the life of charlotte bronte-1-第30部分

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dear！〃

〃The　family　into　which　she　first　entered　was；　I　believe；　that　of　a　wealthy　Yorkshire　manufacturer。　　The　following　extracts　from　her　correspondence　at　this　time　will　show　how　painfully　the　restraint　of　her　new　mode　of　life　pressed　upon　her。　　The　first　is　from　a　letter　to　Emily；　beginning　with　one　of　the　tender　expressions　in　which；　in　spite　of　〃humbug；〃　she　indulged　herself。　　〃Mine　dear　love；〃　〃Mine…bonnie　love；〃　are　her　terms　of　address　to　this　beloved　sister。

〃June　8th；　1839。

〃I　have　striven　hard　to　be　pleased　with　my　new　situation。　　The　country；　the　house　and　the　grounds　are；　as　I　have　said；　divine；　but；　alack…a…day！　there　is　such　a　thing　as　seeing　all　beautiful　around　youpleasant　woods；　white　paths；　green　lawns；　and　blue　sunshiny　skyand　not　having　a　free　moment　or　a　free　thought　left　to　enjoy　them。　　The　children　are　constantly　with　me。　　As　for　correcting　them；　I　quickly　found　that　was　out　of　the　question；　they　are　to　do　as　they　like。　　A　complaint　to　the　mother　only　brings　black　looks　on　myself；　and　unjust；　partial　excuses　to　screen　the　children。　　I　have　tried　that　plan　once；　and　succeeded　so　notably；　I　shall　try　no　more。　　I　said　in　my　last　letter　that　Mrs。did　not　know　me。　　I　now　begin　to　find　she　does　not　intend　to　know　me；　that　she　cares　nothing　about　me；　except　to　contrive　how　the　greatest　possible　quantity　of　labour　may　be　got　out　of　me；　and　to　that　end　she　overwhelms　me　with　oceans　of　needle…work；　yards　of　cambric　to　hem；　muslin　nightcaps　to　make；　and；　above　all　things；　dolls　to　dress。　　I　do　not　think　she　likes　me　at　all；　because　I　can't　help　being　shy　in　such　an　entirely　novel　scene；　surrounded　as　I　have　hitherto　been　by　strange　and　constantly　changing　faces　。　。　。　I　used　to　think　I　should　like　to　be　in　the　stir　of　grand　folks'　society；　but　I　have　had　enough　of　itit　is　dreary　work　to　look　on　and　listen。　　I　see　more　clearly　than　I　have　ever　done　before；　that　a　private　governess　has　no　existence；　is　not　considered　as　a　living　rational　being；　except　as　connected　with　the　wearisome　duties　she　has　to　fulfil　。　。　。　One　of　the　pleasantest　afternoons　I　have　spent　hereindeed；　the　only　one　at　all　pleasantwas　when　Mr。walked　out　with　his　children；　and　I　had　orders　to　follow　a　little　behind。　　As　he　strolled　on　through　his　fields；　with　his　magnificent　Newfoundland　dog　at　his　side；　he　looked　very　like　what　a　frank；　wealthy；　Conservative　gentleman　ought　to　be。　　He　spoke　freely　and　unaffectedly　to　the　people　he　met；　and；　though　he　indulged　his　children　and　allowed　them　to　tease　himself　far　too　much；　he　would　not　suffer　them　grossly　to　insult　others。〃

（WRITTEN　IN　PENCIL　TO　A　FRIEND。）

〃July；　1839。

〃I　cannot　procure　ink；　without　going　into　the　drawing…room；　where　I　do　not　wish　to　go　。　。　。　I　should　have　written　to　you　long　since；　and　told　you　every　detail　of　the　utterly　new　scene　into　which　I　have　lately　been　cast；　had　I　not　been　daily　expecting　a　letter　from　yourself；　and　wondering　and　lamenting　that　you　did　not　write；　for　you　will　remember　it　was　your　turn。　　I　must　not　bother　you　too　much　with　my　sorrows；　of　which；　I　fear；　you　have　heard　an　exaggerated　account。　　If　you　were　near　me；　perhaps　I　might　be　tempted　to　tell　you　all；　to　grow　egotistical；　and　pour　out　the　long　history　of　a　private　governess's　trials　and　crosses　in　her　first　situation。　　As　it　is；　I　will　only　ask　you　to　imagine　the　miseries　of　a　reserved　wretch　like　me；　thrown　at　once　into　the　midst　of　a　large　family；　at　a　time　when　they　were　particularly　gaywhen　the　house　was　filled　with　companyall　strangerspeople　whose　faces　I　had　never　seen　before。　　In　this　state　I　had　charge　given　me　of　a　set　of　pampered；　spoilt；　turbulent　children；　whom　I　was　expected　constantly　to　amuse；　as　well　as　to　instruct。　　I　soon　found　that　the　constant　demand　on　my　stock　of　animal　spirits　reduced　them　to　the　lowest　state　of　exhaustion；　at　times　I　felt　and；　I　suppose；　seemeddepressed。　　To　my　astonishment；　I　was　taken　to　task　on　the　subject　by　Mrs。with　a　sternness　of　manner　and　a　harshness　of　language　scarcely　credible；　like　a　fool；　I　cried　most　bitterly。　　I　could　not　help　it；　my　spirits　quite　failed　me　at　first。　　I　thought　I　had　done　my　beststrained　every　nerve　to　please　her；　and　to　be　treated　in　that　way；　merely　because　I　was　shy　and　sometimes　melancholy；　was　too　bad。　　At　first　I　was　for　giving　all　up　and　going　home。　　But；　after　a　little　reflection；　I　determined　to　summon　what　energy　I　had；　and　to　weather　the　storm。　I　said　to　myself；　'I　have　never　yet　quitted　a　place　without　gaining　a　friend；　adversity　is　a　good　school；　the　poor　are　born　to　labour；　and　the　dependent　to　endure。'　　I　resolved　to　be　patient；　to　command　my　feelings；　and　to　take　what　came；　the　ordeal；　I　reflected；　would　not　last　many　weeks；　and　I　trusted　it　would　do　me　good。　　I　recollected　the　fable　of　the　willow　and　the　oak；　I　bent　quietly；　and　now；　I　trust；　the　storm　is　blowing　over　me。　　Mrs。is　generally　considered　an　agreeable　woman；　so　she　is；　I　doubt　not；　in　general　society。　　She　behaves　somewhat　more　civilly　to　me　now　than　she　did　at　first；　and　the　children　are　a　little　more　manageable；　but　she　does　not　know　my　character；　and　she　does　not　wish　to　know　it。　　I　have　never　had　five　minutes'　conversation　with　her　since　I　came；　except　while　she　was　scolding　me。　　I　have　no　wish　to　be　pitied；　except　by　yourself；　if　I　were　talking　to　you　I　could　tell　you　much　more。〃

（TO　EMILY；　ABOUT　THIS　TIME。）

〃Mine　bonnie　love；　I　was　as　glad　of　your　letter　as　tongue　can　express：　　it　is　a　real；　genuine　pleasure　to　hear　from　home；　a　thing　to　be　saved　till　bedtime；　when　one　has　a　moment's　quiet　and　rest　to　enjoy　it　thoroughly。　　Write　whenever　you　can。　　I　could　like　to　be　at　home。　　I　could　like　to　work　in　a　mill。　　I　could　like　to　feel　some　mental　liberty。　　I　could　like　this　weight　of　restraint　to　be　taken　off。　　But　the　holidays　will　come。　Coraggio。〃

Her　temporary　engagement　in　this　uncongenial　family　ended　in　the　July　of　this　year；　not　before　the　constant　strain　upon　her　spirits　and　strength　had　again　affected　her　health；　but　when　this　delicacy　became　apparent　in　palpitations　and　shortness　of　breathing；　it　was　treated　as　affectationas　a　phase　of　imaginary　indisposition；　which　could　be　dissipated　by　a　good　scolding。　　She　had　been　brought　up　rather　in　a　school　of　Spartan　endurance　than　in　one　of　maudlin　self…indulgence；　and　could　bear　many　a　pain　and　relinquish　many　a　hope　in　silence。

After　she　had　been　at　home　about　a　week；　her　friend　proposed　that　she　should　accompany　her　in　some　little　excursion；　having　pleasure　alone　for　its　object。　　She　caught　at　the　idea　most　eagerly　at　first；　but　her　hope　stood　still；　waned；　and　had　almost　disappeared　before；　after　many　delays；　it　was　realised。　　In　its　fulfilment　at　last；　it　was　a　favourable　specimen　of　many　a　similar　air…bubble　dancing　before　her　eyes　in　her　brief　career；　in　which　stern　realities；　rather　than　pleasures；　formed　the　leading　incidents。


〃July　26th；　1839。

〃Your　proposal　has　almost　driven　me　'clean　daft'if　you　don't　understand　that　ladylike　expression；　you　must　ask　me　what　it　means　when　I　see　you。　　The　fact　is；　an　excursion　with　you　anywhere；　whether　to　Cleathorpe　or　Canada；just　by　ourselves；　would　be　to　me　most　delightful。　　I　should；　indeed；　like　to　go；　but　I　can't　get　leave　of　absence　for　longer　than　a　week；　and　I'm　afraid　that　would　not　suit　youmust　I　then　give　it　up　entirely？　　I　feel　as　if　I　COULD　NOT；　I　never　had　such　a　chance　of　enjoyment　before；　I　do　want　to　see　you　and　talk　to　you；　and　be　with　you。　　When　do　you　wish　to　go？　　Could　I　meet　you　at　Leeds？　　To　take　a　gig　from　Haworth　to　B。；　would　be　to　me　a　very　serious　increase　of　expense；　and　I　happen　to　be　very　low　in　cash。　　Oh！　rich　people　seem　to　have　many　pleasures　at　their　command　which　we　are　debarred　from！　However；　no　repining。

〃Say　when　you　go；　and　I　shall　be　able　in　my　answer　to　say　decidedly　whether　I　can　accompany　you　or　not。　　I　mustI　willI'm　set　upon　itI'll　be　obstinate　and　bear　down　all　opposition。

〃P。S。Since　writing　the　above；　I　find　that　aunt　and　papa　have　determined　to　go　to　Liverpool　for　a　fortnight；　and　take　us　all　with　them。　　It　is　stipulated；　however；　that　I　should　give　up　the　Cleathorpe　scheme。　　I　yield　reluctantly。〃


I　fancy　that；　about　this　time；　Mr。　Bronte　found　it　necessary；　either　from　failing　health　or　the　increased　populousness　of　the　parish；　to　engage　the　assistance　of　a　curate。　　At　least；　it　is　in　a　letter　written　this　summer　that　I　find　mention　of　the　first　of　a　succession　of　curates；　who　henceforward　revolved　round　Haworth　Parsonage；　and　made　an　impression　on　the　mind　of　one　of　its　inmates　which　she　has　conveyed　pretty　distinctly　to　the　world。　The　Haworth　curate　brought　his　clerical　friends　and　neighbours　about　the　place；　and　for　a　time　the　incursions　of　these；　near　the　parsonage　tea…time；　formed　occurrences　by　which　the　quietness　of　the　life　there　was　varied；　sometimes　pleasantly；　sometimes　disagreeably。　　The　little　adventure　recorded　at　the　end　of　the　following　letter　is　uncommon　in　the　lot　of　most　women；　and　is　a　testimony　in　this　case　to　the　unusual　power　of　attractionthough　so　plain　in　featurewhich　Charlotte　possessed；　when　she　let　herself　go　in　the　happiness　and　freedom　of　home。


〃August　4th；　1839。

〃The　Liverpool　journey　is　yet　a　matter　of　talk；　a　sort　of　castle　in　the　air；　but；　between　you　and　me；　I　fancy　it　is　very　doubtful　whether　it　will　ever　assume　a　more　solid　shape。　　Auntlike　many　other　elderly　peoplelikes　to　talk　of　such　things；　but　when　it　comes　to　putting　them　into　actual　execution；　she　rather　falls　off。　Such　being　the　case；　I　think　you　and　I　had　better　adhere　to　our　first　plan　of　going　somewhere　together　independently　of　other　people。　　I　have　got　leave　to　accompany　you　for　a　weekat　the　utmost　a　fortnightbut　no　more。　　Where　do　you　wish　to　go？　Burlington；　I　should　think；　from　what　M。　says；　would　be　as　eligible　a　place　as　any。　　When　do　you　set　off？　　Arrange　all　these　things　according　to　your　convenience；　I　shall　start　no　objections。　The　idea　of　seeing　the　seaof　being　near　itwatching　its　changes　by　sunrise；　sunset；　moonlight；　and　noon…dayin　calm；　perhaps　in　stormfills　and　satisfies　my　mind。　　I　shall　be　discontented　at　nothing。　　And　then　I　am　not　to　be　with　a　set　of　people　with　whom　I　have　nothing　in　commonwho　would　be　nuisances　and　bores：　　but　with　you；　whom　I　like　and　kn