the lion and the unicorn-第4部分

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〃Wait；〃　she　said　dryly；　〃you　are　very　young　nowand　very　rich；
every　one　is　crowding　to　give　you　pleasure；　to　show　his
admiration。　　You　are　a　very　fortunate　girl。　　But　later；　these
things　which　some　man　has　done　because　he　loved　you；　and　which
you　call　foolish；　will　grow　large　in　your　life；　and　shine　out
strongly；　and　when　you　are　discouraged　and　alone；　you　will　take
them　out；　and　the　memory　of　them　will　make　you　proud　and　happy。　
They　are　the　honors　which　women　wear　in　secret。〃

Helen　came　back　to　town　in　September；　and　for　the　first　few　days
was　so　occupied　in　refurnishing　her　studio　and　in　visiting　the
shops　that　she　neglected　to　send　Carroll　word　of　her　return。　
When　she　found　that　a　whole　week　had　passed　without　her　having
made　any　effort　to　see　him；　and　appreciated　how　the　fact　would
hurt　her　friend；　she　was　filled　with　remorse；　and　drove　at　once
in　great　haste　to　Jermyn　Street；　to　announce　her　return　in
person。　　On　the　way　she　decided　that　she　would　soften　the　blow　of
her　week　of　neglect　by　asking　him　to　take　her　out　to　luncheon。　
This　privilege　she　had　once　or　twice　accorded　him；　and　she　felt
that　the　pleasure　these　excursions　gave　Carroll　were　worth　the
consternation　they　caused　to　Lady　Gower。

The　servant　was　uncertain　whether　Mr。　Carroll　was　at　home　or　not；
but　Helen　was　too　intent　upon　making　restitution　to　wait　for　the
fact　to　be　determined；　and；　running　up　the　stairs；　knocked
sharply　at　the　door　of　his　study。

A　voice　bade　her　come　in；　and　she　entered；　radiant　and　smiling
her　welcome。　　But　Carroll　was　not　there　to　receive　it；　and
instead；　Marion　Cavendish　looked　up　at　her　from　his　desk　where
she　was　busily　writing。　　Helen　paused　with　a　surprised　laugh；　but
Marion　sprang　up　and　hailed　her　gladly。　　They　met　half　way　across
the　room　and　kissed　each　other　with　the　most　friendly　feeling。

Philip　was　out；　Marion　said；　and　she　had　just　stepped　in　for　a
moment　to　write　him　a　note。　　If　Helen　would　excuse　her；　she　would
finish　it；　as　she　was　late　for　rehearsal。

But　she　asked　over　her　shoulder；　with　great　interest；　if　Helen
had　passed　a　pleasant　summer。　　She　thought　she　had　never　seen　her
looking　so　well。　　Helen　thought　Miss　Cavendish　herself　was
looking　very　well　also；　but　Marion　said　no；　that　she　was　too
sunburnt；　she　would　not　be　able　to　wear　a　dinner…dress　for　a
month。　　There　was　a　pause　while　Marion's　quill　scratched
violently　across　Carroll's　note…paper。　　Helen　felt　that　in　some
way　she　was　being　treated　as　an　intruder；　or　worse；　as　a　guest。　
She　did　not　sit　down；　it　seemed　impossible　to　do　so；　but　she
moved　uncertainly　about　the　room。　　She　noted　that　there　were
many　changes；　it　seemed　more　bare　and　empty；　her　picture　was
still　on　the　writing…desk；　but　there　were　at　least　six　new
photographs　of　Marion。　　Marion　herself　had　brought　them　to　the
room　that　morning；　and　had　carefully　arranged　them　in　conspicuous
places。　　But　Helen　could　not　know　that。　　She　thought　there　was　an
unnecessary　amount　of　writing　scribbled　over　the　face　of　each。

Marion　addressed　her　letter　and　wrote　〃Immediate〃　across　the
envelope；　and　placed　it　before　the　clock　on　the　mantelshelf。　
〃You　will　find　Philip　looking　very　badly；〃　she　said；　as　she
pulled　on　her　gloves。　　〃He　has　been　in　town　all　summer；　working
very　hardhe　has　had　no　holiday　at　all。　　I　don't　think　he's
well。　　I　have　been　a　great　deal　worried　about　him；〃　she　added。　
Her　face　was　bent　over　the　buttons　of　her　glove；　and　when　she
raised　her　blue　eyes　to　Helen　they　were　filled　with　serious
concern。

〃Really；〃　Helen　stammered；　〃II　didn't　knowin　his　letters　he
seemed　very　cheerful。〃

Marion　shook　her　head　and　turned　and　stood　looking
thoughtfully　out　of　the　window。　　〃He's　in　a　very　hard　place；〃　she
began　abruptly；　and　then　stopped　as　though　she　had　thought　better
of　what　she　intended　to　say。　　Helen　tried　to　ask　her　to　go　on；
but　could　not　bring　herself　to　do　so。　　She　wanted　to　get　away。

〃I　tell　him　he　ought　to　leave　London；〃　Marion　began　again；　〃he
needs　a　change　and　a　rest。〃

〃I　should　think　he　might；〃　Helen　agreed；　〃after　three　months　of
this　heat。　　He　wrote　me　he　intended　going　to　Herne　Bay　or　over　to
Ostend。〃

〃Yes；　he　had　meant　to　go；〃　Marion　answered。　　She　spoke　with　the
air　of　one　who　possessed　the　most　intimate　knowledge　of　Carroll's
movements　and　plans；　and　change　of　plans。　　〃But　he　couldn't；〃　she
added。　　〃He　couldn't　afford　it。　　Helen；〃　she　said；　turning　to　the
other　girl；　dramatically；　〃do　you　knowI　believe　that　Philip　is
very　poor。〃

Miss　Cabot　exclaimed　incredulously；　〃Poor！〃　　She　laughed。　　〃Why；
what　do　you　mean？〃

〃I　mean　that　he　has　no　money；〃　Marion　answered；　sharply。　　〃These
rooms　represent　nothing。　　He　only　keeps　them　on　because　he　paid
for　them　in　advance。　　He's　been　living　on　three　shillings　a　day。　
That's　poor　for　him。　　He　takes　his　meals　at　cabmen's　shelters　and
at　Lockhart's；　and　he's　been　doing　so　for　a　month。〃

Helen　recalled　with　a　guilty　thrill　the　receipt　of　certain　boxes
of　La　France　rosescut　long；　in　the　American　fashionwhich　had
arrived　within　the　last　month　at　various　country　houses。　　She
felt　indignant　at　herself；　and　miserable。　　Her　indignation　was
largely　due　to　the　recollection　that　she　had　given　these　flowers
to　her　hostess　to　decorate　the　dinner…table。

She　hated　to　ask　this　girl　of　things　which　she　should　have　known
better　than　any　one　else。　　But　she　forced　herself　to　do　it。　　She
felt　she　must　know　certainly　and　at　once。

〃How　do　you　know　this？〃　she　asked。　　〃Are　you　sure　there　is　no
mistake？〃

〃He　told　me　himself；〃　said　Marion；　〃when　he　talked　of　letting　the
plays　go　and　returning　to　America。　　He　said　he　must　go　back；
that　his　money　was　gone。〃

〃He　is　gone　to　America！〃　Helen　said；　blankly。

〃No；　he　wanted　to　go；　but　I　wouldn't　let　him；〃　Marion　went　on。　
〃I　told　him　that　some　one　might　take　his　play　any　day。　　And　this
third　one　he　has　written；　the　one　he　finished　this　summer　in
town；　is　the　best　of　all；　I　think。　　It's　a　love…story。　　It's
quite　beautiful。〃　　She　turned　and　arranged　her　veil　at　the　glass；
and　as　she　did　so；　her　eyes　fell　on　the　photographs　of　herself
scattered　over　the　mantelpiece；　and　she　smiled　slightly。　　But
Helen　did　not　see　hershe　was　sitting　down　now；　pulling　at　the
books　on　the　table。　　She　was　confused　and　disturbed　by　emotions
which　were　quite　strange　to　her；　and　when　Marion　bade　her　good…by
she　hardly　noticed　her　departure。　　What　impressed　her　most　of　all
in　what　Marion　had　told　her；　was；　she　was　surprised　to　find；　that
Philip　was　going　away。　　That　she　herself　had　frequently　urged　him
to　do　so；　for　his　own　peace　of　mind；　seemed　now　of　no
consequence。　　Now　that　he　seriously　contemplated　it；　she
recognized　that　his　absence　meant　to　her　a　change　in
everything。　　She　felt　for　the　first　time　the　peculiar　place　he
held　in　her　life。　　Even　if　she　had　seen　him　but　seldom；　the　fact
that　he　was　within　call　had　been　more　of　a　comfort　and　a
necessity　to　her　than　she　understood。

That　he　was　poor；　concerned　her　chiefly　because　she　knew　that；
although　this　condition　could　only　be　but　temporary；　it　would
distress　him　not　to　have　his　friends　around　him；　and　to　entertain
them　as　he　had　been　used　to　do。　　She　wondered　eagerly　if　she
might　offer　to　help　him；　but　a　second　thought　assured　her　that；
for　a　man；　that　sort　of　help　from　a　woman　was　impossible。

She　resented　the　fact　that　Marion　was　deep　in　his　confidence；
that　it　was　Marion　who　had　told　her　of　his　changed　condition　and
of　his　plans。　　It　annoyed　her　so　acutely　that　she　could　not
remain　in　the　room　where　she　had　seen　her　so　complacently　in
possession。　　And　after　leaving　a　brief　note　for　Philip；　she　went
away。　　She　stopped　a　hansom　at　the　door；　and　told　the　man　to
drive　along　the　Embankmentshe　wanted　to　be　quite　alone；　and　she
felt　she　could　see　no　one　until　she　had　thought　it　all　out；
and　had　analyzed　the　new　feelings。

So　for　several　hours　she　drove　slowly　up　and　down；　sunk　far　back
in　the　cushions　of　the　cab；　and　staring　with　unseeing　eyes　at　the
white　enamelled　tariff　and　the　black　dash…board。

She　assured　herself　that　she　was　not　jealous　of　Marion；　because；
in　order　to　be　jealous；　she　first　would　have　to　care　for　Philip
in　the　very　way　she　could　not　bring　herself　to　do。

She　decided　that　his　interest　in　Marion　hurt　her；　because　it
showed　that　Philip　was　not　capable　of　remaining　true　to　the　one
ideal　of　his　life。　　She　was　sure　that　this　explained　her
feelingsshe　was　disappointed　that　he　had　not　kept　up　to　his　own
standard；　that　he　was　weak　enough　to　turn　aside　from　it　for　the
first　pretty　pair　of　eyes。　　But　she　was　too　honest　and　too　just
to　accept　that　diagnosis　of　her　feelings　as　finalshe　knew　there
had　been　many　pairs　of　eyes　in　America　and　in　London；　and　that
though　Philip　had　seen　them；　he　had　not　answered　them　when　they
spoke。　　No；　she　confessed　frankly；　she　was　hurt　with　herself
for　neglecting　her　old　friend　so　selfishly　and　for　so　long　a
time；　his　love　gave　him　claims　on　her　consideration；　at　least；
and　she　had　forgotten　that　and　him；　and　had　run　after　strange
gods　and　allowed　others　to　come　in　and　take　her　place；　and　to
give　him　the　sympathy　and　help　which　she　should　have　been　the
first　to　offer；　and　which　would　have　counted　more　when　coming
from　her　than　from　any　one　else。　　She　determined　to　make　amends
at　once　for　her　thoughtlessness　and　selfishness；　and　her　brain
was　pleasantly　occupied　with　plans　and　acts　of　kindness。　　It　was
a　new　entertainment；　and　she　found　she　delighted　in　it。　　She
directed　the　cabman　to　go　to　Solomons's；　and　from　there　sent
Philip　a　bunch　of　flowers　and　a　line　saying　that　on　the　following
day　she　was　coming　to　take　tea　with　him。　　She　had　a　guilty
feeling　that　he　might　consider　her　friendly　advances　more
seriously　than　she　meant　them；　but　it　was　her　pleasure　to　be
reckless：　her　feelings　were　running　riotously；　and　the　sensation
was　so　new　that　she　refused　to　be　circumspect　or　to　consider
consequences。　　Who　could　tell；　she　asked　herself　with　a
quick；　frightened　gasp；　but　that；　after　all；　it　might　be　that　she
was　learning　to　care？　　From　Solomons's　she　bade　the　man　drive　to
the　shop　in　Cranbourne　Street　where　she　was　accustomed　to
purchase　the　materials　she　used　in　painting；　and　Fate；