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Maid　Marian

by　Thomas　Love　Peacock






CHAPTER　I


Now　come　ye　for　peace　here；　or　come　ye　for　war？　　SCOTT。


〃The　abbot；　in　his　alb　arrayed；〃　stood　at　the　altar　in　the　abbey…chapel　of　Rubygill；　with　all　his　plump；　sleek；　rosy　friars；　in　goodly　lines　disposed；　to　solemnise　the　nuptials　of　the　beautiful　Matilda　Fitzwater；　daughter　of　the　Baron　of　Arlingford；　with　the　noble　Robert　Fitz…Ooth；　Earl　of　Locksley　and　Huntingdon。　　The　abbey　of　Rubygill　stood　in　a　picturesque　valley；　at　a　little　distance　from　the　western　boundary　of　Sherwood　Forest；　in　a　spot　which　seemed　adapted　by　nature　to　be　the　retreat　of　monastic　mortification；　being　on　the　banks　of　a　fine　trout…stream；　and　in　the　midst　of　woodland　coverts；　abounding　with　excellent　game。　　The　bride；　with　her　father　and　attendant　maidens；　entered　the　chapel；　but　the　earl　had　not　arrived。　The　baron　was　amazed；　and　the　bridemaidens　were　disconcerted。　Matilda　feared　that　some　evil　had　befallen　her　lover；　but　felt　no　diminution　of　her　confidence　in　his　honour　and　love。　　Through　the　open　gates　of　the　chapel　she　looked　down　the　narrow　road　that　wound　along　the　side　of　the　hill；　and　her　ear　was　the　first　that　heard　the　distant　trampling　of　horses；　and　her　eye　was　the　first　that　caught　the　glitter　of　snowy　plumes；　and　the　light　of　polished　spears。　　〃It　is　strange；〃　thought　the　baron；　〃that　the　earl　should　come　in　this　martial　array　to　his　wedding；〃　but　he　had　not　long　to　meditate　on　the　phenomenon；　for　the　foaming　steeds　swept　up　to　the　gate　like　a　whirlwind；　and　the　earl；　breathless　with　speed；　and　followed　by　a　few　of　his　yeomen；　advanced　to　his　smiling　bride。　It　was　then　no　time　to　ask　questions；　for　the　organ　was　in　full　peal；　and　the　choristers　were　in　full　voice。

The　abbot　began　to　intone　the　ceremony　in　a　style　of　modulation　impressively　exalted；　his　voice　issuing　most　canonically　from　the　roof　of　his　mouth；　through　the　medium　of　a　very　musical　nose　newly　tuned　for　the　occasion。　But　he　had　not　proceeded　far　enough　to　exhibit　all　the　variety　and　compass　of　this　melodious　instrument；　when　a　noise　was　heard　at　the　gate；　and　a　party　of　armed　men　entered　the　chapel。　　The　song　of　the　choristers　died　away　in　a　shake　of　demisemiquavers；　contrary　to　all　the　rules　of　psalmody。　The　organ…blower；　who　was　working　his　musical　air…pump　with　one　hand；　and　with　two　fingers　and　a　thumb　of　the　other　insinuating　a　peeping…place　through　the　curtain　of　the　organ…gallery；　was　struck　motionless　by　the　double　operation　of　curiosity　and　fear；　while　the　organist；　intent　only　on　his　performance；　and　spreading　all　his　fingers　to　strike　a　swell　of　magnificent　chords；　felt　his　harmonic　spirit　ready　to　desert　his　body　on　being　answered　by　the　ghastly　rattle　of　empty　keys；　and　in　the　consequent　agitato　furioso　of　the　internal　movements　of　his　feelings；　was　preparing　to　restore　harmony　by　the　segue　subito　of　an　appoggiatura　con　foco　with　the　corner　of　a　book　of　anthems　on　the　head　of　his　neglectful　assistant；　when　his　hand　and　his　attention　together　were　arrested　by　the　scene　below。　The　voice　of　the　abbot　subsided　into　silence　through　a　descending　scale　of　long…drawn　melody；　like　the　sound　of　the　ebbing　sea　to　the　explorers　of　a　cave。　　In　a　few　moments　all　was　silence；　interrupted　only　by　the　iron　tread　of　the　armed　intruders；　as　it　rang　on　the　marble　floor　and　echoed　from　the　vaulted　aisles。

The　leader　strode　up　to　the　altar；　and　placing　himself　opposite　to　the　abbot；　and　between　the　earl　and　Matilda；　in　such　a　manner　that　the　four　together　seemed　to　stand　on　the　four　points　of　a　diamond；　exclaimed；　〃In　the　name　of　King　Henry；　I　forbid　the　ceremony；　and　attach　Robert　Earl　of　Huntingdon　as　a　traitor！〃　and　at　the　same　time　he　held　his　drawn　sword　between　the　lovers；　as　if　to　emblem　that　royal　authority　which　laid　its　temporal　ban　upon　their　contract。　　The　earl　drew　his　own　sword　instantly；　and　struck　down　the　interposing　weapon；　then　clasped　his　left　arm　round　Matilda；　who　sprang　into　his　embrace；　and　held　his　sword　before　her　with　his　right　hand。　His　yeomen　ranged　themselves　at　his　side；　and　stood　with　their　swords　drawn；　still　and　prepared；　like　men　determined　to　die　in　his　defence。　The　soldiers；　confident　in　superiority　of　numbers；　paused。　　The　abbot　took　advantage　of　the　pause　to　introduce　a　word　of　exhortation。　　〃My　children；〃　said　he；　〃if　you　are　going　to　cut　each　other's　throats；　I　entreat　you；　in　the　name　of　peace　and　charity；　to　do　it　out　of　the　chapel。〃

〃Sweet　Matilda；〃　said　the　earl；　〃did　you　give　your　love　to　the　Earl　of　Huntingdon；　whose　lands　touch　the　Ouse　and　the　Trent；　or　to　Robert　Fitz…Ooth；　the　son　of　his　mother？〃

〃Neither　to　the　earl　nor　his　earldom；〃　answered　Matilda　firmly；　〃but　to　Robert　Fitz…Ooth　and　his　love。〃

〃That　I　well　knew；〃　said　the　earl；　〃and　though　the　ceremony　be　incomplete；　we　are　not　the　less　married　in　the　eye　of　my　only　saint；　our　Lady；　who　will　yet　bring　us　together。　Lord　Fitzwater；　to　your　care；　for　the　present；　I　commit　your　daughter。Nay；　sweet　Matilda；　part　we　must　for　a　while；　but　we　will　soon　meet　under　brighter　skies；　and　be　this　the　seal　of　our　faith。〃

He　kissed　Matilda's　lips；　and　consigned　her　to　the　baron；　who　glowered　about　him　with　an　expression　of　countenance　that　showed　he　was　mortally　wroth　with　somebody；　but　whatever　he　thought　or　felt　he　kept　to　himself。　The　earl；　with　a　sign　to　his　followers；　made　a　sudden　charge　on　the　soldiers；　with　the　intention　of　cutting　his　way　through。　The　soldiers　were　prepared　for　such　an　occurrence；　and　a　desperate　skirmish　succeeded。　　Some　of　the　women　screamed；　but　none　of　them　fainted；　for　fainting　was　not　so　much　the　fashion　in　those　days；　when　the　ladies　breakfasted　on　brawn　and　ale　at　sunrise；　as　in　our　more　refined　age　of　green　tea　and　muffins　at　noon。　　Matilda　seemed　disposed　to　fly　again　to　her　lover；　but　the　baron　forced　her　from　the　chapel。　　The　earl's　bowmen　at　the　door　sent　in　among　the　assailants　a　volley　of　arrows；　one　of　which　whizzed　past　the　ear　of　the　abbot；　who；　in　mortal　fear　of　being　suddenly　translated　from　a　ghostly　friar　into　a　friarly　ghost；　began　to　roll　out　of　the　chapel　as　fast　as　his　bulk　and　his　holy　robes　would　permit；　roaring　〃Sacrilege！〃　with　all　his　monks　at　his　heels；　who　were；　like　himself；　more　intent　to　go　at　once　than　to　stand　upon　the　order　of　their　going。　　The　abbot；　thus　pressed　from　behind；　and　stumbling　over　his　own　drapery　before；　fell　suddenly　prostrate　in　the　door…way　that　connected　the　chapel　with　the　abbey；　and　was　instantaneously　buried　under　a　pyramid　of　ghostly　carcasses；　that　fell　over　him　and　each　other；　and　lay　a　rolling　chaos　of　animated　rotundities；　sprawling　and　bawling　in　unseemly　disarray；　and　sending　forth　the　names　of　all　the　saints　in　and　out　of　heaven；　amidst　the　clashing　of　swords；　the　ringing　of　bucklers；　the　clattering　of　helmets；　the　twanging　of　bow…strings；　the　whizzing　of　arrows；　the　screams　of　women；　the　shouts　of　the　warriors；　and　the　vociferations　of　the　peasantry；　who　had　been　assembled　to　the　intended　nuptials；　and　who；　seeing　a　fair　set…to；　contrived　to　pick　a　quarrel　among　themselves　on　the　occasion；　and　proceeded；　with　staff　and　cudgel；　to　crack　each　other's　skulls　for　the　good　of　the　king　and　the　earl。　One　tall　friar　alone　was　untouched　by　the　panic　of　his　brethren；　and　stood　steadfastly　watching　the　combat　with　his　arms　a…kembo；　the　colossal　emblem　of　an　unarmed　neutrality。

At　length；　through　the　midst　of　the　internal　confusion；　the　earl；　by　the　help　of　his　good　sword；　the　staunch　valour　of　his　men；　and　the　blessing　of　the　Virgin；　fought　his　way　to　the　chapel…gate　his　bowmen　closed　him　inhe　vaulted　into　his　saddle；　clapped　spurs　to　his　horse；　rallied　his　men　on　the　first　eminence；　and　exchanged　his　sword　for　a　bow　and　arrow；　with　which　he　did　old　execution　among　the　pursuers；　who　at　last　thought　it　most　expedient　to　desist　from　offensive　warfare；　and　to　retreat　into　the　abbey；　where；　in　the　king's　name；　they　broached　a　pipe　of　the　best　wine；　and　attached　all　the　venison　in　the　larder；　having　first　carefully　unpacked　the　tuft　of　friars；　and　set　the　fallen　abbot　on　his　legs。

The　friars；　it　may　be　well　supposed；　and　such　of　the　king's　men　as　escaped　unhurt　from　the　affray；　found　their　spirits　a　cup　too　low；　and　kept　the　flask　moving　from　noon　till　night。　　The　peaceful　brethren；　unused　to　the　tumult　of　war；　had　undergone；　from　fear　and　discomposure；　an　exhaustion　of　animal　spirits　that　required　extraordinary　refection。　During　the　repast；　they　interrogated　Sir　Ralph　Montfaucon；　the　leader　of　the　soldiers；　respecting　the　nature　of　the　earl's　offence。

〃A　complication　of　offences；〃　replied　Sir　Ralph；　〃superinduced　on　the　original　basis　of　forest…treason。　He　began　with　hunting　the　king's　deer；　in　despite　of　all　remonstrance；　followed　it　up　by　contempt　of　the　king's　mandates；　and　by　armed　resistance　to　his　power；　in　defiance　of　all　authority；　and　combined　with　it　the　resolute　withholding　of　payment　of　certain　moneys　to　the　abbot　of　Doncaster；　in　denial　of　all　law；　and　has　thus　made　himself　the　declared　enemy　of　church　and　state；　and　all　for　being　too　fond　of　venison。〃　And　the　knight　helped　himself　to　half　a　pasty。

〃A　heinous　offender；〃　said　a　little　round　oily　friar；　appropriating　the　portion　of　pasty　which　Sir　Ralph　had　left。

〃The　earl　is　a　worthy　peer；〃　said　the　tall　friar　whom　we　have　already　mentioned　in　the　chapel　scene；　〃and　the　best　marksman　in　England。〃

〃Why　this　is　flat　treason；　brother　Michael；〃　said　the　little　round　friar；　〃to　call　an　attainted　traitor　a　worthy　peer。〃

〃I　pledge　you；〃　said　brother　Michael。　　The　little　friar　smiled　and　filled　his　cup。　　〃He　will　draw　the　long　bow；〃　pursued　brother　Michael；　〃with　any　bold　yeoman　among　them　all。〃

〃Don't　talk　of　the　long　bow；〃　said　the　abbot；　who　had　the　sound　of　the　arrow　still　whizzing　in　his　ear：　　〃what　have　we　pillars　of　the　faith　to　do　with　the　long　bow？〃

〃Be　that　as　it　may；〃　said　Sir　Ralph；　〃he　is　an　outlaw　from　this　moment。〃

〃So　much　the　worse　for　the　law　then；〃　said　brother　Michael。　　〃The　law　will　have　a　heavier　miss　of　him　than　he　will　have　of　the　law。　He　will　strike　as　much　venison　as　ever；　and　more　of　other　game。　I　know　what　I　say：　　but　basta：　　Let　us　drink。〃

〃What　other　game？〃　said　the　little　friar。　　〃I　hope　he　won't　poach　among　our　partridge