the life of charlotte bronte-1-第43部分

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　nous　occupons　de　leur　avenir；　comme　si　elles　faisaient　partie　de　notre　famille；　leurs　qualites　personnelles；　leur　bon　vouloir；　leur　zele　extreme　sont　les　seules　causes　qui　nous　poussent　e　nous　hasarder　de　la　sorte。　　Nous　savons；　Monsieur；　que　vous　peserez　plus　murement　et　plus　sagement　que　nous　la　consequence　qu'aurait　pour　l'avenir　une　interruption　complete　dans　les　etudes　de　vos　deux　filles；　vous　deciderez　ce　qu'il　faut　faire；　et　vous　nous　pardonnerez　notre　franchise；　si　vous　daignez　considerer　que　le　motif　qui　nous　fait　agir　est　une　affection　bien　desinteressee　et　qui　s'affligerait　beaucoup　de　devoir　deje　se　resigner　e　n'etre　plus　utile　e　vos　chers　enfants。

〃Agreez；　je　vous　prie；　Monsieur；　l'expression　respectueuse　de　mes　sentiments　de　haute　consideration。

〃C。　HEGER。〃


There　was　so　much　truth；　as　well　as　so　much　kindness　in　this　letterit　was　so　obvious　that　a　second　year　of　instruction　would　be　far　more　valuable　than　the　first；　that　there　was　no　long　hesitation　before　it　was　decided　that　Charlotte　should　return　to　Brussels。

Meanwhile；　they　enjoyed　their　Christmas　all　together　inexpressibly。　　Branwell　was　with　them；　that　was　always　a　pleasure　at　this　time；　whatever　might　be　his　faults；　or　even　his　vices；　his　sisters　yet　held　him　up　as　their　family　hope；　as　they　trusted　that　he　would　some　day　be　their　family　pride。　　They　blinded　themselves　to　the　magnitude　of　the　failings　of　which　they　were　now　and　then　told；　by　persuading　themselves　that　such　failings　were　common　to　all　men　of　any　strength　of　character；　for；　till　sad　experience　taught　them　better；　they　fell　into　the　usual　error　of　confounding　strong　passions　with　strong　character。

Charlotte's　friend　came　over　to　see　her；　and　she　returned　the　visit。　　Her　Brussels　life　must　have　seemed　like　a　dream；　so　completely；　in　this　short　space　of　time；　did　she　fall　back　into　the　old　household　ways；　with　more　of　household　independence　than　she　could　ever　have　had　during　her　aunt's　lifetime。　　Winter　though　it　was；　the　sisters　took　their　accustomed　walks　on　the　snow…　covered　moors；　or　went　often　down　the　long　road　to　Keighley；　for　such　books　as　had　been　added　to　the　library　there　during　their　absence　from　England。



CHAPTER　XII



Towards　the　end　of　January；　the　time　came　for　Charlotte　to　return　to　Brussels。　　Her　journey　thither　was　rather　disastrous。　　She　had　to　make　her　way　alone；　and　the　train　from　Leeds　to　London；　which　should　have　reached　Euston…square　early　in　the　afternoon；　was　so　much　delayed　that　it　did　not　get　in　till　ten　at　night。　　She　had　intended　to　seek　out　the　Chapter　Coffee…house；　where　she　had　stayed　before；　and　which　would　have　been　near　the　place　where　the　steam…boats　lay；　but　she　appears　to　have　been　frightened　by　the　idea　of　arriving　at　an　hour　which；　to　Yorkshire　notions；　was　so　late　and　unseemly；　and　taking　a　cab；　therefore；　at　the　station；　she　drove　straight　to　the　London　Bridge　Wharf；　and　desired　a　waterman　to　row　her　to　the　Ostend　packet；　which　was　to　sail　the　next　morning。　　She　described　to　me；　pretty　much　as　she　has　since　described　it　in　〃Villette；〃　her　sense　of　loneliness；　and　yet　her　strange　pleasure　in　the　excitement　of　the　situation；　as　in　the　dead　of　that　winter's　night　she　went　swiftly　over　the　dark　river　to　the　black　hull's　side；　and　was　at　first　refused　leave　to　ascend　to　the　deck。　　〃No　passengers　might　sleep　on　board；〃　they　said；　with　some　appearance　of　disrespect。　　She　looked　back　to　the　lights　and　subdued　noises　of　Londonthat　〃Mighty　Heart〃　in　which　she　had　no　placeand；　standing　up　in　the　rocking　boat；　she　asked　to　speak　to　some　one　in　authority　on　board　the　packet。　　He　came；　and　her　quiet　simple　statement　of　her　wish；　and　her　reason　for　it；　quelled　the　feeling　of　sneering　distrust　in　those　who　had　first　heard　her　request；　and　impressed　the　authority　so　favourably　that　he　allowed　her　to　come　on　board；　and　take　possession　of　a　berth。　　The　next　morning　she　sailed；　and　at　seven　on　Sunday　evening　she　reached　the　Rue　d'Isabelle　once　more；　having　only　left　Haworth　on　Friday　morning　at　an　early　hour。

Her　salary　was　16L。　a　year；　out　of　which　she　had　to　pay　for　her　German　lessons；　for　which　she　was　charged　as　much　（the　lessons　being　probably　rated　by　time）　as　when　Emily　learnt　with　her　and　divided　the　expense；　viz。；　ten　francs　a　month。　　By　Miss　Bronte's　own　desire；　she　gave　her　English　lessons　in　the　CLASSE；　or　schoolroom；　without　the　supervision　of　Madame　or　M。　Heger。　　They　offered　to　be　present；　with　a　view　to　maintain　order　among　the　unruly　Belgian　girls；　but　she　declined　this；　saying　that　she　would　rather　enforce　discipline　by　her　own　manner　and　character　than　be　indebted　for　obedience　to　the　presence　of　a　GENDARME。　　She　ruled　over　a　new　school…room；　which　had　been　built　on　the　space　in　the　play…ground　adjoining　the　house。　　Over　that　First　Class　she　was　SURVEILLANTE　at　all　hours；　and　henceforward　she　was　called　MADEMOISELLE　Charlotte　by　M。　Heger's　orders。　　She　continued　her　own　studies；　principally　attending　to　German；　and　to　Literature；　and　every　Sunday　she　went　alone　to　the　German　and　English　chapels。　Her　walks　too　were　solitary；　and　principally　taken　in　the　allee　defendue；　where　she　was　secure　from　intrusion。　　This　solitude　was　a　perilous　luxury　to　one　of　her　temperament；　so　liable　as　she　was　to　morbid　and　acute　mental　suffering。

On　March　6th；　1843；　she　writes　thus：…

〃I　am　settled　by　this　time；　of　course。　　I　am　not　too　much　overloaded　with　occupation；　and　besides　teaching　English；　I　have　time　to　improve　myself　in　German。　　I　ought　to　consider　myself　well　off；　and　to　be　thankful　for　my　good　fortunes。　　I　hope　I　am　thankful；　and　if　I　could　always　keep　up　my　spirits　and　never　feel　lonely；　or　long　for　companionship；　or　friendship；　or　whatever　they　call　it；　I　should　do　very　well。　　As　I　told　you　before；　M。　and　Madame　Heger　are　the　only　two　persons　in　the　house　for　whom　I　really　experience　regard　and　esteem；　and　of　course；　I　cannot　be　always　with　them；　nor　even　very　often。　　They　told　me；　when　I　first　returned；　that　I　was　to　consider　their　sitting…room　my　sitting…　room　also；　and　to　go　there　whenever　I　was　not　engaged　in　the　schoolroom。　　This；　however；　I　cannot　do。　　In　the　daytime　it　is　a　public　room；　where　music…masters　and　mistresses　are　constantly　passing　in　and　out；　and　in　the　evening；　I　will　not；　and　ought　not　to　intrude　on　M。　and　Madame　Heger　and　their　children。　　Thus　I　am　a　good　deal　by　myself；　out　of　school…hours；　but　that　does　not　signify。　　I　now　regularly　give　English　lessons　to　M。　Heger　and　his　brother…in…law。　　They　get　on　with　wonderful　rapidity；　especially　the　first。　　He　already　begins　to　speak　English　very　decently。　　If　you　could　see　and　hear　the　efforts　I　make　to　teach　them　to　pronounce　like　Englishmen；　and　their　unavailing　attempts　to　imitate；　you　would　laugh　to　all　eternity。

〃The　Carnival　is　just　over；　and　we　have　entered　upon　the　gloom　and　abstinence　of　Lent。　　The　first　day　of　Lent　we　had　coffee　without　milk　for　breakfast；　vinegar　and　vegetables；　with　a　very　little　salt　fish；　for　dinner；　and　bread　for　supper。　　The　Carnival　was　nothing　but　masking　and　mummery。　　M。　Heger　took　me　and　one　of　the　pupils　into　the　town　to　see　the　masks。　　It　was　animating　to　see　the　immense　crowds；　and　the　general　gaiety；　but　the　masks　were　nothing。　　I　have　been　twice　to　the　D。's〃　（those　cousins　of　〃Mary's〃　of　whom　I　have　before　made　mention）。　　〃When　she　leaves　Bruxelles；　I　shall　have　nowhere　to　go　to。　　I　have　had　two　letters　from　Mary。　　She　does　not　tell　me　she　has　been　ill；　and　she　does　not　complain；　but　her　letters　are　not　the　letters　of　a　person　in　the　enjoyment　of　great　happiness。　　She　has　nobody　to　be　as　good　to　her　as　M。　Heger　is　to　me；　to　lend　her　books；　to　converse　with　her　sometimes；　&c。

〃Good…bye。　　When　I　say　so；　it　seems　to　me　that　you　will　hardly　hear　me；　all　the　waves　of　the　Channel　heaving　and　roaring　between　must　deaden　the　sound。〃


From　the　tone　of　this　letter；　it　may　easily　be　perceived　that　the　Brussels　of　1843　was　a　different　place　from　that　of　1842。　　Then　she　had　Emily　for　a　daily　and　nightly　solace　and　companion。　　She　had　the　weekly　variety　of　a　visit　to　the　family　of　the　D。s；　and　she　had　the　frequent　happiness　of　seeing　〃Mary〃　and　Martha。　　Now　Emily　was　far　away　in　Haworthwhere　she　or　any　other　loved　one；　might　die；　before　Charlotte；　with　her　utmost　speed；　could　reach　them；　as　experience；　in　her　aunt's　case；　had　taught　her。　　The　D。s　were　leaving　Brussels；　so；　henceforth；　her　weekly　holiday　would　have　to　be　passed　in　the　Rue　d'Isabelle；　or　so　she　thought。　〃Mary〃　was　gone　off　on　her　own　independent　course；　Martha　alone　remainedstill　and　quiet　for　ever；　in　the　cemetery　beyond　the　Porte　de　Louvain。　　The　weather；　too；　for　the　first　few　weeks　after　Charlotte's　return；　had　been　piercingly　cold；　and　her　feeble　constitution　was　always　painfully　sensitive　to　an　inclement　season。　　Mere　bodily　pain；　however　acute；　she　could　always　put　aside；　but　too　often　ill…health　assailed　her　in　a　part　far　more　to　be　dreaded。　　Her　depression　of　spirits；　when　she　was　not　well；　was　pitiful　in　its　extremity。　　She　was　aware　that　it　was　constitutional；　and　could　reason　about　it；　but　no　reasoning　prevented　her　suffering　mental　agony；　while　the　bodily　cause　remained　in　force。

The　Hegers　have　discovered；　since　the　publication　of　〃Villette；〃　that　at　this　beginning　of　her　career　as　English　teacher　in　their　school；　the　conduct　of　her　pupils　was　often　impertinent　and　mutinous　in　the　highest　degree。　　But　of　this　they　were　unaware　at　the　time；　as　she　had　declined　their　presence；　and　never　made　any　complaint。　　Still　it　must　have　been　a　depressing　thought　to　her　at　this　period；　that　her　joyous；　healthy；　obtuse　pupils　were　so　little　answerable　to　the　powers　she　could　bring　to　bear　upon　them；　and　though　from　their　own　testimony；　her　patience；　firmness；　and　resolution；　at　length　obtained　their　just　reward；　yet　with　one　so　weak　in　health　and　spirits；　the　reaction　after　such　struggles　as　she　frequently　had　with　her　pupils；　must　have　been　very　sad　and　painful。

She　thus　writes　to　her　friend　E。：…


〃April；　1843。

〃Is　there　any　talk　of　your　coming　to　Brussels？　　During　the　bitter　cold　weather　we　had　through　February；　and　the　principal　part　of　March；　I　did　not　regret　that　you　had　not　accompanied　me。　　If　I　had　seen　you　shivering　as　I　shivered　myself；　if　I　had　se