the expedition of humphry clinker-第12部分

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art　and　affectation　　Here　we　have　ministers　of　state；　judges；
generals；　bishops；　projectors；　philosophers；　wits；　poets；
players；　chemists；　fiddlers；　and　buffoons。　If　he　makes　any
considerable　stay　in　the　place；　he　is　sure　of　meeting　with　some
particular　friend；　whom　he　did　not　expect　to　see；　and　to　me　there
is　nothing　more　agreeable　than　such　casual　reencounters。　Another
entertainment；　peculiar　to　Bath；　arises　from　the　general　mixture
of　all　degrees　assembled　in　our　public　rooms；　without　distinction
of　rank　or　fortune。　This　is　what　my　uncle　reprobates；　as　a
monstrous　jumble　of　heterogeneous　principles；　a　vile　mob　of　noise
and　impertinence；　without　decency　or　subordination。　But　this
chaos　is　to　me　a　source　of　infinite　amusement。

I　was　extremely　diverted　last　ball…night　to　see　the　Master　of　the
Ceremonies　leading；　with　great　solemnity；　to　the　upper　end　of　the
room；　an　antiquated　Abigail；　dressed　in　her　lady's　cast…clothes；
whom　he　（I　suppose）　mistook　for　some　countess　just　arrived　at　the
Bath。　The　ball　was　opened　by　a　Scotch　lord；　with　a　mulatto
heiress　from　St　Christopher's；　and　the　gay　colonel　Tinsel　danced
all　the　evening　with　the　daughter　of　an　eminent　tinman　from　the
borough　of　Southwark。　Yesterday　morning；　at　the　Pump…room；　I　saw　a
broken…winded　Wapping　landlady　squeeze　through　a　circle　of　peers；
to　salute　her　brandy…merchant；　who　stood　by　the　window；　propped
upon　crutches；　and　a　paralytic　attorney　of　Shoe…lane；　in
shuffling　up　to　the　bar；　kicked　the　shins　of　the　chancellor　of
England；　while　his　lordship；　in　a　cut　bob；　drank　a　glass　of　water
at　the　pump。　I　cannot　account　for　my　being　pleased　with　these
incidents；　any　other　way；　than　by　saying　they　are　truly
ridiculous　in　their　own　nature；　and　serve　to　heighten　the　humour
in　the　farce　of　life；　which　I　am　determined　to　enjoy　as　long　as　I
can。

Those　follies；　that　move　my　uncle's　spleen；　excite　my　laughter。
He　is　as　tender　as　a　man　without　a　skin；　who　cannot　bear　the
slightest　touch　without　flinching。　What　tickles　another　would
give　him　torment；　and　yet　he　has　what　we　may　call　lucid
intervals；　when　he　is　remarkably　facetious　　Indeed；　I　never　knew
a　hypochondriac　so　apt　to　be　infected　with　good…humour。　He　is　the
most　risible　misanthrope　I　ever　met　with。　A　lucky　joke；　or　any
ludicrous　incident；　will　set　him　a…laughing　immoderately；　even　in
one　of　his　most　gloomy　paroxysms；　and；　when　the　laugh　is　over；　he
will　curse　his　own　imbecility。　In　conversing　with　strangers；　he
betrays　no　marks　of　disquiet　　He　is　splenetic　with　his　familiars
only；　and　not　even　with　them；　while　they　keep　his　attention
employed；　but　when　his　spirits　are　not　exerted　externally；　they
seem　to　recoil　and　prey　upon　himself　　He　has　renounced　the　waters
with　execration；　but　he　begins　to　find　a　more　efficacious；　and；
certainly；　a　much　more　palatable　remedy　in　the　pleasures　of
society。　He　has　discovered　some　old　friends；　among　the　invalids
of　Bath；　and；　in　particular；　renewed　his　acquaintance　with　the
celebrated　James　Quin；　who　certainly　did　not　come　here　to　drink
water。　You　cannot　doubt；　but　that　I　had　the　strongest　curiosity
to　know　this　original；　and　it　was　gratified　by　Mr　Bramble；　who
has　had　him　twice　at　our　house　to　dinner。

So　far　as　I　am　able　to　judge；　Quin's　character　is　rather　more
respectable　than　it　has　been　generally　represented。　His　bon　mots
are　in　every　witling's　mouth；　but　many　of　them　have　a　rank
flavour；　which　one　would　be　apt　to　think　was　derived　from　a
natural　grossness　of　idea。　I　suspect；　however；　that　justice　has
not　been　done　the　author；　by　the　collectors　of　those　Quiniana；
who　have　let　the　best　of　them　slip　through　their　fingers；　and
only　retained　such　as　were　suited　to　the　taste　and　organs　of　the
multitude。　How　far　he　may　relax　in　his　hours　of　jollity；　I　cannot
pretend　to　say；　but　his　general　conversation　is　conducted　by　the
nicest　rules　of　Propriety；　and　Mr　James　Quin　is；　certainly；　one
of　the　best　bred　men　in　the　kingdom。　He　is　not　only　a　most
agreeable　companion　but　（as　I　am　credibly　informed）　a　very　honest
man；　highly　susceptible　of　friendship；　warm；　steady；　and　even
generous　in　his　attachments；　disdaining　flattery；　and　incapable
of　meanness　and　dissimulation。　Were　I　to　judge；　however；　from
Quin's　eye　alone；　I　should　take　him　to　be　proud；　insolent；　and
cruel。　There　is　something　remarkably　severe　and　forbidding　in　his
aspect；　and；　I　have　been　told；　he　was　ever　disposed　to　insult　his
inferiors　and　dependants。　　Perhaps　that　report　has　influenced　my
opinion　of　his　looks　　You　know　we　are　the　fools　of　prejudice。
Howsoever　that　may　be；　I　have　as　yet　seen　nothing　but　his
favourable　side；　and　my　uncle；　who　frequently　confers　with　him；
in　a　corner；　declares　he　is　one　of　the　most　sensible　men　he　ever
knew　　He　seems　to　have　a　reciprocal　regard　for　old　Squaretoes；
whom　he　calls　by　the　familiar　name　of　Matthew；　and　often　reminds
of　their　old　tavern…adventures：　on　the　other　hand；　Matthew's　eyes
sparkle　whenever　Quin　makes　his　appearance　　Let　him　be　never　so
jarring　and　discordant；　Quin　puts　him　in　tune；　and；　like　treble
and　bass　in　the　same　concert；　they　make　excellent　music　together　。
T'other　day；　the　conversation　turning　upon　Shakespeare；　I　could
not　help　saying；　with　some　emotion；　that　I　would　give　an　hundred
guineas　to　see　Mr　Quin　act　the　part　of　Falstaff；　upon　which；
turning　to　me　with　a　smile；　'And　I　would　give　a　thousand；　young
gentleman　（said　he）　that　I　could　gratify　your　longing。'　My　uncle
and　he　are　perfectly　agreed　in　their　estimate　of　life；　which　Quin
says；　would　stink　in　his　nostrils；　if　he　did　not　steep　it　in
claret。

I　want　to　see　this　phenomenon　in　his　cups；　and　have　almost
prevailed　upon　uncle　to　give　him　a　small　turtle　at　the　Bear。　In
the　mean　time；　I　must　entertain　you　with　an　incident；　that　seems
to　confirm　the　judgment　of　those　two　cynic　philosophers。　I　took
the　liberty　to　differ　in　opinion　from　Mr　Bramble；　when　he
observed；　that　the　mixture　of　people　in　the　entertainments　of
this　place　was　destructive　of　all　order　and　urbanity；　that　it
rendered　the　plebeians　insufferably　arrogant　and　troublesome；　and
vulgarized　the　deportment　and　sentiments　of　those　who　moved　in
the　upper　spheres　of　life。　He　said　such　a　preposterous　coalition
would　bring　us　into　contempt　with　all　our　neighbours；　and　was
worse；　in　fact；　than　debasing　the　gold　coin　of　the　nation。　I
argued；　on　the　contrary；　that　those　plebeians　who　discovered　such
eagerness　to　imitate　the　dress　and　equipage　of　their　superiors；
would　likewise；　in　time；　adopt　their　maxims　and　their　manners；　be
polished　by　their　conversation；　and　refined　by　their　example；　but
when　I　appealed　to　Mr　Quin；　and　asked　if　he　did　not　think　that
such　an　unreserved　mixture　would　improve　the　whole　mass？　'Yes
（said　he）　as　a　plate　of　marmalade　would　improve　a　pan　of
sirreverence。'

I　owned　I　was　not　much　conversant　in　high…life；　but　I　had　seen
what　were　called　polite　assemblies　in　London　and　elsewhere；　that
those　of　Bath　seemed　to　be　as　decent　as　any；　and　that；　upon　the
whole；　the　individuals　that　composed　it；　would　not　be　found
deficient　in　good　manners　and　decorum。　'But　let　us　have　recourse
to　experience　（said　I）　　Jack　Holder；　who　was　intended　for　a
parson；　has　succeeded　to　an　estate　of　two　thousand　a　year；　by　the
death　of　his　elder　brother。　He　is　now　at　the　Bath；　driving　about
in　a　phaeton　and　four；　with　French　horns。　He　has　treated　with
turtle　and　claret　at　all　the　taverns　in　Bath　and　Bristol；　till
his　guests　are　gorged　with　good　chear：　he　has　bought　a　dozen
suits　of　fine　clothes；　by　the　advice　of　the　Master　of　the
Ceremonies；　under　whose　tuition　he　has　entered　himself。　He　has
lost　hundreds　at　billiards　to　sharpers；　and　taken　one　of　the
nymphs　of　Avon…street　into　keeping；　but；　finding　all　these
channels　insufficient　to　drain　him　of　his　current　cash；　his
counsellor　has　engaged　him　to　give　a　general　tea…drinking　to…morrow
at　Wiltshire's　room。　In　order　to　give　it　the　more　eclat；
every　table　is　to　be　furnished　with　sweet…meats　and　nosegays；
which；　however；　are　not　to　be　touched　till　notice　is　given　by　the
ringing　of　a　bell；　and　then　the　ladies　may　help　themselves
without　restriction。　This　will　be　no　bad　way　of　trying　the
company's　breeding。'

'I　will　abide　by　that　experiment　（cried　my　uncle）　and　if　I　could
find　a　place　to　stand　secure；　without　the　vortex　of　the　tumult；
which　I　know　will　ensue；　I　would　certainly　go　thither　and　enjoy
the　scene。'　Quin　proposed　that　we　should　take　our　station　in　the
music…gallery；　and　we　took　his　advice。　Holder　had　got　thither
before　us；　with　his　horns　perdue；　but　we　were　admitted。　The　tea…drinking
passed　as　usual；　and　the　company　having　risen　from　the
tables；　were　sauntering　in　groupes；　in　expectation　of　the　signal
for　attack；　when　the　bell　beginning　to　ring；　they　flew　with
eagerness　to　the　dessert；　and　the　whole　place　was　instantly　in
commotion。　There　was　nothing　but　justling；　scrambling；　pulling；
snatching；　struggling；　scolding；　and　screaming。　The　nosegays　were
torn　from　one　another's　hands　and　bosoms；　the　glasses　and　china
went　to　wreck；　the　tables　and　floors　were　strewed　with　comfits。
Some　cried；　some　swore；　and　the　tropes　and　figures　of
Billingsgate　were　used　without　reserve　in　all　their　native　zest
and　flavour；　nor　were　those　flowers　of　rhetoric　unattended　with
significant　gesticulation。　Some　snapped　their　fingers；　some
forked　them　out；　some　clapped　their　hands；　and　some　their　back…sides；
at　length；　they　fairly　proceeded　to　pulling　caps；　and
every　thing　seemed　to　presage　a　general　battle；　when　Holder
ordered　his　horns　to　sound　a　charge；　with　a　view　to　animate　the
combatants；　and　inflame　the　contest；　but　this　manoeuvre　produced
an　effect　quite　contrary　to　what　he　expected。　It　was　a　note　of
reproach　that　roused　them　to　an　immediate　sense　of　their
disgraceful　situation。　They　were　ashamed　of　their　absurd
deportment；　and　suddenly　desisted。　They　gathered　up　their　caps；
ruffles；　and　handkerchiefs；　and　great　part　of　them　retired　in
silent　mortification。

Quin　laughed　at　this　adventure；　but　my　uncle's　delicacy　was　hurt。
He　hung　his　head　in　manifest　chagrin；　and　seemed　to　repine　at　the
triumph　of　his　judgment　　Indeed；　his　victory　was　more　complete
than　he　imagined；　for；　as　we　afterwar