the life of charlotte bronte-1-第31部分

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ith　whom　I　have　nothing　in　commonwho　would　be　nuisances　and　bores：　　but　with　you；　whom　I　like　and　know；　and　who　knows　me。

〃I　have　an　odd　circumstance　to　relate　to　you：　　prepare　for　a　hearty　laugh！　　The　other　day；　Mr。　…；　a　vicar；　came　to　spend　the　day　with　us；　bringing　with　him　his　own　curate。　　The　latter　gentleman；　by　name　Mr。　B。；　is　a　young　Irish　clergyman；　fresh　from　Dublin　University。　　It　was　the　first　time　we　had　any　of　us　seen　him；　but；　however；　after　the　manner　of　his　countrymen；　he　soon　made　himself　at　home。　　His　character　quickly　appeared　in　his　conversation；　witty；　lively；　ardent；　clever　too；　but　deficient　in　the　dignity　and　discretion　of　an　Englishman。　　At　home；　you　know；　I　talk　with　ease；　and　am　never　shynever　weighed　down　and　oppressed　by　that　miserable　MAUVAISE　HONTE　which　torments　and　constrains　me　elsewhere。　　So　I　conversed　with　this　Irishman；　and　laughed　at　his　jests；　and；　though　I　saw　faults　in　his　character；　excused　them　because　of　the　amusement　his　originality　afforded。　　I　cooled　a　little；　indeed；　and　drew　in　towards　the　latter　part　of　the　evening；　because　he　began　to　season　his　conversation　with　something　of　Hibernian　flattery；　which　I　did　not　quite　relish。　However；　they　went　away；　and　no　more　was　thought　about　them。　　A　few　days　after；　I　got　a　letter；　the　direction　of　which　puzzled　me；　it　being　in　a　hand　I　was　not　accustomed　to　see。　　Evidently；　it　was　neither　from　you　nor　Mary；　my　only　correspondents。　　Having　opened　and　read　it；　it　proved　to　be　a　declaration　of　attachment　and　proposal　of　matrimony；　expressed　in　the　ardent　language　of　the　sapient　young　Irishman！　　I　hope　you　are　laughing　heartily。　　This　is　not　like　one　of　my　adventures；　is　it？　　It　more　nearly　resembles　Martha's。　　I　am　certainly　doomed　to　be　an　old　maid。　　Never　mind。　I　made　up　my　mind　to　that　fate　ever　since　I　was　twelve　years　old。

〃Well！　thought　I；　I　have　heard　of　love　at　first　sight；　but　this　beats　all！　　I　leave　you　to　guess　what　my　answer　would　be；　convinced　that　you　will　not　do　me　the　injustice　of　guessing　wrong。〃


〃On　the　14th　of　August　she　still　writes　from　Haworth：…

〃I　have　in　vain　packed　my　box；　and　prepared　everything　for　our　anticipated　journey。　　It　so　happens　that　I　can　get　no　conveyance　this　week　or　the　next。　　The　only　gig　let　out　to　hire　in　Haworth；　is　at　Harrowgate；　and　likely　to　remain　there；　for　aught　I　can　hear。　　Papa　decidedly　objects　to　my　going　by　the　coach；　and　walking　to　B。；　though　I　am　sure　I　could　manage　it。　　Aunt　exclaims　against　the　weather；　and　the　roads；　and　the　four　winds　of　heaven；　so　I　am　in　a　fix；　and；　what　is　worse；　so　are　you。　　On　reading　over；　for　the　second　or　third　time；　your　last　letter　（which；　by　the　by；　was　written　in　such　hieroglyphics　that；　at　the　first　hasty　perusal；　I　could　hardly　make　out　two　consecutive　words）；　I　find　you　intimate　that　if　I　leave　this　journey　till　Thursday　I　shall　be　too　late。　　I　grieve　that　I　should　have　so　inconvenienced　you；　but　I　need　not　talk　of　either　Friday　or　Saturday　now；　for　I　rather　imagine　there　is　small　chance　of　my　ever　going　at　all。　　The　elders　of　the　house　have　never　cordially　acquiesced　in　the　measure；　and　now　that　impediments　seem　to　start　up　at　every　step；　opposition　grows　more　open。　　Papa；　indeed；　would　willingly　indulge　me；　but　this　very　kindness　of　his　makes　me　doubt　whether　I　ought　to　draw　upon　it；　so；　though　I　could　battle　out　aunt's　discontent；　I　yield　to　papa's　indulgence。　　He　does　not　say　so；　but　I　know　he　would　rather　I　stayed　at　home；　and　aunt　meant　well　too；　I　dare　say；　but　I　am　provoked　that　she　reserved　the　expression　of　her　decided　disapproval　till　all　was　settled　between　you　and　myself。　　Reckon　on　me　no　more；　leave　me　out　in　your　calculations：　　perhaps　I　ought；　in　the　beginning；　to　have　had　prudence　sufficient　to　shut　my　eyes　against　such　a　prospect　of　pleasure；　so　as　to　deny　myself　the　hope　of　it。　　Be　as　angry　as　you　please　with　me　for　disappointing　you。　　I　did　not　intend　it；　and　have　only　one　thing　more　to　sayif　you　do　not　go　immediately　to　the　sea；　will　you　come　to　see　us　at　Haworth？　　This　invitation　is　not　mine　only；　but　papa's　and　aunt's。〃


However；　a　little　more　patience；　a　little　more　delay；　and　she　enjoyed　the　pleasure　she　had　wished　for　so　much。　　She　and　her　friend　went　to　Easton　for　a　fortnight　in　the　latter　part　of　September。　　It　was　here　she　received　her　first　impressions　of　the　sea。


〃Oct。　24th。

〃Have　you　forgotten　the　sea　by　this　time；　E。？　　Is　it　grown　dim　in　your　mind？　　Or　can　you　still　see　it；　dark；　blue；　and　green；　and　foam…white；　and　hear　it　roaring　roughly　when　the　wind　is　high；　or　rushing　softly　when　it　is　calm？　。　。　。　I　am　as　well　as　need　be；　and　very　fat。　　I　think　of　Easton　very　often；　and　of　worthy　Mr。　H。；　and　his　kind…hearted　helpmate；　and　of　our　pleasant　walks　to　H…　Wood；　and　to　Boynton；　our　merry　evenings；　our　romps　with　little　Hancheon；　&c。；　&c。　　If　we　both　live；　this　period　of　our　lives　will　long　be　a　theme　for　pleasant　recollection。　　Did　you　chance；　in　your　letter　to　Mr。　H。；　to　mention　my　spectacles？　　I　am　sadly　inconvenienced　by　the　want　of　them。　　I　can　neither　read；　write；　nor　draw　with　comfort　in　their　absence。　　I　hope　Madame　won't　refuse　to　give　them　up　。　。　。　Excuse　the　brevity　of　this　letter；　for　I　have　been　drawing　all　day；　and　my　eyes　are　so　tired　it　is　quite　a　labour　to　write。〃


But；　as　the　vivid　remembrance　of　this　pleasure　died　away；　an　accident　occurred　to　make　the　actual　duties　of　life　press　somewhat　heavily　for　a　time。


〃December　21st；　1839

〃We　are　at　present；　and　have　been　during　the　last　month；　rather　busy；　as；　for　that　space　of　time；　we　have　been　without　a　servant；　except　a　little　girl　to　run　errands。　　Poor　Tabby　became　so　lame　that　she　was　at　length　obliged　to　leave　us。　　She　is　residing　with　her　sister；　in　a　little　house　of　her　own；　which　she　bought　with　her　savings　a　year　or　two　since。　　She　is　very　comfortable；　and　wants　nothing；　as　she　is　near；　we　see　her　very　often。　　In　the　meantime；　Emily　and　I　are　sufficiently　busy；　as　you　may　suppose：　I　manage　the　ironing；　and　keep　the　rooms　clean；　Emily　does　the　baking；　and　attends　to　the　kitchen。　　We　are　such　odd　animals；　that　we　prefer　this　mode　of　contrivance　to　having　a　new　face　amongst　us。　　Besides；　we　do　not　despair　of　Tabby's　return；　and　she　shall　not　be　supplanted　by　a　stranger　in　her　absence。　　I　excited　aunt's　wrath　very　much　by　burning　the　clothes；　the　first　time　I　attempted　to　iron；　but　I　do　better　now。　　Human　feelings　are　queer　things；　I　am　much　happier　black…leading　the　stoves；　making　the　beds；　and　sweeping　the　floors　at　home；　than　I　should　be　living　like　a　fine　lady　anywhere　else。　　I　must　indeed　drop　my　subscription　to　the　Jews；　because　I　have　no　money　to　keep　it　up。　　I　ought　to　have　announced　this　intention　to　you　before；　but　I　quite　forgot　I　was　a　subscriber。　　I　intend　to　force　myself　to　take　another　situation　when　I　can　get　one；　though　I　HATE　and　ABHOR　the　very　thoughts　of　governess…ship。　　But　I　must　do　it；　and；　therefore；　I　heartily　wish　I　could　hear　of　a　family　where　they　need　such　a　commodity　as　a　governess。〃



CHAPTER　IX



The　year　1840　found　all　the　Brontes　living　at　home；　except　Anne。　As　I　have　already　intimated；　for　some　reason　with　which　I　am　unacquainted；　the　plan　of　sending　Branwell　to　study　at　the　Royal　Academy　had　been　relinquished；　probably　it　was　found；　on　inquiry；　that　the　expenses　of　such　a　life；　were　greater　than　his　father's　slender　finances　could　afford；　even　with　the　help　which　Charlotte's　labours　at　Miss　W…'s　gave；　by　providing　for　Anne's　board　and　education。　　I　gather　from　what　I　have　heard；　that　Branwell　must　have　been　severely　disappointed　when　the　plan　fell　through。　　His　talents　were　certainly　very　brilliant；　and　of　this　he　was　fully　conscious；　and　fervently　desired；　by　their　use；　either　in　writing　or　drawing；　to　make　himself　a　name。　　At　the　same　time；　he　would　probably　have　found　his　strong　love　of　pleasure　and　irregular　habits　a　great　impediment　in　his　path　to　fame；　but　these　blemishes　in　his　character　were　only　additional　reasons　why　he　yearned　after　a　London　life；　in　which　he　imagined　he　could　obtain　every　stimulant　to　his　already　vigorous　intellect；　while　at　the　same　time　he　would　have　a　license　of　action　to　be　found　only　in　crowded　cities。　　Thus　his　whole　nature　was　attracted　towards　the　metropolis；　and　many　an　hour　must　he　have　spent　poring　over　the　map　of　London；　to　judge　from　an　anecdote　which　has　been　told　me。　Some　traveller　for　a　London　house　of　business　came　to　Haworth　for　a　night；　and　according　to　the　unfortunate　habit　of　the　place；　the　brilliant　〃Patrick〃　was　sent　for　to　the　inn；　to　beguile　the　evening　by　his　intellectual　conversation　and　his　flashes　of　wit。　They　began　to　talk　of　London；　of　the　habits　and　ways　of　life　there；　of　the　places　of　amusement；　and　Branwell　informed　the　Londoner　of　one　or　two　short　cuts　from　point　to　point；　up　narrow　lanes　or　back　streets；　and　it　was　only　towards　the　end　of　the　evening　that　the　traveller　discovered；　from　his　companion's　voluntary　confession；　that　he　had　never　set　foot　in　London　at　all。

At　this　time　the　young　man　seemed　to　have　his　fate　in　his　own　hands。　　He　was　full　of　noble　impulses；　as　well　as　of　extraordinary　gifts；　not　accustomed　to　resist　temptation；　it　is　true；　from　any　higher　motive　than　strong　family　affection；　but　showing　so　much　power　of　attachment　to　all　about　him　that　they　took　pleasure　in　believing　that；　after　a　time；　he　would　〃right　himself；〃　and　that　they　should　have　pride　and　delight　in　the　use　he　would　then　make　of　his　splendid　talents。　　His　aunt　especially　made　him　her　great　favourite。　　There　are　always　peculiar　trials　in　the　life　of　an　only　boy　in　a　family　of　girls。　　He　is　expected　to　act　a　part　in　life；　to　DO；　while　they　are　only　to　BE；　and　the　necessity　of　their　giving　way　to　him　in　some　things；　is　too　often　exaggerated　into　their　giving　way　to　him　in　all；　and　thus　rendering　him　utterly　selfish。　　In　the　family　about　whom　I　am　writing；　while　the　rest　were　almost　ascetic　in　their　habits；　Branwell　was　allowed　to　grow　up　self…indulgent；　but；　in　early　youth；　his　power　of　attracting　and　attaching　people　was　so　great；　that　few　came　in　contact　with　him　who　were　not　so　much　dazzled　by　him　as　to　be　desirous　of　gratifying　whatever　wishes　he　expressed。　　Of　course；　he　was　careful　enough　not　to　reveal　anything　before　his　father　a