rambling idle excursion-第7部分

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and　I　set　up　a　steel　trap　in　my　back　yard。　　Both　of　these　neighbors　run
considerable　to　cats；　and　so　I　warned　them　about　the　trap；　because　their
cats　were　pretty　sociable　around　here　nights；　and　they　might　get　into
trouble　without　my　intending　it。　　Well；　they　shut　up　their　cats　for　a
while；　but　you　know　how　it　is　with　people；　they　got　careless；　and　sure
enough　one　night　the　trap　took　Mrs。　　Jones's　principal　tomcat　into　camp
and　finished　him　up。　　In　the　morning　Mrs。　Jones　comes　here　with　the
corpse　in　her　arms；　and　cries　and　takes　on　the　same　as　if　it　was　a　child。
It　was　a　cat　by　the　name　of　YelvertonHector　G。　Yelvertona　troublesome
old　rip；　with　no　more　principle　than　an　Injun；　though　you　couldn't　make
her　believe　it。　　I　said　all　a　man　could　to　comfort　her；　but　no；　nothing
would　do　but　I　must　pay　for　him。　　Finally；　I　said　I　warn't　investing　in
cats　now　as　much　as　I　was；　and　with　that　she　walked　off　in　a　huff；
carrying　the　remains　with　her。　　That　closed　our　intercourse　with　the
Joneses。　　Mrs。　Jones　joined　another　church　and　took　her　tribe　with　her。
She　said　she　would　not　hold　fellowship　with　assassins。　　Well；　by　and　by
comes　Mrs。　Brown's　turnshe　that　went　by　here　a　minute　ago。　　She　had　a
disgraceful　old　yellow　cat　that　she　thought　as　much　of　as　if　he　was
twins；　and　one　night　he　tried　that　trap　on　his　neck；　and　it　fitted　him
so；　and　was　so　sort　of　satisfactory；　that　he　laid　down　and　curled　up　and
stayed　with　it。　　Such　was　the　end　of　Sir　John　Baldwin。〃

〃Was　that　the　name　of　the　cat？〃

〃The　same。　　There's　cats　around　here　with　names　that　would　surprise　you。
〃Maria〃　（to　his　wife）；　〃what　was　that　cat's　name　that　eat　a　keg　of
ratsbane　by　mistake　over　at　Hooper's；　and　started　home　and　got　struck　by
lightning　and　took　the　blind　staggers　and　fell　in　the　well　and　was　'most
drowned。　　before　they　could　fish　him　out？〃

〃That　was　that　colored　Deacon　Jackson's　cat。　　I　only　remember　the　last
end　of　its　name；　which　was　Hold…The…Fort…For…I…Am…Coming　Jackson。〃

〃Sho！　that　ain't　the　one。　　That's　the　one　that　eat　up　an　entire　box　of
Seidlitz　powders；　and　then　hadn't　any　more　judgment　than　to　go　and　take　a
drink。　　He　was　considered　to　be　a　great　loss；　but　I　never　could　see　it。
Well；　no　matter　about　the　names。　　Mrs。　Brown　wanted　to　be　reasonable；　but
Mrs。　Jones　wouldn't　let　her。　　She　put　her　up　to　going　to　law　for　damages。
So　to　law　she　went；　and　had　the　face　to　claim　seven　shillings　and
sixpence。　　It　made　a　great　stir。　　All　the　neighbors　went　to　court。
Everybody　took　sides。　　It　got　hotter　and　hotter；　and　broke　up　all　the
friendships　for　three　hundred　yards　around　friendships　that　had　lasted
for　generations　and　generations。

〃Well；　I　proved　by　eleven　witnesses　that　the　cat　was　of　a　low　character
and　very　ornery；　and　warn't　worth　a　canceled　postage…stamp；　anyway；
taking　the　average　of　cats　here；　but　I　lost　the　case。　　What　could　I
expect？　　The　system　is　all　wrong　here；　and　is　bound　to　make　revolution
and　bloodshed　some　day。　　You　see；　they　give　the　magistrate　a　poor　little
starvation　salary；　and　then　turn　him　loose　on　the　public　to　gouge　for
fees　and　costs　to　live　on。　　What　is　the　natural　result？　　Why；　he　never
looks　into　the　justice　of　a　casenever　once。　　All　he　looks　at　is　which
client　has　got　the　money。　　So　this　one　piled　the　fees　and　costs　and
everything　on　to　me。　　I　could　pay　specie；　don't　you　see？　and　he　knew
mighty　well　that　if　he　put　the　verdict　on　to　Mrs。　Brown；　where　it
belonged；　he'd　have　to　take　his　swag　in　currency。〃

〃Currency？　　Why；　has　Bermuda　a　currency？〃

〃Yes…onions。　　And　they　were　forty　per　cent。　discount；　too；　then；　because
the　season　had　been　over　as　much　as　three　months。　　So　I　lost　my　case。
I　had　to　pay　for　that　cat。　　But　the　general　trouble　the　case　made　was　the
worst　thing　about　it。　　Broke　up　so　much　good　feeling。　　The　neighbors
don't　speak　to　each　other　now。　　Mrs。　Brown　had　named　a　child　after　me。
But　she　changed　its　name　right　away。　　She　is　a　Baptist。　　Well；　in　the
course　of　baptizing　it　over　again　it　got　drowned。　　I　was　hoping　we　might
get　to　be　friendly　again　some　time　or　other；　but　of　course　this　drowning
the　child　knocked　that　all　out　of　the　question。　　It　would　have　saved　a
world　of　heartbreak　and　ill　blood　if　she　had　named　it　dry。〃

I　knew　by　the　sigh　that　this　was　honest。　　All　this　trouble　and　all　this
destruction　of　confidence　in　the　purity　of　the　bench　on　account　of　a
seven…shilling　lawsuit　about　a　cat！　　Somehow；　it　seemed　to　〃size〃　the
country。

At　this　point　we　observed　that　an　English　flag　had　just　been　placed　at
half…mast　on　a　building　a　hundred　yards　away。　　I　and　my　friends　were　busy
in　an　instant　trying　to　imagine　whose　death；　among　the　island
dignitaries；　could　command　such　a　mark　of　respect　as　this。　　Then　a
shudder　shook　them　and　me　at　the　same　moment；　and　I　knew　that　we　had
jumped　to　one　and　the　same　conclusion：　〃The　governor　has　gone　to　England；
it　is　for　the　British　admiral！〃

At　this　moment　Mr。　Smith　noticed　the　flag。　　He　said　with　emotion：

〃That's　on　a　boarding…house。　　I　judge　there's　a　boarder　dead。〃

A　dozen　other　flags　within　view　went　to　half…mast。

〃It's　a　boarder；　sure；〃　said　Smith。

〃But　would　they　half…mast　the　flags　here　for　a　boarder；　Mr。　Smith？〃

〃Why；　certainly　they　would；　if　he　was　dead。〃

That　seemed　to　size　the　country　again。



IV

The　early　twilight　of　a　Sunday　evening　in　Hamilton；　Bermuda；　is　an
alluring　time。　　There　is　just　enough　of　whispering　breeze；　fragrance　of
flowers；　and　sense　of　repose　to　raise　one's　thoughts　heavenward；　and　just
enough　amateur　piano　music　to　keep　him；　reminded　of　the　other　place。
There　are　many　venerable　pianos　in　Hamilton；　and　they　all　play　at
twilight。　　Age　enlarges　and　enriches　the　powers　of　some　musical
instrumentsnotably　those　of　the　violinbut　it　seems　to　set　a　piano's
teeth　on　edge。　　Most　of　the　music　in　vogue　there　is　the　same　that　those
pianos　prattled　in　their　innocent　infancy；　and　there　is　something　very
pathetic　about　it　when　they　go　over　it　now；　in　their　asthmatic　second
childhood；　dropping　a　note　here　and　there　where　a　tooth　is　gone。

We　attended　evening　service　at　the　stately　Episcopal　church　on　the　hill；
where　five　or　six　hundred　people；　half　of　them　white　and　the　other　half
black；　according　to　the　usual　Bermudian　proportions；　and　all　well
dresseda　thing　which　is　also　usual　in　Bermuda　and　to　be　confidently
expected。　　There　was　good　music；　which　we　heard；　and　doubtlessa　good
sermon；　but　there　was　a　wonderful　deal　of　coughing；　and　so　only　the　high
parts　of　the　argument　carried　over　it。　　As　we　came　out；　after　service；
I　overheard　one　young　girl　say　to　another：

〃Why；　you　don't　mean　to　say　you　pay　duty　on　gloves　and　laces！　　I　only　pay
postage；　have　them　done　up　and　sent　in　the　Boston　Advertiser。〃

There　are；　those　that　believe　that　the　most　difficult　thing　to　create　is
a　woman　who　can　comprehend　that　it　is　wrong　to　smuggle；　and　that　an
impossible　thing　to　create　is　a　woman　who　will　not　smuggle；　whether　or
no；　when　she　gets　a　chance。　　But　these　may　be　errors。

We　went　wandering　off　toward　the　country；　and　were　soon　far　down　in　the
lonely　black　depths　of　a　road　that　was　roofed　over　with　the　dense　foliage
of　a　double　rank　of　great　cedars。　　There　was　no　sound　of　any　kind　there；
it　was　perfectly　still。　　And　it　was　so　dark　that　one　could　detect　nothing
but　somber　outlines。　　We　strode　farther　and　farther　down　this　tunnel；
cheering　the　way　with　chat。

Presently　the　chat　took　this　shape：　〃How　insensibly　the　character　of　the
people　and　of　a　government　makes　its　impress　upon　a　stranger；　and　gives
him　a　sense　of　security　or　of　insecurity　without　his　taking　deliberate
thought　upon　the　matter　or　asking　anybody　a　question！　　We　have　been　in
this　land　half　a　day；　we　have　seen　none　but　honest　faces；　we　have　noted
the　British　flag　flying；　which　means　efficient　government　and　good　order；
so　without　inquiry　we　plunge　unarmed　and　with　perfect　confidence　into
this　dismal　place；　which　in　almost　any　other　country　would　swarm　with
thugs　and　garroters〃

'Sh！　　What　was　that？　　Stealthy　footsteps！　　Low　voices！　　We　gasp；　we　close
up　together；　and　wait。　　A　vague　shape　glides　out　of　the　dusk　and
confronts　us。　　A　voice　speaksdemands　money！

〃A　shilling；　gentlemen；　if　you　please；　to　help　build　the　new　Methodist
church。〃

Blessed　sound！　　Holy　sound！　　We　contribute　with　thankful　avidity　to　the
new　Methodist　church；　and　are　happy　to　think　how　lucky　it　was　that　those
little　colored　Sunday…school　scholars　did　not　seize　upon　everything　we
had　with　violence；　before　we　recovered　from　our　momentary　helpless
condition。　　By　the　light　of　cigars　we　write　down　the　names　of　weightier
philanthropists　than　ourselves　on　the　contribution　cards；　and　then　pass
on　into　the　farther　darkness；　saying；　What　sort　of　a　government　do　they
call　this；　where　they　allow　little　black　pious　children；　with
contribution　cards；　to　plunge　out　upon　peaceable　strangers　in　the　dark
and　scare　them　to　death？

We　prowled　on　several　hours；　sometimes　by　the　seaside；　sometimes　inland；
and　finally　managed　to　get　lost；　which　is　a　feat　that　requires　talent　in
Bermuda。　　I　had　on　new　shoes。　　They　were　No。　7's　when　I　started；　but　were
not　more　than　5's　now；　and　still　diminishing。　　I　walked　two　hours　in
those　shoes　after　that；　before　we　reached　home。　　Doubtless　I　could　have
the　reader's　sympathy　for　the　asking。　　Many　people　have　never　had　the
headache　or　the　toothache；　and　I　am　one　of　those　myself；　but　every　body
has　worn　tight　shoes　for　two　or　three　hours；　and　known　the　luxury　of
taking　them　off　in　a　retired　place　and　seeing　his　feet　swell　up　and
obscure　the　firmament。　　Once　when　I　was　a　callow；　bashful　cub；　I　took　a
plain；　unsentimental　country　girl　to　a　comedy　one　night。　　I　had　known　her
a　day；　she　seemed　divine；　I　wore　my　new　boots。　　At　the　end　of　the　first
half…hour　she　said；　〃Why　do　you　fidget　so　with　your　feet？〃　　I　said；　〃Did
I？〃　　Then　I　put　my　attention　there　and　kept　still。　　At　the　end　of　another
half…hour　she　said；　〃Why　do　you　say；　'Yes；　oh　yes！'　and　'Ha；　ha；　oh；
certainly！　　very　true！'　to　everything　I　say；　when　half　the　time　those　are
entirely　irrelevant　answers？〃　　I　blushed；　and　explained　that　I　had　been　a
little　absent…minded。　　At　the　end　of　another　half…hour　she