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To the ways of a man with a horse; when selling or racing that same。



XIV

In public Her face turneth to thee; and pleasant Her smile when ye meet。

It is ill。  The cold rocks of El…Gidar smile thus on the waves at

  their feet。

In public Her face is averted; with anger She nameth thy name。

It is well。  Was there ever a loser content with the loss of the game?



XV

If She have spoken a word; remember thy lips are sealed;

And the Brand of the Dog is upon him by whom is the secret revealed。

If She have written a letter; delay not an instant; but burn it。

Tear it in pieces; O Fool; and the wind to her mate shall return it!

If there be trouble to Herward; and a lie of the blackest can clear;

Lie; while thy lips can move or a man is alive to hear。



XVI

My Son; if a maiden deny thee and scufflingly bid thee give o'er;

Yet lip meets with lip at the lastward … get out!

She has been there before。

They are pecked on the ear and the chin and the nose

  who are lacking in lore。



XVII

If we fall in the race; though we win; the hoof…slide is scarred

  on the course。

Though Allah and Earth pardon Sin; remaineth forever Remorse。



XVIII

〃By all I am misunderstood!〃 if the Matron shall say; or the Maid: …

〃Alas! I do not understand;〃 my son; be thou nowise afraid。

In vain in the sight of the Bird is the net of the Fowler displayed。



XIX

My Son; if I; Hafiz; thy father; take hold of thy knees in my pain;

Demanding thy name on stamped paper; one day or one hour … refrain。

Are the links of thy fetters so light that thou cravest

  another man's chain?



Rudyard Kipling '1865…1936'





A BAKER'S DUZZEN UV WIZE SAWZ



Them ez wants; must choose。

Them ez hez; must lose。

Them ez knows; won't blab。

Them ez guesses; will gab。

Them ez borrows; sorrows。

Them ez lends; spends。

Them ez gives; lives。

Them ez keeps dark; is deep。

Them ez kin earn; kin keep。

Them ez aims; hits。

Them ez hez; gits。

Them ez waits; win。

Them ez will; kin。



Edward Rowland Sill '1841…1887'





EPIGRAMS



What is an epigram? a dwarfish whole;

Its body brevity; and wit its soul。



Samuel Taylor Coleridge '1772…1834'







As in smooth oil the razor best is whet;

So wit is by politeness sharpest set;

Their want of edge from their offence is seen;

Both pain the heart when exquisitely keen。



Unknown







〃I hardly ever ope my lips;〃 one cries;

〃Simonides; what think you of my rule?〃

〃If you're a fool; I think you're very wise;

If you are wise; I think you are a fool。〃



Richard Garnett '1835…1906'







Philosopher; whom dost thou most affect;

Stoics austere; or Epicurus' sect?

Friend; 'tis my grave infrangible design

With those to study; and with these to dine。



Richard Garnett '1835…1906'







Joy is the blossom; sorrow is the fruit;

Of human life; and worms are at the root。



Walter Savage Landor '1775…1864'







No truer word; save God's; was ever spoken;

Than that the largest heart is soonest broken。



Walter Savage Landor '1775…1864'







This house; where once a lawyer dwelt;

Is now a smith's。  Alas!

How rapidly the iron age

Succeeds the age of brass!



William Erskine '1769…1822'







〃I would;〃 says Fox; 〃a tax devise

That shall not fall on me。〃

〃Then tax receipts;〃 Lord North replies;

〃For those you never see。〃



Richard Brinsley Sheridan '1751…1816'







You beat your pate; and fancy wit will come。

Knock as you please; … there's nobody at home。



Alexander Pope '1688…1744'







If a man who turnips cries

Cry not when his father dies;

'Tis a proof that he would rather

Have a turnip than a father。



Samuel Johnson '1709…1784'







Life is a jest; and all things show it;

I said so once; and now I know it。



John Gay '1685…1732'







I am his Highness' dog at Kew。

Pray; sir; tell me; … whose dog are you?



Alexander Pope '1688…1744'







Sir; I admit your general rule;

That every poet is a fool;

But you yourself may serve to show it;

That every fool is not a poet。



Samuel Taylor Coleridge '1772…1834'







Damis; an author cold and weak;

Thinks as a critic he's divine;

Likely enough; we often make

Good vinegar of sorry wine。



Unknown







Swans sing before they die … 'twere no bad thing

Did certain persons die before they sing。



Samuel Taylor Coleridge '1772…1834'







He who in his pocket hath no money

Should; in his mouth; be never without honey。



Unknown







Nobles and heralds; by your leave;

Here lies what once was Matthew Prior;

The son of Adam and of Eve;

Can Bourbon or Nassau claim higher?



Matthew Prior '1664…1721'







Here lie I; Martin Elginbrodde;

Hae mercy o' my soul; Lord God;

As I wad do were I Lord God;

And ye were Martin Elginbrodde。



George Macdonald '1824…1905'







Who killed Kildare?  Who dared Kildare to kill?

Death killed Kildare … who dare kill whom he will。



Jonathan Swift '1667…1745'







With death doomed to grapple;

Beneath the cold slab he

Who lied in the chapel

Now lies in the abbey。



Byron's epitaph for Pitt







When doctrines meet with general approbation;

It is not heresy; but reformation。



David Garrick '1717…1779'







Treason doth never prosper; what's the reason?

Why; if it prosper; none dare call it treason。



John Harington '1561…1612'







God bless the King … I mean the faith's defender!

God bless (no harm in blessing!) the Pretender!

But who pretender is; or who is King …

God bless us all! … that's quite another thing。



John Byrom '1692…1763'







'Tis highly rational; we can't dispute;

The Love; being naked; should promote a suit:

But doth not oddity to him attach

Whose fire's so oft extinguished by a match?



Richard Garnett '1835…1906'







〃Come; come;〃 said Tom's father; 〃at your time of life;

There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake。 …

It is time you should think; boy; of taking a wife。〃 …

Why; so it is; father; … whose wife shall I take?〃



Thomas Moore '1779…1852'







When Eve upon the first of men

The apple pressed with specious cant;

O; what a thousand pities then

That Adam was not Adam…ant!



Thomas Moore '1779…1852'







Whilst Adam slept; Eve from his side arose:

Strange! his first sleep should be his last repose!



Unknown







〃What? rise again with all one's bones;〃

Quoth Giles; 〃I hope you fib:

I trusted; when I went to Heaven;

To go without my rib。



Samuel Taylor Coleridge '1772…1834'







Here lies my wife: here let her lie!

Now she's at rest; and so am I。



John Dryden '1631…1700'







After such years of dissension and strife;

Some wonder that Peter should weep for his wife;

But his tears on her grave are nothing surprising; …

He's laying her dust; for fear of its rising。



Thomas Hood '1799…1845'





WRITTEN ON A LOOKING…GLASS



I change; and so do women too;

But I reflect; which women never do。



Unknown





AN EPITAPH



A lovely young lady I mourn in my rhymes:

She was pleasant; good…natured; and civil sometimes。

Her figure was good: she had very fine eyes;

And her talk was a mixture of foolish and wise。

Her adorers were many; and one of them said;

〃She waltzed rather well!  It's a pity she's dead!〃



George John Cayley ' ? '





ON THE ARISTOCRACY OF HARVARD



And this is good old Boston;

The home of the bean and the cod;

Where the Lowells talk to the Cabots

And the Cabots talk only to God。 



John Collins Bossidy '1860…1928'





ON THE DEMOCRACY OF YALE



Here's to the town of New Haven;

The home of the Truth and the Light;

Where God talks to Jones in the very same tones

That He uses with Hadley and Dwight!



Frederick Scheetz Jones '1862…





A GENERAL SUMMARY



We are very slightly changed


From the semi…apes who ranged

India's prehistoric clay;

Whoso drew the longest bow;

Ran his brother down; you know;

As we run men down to…day。

〃Dowb;〃 the first of all his race;

Met the Mammoth face to face

On the lake or in the cave;

Stole the steadiest canoe;

Ate the quarry others slew;

Died … and took the finest grave。



When they scratched the reindeer…bone;

Someone made the sketch his own;

Filched it from the artist … then;

Even in those early days;

Won a simple Viceroy's praise

Through the toil of other men。

Ere they hewed the Sphinx's visage;

Favoritism governed kissage;

Even as it does in this age。



Who shall doubt 〃the secret hid

Under Cheops' pyramid〃

Was that the contractor did

Cheops out of several millions?

Or that Joseph's sudden rise

To Comptroller of Supplies

Was a fraud of monstrous size

On King Pharaoh's swart Civilians?



Thus; the artless songs I sing

Do not deal with anything

New or never said before。

As it was in the beginning;

Is to…day official sinning;

And shall be for evermore!



Rudyard Kipling '1865…1936'















THE MIMICS













AN OMAR FOR LADIES



I

One for her Club and her own Latch…key fights;

Another wastes in Study her good Nights。

Ah; take the Clothes and let the Culture go;

Nor heed the grumble of the Women's Rights!



Look at the Shop…girl all about us … 〃Lo;

The Wages of a month;〃 she says; 〃I blow

Into a Hat; and when my hair is waved;

Doubtless my Friend will take me to the Show。〃



And she who saved her coin for Flannels red; 

And she who caught Pneumonia instead;

Will both be Underground in Fifty Years;

And Prudence pays no Premium to the dead。



Th' exclusive Style you set your heart upon

Gets to the Bargain counters … and ano

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