father and son-第16部分

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bout　Burke　and　Hare；　whose　story　nearly　froze　me　into　stone　with　horror。

These　were　crimes　which　appear　in　the　chronicles。　But　who　will　tell　me　what　'the　Carpet…bag　Mystery'　was；　which　my　Father　and　I　discussed　evening　after　evening？　I　have　never　come　across　a　whisper　of　it　since；　and　I　suspect　it　of　having　been　a　hoax。　As　I　recall　the　details；　people　in　a　boat；　passing　down　the　Thames；　saw　a　carpet…bag　hung　high　in　air；　on　one　of　the　projections　of　a　pier　of　Waterloo　Bridge。　Being　with　difficulty　dragged　downor　perhaps　upthis　bag　was　found　to　be　full　of　human　remains；　dreadful　butcher's　business　of　joints　and　fragments。　Persons　were　missed；　were　identified；　were　again　deniedthe　whole　is　a　vapour　in　my　memory　which　shifts　as　I　try　to　define　it。　But　clear　enough　is　the　picture　I　hold　of　myself；　in　a　high　chair；　on　the　left…　hand　side　of　the　sitting…room　fireplace；　the　leaping　flames　reflected　in　the　glass…case　of　tropical　insects　on　the　opposite　wall；　and　my　Father；　leaning　anxiously　forward；　with　uplifted　finger；　emphasizing　to　me　the　pros　and　cons　of　the　horrible　carpet…bag　evidence。

I　suppose　that　my　interest　in　these　discussionsand　Heaven　knows　I　was　animated　enoughamused　and　distracted　my　Father；　whose　idea　of　a　suitable　theme　for　childhood's　ear　now　seems　to　me　surprising。　I　soon　found　that　these　subjects　were　not　welcome　to　everybody；　for；　starting　the　Carpet…bag　Mystery　one　morning　with　Miss　Marks；　in　the　hope　of　delaying　my　arithmetic　lesson；　she　fairly　threw　her　apron　over　her　ears；　and　told　me；　from　that　vantage；　that　if　I　did　not　desist　at　once；　she　should　scream。

Occasionally　we　took　winter　walks　together；　my　Father　and　I；　down　some　lane　that　led　to　a　sight　of　the　sea；　or　over　the　rolling　downs。　We　tried　to　recapture　the　charm　of　those　delightful　strolls　in　London；　when　we　used　to　lean　over　the　bridges　and　watch　the　ducks。　But　we　could　not　recover　this　pleasure。　My　Father　was　deeply　enwoven　in　the　chain　of　his　own　thoughts；　and　would　stalk　on；　without　a　word；　buried　in　angry　reverie。　If　he　spoke　to　me；　on　these　excursions；　it　was　a　pain　to　me　to　answer　him。　I　could　talk　on　easy　terms　with　him　indoors；　seated　in　my　high　chair；　with　our　heads　on　a　level；　but　it　was　intolerably　laborious　to　look　up　into　the　firmament　and　converse　with　a　dark　face　against　the　sky。　The　actual　exercise　of　walking；　too；　was　very　exhausting　to　me；　the　bright　red　mud；　to　the　strange　colour　of　which　I　could　not　for　a　long　while　get　accustomed；　becoming　caked　about　my　little　shoes；　and　wearying　me　extremely。　I　would　grow　petulant　and　cross；　contradict　my　Father；　and　oppose　his　whims。　These　walks　were　distressing　to　us　both；　yet　he　did　not　like　to　walk　alone；　and　he　had　no　other　friend。　However；　as　the　winter　advanced；　they　had　to　be　abandoned；　and　the　habit　of　our　taking　a　'constitutional'　together　was　never　resumed。

I　look　back　upon　myself　at　this　time　as　upon　a　cantankerous；　ill…　tempered　and　unobliging　child。　The　only　excuse　I　can　offer　is　that　I　really　was　not　well。　The　change　to　Devonshire　had　not　suited　me；　my　health　gave　the　excellent　Miss　Marks　some　anxiety；　but　she　was　not　ready　in　resource。　The　dampness　of　the　house　was　terrible；　indoors　and　out；　the　atmosphere　seemed　soaked　in　chilly　vapours。　Under　my　bed…clothes　at　night　I　shook　like　a　jelly；　unable　to　sleep　for　cold；　though　I　was　heaped　with　coverings；　while　my　skin　was　all　puckered　with　gooseflesh。　I　could　eat　nothing　solid；　without　suffering　immediately　from　violent　hiccough；　so　that　much　of　my　time　was　spent　lying　prone　on　my　back　upon　the　hearthrug；　awakening　the　echoes　like　a　cuckoo。　Miss　Marks；　therefore；　cut　off　all　food　but　milk…sop；　a　loathly　bowl　of　which　appeared　at　every　meal。　In　consequence　the　hiccough　lessened；　but　my　strength　declined　with　it。　I　languished　in　a　perpetual　catarrh。　I　was　roused　to　a　conscious…ness　that　I　was　not　considered　well　by　the　fact　that　my　Father　prayed　publicly　at　morning　and　evening　'worship'　that　if　it　was　the　Lord's　will　to　take　me　to　himself　there　might　be　no　doubt　whatever　about　my　being　a　sealed　child　of　God　and　an　inheritor　of　glory。　I　was　partly　disconcerted　by；　partly　vain　of；　this　open　advertisement　of　my　ailments。

Of　our　dealings　with　the　'Saints'；　a　fresh　assortment　of　whom　met　us　on　our　arrival　in　Devonshire；　I　shall　speak　presently。　My　Father's　austerity　of　behaviour　was；　I　think；　perpetually　accentuated　by　his　fear　of　doing　anything　to　offend　the　consciences　of　these　persons；　whom　he　supposed；　no　doubt；　to　be　more　sensitive　than　they　really　were。　He　was　fond　of　saying　that　'a　very　little　stain　upon　the　conscience　makes　a　wide　breach　in　our　communion　with　God'；　and　he　counted　possible　errors　of　conduct　by　hundreds　and　by　thousands。　It　was　in　this　winter　that　his　attention　was　particularly　drawn　to　the　festival　of　Christmas；　which；　apparently；　he　had　scarcely　noticed　in　London。

On　the　subject　of　all　feasts　of　the　Church　he　held　views　of　an　almost　grotesque　peculiarity。　He　looked　upon　each　of　them　as　nugatory　and　worthless；　but　the　keeping　of　Christmas　appeared　to　him　by　far　the　most　hateful；　and　nothing　less　than　an　act　of　idolatry。　'The　very　word　is　Popish'；　he　used　to　exclaim；　'Christ's　Mass！'　pursing　up　his　lips　with　the　gesture　of　one　who　tastes　assafoetida　by　accident。　Then　he　would　adduce　the　antiquity　of　the　so…called　feast；　adapted　from　horrible　heathen　rites；　and　itself　a　soiled　relic　of　the　abominable　Yule…Tide。　He　would　denounce　the　horrors　of　Christmas　until　it　almost　made　me　blush　to　look　at　a　holly…berry。

On　Christmas　Day　of　this　year　1857　our　villa　saw　a　very　unusual　sight。　My　Father　had　given　strictest　charge　that　no　difference　whatever　was　to　be　made　in　our　meals　on　that　day；　the　dinner　was　to　be　neither　more　copious　than　usual　nor　less　so。　He　was　obeyed；　but　the　servants；　secretly　rebellious；　made　a　small　plum…pudding　for　themselves。　（I　discovered　afterwards；　with　pain；　that　Miss　Marks　received　a　slice　of　it　in　her　boudoir。）　Early　in　the　afternoon；　the　maids；of　whom　we　were　now　advanced　to　keeping　two；kindly　remarked　that　'the　poor　dear　child　ought　to　have　a　bit；　anyhow'；　and　wheedled　me　into　the　kitchen；　where　I　ate　a　slice　of　plum…pudding。　Shortly　I　began　to　feel　that　pain　inside　which　in　my　frail　state　was　inevitable；　and　my　conscience　smote　me　violently。　At　length　I　could　bear　my　spiritual　anguish　no　longer；　and　bursting　into　the　study　I　called　out：　'Oh！　Papa；　Papa；　I　have　eaten　of　flesh　offered　to　idols！'　It　took　some　time；　between　my　sobs；　to　explain　what　had　happened。　Then　my　Father　sternly　said：　'　Where　is　the　accursed　thing？'　I　explained　that　as　much　as　was　left　of　it　was　still　on　the　kitchen　table。　He　took　me　by　the　hand；　and　ran　with　me　into　the　midst　of　the　startled　servants；　seized　what　remained　of　the　pudding；　and　with　the　plate　in　one　hand　and　me　still　tight　in　the　other；　ran　until　we　reached　the　dust…heap；　when　he　flung　the　idolatrous　confectionery　on　to　the　middle　of　the　ashes；　and　then　raked　it　deep　down　into　the　mass。　The　suddenness；　the　violence；　the　velocity　of　this　extraordinary　act　made　an　impression　on　my　memory　which　nothing　will　ever　efface。

The　key　is　lost　by　which　I　might　unlock　the　perverse　malady　from　which　my　Father's　conscience　seemed　to　suffer　during　the　whole　of　this　melancholy　winter。　But　I　think　that　a　dislocation　of　his　intellectual　system　had　a　great　deal　to　do　with　it。　Up　to　this　point　in　his　career；　he　had；　as　we　have　seen；　nourished　the　delusion　that　science　and　revelation　could　be　mutually　justified；　that　some　sort　of　compromise　was　possible。　With　great　and　ever　greater　distinctness；　his　investigations　had　shown　him　that　in　all　departments　of　organic　nature　there　are　visible　the　evidences　of　slow　modification　of　forms；　of　the　type　developed　by　the　pressure　and　practice　of　aeons。　This　conviction　lead　been　borne　in　upon　him　until　it　was　positively　irresistible。　Where　was　his　place；　then；　as　a　sincere　and　accurate　observer？　Manifestly；　it　was　with　the　pioneers　of　the　new　truth；　it　was　with　Darwin；　Wallace　and　Hooker。　But　did　not　the　second　chapter　of　'Genesis'　say　that　in　six　days　the　heavens　and　earth　were　finished；　and　the　host　of　them；　and　that　on　the　seventh　day　God　ended　his　work　which　he　had　made？

Here　was　a　dilemma！　Geology　certainly　seemed　to　be　true；　but　the　Bible；　which　was　God's　word；　was　true。　If　the　Bible　said　that　all　things　in　Heaven　and　Earth　were　created　in　six　days；　created　in　six　days　they　were；in　six　literal　days　of　twenty…four　hours　each。　The　evidences　of　spontaneous　variation　of　form；　acting；　over　an　immense　space　of　time；　upon　ever…modifying　organic　structures；　seemed　overwhelming；　but　they　must　either　be　brought　into　line　with　the　six…day　labour　of　creation；　or　they　must　be　rejected。　I　have　already　shown　how　my　Father　worked　out　the　ingenious　'Omphalos'　theory　in　order　to　justify　himself　as　a　strictly　scientific　observer　who　was　also　a　humble　slave　of　revelation。　But　the　old　convention　and　the　new　rebellion　would　alike　have　none　of　his　compromise。

To　a　mind　so　acute　and　at　the　same　time　so　narrow　as　that　of　my　Fathera　mind　which　is　all　logical　and　positive　without　breadth；　without　suppleness　and　without　imaginationto　be　subjected　to　a　check　of　this　kind　is　agony。　It　has　not　the　relief　of　a　smaller　nature；　which　escapes　from　the　dilemma　by　some　foggy　formula；　nor　the　resolution　of　a　larger　nature　to　take　to　its　wings　and　surmount　the　obstacle。　My　Father；　although　half　suffocated　by　the　emotion　of　being　lifted；　as　it　were；　on　the　great　biological　wave；　never　dreamed　of　letting　go　his　clutch　of　the　ancient　tradition；　but　hung　there；　strained　and　buffeted。　It　is　extraordinary　that　hean　'honest　hodman　of　science'；　as　Huxley　once　called　himshould　not　have　been　content　to　allow　others；　whose　horizons　were　wider　than　his　could　be；　to　pursue　those　purely　intellectual　surveys　for　which　he　had　no　species　of　aptitude。　As　a　collector　of　facts　and　marshaller　of　observations；　he　had　not　a　rival　in　that　age；　his　very　absence　of　imagination　aided　him　in　this　work。　But　he　was　more　an　attorney　than　philosopher；　and　he　lacked　that　sublime　humility　which　is　the　crown　of　genius。　For；　this　obstinate　persuasion　that　he　alone　knew　the　mind　of　God；　that　he　alone　could　interpret　the　designs　of　the　Creator；　what　did　it　result　from　if　not　from　a　congenital　lack　o