the light princess(光明公主)-第4部分
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the floor； had not the king started up and caught her just in time。 Seeing
nothing but talk could be got out of her； he rang the bell； and sent her
away with two of her ladies…in…waiting。
〃Now； queen；〃 he said； turning to her Majesty； 〃what IS to be done？〃
〃There is but one thing left；〃 answered she。 〃Let us consult the
college of Metaphysicians。〃
〃Bravo！〃 cried the king； 〃we will。〃
Now at the head of this college were two very wise Chinese
philosophers…by name Hum…Drum； and Kopy…Keck。 For them the king
sent； and straightway they came。 In a long speech he communicated to
them what they knew very well alreadyas who did not？namely； the
peculiar condition of his daughter in relation to the globe on which she
dwelt； and requested them to consult together as to what might be the
cause and probable cure of her INFIRMITY。 The king laid stress upon
the word； but failed to discover his own pun。 The queen laughed； but
Hum…Drum and Kopy…Keck heard with humility and retired in silence。
The consultation consisted chiefly in propounding and supporting； for
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the thousandth time； each his favourite theories。 For the condition of the
princess afforded delightful scope for the discussion of every question
arising from the division of thought…in fact； of all the Metaphysics of the
Chinese Empire。 But it is only justice to say that they did not altogether
neglect the discussion of the practical question； what was to be done。
Hum…Drum was a Materialist； and Kopy…Keck was a Spiritualist。
The former was slow and sententious； the latter was quick and flighty： the
latter had generally the first word； the former the last。
〃I reassert my former assertion；〃 began Kopy…Keck； with a plunge。
〃There is not a fault in the princess； body or soul； only they are wrong put
together。 Listen to me now； Hum…Drum； and I will tell you in brief what
I think。 Don't speak。 Don't answer me。 I won't hear you till I have
done。 At that decisive moment； when souls seek their appointed
habitations； two eager souls met； struck； rebounded； lost their way； and
arrived each at the wrong place。 The soul of the princess was one of
those； and she went far astray。 She does not belong by rights to this
world at all； but to some other planet； probably Mercury。 Her proclivity
to her true sphere destroys all the natural influence which this orb would
otherwise possess over her corporeal frame。 She cares for nothing here。
There is no relation between her and this world。
〃She must therefore be taught； by the sternest compulsion； to take an
interest in the earth as the earth。 She must study every department of its
historyits animal history； its vegetable history； its mineral history； its
social history； its moral history； its political history； its scientific history；
its literary history； its musical history； its artistical history； above all； its
metaphysical history。 She must begin with the Chinese dynasty and end
with Japan。 But first of all she must study geology； and especially the
history of the extinct races of animals…their natures； their habits； their
loves； their hates； their revenges。 She must〃
〃Hold； h…o…o…old！〃 roared Hum…Drum。 〃It is certainly my turn now。
My rooted and insubvertible conviction is； that the causes of the anomalies
evident in the princess's condition are strictly and solely physical。 But
that is only tantamount to acknowledging that they exist。 Hear my
opinion。 From some cause or other； of no importance to our inquiry； the
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motion of her heart has been reversed。 That remarkable combination of
the suction and the force…pump works the wrong way…I mean in the case of
the unfortunate princess： it draws in where it should force out； and forces
out where it should draw in。 The offices of the auricles and the ventricles
are subverted。 The blood is sent forth by the veins； and returns by the
arteries。 Consequently it is running the wrong way through all her
corporeal organismlungs and all。 Is it then at all mysterious； seeing that
such is the case； that on the other particular of gravitation as well； she
should differ from normal humanity？ My proposal for the cure is this：
〃Phlebotomize until she is reduced to the last point of safety。 Let it
be effected； if necessary； in a warm bath。 When she is reduced to a state
of perfect asphyxy； apply a ligature to the left ankle； drawing it as tight as
the bone will bear。 Apply； at the same moment； another of equal tension
around the right wrist。 By means of plates constructed for the purpose；
place the other foot and hand under the receivers of two air…pumps。
Exhaust the receivers。 Exhibit a pint of French brandy； and await the
result。〃
〃Which would presently arrive in the form of grim Death；〃 said Kopy…
Keck。
〃If it should； she would yet die in doing our duty；〃 retorted Hum…
Drum。
But their Majesties had too much tenderness for their volatile offspring
to subject her to either of the schemes of the equally unscrupulous
philosophers。 Indeed； the most complete knowledge of the laws of
nature would have been unserviceable in her case； for it was impossible to
classify her。 She was a fifth imponderable body； sharing all the other
properties of the ponderable。
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8。 Try a Drop of Water。
Perhaps the best thing for the princess would have been to fall in love。
But how a princess who had no gravity could fall into anything is a
difficultyperhaps THE difficulty。
As for her own feelings on the subject； she did not even know that
there was such a beehive of honey and stings to be fallen into。 But now I
come to mention another curious fact about her。
The palace was built on the shores of the loveliest lake in the world；
and the princess loved this lake more than father or mother。 The root of
this preference no doubt； although the princess did not recognise it as such；
was； that the moment she got into it； she recovered the natural right of
which she had been so wickedly deprivednamely； gravity。 Whether this
was owing to the fact that water had been employed as the means of
conveying the injury； I do not know。 But it is certain that she could swim
and dive like the duck that her old nurse said she was。 The manner in
which this alleviation of her misfortune was discovered was as follows。
One summer evening； during the carnival of the country； she had been
taken upon the lake by the king and queen； in the royal barge。 They were
accompanied by many of the courtiers in a fleet of little boats。 In the
middle of the lake she wanted to get into the lord chancellor's barge； for
his daughter； who was a great favourite with her； was in it with her father。
Now though the old king rarely condescended to make light of his
misfortune； yet； Happening on this occasion to be in a particularly good
humour； as the barges approached each other； he caught up the princess to
throw her into the chancellor's barge。 He lost his balance； however； and；
dropping into the bottom of the barge； lost his hold of his daughter； not；
however； before imparting to her the downward tendency of his own
person； though in a somewhat different direction； for； as the king fell into
the boat； she fell into the water。 With a burst of delighted laughter she
disappeared in the lake。 A cry of horror ascended from the boats。 They
had never seen the princess go down before。 Half the men were under
water in a moment； but they had all； one after another； come up to the
surface again for breath； whentinkle； tinkle； babble； and gush！ came the
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princess's laugh over the water from far away。 There she was； swimming
like a swan。 Nor would she come out for king or queen； chancellor or
daughter。 She was perfectly obstinate。
But at the same time she seemed more sedate than usual。 Perhaps
that was because a great pleasure spoils laughing。 At all events； after this；
the passion of her life was to get into the water； and she was always the
better behaved and the more beautiful th
