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Le Frere Lubin is not the man!



Andrew Lang '1844…1912'





THE CHAMELEON



Oft has it been my lot to mark

A proud; conceited; talking spark;

With eyes; that hardly served at most

To guard their master 'gainst a post;

Yet round the world the blade has been

To see whatever could be seen;

Returning from his finished tour;

Grown ten times perter than before;

Whatever word you chance to drop;

The traveled fool your mouth will stop;

〃Sir; if my judgment you'll allow;

I've seen … and sure I ought to know;〃

So begs you'd pay a due submission;

And acquiesce in his decision。



Two travelers of such a cast;

As o'er Arabia's wilds they passed;

And on their way in friendly chat;

Now talked of this; and then of that;

Discoursed awhile; 'mongst other matter;

Of the chameleon's form and nature。

〃A stranger animal;〃 cries one;

〃Sure never lived beneath the sun。

A lizard's body; lean and long;

A fish's head; a serpent's tongue;

Its foot with triple claw disjoined;

And what a length of tail behind!

How slow its pace; and then its hue …

Who ever saw so fine a blue?〃



〃Hold; there;〃 the other quick replies;

〃'Tis green; … I saw it with these eyes;

As late with open mouth it lay;

And warmed it in the sunny ray:

Stretched at its ease; the beast I viewed

And saw it eat the air for food。〃

〃I've seen it; sir; as well as you;

And must again affirm it blue;

At leisure I the beast surveyed;

Extended in the cooling shade。〃

〃'Tis green; 'tis green; sir; I assure ye!〃

〃Green!〃 cries the other in a fury …

〃Why; sir! … d'ye think I've lost my eyes?〃

〃'Twere no great loss;〃 the friend replies;

〃For; if they always serve you thus;

You'll find them of but little use。〃



So high at last the contest rose;

From words they almost came to blows:

When luckily came by a third …

To him the question they referred;

And begged he'd tell 'em; if he knew;

Whether the thing was green or blue。

〃Sirs;〃 cries the umpire; 〃cease your pother!

The creature's neither one or t'other。

I caught the animal last night;

And viewed it o'er by candlelight:

I marked it well … 't was black as jet …

You stare … but; sirs; I've got it yet;

And can produce it。〃  〃Pray; sir; do;

I'll lay my life the thing is blue。〃

〃And I'll be sworn; that when you've seen

The reptile; you'll pronounce him green。〃



〃Well; then; at once to ease the doubt;〃

Replies the man; 〃I'll turn him out:

And when before your eyes I've set him;

If you don't find him black; I'll eat him。〃

He said: then full before their sight

Produced the beast; and lo! … 'twas white。



Both stared; the man looked wondrous wise …

〃My children;〃 the chameleon cries;

(Then first the creature found a tongue);

〃You all are right; and all are wrong:

When next you talk of what you view;

Think others see as well as you:

Nor wonder; if you find that none

Prefers your eyesight to his own。〃



After De La Motte; by James Merrick '1720…1769'





THE BLIND MEN AND THE ELEPHANT

A Hindoo Fable



It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined;

Who went to see the Elephant

(Though all of them were blind);

That each by observation

Might satisfy his mind。



The First approached the Elephant;

And happening to fall

Against his broad and sturdy side;

At once began to bawl:

〃God bless me! but the Elephant

Is very like a wall!〃



The Second; feeling of the tusk;

Cried; 〃Ho! what have we here

So very round and smooth and sharp?

To me 'tis mighty clear

This wonder of an Elephant

Is very like a spear!〃



The Third approached the animal;

And happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands;

Thus boldly up and spake:

〃I see;〃 quoth he; 〃the Elephant

Is very like a snake!〃



The Fourth reached out an eager hand;

And felt about the knee。

〃What most this wondrous beast is like

Is mighty plain;〃 quoth he;

〃'Tis clear enough the Elephant

Is very like a tree!〃



The Fifth who chanced to touch the ear;

Said: 〃E'en the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most;

Deny the fact who can;

This marvel of an Elephant

Is very like a fan!〃



The Sixth no sooner had begun

About the beast to grope;

Than; seizing on the swinging tail

That fell within his scope;

〃I see;〃 quoth he; 〃the Elephant

Is very like a rope!〃



And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long;

Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong;

Though each was partly in the right;

And all were in the wrong!



MORAL

So oft in theologic wars;

The disputants; I ween;

Rail on in utter ignorance

Of what each other mean;

And prate about an Elephant

Not one of them has seen!



John Godfrey Saxe '1816…1887'





THE PHILOSOPHER'S SCALES



A monk; when his rites sacerdotal were o'er;

In the depths of his cell with its stone…covered floor;

Resigning to thought his chimerical brain;

Once formed the contrivance we now shall explain;

But whether by magic's or alchemy's powers

We know not; indeed; 'tis no business of ours。



Perhaps it was only by patience and care;

At last; that he brought his invention to bear。

In youth 'twas projected; but years stole away;

And ere 'twas complete he was wrinkled and gray;

But success is secure; unless energy fails;

And at length he produced the Philosopher's Scales。



〃What were they?〃 you ask。  You shall presently see;

These scales were not made to weigh sugar and tea。

Oh no; for such properties wondrous had they;

That qualities; feelings; and thoughts they could weigh;

Together with articles small or immense;

From mountains or planets to atoms of sense。



Naught was there so bulky but there it would lay;

And naught so ethereal but there it would stay;

And naught so reluctant but in it must go:

All which some examples more clearly will show。



The first thing he weighed was the head of Voltaire;

Which retained all the wit that had ever been there;

As a weight; he threw in the torn scrap of a leaf

Containing the prayer of the penitent thief;

When the skull rose aloft with so sudden a spell

That it bounced like a ball on the roof of the cell。



One time he put in Alexander the Great;

With the garment that Dorcas had made; for a weight;

And though clad in armor from sandals to crown;

The hero rose up and the garment went down。



A long row of almshouses; amply endowed

By a well…esteemed Pharisee; busy and proud;

Next loaded one scale; while the other was pressed

By those mites the poor widow dropped into the chest:

Up flew the endowment; not weighing an ounce;

And down; down the farthing…worth came with a bounce。



By further experiments (no matter how)

He found that ten chariots weighed less than one plough;

A sword with gilt trappings rose up in the scale;

Though balanced by only a ten…penny nail;

A shield and a helmet; a buckler and spear;

Weighed less than a widow's uncrystallized tear。



A lord and a lady went up at full sail;

When a bee chanced to light on the opposite scale;

Ten doctors; ten lawyers; two courtiers; one earl;

Ten counsellors' wigs; full of powder and curl;

All heaped in one balance and swinging from thence;

Weighed less than a few grains of candor and sense;

A first…water diamond; with brilliants begirt;

Than one good potato just washed from the dirt;

Yet not mountains of silver and gold could suffice

One pearl to outweigh; … 'twas the Pearl of Great Price。



Last of all; the whole world was bowled in at the grate;

With the soul of a beggar to serve for a weight;

When the former sprang up with so strong a rebuff

That it made a vast rent and escaped at the roof!

When balanced in air; it ascended on high;

And sailed up aloft; a balloon in the sky;

While the scale with the soul in't so mightily fell

That it jerked the philosopher out of his cell。



Jane Taylor '1783…1824'





THE MAIDEN AND THE LILY



A lily in my garden grew;

Amid the thyme and clover;

No fairer lily ever blew;

Search all the wide world over。

Its beauty passed into my heart:

I know 'twas very silly;

But I was then a foolish maid;

And it … a perfect lily。



One day a learned man came by;

With years of knowledge laden;

And him I questioned with a sigh;

Like any foolish maiden: …

〃Wise sir; please tell me wherein lies …

I know the question's silly …

The something that my art defies;

And makes a perfect lily。〃



He smiled; then bending plucked the flower;

Then tore it; leaf and petal;

And talked to me for full an hour;

And thought the point to settle: …

〃Therein it lies;〃 at length he cries;

And I … I know 'twas silly …

Could only weep and say; 〃But where …

O doctor; where's my lily?〃



John Fraser '1750…1811'





THE OWL…CRITIC



〃Who stuffed that white owl?  No one spoke in the shop:

The barber was busy; and he couldn't stop;

The customers; waiting their turns; were all reading

The Daily; the Herald; the Post; little heeding

The young man who blurted out such a blunt question;

Not one raised a head; or even made a suggestion;

And the barber kept on shaving。



〃Don't you see; Mister Brown;〃

Cried the youth with a frown;

〃How wrong the whole thing is;

How preposterous each wing is;

How flattened the head is; how jammed down the neck is …

In short; the whole owl; what an ignorant wreck 'tis!

I make no apology;

I've learned owl…eology。

I've passed days and nights in a hundred collections;

And cannot be blinded to any deflections

Arising from unskilful fingers that fail

To stuff a bird right; from his beak to his tail。

Mister Brown! Mister Brown!

Do take that bird down;

Or you'll soon be the laughing…stock all over town!〃

And the barber kept on shaving。



〃I've studied owls

And other night fowls;

And I tell you

What I know to be true:

An owl cannot roost

With his limbs s

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