the expedition of humphry clinker-第19部分

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with　me　for　life；　in　the　matrimonial　waggon　　She　has　quarrelled
with　the　servants　of　the　house　about　vails；　and　such　intolerable
scolding　ensued　on　both　sides；　that　I　have　been　fain　to　appease
the　cook　and　chambermaid　by　stealth。　Can't　you　find　some　poor
gentleman　of　Wales；　to　take　this　precious　commodity　off　the　hands
of

Yours；
MATT。　BRAMBLE
BATH；　May　19。



To　Dr　LEWIS。

DOCTER　LEWS；

Give　me　leaf　to　tell　you；　methinks　you　mought　employ　your　talons
better；　than　to　encourage　servants　to　pillage　their　masters。　I
find　by　Gwyllim；　that　Villiams　has　got　my　skin；　for　which　he　is
an　impotent　rascal。　He　has　not　only　got　my　skin；　but；　moreover；
my　butter…milk　to　fatten　his　pigs；　and；　I　suppose；　the　next　thing
he　gets；　will　be　my　pad　to　carry　his　daughter　to　church　and　fair：
Roger　gets　this；　and　Roger　gets　that；　but　I'd　have　you　to　know；　I
won't　be　rogered　at　this　rate　by　any　ragmatical　fellow　in　the
kingdom　　And　I　am　surprised；　docter　Lews；　you　would　offer　to　put
my　affairs　in　composition　with　the　refuge　and　skim　of　the　hearth。
I　have　toiled　and　moyled　to　a　good　purpuss；　for　the　advantage　of
Matt's　family；　if　I　can't　safe　as　much　owl　as　will　make　me　an
under　petticoat。　As　for　the　butter…milk；　ne'er　a　pig　in　the
parish　shall　thrust　his　snout　in　it；　with　my　good…will。　There's　a
famous　physician　at　the　Hot　Well；　that　prescribes　it　to　his
patience；　when　the　case　is　consumptive；　and　the　Scots　and　Irish
have　begun　to　drink　it　already；　in　such　quantities；　that　there　is
not　a　drop　left　for　the　hogs　in　the　whole　neighbourhood　of
Bristol。　I'll　have　our　butter…milk　barrelled　up；　and　sent　twice
a…week　to　Aberginny；　where　it　may　be　sold　for　a　half…penny　the
quart；　and　so　Roger　may　carry　his　pigs　to　another　market　　I　hope；
Docter；　you　will　not　go　to　put　any　more　such　phims　in　my
brother's　head；　to　the　prejudice　of　my　pockat；　but　rather　give　me
some　raisins　（which　hitherto　you　have　not　done）　to　subscribe
myself

Your　humble　servant；
TAB。　BRAMBLE
BATH；　May　19。



To　Sir　WATKIN　PHILLIPS；　of　Jesus　college；　Oxon。

DEAR　PHILLIPS；

Without　waiting　for　your　answer　to　my　last；　I　proceed　to　give　you
an　account　of　our　journey　to　London；　which　has　not　been　wholly
barren　of　adventure。　Tuesday　last　the　'squire　took　his　place　in　a
hired　coach　and　four；　accompanied　by　his　sister　and　mine；　and　Mrs
Tabby's　maid；　Winifrid　Jenkins；　whose　province　it　was　to　support
Chowder　on　a　cushion　in　her　lap。　I　could　scarce　refrain　from
laughing　when　I　looked　into　the　vehicle；　and　saw　that　animal
sitting　opposite　to　my　uncle；　like　any　other　passenger。　The
squire；　ashamed　of　his　situation；　blushed　to　the　eyes：　and；
calling　to　the　postilions　to　drive　on；　pulled　the　glass　up　in　my
face。　I；　and　his　servant；　John　Thomas；　attended　them　on
horseback。

Nothing　worth　mentioning　occurred；　till　we　arrived　on　the　edge　of
Marlborough　Downs。　There　one　of　the　four　horses　fell；　in　going
down　hill　at　a　round　trot；　and　the　postilion　behind；　endeavouring
to　stop　the　carriage；　pulled　it　on　one　side　into　a　deep　rut；
where　it　was　fairly　overturned。　I　had　rode　on　about　two　hundred
yards　before；　but；　hearing　a　loud　scream；　galloped　back　and
dismounted；　to　give　what　assistance　was　in　my　power。　When　I
looked　into　the　coach；　I　could　see　nothing　distinctly；　but　the
nether　end　of　Jenkins；　who　was　kicking　her　heels　and　squalling
with　great　vociferation。　All　of　a　sudden；　my　uncle　thrust　up　his
bare　pate；　and　bolted　through　the　window；　as　nimble　as　a
grasshopper；　having　made　use　of　poor　Win's　posteriors　as　a　step
to　rise　in　his　ascent　　The　man　（who　had　likewise　quitted　his
horse）　dragged　this　forlorn　damsel；　more　dead　than　alive；　through
the　same　opening。　Then　Mr　Bramble；　pulling　the　door　off　its
hinges　with　a　jerk；　laid　hold　on　Liddy's　arm；　and　brought　her　to
the　light；　very　much　frighted；　but　little　hurt。　It　fell　to　my
share　to　deliver　our　aunt　Tabitha；　who　had　lost　her　cap　in　the
struggle；　and　being　rather　more　than　half　frantic；　with　rage　and
terror；　was　no　bad　representation　of　one　of　the　sister　Furies
that　guard　the　gates　of　hell　　She　expressed　no　sort　of　concern
for　her　brother；　who　ran　about　in　the　cold；　without　his　periwig；
and　worked　with　the　most　astonishing　agility；　in　helping　to
disentangle　the　horses　from　the　carriage：　but　she　cried；　in　a
tone　of　distraction；　'Chowder！　Chowder！　my　dear　Chowder！　my　poor
Chowder　is　certainly　killed！'

This　was　not　the　case　　Chowder；　after　having　tore　my　uncle's　leg
in　the　confusion　of　the　fall；　had　retreated　under　the　scat；　and
from　thence　the　footman　drew　him　by　the　neck；　for　which　good
office；　he　bit　his　fingers　to　the　bone。　The　fellow；　who　is
naturally　surly；　was　so　provoked　at　this　assault；　that　he　saluted
his　ribs　with　a　hearty　kick；　exclaiming；　'Damn　the　nasty　son　of　a
bitch；　and　them　he　belongs　to！'　A　benediction；　which　was　by　no
means　lost　upon　the　implacable　virago　his　mistress　　Her　brother；
however；　prevailed　upon　her　to　retire　into　a　peasant's　house；
near　the　scene　of　action；　where　his　head　and　hers　were　covered；
and　poor　Jenkins　had　a　fit。　Our　next　care　was　to　apply　some
sticking　plaister　to　the　wound　in　his　leg；　which　exhibited　the
impression　of　Chowder's　teeth；　but　he　never　opened　his　lips
against　the　delinquent　　Mrs　Tabby；　alarmed　at　this　scene；　'You
say　nothing；　Matt　（cried　she）；　but　I　know　your　mind　　I　know　the
spite　you　have　to　that　poor　unfortunate　animal！　I　know　you　intend
to　take　his　life　away！'　'You　are　mistaken；　upon　my　honour！
（replied　the　squire；　with　a　sarcastic　smile）　I　should　be
incapable　of　harbouring　any　such　cruel　design　against　an　object
so　amiable　and　inoffensive；　even　if　he　had　not　the　happiness　to
be　your　favourite。'

John　Thomas　was　not　so　delicate。　The　fellow；　whether　really
alarmed　for　his　life；　or　instigated　by　the　desire　of　revenge；
came　in；　and　bluntly　demanded；　that　the　dog　should　be　put　to
death；　on　the　supposition；　that　if　ever　he　should　run　mad
hereafter；　he；　who　had　been　bit　by　him；　would　be　infected　　My
uncle　calmly　argued　upon　the　absurdity　of　his　opinion；　observing；
that　he　himself　was　in　the　same　predicament；　and　would　certainly
take　the　precaution　he　proposed；　if　he　was　not　sure　he　ran　no
risque　of　infection。　Nevertheless；　Thomas　continued　obstinate；
and；　at　length　declared；　that　if　the　dog　was　not　shot
immediately；　he　himself　would　be　his　executioner　　This
declaration　opened　the　flood…gates　of　Tabby's　eloquence；　which
would　have　shamed　the　first…rate　oratress　of　Billingsgate。　The
footman　retorted　in　the　same　stile；　and　the　squire　dismissed　him
from　his　service；　after　having　prevented　me　from　giving　him　a
good　horse…whipping　for　his　insolence。

The　coach　being　adjusted；　another　difficulty　occurred　　Mrs
Tabitha　absolutely　refused　to　enter　it　again；　unless　another
driver　could　be　found　to　take　the　place　of　the　postilion；　who；
she　affirmed；　had　overturned　the　carriage　from　malice
aforethought　　After　much　dispute；　the　man　resigned　his　place　to　a
shabby　country　fellow；　who　undertook　to　go　as　far　as　Marlborough；
where　they　could　be　better　provided；　and　at　that　place　we　arrived
about　one　O'clock；　without　farther　impediment。　Mrs　Bramble；
however；　found　new　matter　of　offence；　which；　indeed；　she　has　a
particular　genius　for　extracting　at　will　from　almost　every
incident　in　life。　We　had　scarce　entered　the　room　at　Marlborough；
where　we　stayed　to　dine；　when　she　exhibited　a　formal　complaint
against　the　poor　fellow　who　had　superseded　the　postilion。　She
said　he　was　such　a　beggarly　rascal　that　he　had　ne'er　a　shirt
to　his　back；　and　had　the　impudence　to　shock　her　sight　by　shewing
his　bare　posteriors；　for　which　act　of　indelicacy　he　deserved　to
be　set　in　the　stocks。　Mrs　Winifred　Jenkins　confirmed　the　assertion；
with　respect　to　his　nakedness；　observing；　at　the　same　time；　that
he　had　a　skin　as　fair　as　alabaster。

'This　is　a　heinous　offence；　indeed　（cried　my　uncle）　let　us　hear
what　the　fellow　has　to　say　in　his　own　vindication。'　He　was
accordingly　summoned；　and　made　his　appearance；　which　was　equally
queer　and　pathetic。　He　seemed　to　be　about　twenty　years　of　age；　of
a　middling　size；　with　bandy　legs；　stooping　shoulders；　high
forehead；　sandy　locks；　pinking　eyes；　flat　nose；　and　long　chin　
but　his　complexion　was　of　a　sickly　yellow；　his　looks　denoted
famine；　and　the　rags　that　he　wore　could　hardly　conceal　what
decency　requires　to　be　covered　　My　uncle；　having　surveyed　him
attentively；　said；　with　an　ironical　expression　in　his
countenance；　'An't　you　ashamed；　fellow；　to　ride　postilion　without
a　shirt　to　cover　your　backside　from　the　view　of　the　ladies　in　the
coach？'　'Yes；　I　am；　an　please　your　noble　honour　（answered　the
man）　but　necessity　has　no　law；　as　the　saying　is　　And　more　than
that；　it　was　an　accident。　My　breeches　cracked　behind；　after　I　had
got　into　the　saddle'　'You're　an　impudent　varlet　（cried　Mrs　Tabby）
for　presuming　to　ride　before　persons　of　fashion　without　a　shirt'　
'I　am　so；　an　please　your　worthy　ladyship　（said　he）　but　I　am　a
poor　Wiltshire　lad　　I　ha'n't　a　shirt　in　the　world；　that　I　can
call　my　own；　nor　a　rag　of　clothes；　and　please　your　ladyship；　but
what　you　see　　I　have　no　friend　nor　relation　upon　earth　to　help　me
out　　I　have　had　the　fever　and　ague　these　six　months；　and　spent
all　I　had　in　the　world　upon　doctors；　and　to　keep　soul　and　body
together；　and；　saving　your　ladyship's　good　presence；　I　han't
broke　bread　these　four　and　twenty　hours。'

Mrs　Bramble；　turning　from　him；　said；　she　had　never　seen　such　a
filthy　tatterdemalion；　and　bid　him　begone；　observing；　that　he
would　fill　the　room　full　of　vermin　　Her　brother　darted　a
significant　glance　at　her；　as　she　retired　with　Liddy　into　another
apartment；　and　then　asked　the　man　if　he　was　known　to　any　person
in　Marlborough？　　When　he　answered；　that　the　landlord　of　the　inn
had　known　him　from　his　infancy；　mine　host　was　immediately　called；
and　being　interrogated　on　the　subject；　declared　that　the　young
fellow's　name　was　Humphry　Clinker。　That　he　had　been　a　love
begotten　babe；　brought　up　in　the　work…house；　and　put　out
apprentice　by　the　parish　to　a　country　black…smith；　who　died
before　the　boy's　time　was　out：　that　he　had　for　some　time　worked
under　his　ostler；　as　a　helper　and　extra　postilion；　till　he　was
taken　ill　of　the　ague；　which　disabled　hi