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The　excitement　she　felt　was　all　the　greater　because　she　was　excited　against　her　will。　In　other　words；　her　soul　did　condone　the　proceedings；　albeit　covertly。　But　she　also　knew　that　if　the　feeling　of　excitement　was　to　continue；　her　soul's　approval　would　have　to　keep　mute。　The　moment　it　said　its　yes　aloud；　the　moment　it　tried　to　take　an　active　part　in　the　love　scene；　the　excitement　would　subside。　For　what　made　the　soul　so　excited　was　that　the　body　was　acting　against　its　will；　the　body　was　betraying　it；　and　the　soul　was　looking　on。
Then　he　pulled　off　her　panties　and　she　was　completely　naked。　When　her　soul　saw　her　naked　body　in　the　arms　of　a　stranger；　it　was　so　incredulous　that　it　might　as　well　have　been　watching　the　planet　Mars　at　close　range。　In　the　light　of　the　incredible；　the　soul　for　the　first　time　saw　the　body　as　something　other　than　banal；　for　the　first　time　it　looked　on　the　body　with　fascination：　all　the　body's　matchless；　inimitable；　unique　qualities　had　suddenly　come　to　the　fore。　This　was　not　the　most　ordinary　of　bodies　（as　the　soul　had　regarded　it　until　then）；　this　was　the　most　extraordinary　body。　The　soul　could　not　tear　its　eyes　away　from　the　body's　birthmark；　the　round　brown　blemish　above　its　hairy　triangle。　It　looked　upon　that　mark　as　its　seal；　a　holy　seal　it　had　imprinted　on　the　body；　and　now　a　stranger's　penis　was　moving　blasphemously　close　to　it。
Peering　into　the　engineer's　face；　she　realized　that　she　would　never　allow　her　body；　on　which　her　soul　had　left　its　mark；　to　take　pleasure　in　the　embrace　of　someone　she　neither　knew　nor　wished　to　know。　She　was　filled　with　an　intoxicating　hatred。　She　collected　a　gob　of　saliva　to　spit　in　the　stranger's　face。　He　was　observing　her　with　as　much　eagerness　as　she　him；　and　noting　her　rage；　he　quickened　the　pace　of　his　movements　on　her　body。　Tereza　could　feel　orgasm　advancing　from　afar；　and　shouted　No；　no；　no！　to　resist　it；　but　resisted；　constrained；　deprived　of　an　outlet；　the　ecstasy　lingered　all　the　longer　in　her　body；　flowing　through　her　veins　like　a　shot　of　morphine。　She　thrashed　in　his　arms；　swung　her　fists　in　the　air；　and　spat　in　his　face。
18
Toilets　in　modern　water　closets　rise　up　from　the　floor　like　white　water　lilies。　The　architect　does　all　he　can　to　make　the　body　forget　how　paltry　it　is；　and　to　make　man　ignore　what　happens　to　his　intestinal　wastes　after　the　water　from　the　tank　flushes　them　down　the　drain。　Even　though　the　sewer　pipelines　reach　far　into　our　houses　with　their　tentacles；　they　are　carefully　hidden　from　view；　and　we　are　happily　ignorant　of　the　invisible　Venice　of　shit　underlying　our　bathrooms；　bedrooms；　dance　halls；　and　parliaments。
The　bathroom　in　the　old　working…class　flat　on　the　outskirts　of　Prague　was　less　hypocritical：　the　floor　was　covered　with　gray　tile　and　the　toilet　rising　up　from　it　was　broad；　squat；　and　pitiful。　It　did　not　look　like　a　white　water　lily；　it　looked　like　what　it　was：　the　enlarged　end　of　a　sewer　pipe。　And　since　it　lacked　even　a　wooden　seat；　Tereza　had　to　perch　on　the　cold　enamel　rim。
She　was　sitting　there　on　the　toilet；　and　her　sudden　desire　to　void　her　bowels　was　in　fact　a　desire　to　go　to　the　extreme　of　humiliation；　to　become　only　and　utterly　a　body；　the　body　her　mother　used　to　say　was　good　for　nothing　but　digesting　and　excreting。　And　as　she　voided　her　bowels；　Tereza　was　overcome　by　a　feeling　of　infinite　grief　and　loneliness。　Nothing　could　be　more　miserable　than　her　naked　body　perched　on　the　enlarged　end　of　a　sewer　pipe。
Her　soul　had　lost　its　onlooker's　curiosity；　its　malice　and　pride；　it　had　retreated　deep　into　the　body　again；　to　the　farthest　gut；　waiting　desperately　for　someone　to　call　it　out。
19
She　stood　up　from　the　toilet；　flushed　it；　and　went　into　the　anteroom。　The　soul　trembled　in　her　body；　her　naked；　spurned　body。　She　still　felt　on　her　anus　the　touch　of　the　paper　she　had　used　to　wipe　herself。
And　suddenly　something　unforgettable　occurred：　suddenly　she　felt　a　desire　to　go　in　to　him　and　hear　his　voice；　his　words。　If　he　spoke　to　her　in　a　soft；　deep　voice；　her　soul　would　take　courage　and　rise　to　the　surface　of　her　body；　and　she　would　burst　out　crying。　She　would　put　her　arms　around　him　the　way　she　had　put　her　arms　around　the　chestnut　tree's　thick　trunk　in　her　dream。
Standing　there　in　the　anteroom；　she　tried　to　withstand　the　strong　desire　to　burst　out　crying　in　his　presence。　She　knew　that　her　failure　to　withstand　it　would　have　ruinous　consequences。　She　would　fall　in　love　with　him。
Just　then；　his　voice　called　to　her　from　the　inner　room。　Now　that　she　heard　that　voice　by　itself　（divorced　from　the　engineer's　tall　stature）；　it　amazed　her：　it　was　high…pitched　and　thin。　How　could　she　have　ignored　it　all　this　time？
Perhaps　the　surprise　of　that　unpleasant　voice　was　what　saved　her　from　temptation。　She　went　inside；　picked　up　her　clothes　from　the　floor；　threw　them　on；　and　left。
20
She　had　done　her　shopping　and　was　on　her　way　home。　Karenin　had　the　usual　roll　in　his　mouth。　It　was　a　cold　morning；　there　was　a　slight　frost。　They　were　passing　a　housing　development；　where　in　the　spaces　between　buildings　the　tenants　maintained　small　flower　and　vegetable　gardens；　when　Karenin　suddenly　stood　stock　still　and　riveted　his　eyes　on　something。　She　looked　over；　but　could　see　nothing　out　of　the　ordinary。　Karenin　gave　a　tug；　and　she　followed　along　behind。　Only　then　did　she　notice　the　black　head　and　large　beak　of　a　crow　lying　on　the　cold　dirt　of　a　barren　plot。　The　bodiless　head　bobbed　slowly　up　and　down；　and　the　beak　gave　out　an　occasional　hoarse　and　mournful　croak。
Karenin　was　so　excited　he　dropped　his　roll。　Tereza　tied　him　to　a　tree　to　prevent　him　from　hurting　the　crow。　Then　she　knelt　down　and　tried　to　dig　up　the　soil　that　had　been　stamped　down　around　the　bird　to　bury　it　alive。　It　was　not　easy。　She　broke　a　nail。　The　blood　began　to　flow。
All　at　once　a　rock　landed　nearby。　She　turned　and　caught　sight　of　two　nine…　or　ten…year…old　boys　peeking　out　from　behind　a　wall。　She　stood　up。　They　saw　her　move；　saw　the　dog　by　the　tree；　and　ran　off。
Once　more　she　knelt　down　and　scratched　away　at　the　dirt。　At　last　she　succeeded　in　pulling　the　crow　out　of　its　grave。　But　the　crow　was　lame　and　could　neither　walk　nor　fly。　She　wrapped　it　up　in　the　red　scarf　she　had　been　wearing　around　her　neck；　and　pressed　it　to　her　body　with　her　left　hand。　With　her　right　hand　she　untied　Karenin　from　the　tree。　It　took　all　the　strength　she　could　muster　to　quiet　him　down　and　make　him　heel。
She　rang　the　doorbell；　not　having　a　free　hand　for　the　key。　Tomas　opened　the　door。　She　handed　him　the　leash；　and　with　the　words　Hold　him！　took　the　crow　into　the　bathroom。　She　laid　it　on　the　floor　under　the　washbasin。　It　flapped　its　wings　a　little；　but　could　move　no　more　than　that。　There　was　a　thick　yellow　liquid　oozing　from　it。　She　made　a　bed　of　old　rags　to　protect　it　from　the　cold　tiles。　From　time　to　time　the　bird　would　give　a　hopeless　flap　of　its　lame　wing　and　raise　its　beak　as　a　reproach。
She　sat　transfixed　on　the　edge　of　the　bath；　unable　to　take　her　eyes　off　the　dying　crow。　In　its　solitude　and　desolation　she　saw　a　reflection　of　her　own　fate；　and　she　repeated　several　times　to　herself；　I　have　no　one　left　in　the　world　but　Tomas。
Did　her　adventure　with　the　engineer　teach　her　that　casual　sex　has　nothing　to　do　with　love？　That　it　is　light；　weightless？　Was　she　calmer　now？
Not　in　the　least。
She　kept　picturing　the　following　scene：　She　had　come　out　of　the　toilet　and　her　body　was　standing　in　the　anteroom　naked　and　spurned。　Her　soul　was　trembling；　terrified；　buried　in　the　depths　of　her　bowels。　If　at　that　moment　the　man　in　the　inner　room　had　addressed　her　soul；　she　would　have　burst　out　crying　and　fallen　into　his　arms。
She　imagined　what　it　would　have　been　like　if　the　woman　standing　in　the　anteroom　had　been　one　of　Tomas's　mistresses　and　if　the　man　inside　had　been　Tomas。　All　he　would　have　had　to　do　was　say　one　word；　a　single　word；　and　the　girl　would　have　thrown　her　arms　around　him　and　wept。
Tereza　knew　what　happens　during　the　moment　love　is　born：　the　woman　cannot　resist　the　voice　calling　forth　her　terrified　soul；　the　man　cannot　resist　the　woman　whose　soul　thus　responds　to　his　voice。　Tomas　had　no　defense　against　the　lure　of　love；　and　Tereza　feared　for　him　every　minute　of　every　hour。
What　weapons　did　she　have　at　her　disposal？　None　but　her　fidelity。　And　she　offered　him　that　at　the　very　outset；　the　very　first　day；　as　if　aware　she　had　nothing　more　to　give。　Their　love　was　an　oddly　asymmetrical　construction：　it　was　supported　by　the　absolute　certainty　of　her　fidelity　like　a　gigantic　edifice　supported　by　a　single　column。
Before　long；　the　crow　stopped　flapping　its　wings；　and　gave　no　more　than　the　twitch　of　a　broken；　mangled　leg。　Tereza　refused　to　be　separated　from　it。　She　could　have　been　keeping　vigil　over　a　dying　sister。　In　the　end；　however；　she　did　step　into　the　kitchen　for　a　bite　to　eat。
When　she　returned；　the　crow　was　dead。

22
In　the　first　year　of　her　love；　Tereza　would　cry　out　during　intercourse。　Screaming；　as　I　have　pointed　out；　was　meant　to　blind　and　deafen　the　senses。　With　time　she　screamed　less；　but　her　soul　was　still　blinded　by　love；　and　saw　nothing。　Making　love　with　the　engineer　in　the　absence　of　love　was　what　finally　restored　her　soul's　sight。
During　her　next　visit　to　the　sauna；　she　stood　before　the　mirror　again　and；　looking　at　herself；　reviewed　the　scene　of　physical　love　that　had　taken　place　in　the　engineer's　flat。　It　was　not　her　lover　she　remembered。　In　fact；　she　would　have　been　hard　put　to　describe　him。　She　may　not　even　have　noticed　what　he　looked　like　naked。　What　she　did　remember　（and　what　she　now　observed；　aroused；　in　the　mirror）　was　her　own　body：　her　pubic　triangle　and　the　circular　blotch　located　just　above　it。　The　blotch；　which　until　then　she　had　regarded　as　the　most　prosaic　of　skin　blemishes；　had　become　an　obsession。　She　longed　to　see　it　again　and　again　in　that　implausible　proximity　to　an　alien　penis。
Here　I　must　stress　again：　She　had　no　desire　to　see　another　man's　organs。　She　wished　to　see　her　own　private　parts　in　close　proximity　to　an　alien　penis。　She　did　not　desire　her　lover's　body。　She　desired　her　own　body；　newly　discovered；　intimate　and　alien　beyond　all　others；　incomparably　exciting。
Looking　at　her　body　speckled　with　droplets　of　shower　water；　she　imagined　the　engineer　dropping　in　at　the　bar。　Oh；　how　she