the dust-第40部分

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in　timid　quiet。

〃She　knew　another　man；〃　pursued　Norman；　〃one　who　was　able　to　give　her　what　she　wanted　in　the　way　of　comfort。　　So；　she　decided　to　make　an　arrangement　with　the　man；　and　keep　it　hidden　from　her　loverand　in　that　way　get　along　pleasantly　until　her　lover　was　in　better　circumstances　。〃

Her　gaze　was　upon　her　hands；　listless　in　her　lap。　　He　felt　that　he　had　spoken　her　unspoken；　probably　unformed　thoughts。　　Yes；　unformed。　　Men　and　women；　especially　women；　habitually　pursued　these　unacknowledged　andeven　unformed　purposes；　in　their　conflicts　of　the　desire　to　get　what　they　wanted　and　their　desire　to　appear　well　to　themselves。

〃What　would　you　think　of　an　arrangement　like　that？〃　asked　he；　determined　to　draw　her　secret　heart　into　the　open　where　he　could　see；　where　she　could　see。

She　lifted　frank；　guileless　eyes　to　his。　　〃I　suppose　the　girl　was　trying　to　do　the　best　she　could。〃

〃What　do　you　think　of　a　girl　who'd　do　that？〃

〃I　don't　judge　anybodyany　more。　　I've　found　out　that　this　world　isn't　at　all　as　I　thoughtas　I　was　taught。〃

〃Would　YOU　do　it？〃

She　smiled　faintly。　　〃No；〃　she　replied　uncertainly。　Then　she　restored　his　wavering　belief　in　her　essential　honesty　and　truthfulness　by　adding：　　〃That　is　to　say；　I　don't　think　I　would。〃

She　busied　herself　with　her　hair；　feeling　it　to　see　whether　it　was　not　yet　dry；　spreading　it　out。　　He　looked　at　her　unseeingly。　　At　last　she　said：　　〃You　must　go。　I've　got　to　get　dressed。〃

〃YesI　must　be　going；〃　said　he　absently；　rising　and　reaching　for　his　hat　on　the　center　table。

She　stood　up；　put　out　her　hand。　　〃I'm　glad　you　came。〃

〃Thank　you；〃　said　he；　still　in　the　same　abstraction。　He　shook　hands　with　her；　moved　hesitatingly　toward　the　door。　　With　his　hand　on　the　knob　he　turned　and　glanced　keenly　at　her。　　He　surprised　in　her　face　a　look　of　mystery　of　seriousness；　of　sadnesswas　there　anxiety　in　it；　also？　　And　then　he　saw　a　certain　elusive　reminder　of　her　fatherand　it　brought　to　him　with　curious　force　the　memory　of　how　she　had　been　brought　up；　of　what　must　be　hers　by　inheritance　and　by　trainingshe；　the　daughter　of　a　great　and　simple　and　noble　man

〃You'll　come　again？〃　she　said；　and　there　was　the　note　in　her　voice　that　made　his　nerves　grow　tense　and　vibrate。

But　he　seemed　not　to　have　heard　her　question。　　Still　at　the　unopened　door；　he　folded　his　arms　upon　his　chest　and　said；　speaking　rapidly　yet　with　the　deliberation　of　one　who　has　thought　out　his　words　in　advance：

〃I　don't　know　what　kind　of　girl　you　are。　　I　never　have　known。　　I've　never　wanted　to　know。　　If　you　told　me　you　werewhat　is　called　good；　I'd　doubt　it。　　If　you　told　me　you　weren't；　I'd　want　to　kill　you　and　myself。　They　say　there's　a　fatal　woman　for　every　man　and　a　fatal　man　for　every　woman。　　I　always　laughed　at　the　ideauntil　you。　　I　don't　know　what　to　make　of　myself。〃

She　suddenly　laid　her　finger　on　her　lips。　　It　irritated　him；　to　discover　that；　as　he　talked；　speaking　the　things　that　came　from　the　very　depths　of　his　soul；　she　had　been　giving　him　only　part　of　her　attention；　had　been　listening　for　a　step　on　the　stairs。　　He　was　hearing　the　ascending　step　now。　　He　frowned。　　〃Can't　you　send　him　away？〃　he　asked。

〃I　must；〃　said　she　in　a　low　tone。　　〃It　wouldn't　do　for　him　to　know　you　were　here。　　He　has　strict　ideas　and　is　terribly　jealous。〃

A　few　seconds　of　silence；　then　a　knock　on　the　other　side　of　the　door。

〃Who's　there？〃　she　called。

〃I'm　a　little　early；〃　came　in　an　agreeable；　young　man's　voice。　　〃Aren't　you　ready？〃

〃Not　nearly；〃　replied　she；　in　a　laughing；　innocent　voice。　　〃You'll　have　to　go　away　for　half　an　hour。〃

〃I'll　wait　out　here　on　the　steps。〃

Her　eyes　were　sparkling。　　A　delicate　color　had　mounted　to　her　skin。　　Norman；　watching　her　jealously；　clinched　his　strong　jaws。　　She　said：　　〃Noyou　must　go　clear　away。　　I　don't　want　to　feel　that　I'm　being　hurried。　　Don't　come　back　until　a　quarter　past　four。〃

〃All　right。　　I'm　crazy　to　see　you。〃　　This　in　the　voice　of　a　lover。　　She　smiled　radiantly　at　Norman；　as　if　she　thought　he　would　share　in　her　happiness　at　these　evidences　of　her　being　well　loved。　　The　unseen　young　man　said：　　〃Exactly　a　quarter　past。　　What　time　does　your　clock　say　it　is　now？〃

〃A　quarter　to；〃　replied　she。

〃That's　what　my　watch　says。　　So　there'll　be　no　mistake。　　For　half　an　hourgood…by！〃

〃Half　an　hour！〃　she　called。

She　and　Norman　stood　in　silence　until　the　footsteps　died　away。　　Then　she　said　crossly　to　Norman：　　〃You　ought　to　have　gone　before。　　I　don't　like　to　do　these　things。〃

〃You　do　them　well；〃　said　he；　with　a　savage　gleam。

She　was　prompt　and　sure　with　his　punishment。　　She　said；　simply　and　sweetly：　　〃I'd　do　anything　to　keep　HIS　good　opinion　of　me。〃

Norman　felt　and　looked　cowed。　　〃You　don't　know　how　it　makes　me　suffer　to　see　you　fond　of　another　man；〃　he　cried。

She　seemed　not　in　the　least　interested；　went　to　the　mirror　of　the　bureau　and　began　to　inspect　her　hair　with　a　view　to　doing　it　up。　　〃You　can　go　in　five　minutes；〃　said　she。　　〃By　that　time　he'll　be　well　out　of　the　way。　Anyhow；　if　he　saw　you　leaving　the　house　he'd　not　know　but　what　you　had　been　to　see　some　one　else。　　He　knows　you　by　reputation　but　not　by　sight。〃

Norman　went　to　her；　took　her　by　the　shoulders　gently　but　strongly。　　〃Look　at　me；〃　he　said。

She　looked　at　him　with　an　expression；　or　perhaps　absence　of　expression；　that　was　simple　listening。

〃If　you　meant　awhile　ago　some　such　thing　as　I　hintedI　will　have　nothing　to　do　with　it。　　You　must　marry　meor　it's　nothing　at　all。〃

Her　gaze　did　not　wander；　but　before　his　wondering　eyes　she　seemed　to　fade；　fade　toward　colorlessness　insig…　nificance。　　The　light　died　from　her　eyes；　the　flush　of　health　from　her　white　skin；　the　freshness　from　her　lips；　the　sparkle　and　vitality　from　her　hair。　　A　slow；　gradual　transformation；　which　he　watched　with　a　frightened　tightening　at　the　heart。

She　said　slowly：　　〃YouwantmetoMARRY　you？〃

〃I've　always　wanted　it；　though　I　didn't　realize；〃　replied　he。　　〃How　else　could　I　be　sure　of　you？　　Besides〃　He　flushed；　added　hurriedly；　almost　in　an　undertone　〃I　owe　it　to　you。〃

She　seated　herself　deliberately。

After　he　had　waited　in　vain　for　her　to　speak；　he　went　on：　　〃If　you　married　me；　I　know　you'd　play　square。　I　could　trust　you　absolutely。　　I　don't　knowcan't　find　out　much　about　youbut　at　least　I　know　that。〃

〃But　I　don't　love　you；〃　said　she。

〃You　needn't　remind　me　of　it；〃　rejoined　he　curtly。

〃I　don't　think　soso　poorly　of　you　as　I　used　to；〃　she　went　on。　　〃I　understand　a　lot　of　things　better　than　I　did。　　But　I　don't　love　you；　and　I　feel　that　I　never　could。〃

〃I'll　risk　that；〃　said　Norman。　　Through　his　clinched　teeth；　〃I've　got　to　risk　it。〃

〃I'd　be　marrying　you　because　I　don't　feel　able　to　to　make　my　own　way。〃

〃That's　the　reason　most　girls　have　for　marrying；〃　said　he。　　〃Love　comes　afterwardif　it　comes。　　And　it's　the　more　likely　to　come　for　the　girl　not　having　faked　the　man　and　herself　beforehand。〃

She　glanced　at　the　clock。　　He　frowned。　　She　started　up。　　〃You　MUST　go；〃　she　said。

〃What　is　your　answer？〃

〃Oh；　I　couldn't　decide　so　quickly。　　I　must　think。〃

〃You　mean　you　must　see　your　young　man　again　see　whether　there　isn't　some　way　of　working　it　out　with　him。〃

〃That；　too；〃　replied　she　simply。　　〃Butit's　nearly　four　o'clock〃

〃I'll　come　back　at　seven　for　my　answer。〃

〃No；　I'll　write　you　to…night。〃

〃I　must　know　at　once。　　This　suspense　has　got　to　end。　　It　unfits　me　for　everything。〃

〃I'llI'll　decideto…night；〃　she　said；　with　a　queer　catch　in　her　voice。　　〃You'll　get　the　letter　in　the　morning　mail。〃

〃Very　well。〃　　And　he　gave　her　his　club　address。

She　opened　the　door　in　her　impatience　to　be　rid　of　him。　　He　went　with　a　hasty　〃Good…by〃　which　she　echoed　as　she　closed　the　door。

When　he　left　the　house　he　saw　standing　on　the　curb　before　it　a　tall；　good…looking　young　manwith　a　frank　amiable　face。　　He　hesitated；　glowering　at　the　young　man's　profile。　　Then　he　went　his　way；　suffocating　with　jealous　anger；　depressed；　despondent；　fit　for　nothing　but　to　drink　and　to　brood　in　fatuous　futility。



XVI


UNTIL　very　recently　indeed　psychology　was　not　an　ology　at　all　but　an　indefinite　something　or　other　〃up　in　the　air；〃　the　sport　of　the　winds　and　fogs　of　transcendental　tommy　rot。　　Now；　however；　science　has　drawn　it　down；　has　fitted　it　in　its　proper　place　as　a　branch　of　physiology。　　And　we　are　beginning　to　have　a　clearer　understanding　of　the　thoughts　and　the　thought…producing　actions　of　ourselves　and　our　fellow　beings。　　Soon　it　will　be　no　longer　possible　for　the　historian　and　the　novelist；　the　dramatist；　the　poet；　the　painter　or　sculptor　to　present　in　all　seriousness　as　instances　of　sane　human　conduct；　the　aberrations　resulting　from　various　forms　of　disease　ranging　from　indigestion　in　its　mild；　temper…　breeding　forms　to　acute　homicidal　or　suicidal　mania。　In　that　day　of　greater　enlightenment　a　large　body　of　now　much　esteemed　art　will　become　ridiculous。　　Practically　all　the　literature　of　strenuous　passion　will　go　by　the　board　or　will　be　relegated　to　the　medical　library　where　it　belongs；　and　it；　and　the　annals　of　violence　found　in　the　daily　newspapers　of　our　remote　time　will　be　cited　as　documentary　proof　of　the　low　economic　and　hygienic　conditions　prevailing　in　that　almost　barbarous　period。　　For　certain　it　is　that　the　human　animal　when　healthy　and　well　fed　is　invariably　peaceable　and　kindly　and　tolerantup　to　the　limits　of　selfishness；　and　even　encroaching　upon　those　limits。

Of　writing　rubbish　about　love　and　passion　there　is　no　endand　will　be　no　end　until　the　venerable　traditional　nonsense　about　those　interesting　emotions　shares　the　fate　that　should　overtake　all　the　cobwebs　of　ignorance　thickly　clogging　the　windows　and　walls　of　the　human　mind。　　Of　all　the　fiddle…faddle　concerning　passion　probably　none　is　more　shudderingly　admired　than　the　notion　that　one　possessed　of　an　overwhelming　desire　for　another　longs　to　destroy　that　other。　　It　is　true　there　is　a　form　of　murderous　mania　that　involves　practically　all　the　emotions；　including　of　course　the　passionswhich　are　as　readily　subject　to　derangement　as　any　other　part　of　the　human　organism。　　But　passion　in　itselfeven　when　it　is　so　powerful　that　it　dominates　the　whole　life；　as　in　the　case　of　Frederick　Normanpassion　in　itself　is　not　a　form　of　mental　derangement　in　t