; your raillery provokes me to a

smile。



BRISK。  Ay; my lord; it's a sign I hit you in the teeth; if you show

'em。



LORD FROTH。  He; he; he; I swear that's so very pretty; I can't

forbear。



CARE。  I find a quibble bears more sway in your lordship's face than

a jest。



LORD TOUCH。  Sir Paul; if you please we'll retire to the ladies; and

drink a dish of tea to settle our heads。



SIR PAUL。  With all my heart。  Mr。 Brisk; you'll come to us; or call

me when you joke; I'll be ready to laugh incontinently。





SCENE V。





MELLEFONT; CARELESS; LORD FROTH; BRISK。



MEL。  But does your lordship never see comedies?



LORD FROTH。  Oh yes; sometimes; but I never laugh。



MEL。  No?



LORD FROTH。  Oh no; never laugh indeed; sir。



CARE。  No! why; what d'ye go there for?



LORD FROTH。  To distinguish myself from the commonalty and mortify

the poets; the fellows grow so conceited; when any of their foolish

wit prevails upon the side…boxes。  I swear;he; he; he; I have

often constrained my inclinations to laugh;he; he; he; to avoid

giving them encouragement。



MEL。  You are cruel to yourself; my lord; as well as malicious to

them。



LORD FROTH。  I confess I did myself some violence at first; but now

I think I have conquered it。



BRISK。  Let me perish; my lord; but there is something very

particular in the humour; 'tis true it makes against wit; and I'm

sorry for some friends of mine that write; but; i'gad; I love to be

malicious。  Nay; deuce take me; there's wit in't; too。  And wit must

be foiled by wit; cut a diamond with a diamond; no other way; i'gad。



LORD FROTH。  Oh; I thought you would not be long before you found

out the wit。



CARE。  Wit!  In what?  Where the devil's the wit in not laughing

when a man has a mind to't?



BRISK。  O Lord; why can't you find it out?  Why; there 'tis; in the

not laughing。  Don't you apprehend me?  My lord; Careless is a very

honest fellow; but harkee; you understand me; somewhat heavy; a

little shallow; or so。  Why; I'll tell you now; suppose now you come

up to menay; prithee; Careless; be instructed。  Suppose; as I was

saying; you come up to me holding your sides; and laughing as if you

wouldwellI look grave; and ask the cause of this immoderate

mirth。  You laugh on still; and are not able to tell me; still I

look grave; not so much as smile。



CARE。  Smile; no; what the devil should you smile at; when you

suppose I can't tell you!



BRISK。  Pshaw; pshaw; prithee don't interrupt me。  But I tell you;

you shall tell me at last; but it shall be a great while first。



CARE。  Well; but prithee don't let it be a great while; because I

long to have it over。



BRISK。  Well then; you tell me some good jest or some very witty

thing; laughing all the while as if you were ready to die; and I

hear it; and look thus。  Would not you be disappointed?



CARE。  No; for if it were a witty thing I should not expect you to

understand it。



LORD FROTH。  Oh; foy; Mr。 Careless; all the world allows Mr。 Brisk

to have wit; my wife says he has a great deal。  I hope you think her

a judge。



BRISK。  Pooh; my lord; his voice goes for nothing; I can't tell how

to make him apprehend。  Take it t'other way。  Suppose I say a witty

thing to you?



CARE。  Then I shall be disappointed indeed。



MEL。  Let him alone; Brisk; he is obstinately bent not to be

instructed。



BRISK。  I'm sorry for him; the deuce take me。



MEL。  Shall we go to the ladies; my lord?



LORD FROTH。  With all my heart; methinks we are a solitude without

'em。



MEL。  Or what say you to another bottle of champagne?



LORD FROTH。  Oh; for the universe not a drop more; I beseech you。

Oh; intemperate!  I have a flushing in my face already。  'Takes out

a pocket…glass and looks in it。'



BRISK。  Let me see; let me see; my lord; I broke my glass that was

in the lid of my snuff…box。  Hum!  Deuce take me; I have encouraged

a pimple here too。  'Takes the glass and looks。'



LORD FROTH。  Then you must mortify him with a patch; my wife shall

supply you。  Come; gentlemen; ALLONS; here is company coming。





SCENE VI。





LADY TOUCHWOOD and MASKWELL。



LADY TOUCH。  I'll hear no more。  You are fal

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