father and son-第23部分

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Tityre；　tu　patulae　recubans　sub　tegmine　fagi；

he　warbled；　and　I　stopped　my　play；　and　listened　as　if　to　a　nightingale；　until　he　reached

　　　　　　　　　　　　　tu；　Tityre；　lentus　in　umbra　Formosam　resonare　doces　Amaryllida　silvan。

'Oh　Papa；　what　is　that？'　I　could　not　prevent　myself　from　asking。　He　translated　the　verses；　he　explained　their　meaning；　but　his　exposition　gave　me　little　interest。　What　to　me　was　beautiful　Amaryllis？　She　and　her　love…sick　Tityrus　awakened　no　image　whatever　in　my　mind。

But　a　miracle　had　been　revealed　to　me；　the　incalculable；　the　amazing　beauty　which　could　exist　in　the　sound　of　verses。　My　prosodical　instinct　was　awakened　quite　suddenly　that　dim　evening；　as　my　Father　and　I　sat　alone　in　the　breakfast…room　after　tea；　serenely　accepting　the　hour；　for　once；　with　no　idea　of　exhortation　or　profit。　Verse；　'a　breeze　mid　blossoms　playing'；　as　Coleridge　says；　descended　from　the　roses　as　a　moth　might　have　done；　and　the　magic　of　it　took　hold　of　my　heart　forever。　I　persuaded　my　Father；　who　was　a　little　astonished　at　my　insistence；　to　repeat　the　lines　over　and　over　again。　At　last　my　brain　caught　them；　and　as　I　walked　in　Benny's　garden；　or　as　I　hung　over　the　tidal　pools　at　the　edge　of　the　sea；　all　my　inner　being　used　to　ring　out　with　the　sound　of

Formosam　resonare　doces　Amaryllida　silvan。

CHAPTER　VIII

IN　the　previous　chapter　I　have　dwelt　on　some　of　the　lighter　conditions　of　our　life　at　this　time；　I　must　now　turn　to　it　in　a　less　frivolous　aspect。　As　my　tenth　year　advanced；　the　development　of　my　character　gave　my　Father；　I　will　not　say　anxiety；　but　matter　for　serious　reflection。　My　intelligence　was　now　perceived　to　be　taking　a　sudden　start；　visitors　drew　my　Father's　attention　to　the　fact　that　I　was　'coming　out　so　much'。　I　grew　rapidly　in　stature；　having　been　a　little　shrimp　of　a　thing　up　to　that　time；　and　I　no　longer　appeared　much　younger　than　my　years。　Looking　back；　I　do　not　think　that　there　was　any　sudden　mental　development；　but　that　the　change　was　mainly　a　social　one。　I　had　been　reserved；　timid　and　taciturn；　I　had　disliked　the　company　of　strangers。　But　with　my　tenth　year；　I　certainly　unfolded；　so　far　as　to　become　sociable　and　talkative；　and　perhaps　I　struck　those　around　me　as　grown　'clever'；　because　I　said　the　things　which　I　had　previously　only　thought。　There　was　a　change；　no　doubt；　yet　I　believe　that　it　was　mainly　physical；　rather　than　mental。　My　excessive　fragilityor　apparent　fragility；　for　I　must　have　been　always　wirydecreased；　I　slept　better；　and　therefore；　grew　less　nervous；　I　ate　better；　and　therefore　put　on　flesh。　If　I　preserved　a　delicate　lookpeople　still　used　to　say　in　my　presence；　'That　dear　child　is　not　long　for　this　world！'…　it　was　in　consequence　of　a　sort　of　habit　into　which　my　body　had　grown；　it　was　a　transparency　which　did　not　speak　of　what　was　in　store　for　me；　but　of　what　I　had　already　passed　through。

The　increased　activity　of　my　intellectual　system　now　showed　itself　in　what　I　behove　to　be　a　very　healthy　form；　direct　imitation。　The　rage　for　what　is　called　'originality'　is　pushed　to　such　a　length　in　these　days　that　even　children　are　not　considered　promising；　unless　they　attempt　things　preposterous　and　unparalleled。　From　his　earliest　hour；　the　ambitious　person　is　told　that　to　make　a　road　where　none　has　walked　before；　to　do　easily　what　it　is　impossible　for　others　to　do　at　all；　to　create　new　forms　of　thought　and　expression；　are　the　only　recipes　for　genius；　and　in　trying　to　escape　on　all　sides　from　every　resemblance　to　his　predecessors；　he　adopts　at　once　an　air　of　eccentricity　and　pretentiousness。　This　continues　to　be　the　accepted　view　of　originality；　but；　in　spite　of　this　conventional　opinion；　I　hold　that　the　healthy　sign　of　an　activity　of　mind　in　early　youth　is　not　to　be　striving　after　unheard…of　miracles；　but　to　imitate　closely　and　carefully　what　is　being　said　and　done　in　the　vicinity。　The　child　of　a　great　sculptor　will　hang　about　the　studio；　and　will　try　to　hammer　a　head　out　of　a　waste　piece　of　marble　with　a　nail；　it　does　not　follow　that　he　too　will　be　a　sculptor。　The　child　of　a　politician　will　sit　in　committee　with　a　row　of　empty　chairs；　and　will　harangue　an　imaginary　senate　from　behind　the　curtains。　I；　the　son　of　a　man　who　looked　through　a　microscope　and　painted　what　he　saw　there；　would　fair　observe　for　myself；　and　paint　my　observations。　It　did　not　follow；　alas！　that　I　was　built　to　be　a　miniature…painter　or　a　savant；　but　the　activity　of　a　childish　intelligence　was　shown　by　my　desire　to　copy　the　results　of　such　energy　as　I　saw　nearest　at　hand。

In　the　secular　direction；　this　now　took　the　form　of　my　preparing　little　monographs　on　seaside　creatures；　which　were　arranged；　tabulated　and　divided　as　exactly　as　possible　on　the　pattern　of　those　which　my　Father　was　composing　for　his　Actinologia　Britannica。　I　wrote　these　out　upon　sheets　of　paper　of　the　same　size　as　his　printed　page；　and　I　adorned　them　with　water…colour　plates；　meant　to　emulate　his　precise　and　exquisite　illustrations。　One　or　two　of　these　ludicrous　pastiches　are　still　preserved；　and　in　glancing　at　them　now　I　wonder；　not　at　any　skill　that　they　possess；　but　at　the　perseverance　and　the　patience；　the　evidence　of　close　and　persistent　labour。　I　was　not　set　to　these　tasks　by　my　Father；　who；　in　fact；　did　not　much　approve　of　them。　He　was　touched；　too；　with　the　'originality'　heresy；　and　exhorted　me　not　to　copy　him；　but　to　go　out　into　the　garden　or　the　shore　and　describe　something　new；　in　a　new　way。　That　was　quite　impossible；　I　possessed　no　initiative。　But　I　can　now　well　understand　why　my　Father；　very　indulgently　and　good…temperedly；　deprecated　these　exercises　of　mine。　They　took　up；　and；　as　he　might　well　think；　wasted；　an　enormous　quantity　of　time；　and　they　were；　moreover；　parodies；　rather　than　imitations；　of　his　writings；　for　I　invented　new　species；　with　sapphire　spots　and　crimson　tentacles　and　amber　bands；　which　were　close　enough　to　his　real　species　to　be　disconcerting。　He　came　from　conscientiously　shepherding　the　flocks　of　ocean；　and　I　do　not　wonder　that　my　ring…straked；　speckled　and　spotted　varieties　put　him　out　of　countenance。　If　I　had　not　been　so　innocent　and　solemn；　he　might　have　fancied　I　was　mocking　him。

These　extraordinary　excursions　into　science；　falsely　so　called；　occupied　a　large　part　of　my　time。　There　was　a　little　spare　room　at　the　back　of　our　house；　dedicated　to　lumber　and　to　empty　portmanteaux。　There　was　a　table　in　it　already；　and　I　added　a　stool；　this　cheerless　apartment　now　became　my　study。　I　spent　so　many　hours　here；　in　solitude　and　without　making　a　sound；　that　my　Father's　curiosity；　if　not　his　suspicion；　was　occasionally　aroused；　and　he　would　make　a　sudden　raid　on　me。　I　was　always　discovered；　doubled　up　over　the　table；　with　my　pen　and　ink；　or　else　my　box　of　colours　and　tumbler　of　turbid　water　by　my　hand；　working　away　like　a　Chinese　student　shut　up　in　his　matriculating　box。

It　might　have　been　done　for　a　wager；　if　anything　so　simple　had　ever　been　dreamed　of　in　our　pious　household。　The　apparatus　was　slow　and　laboured。　In　order　to　keep　my　uncouth　handwriting　in　bounds；　I　was　obliged　to　rule　not　lines　only；　but　borders　to　my　pages。　The　subject　did　not　lend　itself　to　any　flow　of　language；　and　I　was　obliged　incessantly　to　borrow　sentences；　word　for　word；　from　my　Father's　published　books。　Discouraged　by　everyone　around　me；　daunted　by　the　laborious　effort　needful　to　carry　out　the　scheme；　it　seems　odd　to　me　now　that　I　persisted　in　so　strange　and　wearisome　an　employment；　but　it　became　an　absorbing　passion；　and　was　indulged　in　to　the　neglect　of　other　lessons　and　other　pleasures。

My　Father；　as　the　spring　advanced；　used　to　come　up　to　the　Boxroom；　as　my　retreat　was　called；　and　hunt　me　out　into　the　sunshine。　But　I　soon　crept　back　to　my　mania。　It　gave　him　much　trouble；　and　Miss　Marks；　who　thought　it　sheer　idleness；　was　vociferous　in　objection。　She　would　gladly　have　torn　up　all　my　writings　and　paintings；　and　have　set　me　to　a　useful　task。　My　Father；　with　his　strong　natural　individualism；　could　not　take　this　view。　He　was　interested　in　this　strange　freak　of　mine；　and　he　could　not　wholly　condemn　it。　But　he　must　have　thought　is　a　little　crazy；　and　it　is　evident　to　me　now　that　it　led　to　the　revolution　in　domestic　policy　by　which　he　began　to　encourage　any　acquaintance　with　other　young　people　as　much　as　he　had　previously　discouraged　it。　He　saw　that　I　could　not　be　allowed　to　spend　my　whole　time　in　a　little　stuffy　room　making　solemn　and　ridiculous　imitations　of　Papers　read　before　the　Linnaean　Society。　He　was　grieved；　moreover；　at　the　badness　of　my　pictures；　for　I　had　no　native　skill；　and　he　tried　to　teach　me　his　own　system　of　miniature…painting　as　applied　to　natural　history。　I　was　forced；　in　deep　depression　of　spirits；　to　turn　from　my　grotesque　monographs；　and　paint　under　my　Father's　eye；　and；　from　a　finished　drawing　of　his；　a　gorgeous　tropic　bird　in　flight。　Aided　by　my　habit　of　imitation；　I　did　at　length　produce　some　thing　which　might　have　shown　promise；　if　it　had　not　been　wrung　from　me；　touch　by　touch；　pigment　by　pigment；　under　the　orders　of　a　task…master。

All　this　had　its　absurd　side；　but　I　seem　to　perceive　that　it　had　also　its　value。　It　is；　surely；　a　mistake　to　look　too　near　at　hand　for　the　benefits　of　education。　What　is　actually　taught　in　early　childhood　is　often　that　part　of　training　which　makes　least　impression　on　the　character；　and　is　of　the　least　permanent　importance。　My　labours　failed　to　make　me　a　zoologist；　and　the　multitude　of　my　designs　and　my　descriptions　have　left　me　helplessly　ignorant　of　the　anatomy　of　a　sea…anemone。　Yet　I　cannot　look　upon　the　mental　discipline　as　useless。　It　taught　me　to　concentrate　my　attention；　to　define　the　nature　of　distinctions；　to　see　accurately；　and　to　name　what　I　saw。　Moreover；　it　gave　me　the　habit　of　going　on　with　any　piece　of　work　I　had　in　hand；　not　flagging　because　the　interest　or　picturesqueness　of　the　theme　had　declined；　but　pushing　forth　towards　a　definite　goal；　well　foreseen　and　limited　beforehand。　For　almost　any　intellectual　employment　in　later　life；　it　seems　to　me　that　this　discipline　was　valuable。　I　am；　however；　not　the　less　conscious　how　ludicrous　was　the　mode　in　which；　in　my　tenth　year；　I　obtained　it。

My　spiritual　condition　occupied　my　Father's　thoughts　very　insistently　at　this　time。　Closing；　as　he　d