the life of charlotte bronte-1-第49部分

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　otherwise；　she　has　been　sorely　tossed；　while　we　have　been　sleeping　in　our　beds；　or　lying　awake　thinking　about　her。　　Yet　these　real；　material　dangers；　when　once　past；　leave　in　the　mind　the　satisfaction　of　having　struggled　with　difficulty；　and　overcome　it。　　Strength；　courage；　and　experience　are　their　invariable　results；　whereas；　I　doubt　whether　suffering　purely　mental　has　any　good　result；　unless　it　be　to　make　us　by　comparison　less　sensitive　to　physical　suffering　。　。　。　Ten　years　ago；　I　should　have　laughed　at　your　account　of　the　blunder　you　made　in　mistaking　the　bachelor　doctor　for　a　married　man。　　I　should　have　certainly　thought　you　scrupulous　over…much；　and　wondered　how　you　could　possibly　regret　being　civil　to　a　decent　individual；　merely　because　he　happened　to　be　single；　instead　of　double。　　Now；　however；　I　can　perceive　that　your　scruples　are　founded　on　common　sense。　　I　know　that　if　women　wish　to　escape　the　stigma　of　husband…seeking；　they　must　act　and　look　like　marble　or　claycold；　expressionless；　bloodless；　for　every　appearance　of　feeling；　of　joy；　sorrow；　friendliness；　antipathy；　admiration；　disgust；　are　alike　construed　by　the　world　into　the　attempt　to　hook　a　husband。　　Never　mind！　well…meaning　women　have　their　own　consciences　to　comfort　them　after　all。　　Do　not；　therefore；　be　too　much　afraid　of　showing　yourself　as　you　are；　affectionate　and　good…hearted；　do　not　too　harshly　repress　sentiments　and　feelings　excellent　in　themselves；　because　you　fear　that　some　puppy　may　fancy　that　you　are　letting　them　come　out　to　fascinate　him；　do　not　condemn　yourself　to　live　only　by　halves；　because　if　you　showed　too　much　animation　some　pragmatical　thing　in　breeches　might　take　it　into　his　pate　to　imagine　that　you　designed　to　dedicate　your　life　to　his　inanity。　　Still；　a　composed；　decent；　equable　deportment　is　a　capital　treasure　to　a　woman；　and　that　you　possess。　　Write　again　soon；　for　I　feel　rather　fierce；　and　want　stroking　down。〃

〃June　13th；　1845。

〃As　to　the　Mrs。　…；　who；　you　say；　is　like　me；　I　somehow　feel　no　leaning　to　her　at　all。　　I　never　do　to　people　who　are　said　to　be　like　me；　because　I　have　always　a　notion　that　they　are　only　like　me　in　the　disagreeable；　outside；　first…acquaintance　part　of　my　character；　in　those　points　which　are　obvious　to　the　ordinary　run　of　people；　and　which　I　know　are　not　pleasing。　　You　say　she　is　'clever''a　clever　person。'　　How　I　dislike　the　term！　　It　means　rather　a　shrewd；　very　ugly；　meddling；　talking　woman　。　。　。　I　feel　reluctant　to　leave　papa　for　a　single　day。　　His　sight　diminishes　weekly；　and　can　it　be　wondered　at　that；　as　he　sees　the　most　precious　of　his　faculties　leaving　him；　his　spirits　sometimes　sink？　It　is　so　hard　to　feel　that　his　few　and　scanty　pleasures　must　all　soon　go。　　He　has　now　the　greatest　difficulty　in　either　reading　or　writing；　and　then　he　dreads　the　state　of　dependence　to　which　blindness　will　inevitably　reduce　him。　　He　fears　that　he　will　be　nothing　in　his　parish。　　I　try　to　cheer　him；　sometimes　I　succeed　temporarily；　but　no　consolation　can　restore　his　sight；　or　atone　for　the　want　of　it。　　Still　he　is　never　peevish；　never　impatient；　only　anxious　and　dejected。〃


For　the　reason　just　given；　Charlotte　declined　an　invitation　to　the　only　house　to　which　she　was　now　ever　asked　to　come。　　In　answer　to　her　correspondent's　reply　to　this　letter；　she　says：…

〃You　thought　I　refused　you　coldly；　did　you？　　It　was　a　queer　sort　of　coldness；　when　I　would　have　given　my　ears　to　say　Yes；　and　was　obliged　to　say　No。　　Matters；　however；　are　now　a　little　changed。　Anne　is　come　home；　and　her　presence　certainly　makes　me　feel　more　at　liberty。　　Then；　if　all　be　well；　I　will　come　and　see　you。　　Tell　me　only　when　I　must　come。　　Mention　the　week　and　the　day。　　Have　the　kindness　also　to　answer　the　following　queries；　if　you　can。　　How　far　is　it　from　Leeds　to　Sheffield？　　Can　you　give　me　a　notion　of　the　cost？　　Of　course；　when　I　come；　you　will　let　me　enjoy　your　own　company　in　peace；　and　not　drag　me　out　a　visiting。　　I　have　no　desire　at　all　to　see　your　curate。　　I　think　he　must　be　like　all　the　other　curates　I　have　seen；　and　they　seem　to　me　a　self…seeking；　vain；　empty　race。　　At　this　blessed　moment；　we　have　no　less　than　three　of　them　in　Haworth　parishand　there　is　not　one　to　mend　another。　　The　other　day；　they　all　three；　accompanied　by　Mr。　S。；　dropped；　or　rather　rushed；　in　unexpectedly　to　tea。　　It　was　Monday　（baking　day）；　and　I　was　hot　and　tired；　still；　if　they　had　behaved　quietly　and　decently；　I　would　have　served　them　out　their　tea　in　peace；　but　they　began　glorifying　themselves；　and　abusing　Dissenters　in　such　a　manner；　that　my　temper　lost　its　balance；　and　I　pronounced　a　few　sentences　sharply　and　rapidly；　which　struck　them　all　dumb。　　Papa　was　greatly　horrified　also；　but　I　don't　regret　it。〃


On　her　return　from　this　short　visit　to　her　friend；　she　travelled　with　a　gentleman　in　the　railway　carriage；　whose　features　and　bearing　betrayed　him；　in　a　moment；　to　be　a　Frenchman。　　She　ventured　to　ask　him　if　such　was　not　the　case；　and；　on　his　admitting　it；　she　further　inquired　if　he　had　not　passed　a　considerable　time　in　Germany；　and　was　answered　that　he　had；　her　quick　ear　detected　something　of　the　thick　guttural　pronunciation；　which；　Frenchmen　say；　they　are　able　to　discover　even　in　the　grandchildren　of　their　countrymen　who　have　lived　any　time　beyond　the　Rhine。　　Charlotte　had　retained　her　skill　in　the　language　by　the　habit　of　which　she　thus　speaks　to　M。　Heger：…


〃Je　crains　beaucoup　d'oublier　le　francaisj'apprends　tous　les　jours　une　demie　page　de　francais　par　coeur；　et　j'ai　grand　plaisir　e　apprendre　cette　lecon；　Veuillez　presenter　e　Madame　l'assurance　de　mon　estime；　je　crains　que　Maria…Louise　et　Claire　ne　m'aient　deje　oubliees；　mais　je　vous　reverrai　un　jour；　aussitot　que　j'aurais　gagne　assez　d'argent　pour　alter　e　Bruxelles；　j'y　irai。〃


And　so　her　journey　back　to　Haworth；　after　the　rare　pleasure　of　this　visit　to　her　friend；　was　pleasantly　beguiled　by　conversation　with　the　French　gentleman；　and　she　arrived　at　home　refreshed　and　happy。　　What　to　find　there？

It　was　ten　o'clock　when　she　reached　the　parsonage。　　Branwell　was　there；　unexpectedly；　very　ill。　　He　had　come　home　a　day　or　two　before；　apparently　for　a　holiday；　in　reality；　I　imagine；　because　some　discovery　had　been　made　which　rendered　his　absence　imperatively　desirable。　　The　day　of　Charlotte's　return；　he　had　received　a　letter　from　Mr。　…；　sternly　dismissing　him；　intimating　that　his　proceedings　were　discovered；　characterising　them　as　bad　beyond　expression；　and　charging　him；　on　pain　of　exposure；　to　break　off　immediately；　and　for　ever；　all　communication　with　every　member　of　the　family。

Whatever　may　have　been　the　nature　and　depth　of　Branwell's　sins；　whatever　may　have　been　his　temptation；　whatever　his　guilt；there　is　no　doubt　of　the　suffering　which　his　conduct　entailed　upon　his　poor　father　and　his　innocent　sisters。　　The　hopes　and　plans　they　had　cherished　long；　and　laboured　hard　to　fulfil；　were　cruelly　frustrated；　henceforward　their　days　were　embittered　and　the　natural　rest　of　their　nights　destroyed　by　his　paroxysms　of　remorse。　　Let　us　read　of　the　misery　caused　to　his　poor　sisters　in　Charlotte's　own　affecting　words：…


〃We　have　had　sad　work　with　Branwell。　　He　thought　of　nothing　but　stunning　or　drowning　his　agony　of　mind。　　No　one　in　this　house　could　have　rest；　and；　at　last；　we　have　been　obliged　to　send　him　from　home　for　a　week；　with　some　one　to　look　after　him。　　He　has　written　to　me　this　morning；　expressing　some　sense　of　contrition　。　。　。　but　as　long　as　he　remains　at　home；　I　scarce　dare　hope　for　peace　in　the　house。　　We　must　all；　I　fear；　prepare　for　a　season　of　distress　and　disquietude。　　When　I　left　you；　I　was　strongly　impressed　with　the　feeling　that　I　was　going　back　to　sorrow。〃

〃August；　1845。

〃Things　here　at　home　are　much　as　usual；　not　very　bright　as　it　regards　Branwell；　though　his　health；　and　consequently　his　temper；　have　been　somewhat　better　this　last　day　or　two；　because　he　is　now　FORCED　TO　abstain。〃

〃August　18th；　1845。

〃I　have　delayed　writing；　because　I　have　no　good　news　to　communicate。　　My　hopes　ebb　low　indeed　about　Branwell。　　I　sometimes　fear　he　will　never　be　fit　for　much。　　The　late　blow　to　his　prospects　and　feelings　has　quite　made　him　reckless。　　It　is　only　absolute　want　of　means　that　acts　as　any　check　to　him。　　One　ought；　indeed；　to　hope　to　the　very　last；　and　I　try　to　do　so；　but　occasionally　hope　in　his　case　seems　so　fallacious。〃

〃Nov。　4th；　1845。

〃I　hoped　to　be　able　to　ask　you　to　come　to　Haworth。　　It　almost　seemed　as　if　Branwell　had　a　chance　of　getting　employment；　and　I　waited　to　know　the　result　of　his　efforts　in　order　to　say；　dear　…；　come　and　see　us。　　But　the　place　（a　secretaryship　to　a　railway　committee）　is　given　to　another　person。　　Branwell　still　remains　at　home；　and　while　HE　is　here；　YOU　shall　not　come。　　I　am　more　confirmed　in　that　resolution　the　more　I　see　of　him。　　I　wish　I　could　say　one　word　to　you　in　his　favour；　but　I　cannot。　　I　will　hold　my　tongue。　　We　are　all　obliged　to　you　for　your　kind　suggestion　about　Leeds；　but　I　think　our　school　schemes　are；　for　the　present；　at　rest。〃

〃Dec。　31st；　1845。

〃You　say　well；　in　speaking　of　…；　that　no　sufferings　are　so　awful　as　those　brought　on　by　dissipation；　alas！　I　see　the　truth　of　this　observation　daily　proved。　andmust　have　as　weary　and　burdensome　a　life　of　it　in　waiting　upon　their　unhappy　brother。　　It　seems　grievous；　indeed；　that　those　who　have　not　sinned　should　suffer　so　largely。〃

In　fact；　all　their　latter　days　blighted　with　the　presence　of　cruel；　shameful　suffering；the　premature　deaths　of　two　at　least　of　the　sisters；all　the　great　possibilities　of　their　earthly　lives　snapped　short；may　be　dated　from　Midsummer　1845。

For　the　last　three　years　of　Branwell's　life；　he　took　opium　habitually；　by　way　of　stunning　conscience；　he　drank　moreover；　whenever　he　could　get　the　opportunity。　　The　reader　may　say　that　I　have　mentioned　his　tendency　to　intemperance　long　before。　　It　is　true；　but　it　did　not　become　habitual；　as　far　as　I　can　learn；　until　after　he　was　dismissed　from　his　tutorship。　　He　took　opium；　because　it　made　him　forget　for　a　time　more　effectually　than　drink；　and；　besides；　it　was　more　portable。　　In　procuring　it　he　showed　all　the　cunning　of　the　opium…eater。　　He　would　steal　out　while　the　family　were　at　churchto　which　he　had　professed　himself　too　ill　to　go　and