the life of charlotte bronte-1-第28部分

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ction　be　necessary　to　salvation；　I　shall　never　be　saved；　my　heart　is　a　very　hotbed　for　sinful　thoughts；　and　when　I　decide　on　an　action　I　scarcely　remember　to　look　to　my　Redeemer　for　direction。　　I　know　not　how　to　pray；　I　cannot　bend　my　life　to　the　grand　end　of　doing　good；　I　go　on　constantly　seeking　my　own　pleasure；　pursuing　the　gratification　of　my　own　desires。　　I　forget　God；　and　will　not　God　forget　me？　And；　meantime；　I　know　the　greatness　of　Jehovah；　I　acknowledge　the　perfection　of　His　word；　I　adore　the　purity　of　the　Christian　faith；　my　theory　is　right；　my　practice　horribly　wrong。〃

The　Christmas　holidays　came；　and　she　and　Anne　returned　to　the　parsonage；　and　to　that　happy　home　circle　in　which　alone　their　natures　expanded；　amongst　all　other　people　they　shrivelled　up　more　or　less。　　Indeed；　there　were　only　one　or　two　strangers　who　could　be　admitted　among　the　sisters　without　producing　the　same　result。　Emily　and　Anne　were　bound　up　in　their　lives　and　interests　like　twins。　　The　former　from　reserve；　the　latter　from　timidity；　avoided　all　friendships　and　intimacies　beyond　their　family。　　Emily　was　impervious　to　influence；　she　never　came　in　contact　with　public　opinion；　and　her　own　decision　of　what　was　right　and　fitting　was　a　law　for　her　conduct　and　appearance；　with　which　she　allowed　no　one　to　interfere。　　Her　love　was　poured　out　on　Anne；　as　Charlotte's　was　on　her。　　But　the　affection　among　all　the　three　was　stronger　than　either　death　or　life。

〃E。〃　was　eagerly　welcomed　by　Charlotte；　freely　admitted　by　Emily；　and　kindly　received　by　Anne；　whenever　she　could　visit　them；　and　this　Christmas　she　had　promised　to　do　so；　but　her　coming　had　to　be　delayed　on　account　of　a　little　domestic　accident　detailed　in　the　following　letter：…


〃Dec。　29；　1837。

〃I　am　sure　you　will　have　thought　me　very　remiss　in　not　sending　my　promised　letter　long　before　now；　but　I　have　a　sufficient　and　very　melancholy　excuse　in　an　accident　that　befell　our　old　faithful　Tabby；　a　few　days　after　my　return　home。　　She　was　gone　out　into　the　village　on　some　errand；　when；　as　she　was　descending　the　steep　street；　her　foot　slipped　on　the　ice；　and　she　fell；　it　was　dark；　and　no　one　saw　her　mischance；　till　after　a　time　her　groans　attracted　the　attention　of　a　passer…by。　　She　was　lifted　up　and　carried　into　the　druggist's　near；　and；　after　the　examination；　it　was　discovered　that　she　had　completely　shattered　and　dislocated　one　leg。　　Unfortunately；　the　fracture　could　not　be　set　till　six　o'clock　the　next　morning；　as　no　surgeon　was　to　be　had　before　that　time；　and　she　now　lies　at　our　house　in　a　very　doubtful　and　dangerous　state。　　Of　course　we　are　all　exceedingly　distressed　at　the　circumstance；　for　she　was　like　one　of　our　own　family。　　Since　the　event　we　have　been　almost　without　assistancea　person　has　dropped　in　now　and　then　to　do　the　drudgery；　but　we　have　as　yet　been　able　to　procure　no　regular　servant；　and　consequently；　the　whole　work　of　the　house；　as　well　as　the　additional　duty　of　nursing　Tabby；　falls　on　ourselves。　　Under　these　circumstances　I　dare　not　press　your　visit　here；　at　least　until　she　is　pronounced　out　of　danger；　it　would　be　too　selfish　of　me。　　Aunt　wished　me　to　give　you　this　information　before；　but　papa　and　all　the　rest　were　anxious　I　should　delay　until　we　saw　whether　matters　took　a　more　settled　aspect；　and　I　myself　kept　putting　it　off　from　day　to　day；　most　bitterly　reluctant　to　give　up　all　the　pleasure　I　had　anticipated　so　long。　　However；　remembering　what　you　told　me；　namely；　that　you　had　commended　the　matter　to　a　higher　decision　than　ours；　and　that　you　were　resolved　to　submit　with　resignation　to　that　decision；　whatever　it　might　be；　I　hold　it　my　duty　to　yield　also；　and　to　be　silent；　it　may　be　all　for　the　best。　　I　fear；　if　you　had　been　here　during　this　severe　weather；　your　visit　would　have　been　of　no　advantage　to　you；　for　the　moors　are　blockaded　with　snow；　and　you　would　never　have　been　able　to　get　out。　　After　this　disappointment；　I　never　dare　reckon　with　certainty　on　the　enjoyment　of　a　pleasure　again；　it　seems　as　if　some　fatality　stood　between　you　and　me。　　I　am　not　good　enough　for　you；　and　you　must　be　kept　from　the　contamination　of　too　intimate　society。　　I　would　urge　your　visit　yetI　would　entreat　and　press　itbut　the　thought　comes　across　me；　should　Tabby　die　while　you　are　in　the　house；　I　should　never　forgive　myself。　　No！　it　must　not　be；　and　in　a　thousand　ways　the　consciousness　of　that　mortifies　and　disappoints　me　most　keenly；　and　I　am　not　the　only　one　who　is　disappointed。　　All　in　the　house　were　looking　to　your　visit　with　eagerness。　　Papa　says　he　highly　approves　of　my　friendship　with　you；　and　he　wishes　me　to　continue　it　through　life。〃

A　good　neighbour　of　the　Brontesa　clever；　intelligent　Yorkshire　woman；　who　keeps　a　druggist's　shop　in　Haworth；　and　from　her　occupation；　her　experience；　and　excellent　sense；　holds　the　position　of　village　doctress　and　nurse；　and；　as　such；　has　been　a　friend；　in　many　a　time　of　trial；　and　sickness；　and　death；　in　the　households　roundtold　me　a　characteristic　little　incident　connected　with　Tabby's　fractured　leg。　　Mr。　Bronte　is　truly　generous　and　regardful　of　all　deserving　claims。　　Tabby　had　lived　with　them　for　ten　or　twelve　years；　and　was；　as　Charlotte　expressed　it；　〃one　of　the　family。〃　　But　on　the　other　hand；　she　was　past　the　age　for　any　very　active　service；　being　nearer　seventy　than　sixty　at　the　time　of　the　accident；　she　had　a　sister　living　in　the　village；　and　the　savings　she　had　accumulated；　during　many　years'　service；　formed　a　competency　for　one　in　her　rank　of　life。　　Or　if；　in　this　time　of　sickness；　she　fell　short　of　any　comforts　which　her　state　rendered　necessary；　the　parsonage　could　supply　them。　　So　reasoned　Miss　Branwell；　the　prudent；　not　to　say　anxious　aunt；　looking　to　the　limited　contents　of　Mr。　Bronte's　purse；　and　the　unprovided…for…future　of　her　nieces；　who　were；　moreover；　losing　the　relaxation　of　the　holidays；　in　close　attendance　upon　Tabby。

Miss　Branwell　urged　her　views　upon　Mr。　Bronte　as　soon　as　the　immediate　danger　to　the　old　servant's　life　was　over。　　He　refused　at　first　to　listen　to　the　careful　advice；　it　was　repugnant　to　his　liberal　nature。　　But　Miss　Branwell　persevered；　urged　economical　motives；　pressed　on　his　love　for　his　daughters。　　He　gave　way。　Tabby　was　to　be　removed　to　her　sister's；　and　there　nursed　and　cared　for；　Mr。　Bronte　coming　in　with　his　aid　when　her　own　resources　fell　short。　　This　decision　was　communicated　to　the　girls。　　There　were　symptoms　of　a　quiet；　but　sturdy　rebellion；　that　winter　afternoon；　in　the　small　precincts　of　Haworth　parsonage。　They　made　one　unanimous　and　stiff　remonstrance。　　Tabby　had　tended　them　in　their　childhood；　they；　and　none　other；　should　tend　her　in　her　infirmity　and　age。　　At　tea…time；　they　were　sad　and　silent；　and　the　meal　went　away　untouched　by　any　of　the　three。　　So　it　was　at　breakfast；　they　did　not　waste　many　words　on　the　subject；　but　each　word　they　did　utter　was　weighty。　　They　〃struck〃　eating　till　the　resolution　was　rescinded；　and　Tabby　was　allowed　to　remain　a　helpless　invalid　entirely　dependent　upon　them。　　Herein　was　the　strong　feeling　of　Duty　being　paramount　to　pleasure；　which　lay　at　the　foundation　of　Charlotte's　character；　made　most　apparent；　for　we　have　seen　how　she　yearned　for　her　friend's　company；　but　it　was　to　be　obtained　only　by　shrinking　from　what　she　esteemed　right；　and　that　she　never　did；　whatever　might　be　the　sacrifice。

She　had　another　weight　on　her　mind　this　Christmas。　　I　have　said　that　the　air　of　Dewsbury　Moor　did　not　agree　with　her；　though　she　herself　was　hardly　aware　how　much　her　life　there　was　affecting　her　health。　　But　Anne　had　begun　to　suffer　just　before　the　holidays；　and　Charlotte　watched　over　her　younger　sisters　with　the　jealous　vigilance　of　some　wild　creature；　that　changes　her　very　nature　if　danger　threatens　her　young。　　Anne　had　a　slight　cough；　a　pain　at　her　side；　a　difficulty　of　breathing。　　Miss　W…　considered　it　as　little　more　than　a　common　cold；　but　Charlotte　felt　every　indication　of　incipient　consumption　as　a　stab　at　her　heart；　remembering　Maria　and　Elizabeth；　whose　places　once　knew　them；　and　should　know　them　no　more。

Stung　by　anxiety　for　this　little　sister；　she　upbraided　Miss　W…　for　her　fancied　indifference　to　Anne's　state　of　health。　　Miss　W…　felt　these　reproaches　keenly；　and　wrote　to　Mr。　Bronte　about　them。　　He　immediately　replied　most　kindly；　expressing　his　fear　that　Charlotte's　apprehensions　and　anxieties　respecting　her　sister　had　led　her　to　give　utterance　to　over…excited　expressions　of　alarm。　Through　Miss　W…'s　kind　consideration；　Anne　was　a　year　longer　at　school　than　her　friends　intended。　　At　the　close　of　the　half…year　Miss　W…　sought　for　the　opportunity　of　an　explanation　of　each　other's　words；　and　the　issue　proved　that　〃the　falling　out　of　faithful　friends；　renewing　is　of　love。〃　　And　so　ended　the　first；　last；　and　only　difference　Charlotte　ever　had　with　good；　kind　Miss　W　…。

Still　her　heart　had　received　a　shock　in　the　perception　of　Anne's　delicacy；　and　all　these　holidays　she　watched　over　her　with　the　longing；　fond　anxiety；　which　is　so　full　of　sudden　pangs　of　fear。

Emily　had　given　up　her　situation　in　the　Halifax　school；　at　the　expiration　of　six　months　of　arduous　trial；　on　account　of　her　health；　which　could　only　be　re…established　by　the　bracing　moorland　air　and　free　life　of　home。　　Tabby's　illness　had　preyed　on　the　family　resources。　　I　doubt　whether　Branwell　was　maintaining　himself　at　this　time。　　For　some　unexplained　reason；　he　had　given　up　the　idea　of　becoming　a　student　of　painting　at　the　Royal　Academy；　and　his　prospects　in　life　were　uncertain；　and　had　yet　to　be　settled。　　So　Charlotte　had　quietly　to　take　up　her　burden　of　teaching　again；　and　return　to　her　previous　monotonous　life。

Brave　heart；　ready　to　die　in　harness！　　She　went　back　to　her　work；　and　made　no　complaint；　hoping　to　subdue　the　weakness　that　was　gaining　ground　upon　her。　　About　this　time；　she　would　turn　sick　and　trembling　at　any　sudden　noise；　and　could　hardly　repress　her　screams　when　startled。　　This　showed　a　fearful　degree　of　physical　weakness　in　one　who　was　generally　so　self…controlled；　and　the　medical　man；　whom　at　length；　through　Miss　W…'s　entreaty；　she　was　led　to　consult；　insisted　on　her　return　to　the　parsonage。　　She　had　led　too　sedentary　a　life；　he　said；　and　the　soft　summer　air；　blowing　round　her　home；　the　sweet　company　of