the dust-第31部分

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ore。〃

〃Dorothy；　let's　not　talk　of　these　things　now；〃　said　Norman。　　〃There's　no　hurry。　　I　want　you　to　wait　until　you　are　calm　and　have　thought　everything　over。　　Then　I'm　sure　you'll　see　that　you　ought　to　stay　on。〃

〃How　could　I？〃　she　asked　wonderingly。

〃Why　not？　　Am　I　demanding　anything　of　you？　You　know　I'm　notand　that　I　never　shall。〃

〃But　there's　no　reason　on　earth　why　YOU　should　support　ME。　　I　can　work。　　Why　shouldn't　I？　　And　if　I　didn't；　if　I　stayed　on　here；　what　sort　of　woman　would　I　be？〃

He　was　unable　to　find　an　answer。　　He　was　trying　not　to　see　a　look　in　her　faceor　was　it　in　her　soul；　revealed　through　her　eyes？a　look　that　made　him　think　for　the　first　time　of　a　resemblance　between　her　and　her　father。

〃You　see　yourself　I've　got　to　go。　　Any　money　I　could　earn　wouldn't　more　than　pay　for　a　room　and　board　somewhere。〃

〃You　can　let　me　advance　you　money　while　you〃　He　hesitated；　had　an　idea　which　he　welcomed　eagerly　〃while　you　study　for　the　stage。　　Yes；　that's　the　sensible　thing。　　You　can　learn　to　act。　　Then　you　will　be　able　to　make　a　decent　living。〃

She　slowly　shook　her　head。　　〃I've　no　talent　for　it　and　no　liking。　　No；　Mr。　Norman；　I　must　go　back　to　workand　right　away。〃

〃But　at　least　wait　until　you've　looked　into　the　stage　business；〃　he　urged。　　〃You　may　find　that　you　like　it　and　that　you　have　talent　for　it。〃

〃I　can't　take　any　more　from　you；〃　she　said。

〃You　think　I　am　not　to　be　trusted。　　I'm　not　going　to　say　now　how　I　feel　toward　you。　　But　I　can　honestly　say　one　thing。　　Now　that　you　are　all　alone　and　unprotected；　you　needn't　have　the　least　fear　of　me。〃

She　smiled　faintly。　　〃I　see　you　don't　believe　me。　Well；　it　doesn't　matter。　　I've　seen　Mr。　Tetlow　and　he　has　given　me　a　place　at　twelve　a　week　in　his　office。〃

Norman　sank　back　in　his　chair。　　〃He　is　in　for　himself　now？〃

〃No。　　He's　head　clerk　for　Pitchley　&　Culver。〃

〃Culver！〃　exclaimed　Norman。　　〃I　don't　want　you　to　go　into　Culver's　office。　　He's　a　scoundrel。〃

Again　Dorothy　smiled　faintly。　　Norman　colored。　〃I　know　he　stands　wellas　well　as　I　do。　　But　I　can't　trust　you　with　him。　　That　sounds　ridiculous　butit's　true。〃

〃I　think　I　can　trust　myself；〃　she　said　quietly。　　Her　grave　regard　fixed　his。　　〃Don't　you？〃　she　asked。

His　eyes　lowered。　　〃Yes；〃　he　replied。　　〃Butwhy　shouldn't　you　come　back　with　us？　　I'll　see　that　you　get　a　much　better　position　than　Culver's　giving　you。〃

Over　her　face　crept　one　of　those　mysterious　transformations　that　made　her　so　bafflingly　fascinating　to　him。　　Behind　that　worldly…wise；　satirical　mask　was　she　mocking　at　him？　　All　she　said　was：　　〃I　couldn't　work　there。　　I've　settled　it　with　Mr。　Tetlow。　　I　go　to　work　to…morrow。〃

〃To…morrow！〃　he　cried；　starting　up。

〃And　I've　found　a　place　to　live。　　Pat　and　Molly；　will　take　care　of　things　for　you　here。〃

〃Dorothy！　　You　don't　MEAN　this？　　You're　not　going　to　break　off？〃

〃I　shan't　see　you　againexcept　as　we　may　meet　by　accident。〃

〃Do　you　realize　what　you're　saying　means　to　me？〃　he　cried。　　〃Don't　you　know　how　I　love　you？〃　　He　advanced　toward　her。　　She　stood　and　waited　passively；　looking　at　him。　　〃Dorothymy　lovedo　you　want　to　kill　me？〃

〃When　are　you　to　be　married？〃　she　asked　quietly。

〃You　are　playing　with　me！〃　he　cried。　　〃You　are　tormenting　me。　　What　have　I　ever　done　that　you　should　treat　me　this　way？〃　　He　caught　her　unresisting　hands　and　kissed　them。　　〃Dearmy　deardon't　you　care　for　me　at　all？〃

〃No；〃　she　said　placidly。　　〃I've　always　told　you　so。〃

He　seized　her　in　his　arms；　kissed　her　with　a　frenzy　that　was　savage；　ferocious。　　〃You　will　drive　me　mad。　You　HAVE　driven　me　mad！〃　he　muttered。　　And　he　added；　unconscious　that　he　was　speaking　his　thoughts；　so　distracted　was　he：　　〃You　MUST　love　meyou　MUST！　　No　woman　has　ever　resisted　me。　　You　cannot。〃

She　drew　herself　away　from　him；　stood　before　him　like　snow；　like　ice。　　〃One　thing　I　have　never　told　you。　I'll　tell　you　now；〃　she　said　deliberately。　　〃I　despise　you。〃

He　fell　back　a　step　and　the　chill　of　her　coldness　seemed　to　be　freezing　the　blood　in　his　veins。

〃I've　always　despised　you；〃　she　went　on；　and　he　shivered　before　that　contemptuous　wordit　seemed　only　the　more　contemptuous　for　her　calmness。　　〃Sometimes　I've　despised　you　thoroughlyagain　only　a　littlebut　always　that　feeling。〃

For　a　moment　he　thought　she　had　at　last　stung　his　pride　into　the　semblance　of　haughtiness。　　He　was　able　to　look　at　her　with　mocking　eyes　and　to　say；　〃I　congratulate　you　on　your　cleverness　in　concealing　your　feelings。〃

〃It　wasn't　my　cleverness；〃　she　said　wearily。　　〃It　was　your　blindness。　　I　never　deceived　you。〃

〃No；　you　never　have；〃　he　replied　sincerely。　〃Perhaps　I　deserve　to　be　despised。　　Again；　perhaps　if　you　knew　the　worldthe　one　I　live　inbetter；　you'd　think　less　harshly　of　me。〃

〃I　don't　think　harshly　of　you。　　How　could　I　after　all　you　did　for　my　father？〃

〃Dorothy；　if　you'll　stay　here　and　study　for　the　stageor　anything　you　chooseI　promise　you　I'll　never　speak　of　my　feeling　for　youor　show　it　in　any　wayunless　you　yourself　give　me　leave。〃

She　smiled　with　childlike　pathos。　　〃You　ought　not　to　tempt　me。　　Do　you　want　me　to　keep　on　despising　you？　　Can't　you　ever　be　fair　with　me？〃

The　sad；　frank　gentleness　of　the　appeal　swung　his　unhinged　mind　to　the　other　extremefrom　the　savagery　of　passion　to　a　frenzy　of　remorse。　　〃Fair　to　YOU？　No；〃　he　cried；　〃because　I　love　you。　　Oh；　I'm　ashamed　bitterly　ashamed。　　I'm　capable　of　any　baseness　to　get　you。　　You're　right。　　You　can't　trust　me。　　In　going　you're　saving　me　from　myself。〃　　He　hesitated；　stared　wildly；　appalled　at　the　words　that　were　fighting　for　utterancethe　words　about　marriageabout　marrying　her！　　He　said　hoarsely：　　〃I　am　madmad！　　I　don't　know　what　I'm　saying。　　Good…by　　For　God's　sake；　don't　think　the　worst　of　me；　Dorothy。　　Good…by。　　I　WILL　be　a　man　againI　will！〃

And　he　wrung　her　hand　and；　talking　incoherently；　he　rushed　from　the　room　and　from　the　house。



XII


HE　went　straight　home　and　sought　his　sister。　　She　had　that　moment　come　in　from　tea　after　a　matinee。　She　talked　about　the　playhow　badly　it　was　acted　and　about　the　women　she　had　seen　at　teahow　badly　dressed　they　were。　　〃It's　hard　to　say　which　is　the　more　dreadfulthe　ugly；　misshapen　human　race　without　clothes　or　in　the　clothes　it　insists　on　wearing。　　And　the　talk　at　that　tea！　Does　no　one　ever　say　a　pleasant　thing　about　anyone？　　Doesn't　anyone　ever　do　a　pleasant　thing　that　can　be　spoken　about？　　I　read　this　morning　Tolstoy's　advice　about　resolving　to　think　all　day　only　nice　thoughts　and　sticking　to　it。　　That　sounded　good　to　me；　and　I　decided　to　try　it。〃　　Ursula　laughed　and　squirmed　about　in　her　tight…fitting　dress　that　made　an　enchanting　display　of　her　figure。　　〃What　is　one　to　do？　_I_　can't　be　a　fraud；　for　one。　　And　if　I　had　stuck　to　my　resolution　I'd　have　spent　the　day　in　lying。　　What's　the　matter；　Fred？〃　　Now　that　her　attention　was　attracted　she　observed　more　closely。　　〃What　HAVE　you　been　doing？　　You　lookfrightful！〃

〃I've　broken　with　her；〃　replied　he。

〃With　Jo？〃　she　cried。　　〃Why；　Fred；　you　can't　you　can'twith　the　wedding　only　five　days　away！〃

〃Not　with　Jo。〃

Ursula　breathed　noisy　relief。　　She　said　cheerfully：　〃Ohwith　the　other。　　Well；　I'm　glad　it's　over。〃

〃Over？〃　said　he　sardonically。　　〃Over？　　It's　only　begun。〃

〃But　you'll　stick　it　out；　Fred。　　You've　made　a　fool　of　yourself　long　enough。　　What　was　the　girl　playing　for？　　Marriage？〃

He　nodded。　　〃I　guess　so。〃　　He　laughed　curtly。　〃And　she　almost　won。〃

Ursula　smiled　with　fine　mockery。　　〃Almost；　but　not　quite。　　I　know　you　men。　　Women　do　that　sort　of　fool　thing。　　But　menneverat　least　not　the　ambitious；　snobbish　New　York　men。〃

〃She　almost　won；〃　he　repeated。　　〃At　least；　I　almost　did　it。　　If　I　had　stayed　a　minute　longer　I'd　have　done　it。〃

〃You　like　to　think　you　would；〃　mocked　Ursula。　〃But　if　you　had　tried　to　say　the　words　your　lungs　would　have　collapsed；　your　vocal　chords　snapped　and　your　tongue　shriveled。〃

〃I　am　not　so　damn　sure　I　shan't　do　it　yet；〃　he　burst　out　fiercely。

〃But　I　am；〃　said　Ursula；　calm；　brisk；　practical。　〃What's　she　going　to　do？〃

〃Going　to　work。〃

Ursula　laughed　joyously。　　〃What　a　joke！　　A　woman　go　to　work　when　she　needn't！〃

〃She　is　going　to　work。〃

〃To　work　another　man。〃

〃She　meant　it。〃

〃How　easily　women　fool　men！even　the　wise　men　like　you。〃

〃She　meant　it。〃

〃She　still　hopes　to　marry　youor　she　has　heard　of　your　marriage〃

Norman　lifted　his　head。　　Into　his　face　came　the　cynical；　suspicious　expression。

〃And　has　fastened　on　some　other　man。　　Or　perhaps　she's　found　some　good　provider　who's　willing　to　marry　her。〃

Norman　sprang　up；　his　eyes　blazing；　his　mouth　working　cruelly。　　〃By　God！〃　he　cried。　　〃If　I　thought　that！〃

His　sister　was　alarmed。　　Such　a　manin　such　a　deliriummight　commit　any　absurdity。　　He　flung　himself　down　in　despair。　　〃Urse；　why　can't　I　get　rid　of　this　thing？　　It's　ruining　me。　　It's　killing　me！〃

〃Your　good　sense　tells　you　if　you　had　her　you'd　be　over　it〃　　She　snapped　her　fingers〃like　that。〃

〃YesyesI　know　it！　　But〃　　He　groaned　〃she　has　broken　with　me。〃

Ursula　went　to　him　and　kissed　him　and　took　his　head　in　her　arms。　　〃What　a　BOY…boy　it　is！〃　she　said　tenderly。　　〃Oh；　it　must　be　dreadful　to　have　always　had　whatever　one　wanted　and　then　to　find　something　one　can't　have。　　We　women　are　used　to　itand　the　usual　sort　of　man。　　But　not　your　sort；　Freddyand　I'm　so　sorry　for　you。〃

〃I　want　her；　UrseI　want　her；〃　he　groaned；　and　he　was　almost　sobbing。　　〃My　God；　I　CAN'T　get　on　without　her。〃

〃Now；　Freddy　dear；　listen　to　me。　　You　know　she's　'way；　'way　beneath　youthat　she　isn't　at　all　what　you've　got　in　the　habit　of　picturing　herthat　it's　all　delusion　and　nonsense〃

〃I　want　her；〃　he　repeated。　　〃I　want　her。〃

〃You'd　be　ashamed　if　you　had　her　as　a　wife　wouldn't　you？〃

He　was　silent。

〃She　isn't　a　LADY。〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　replied　he。

〃She　hasn't　any　sense。　　A　low　sort　of　cunning；　yes。　　But　not　brainsnot　enough　to　hold　you。〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　replied　he。　　〃She's　got　enough　for　a　woman。　　AndI　WANT　her。〃

〃She　isn't　to　be　compared　with　Josephine。〃

〃But　I　don't　want　Josephine。　　I　want　HER。〃

〃But　which　do　you　want　to　MARRY？to　bring　forward　as　your　wife？to　spend　your　life　with？〃

〃I　know。　　I'm　a　mad　fool。　　But；　Urse；　I　can't　help　it。〃　　He　stood　up　suddenly。　　〃I've　used　every　weapon　I've