the dust-第43部分
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not try to nerve himself to kiss her； but said：
〃It'll not take you long to get ready？〃
She moved to rise from her languid rest upon the sofa。 She sank back。 〃Perhaps we'd better not go to…day；〃 suggested she。
〃Don't you feel well？〃 he asked； and his tone was more sympathetic than it would have been had his sympathy been genuine。
〃Not very；〃 replied she； with a faint deprecating smile。 〃And not verynot very〃
〃Not very what？〃 he said； in a tone of encouragement。
〃Not very happy；〃 she confessed。 〃I'm afraid I've made aa dreadful mistake。〃
He looked at her in silence。 She could have said nothing that would have caused a livelier response within himself。 His cynicism noted the fact that while he had mercifully concealed his discontent； she was thinking only of herself。 But he did not blame her。 It was only the familiar habit of the sex； bred of man's assiduous cultivation of its egotism。 He said： 〃Oh； you'll feel differently about it later。 Let's get some fresh air and see what the shops have to offer。〃
A pause； then she； timidly： 〃Would you mind very much if Iif I didn'tgo on？〃
〃You mean； if you left me？〃
She nodded without looking at him。 He could not understand himself； but as he sat observing her； so young； so inexperienced and so undesirable； a pity of which he would not have dreamed his nature capable welled up in him； choking his throat with sobs he could scarcely restrain and filling his eyes with tears he had secretly to wipe away。 And he felt himself seized of a sense of responsibility for her as strong in its solemn； still way as any of the paroxysms of his passion had been。
He said： 〃My dearyou mustn't decide anything so important to you in a hurry。〃
A tremor passed over her； and he thought she was going to dissolve in hysterics。 But she exhibited once more that marvelous and mysterious self…control； whose secret had interested and baffled him。 She said in her dim； quiet way：
〃It seems to me I just can't stay on。〃
〃You can always go； you know。 Why not try it a few days？〃
He could feel the trend of her thoughts； and in the way things often amuse us without in the least moving us to wish to laugh； he was amused by noting that she was trying to bring herself to stay on； out of consideration for HIS feelings！ He said with a kind of paternal tenderness：
〃Whenever you want to go； I am willing to arrange things for youso that you needn't worry about money。 But I feel that； as I am older than you； I ought to do all I can to keep you from making a mistake you might soon regret。〃
She studied him dubiously。 He saw that she naturally enoughdid not believe in his disinterestedness； that she hadn't a suspicion of his change； or； rather collapse； of feeling。 She said：
〃If you ask it； I'll stay a while。 But you must promise toto be kind to me。〃
There was only gentleness in his smile。 But what a depth of satirical self…mockery and amusement at her innocent young egotism it concealed！ 〃You'll never have reason to speak of that again； my dear；〃 said he。
〃Icantrust you？〃 she said。
〃Absolutely；〃 replied he。 〃I'll have another room opened into this suite。 Would you like that？〃
〃If youif you don't mind。〃
He stood up with sudden boyish buoyance。 〃Now let's go shopping。 Let's amuse ourselves。〃
She rose with alacrity。 She eyed him uncertainly； then flung her arms round his neck and kissed him。
〃You are SO good to me！〃 she cried。 〃And I'm not a bit nice。〃
He did not try to detain her； but sent her to finish dressing； with an encouraging pat on the shoulder and a cheerful； 〃Don't worry about yourselfor me。〃
XVII
ABOUT half an hour later the door into the bedroom opened and she appeared on the threshold of the sitting room； ready for the street。 He stared at her in the dazed amazement of a man faced by the impossible； and uncertain whether it is sight or reason that is tricking him。 She had gone into the bedroom not only homely but commonplace； not only commonplace but common； a dingy washed…out blonde girl whom it would be a humiliation to present as his wife。 She was standing there； in the majesty of such proud pale beauty as poets delight to ascribe to a sorrowful princess。 Her wonderful skin was clear and translucent； giving her an ethereal look。 Her hair reminded him again of what marvels he had seen in the sunlight of Sunday afternoon。 And looking at her form and the small head so gracefully capping it； he could think only of the simile that had always come to him in his moments of ecstasythe lily on its tall stem。
And once more； like a torrent； the old infatuation sprang from its dried sources and came rushing and overwhelming through vein and nerve。 〃Am I mad now？was I mad a few moments ago？is it she or is it my own disordered senses？〃
She was drawing on her gloves； was unconscious of his confusion。 He controlled himself and said： 〃You have a most disconcerting way of changing your appearance。〃
She glanced down at her costume。 〃No； it's the same dress。 I've only the one； you know。〃
He longed to take her in his arms； but could not trust himself。 And this wonder…girl； his very own； was talking of leaving him！ And henot an hour before he； apparently in his right senses had been tolerating such preposterous talk！ Give her up？ Never！ He must see to it that the subject did not find excuse for intruding again。 〃I have frightened herhave disgusted her。 I must restrain myself。 I must be patient and teach her slowlyand win her gradually。〃
They spent an interesting and even exciting afternoon； driving from shop to shop and selecting the first beginnings of her wardrobe。 He had only about three hundred dollars。 Some of the things they ordered were ready for delivery； and so had to be paid for at once。 When they returned to the hotel he had but fifty dollars leftand had contracted debts that made it necessary for him to raise at least a thousand dollars within a week。 He saw that his freedom with sums of money which terrified her filled her with awe and admirationand that he was already more successful than he had expected to be； in increasing her hesitation about leaving him。 Among the things they had bought were a simple black chiffon dress and a big plumed black hat to match。 These needed no alterations and were delivered soon after they returned。 Some silk stockings came also and a pair of slippers bought for the dinner toilet。
〃You can dress to…night；〃 said he； 〃and I'll take you to Sherry's； and to the theater afterwards。〃
She was delighted。 At last she was going to look like the women of whom she had been dreaming these last few months。 She set about dressing herself； he waiting in the sitting room in a state of acute nervousness。 What would be the effect of such a toilet？ Would she look like a ladyor likewhat she had suggested that morning？ She was so changeable； had such a wide range of variability that he dared not hope。 When she finally appeared； he was ready to fall down and worship。 He was about to take her where his world would see her； where every inch of her would be subjected to the cruelest； most hostile criticism。 One glance at her； and he knew a triumph awaited him。 No man and no woman would wonder that he had lost his head over such beauty as hers。 Hat and dress seemed just what had been needed to bring out the full glory of her charms。
〃You are incredibly beautiful；〃 he said in an awed tone。 〃I am proud of you。〃
A little color came into her cheeks。 She looked at herself in the mirror with her quiet intense secret； yet not covert vanity。 He laughed in boyish pleasure。 〃This is only the small beginning；〃 said he。 〃Wait a few months。〃
At dinner and in a box at the theater afterwards； he had the most exquisite pleasure of his life。 She had been seen by many of his former friends； and he was certain they knew who she was。 He felt that he would have no difficulty in putting her in the place his wife should occupy。 A woman with such beauty as hers was a sensation； one fashionable society would not deny itself。 She had good manners； an admirable manner。 With a little coaching she would be as much at home in grandeur as were those who had always had it。
The last fear of losing her left him。 On the way back to the hotel he； in a delirium of pride and passion； crushed her in his arms and caressed her with the frenzy that had always terrified her。 She resisted only faintly； was almost passive。 〃She is mine！〃 he said to himself； exultantly。 〃She is really mine！〃
When he awoke in the morning she was still asleep looked like a tired lovely child。 Several times； while he was dressing； he went in to feast his eyes upon her beauty。 How could he possibly have thought her homely； in whatever moment of less beauty or charm she might have had？ The crowning charm of infinite variety！ She had a delightfully sweet disposition。 He was not sure how much or how little intelligence she hadprobably more than most women。 But what did that matter？ It would be impossible ever to grow weary or to be anything but infatuated lover when she had such changeful beauty。
He kissed her lightly on her thick braids； as he was about to go。 He left a note explaining that he did not wish to disturb her and that it was necessary for him to be at the office earlier。 And that morning in all New York no man left his home for the day's struggle for dollars with a freer or happier heart； or readier to play the game boldly； skillfully； with success。
Certainly he needed all his courage and all his skill。
To most of the people who live in New York and elsewhere throughout the countryor the world； for that matteran income of a thousand dollars a month seems extremely comfortable； to say the least of it。 The average American family of five has to scrape along on about half that sum a year。 But among the comfortable classes in New Yorkand perhaps in one or two other citiesa thousand dollars a month is literally genteel poverty。 To people accustomed to what is called luxury nowadayspeople with the habit of the private carriage； the private automobile； and several servantsto such people a thousand dollars a month is an absurd little sum。 It would not pay for the food alone。 It would n
