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with me for life; in the matrimonial waggon  She has quarrelled
with the servants of the house about vails; and such intolerable
scolding ensued on both sides; that I have been fain to appease
the cook and chambermaid by stealth。 Can't you find some poor
gentleman of Wales; to take this precious commodity off the hands
of

Yours;
MATT。 BRAMBLE
BATH; May 19。



To Dr LEWIS。

DOCTER LEWS;

Give me leaf to tell you; methinks you mought employ your talons
better; than to encourage servants to pillage their masters。 I
find by Gwyllim; that Villiams has got my skin; for which he is
an impotent rascal。 He has not only got my skin; but; moreover;
my butter…milk to fatten his pigs; and; I suppose; the next thing
he gets; will be my pad to carry his daughter to church and fair:
Roger gets this; and Roger gets that; but I'd have you to know; I
won't be rogered at this rate by any ragmatical fellow in the
kingdom  And I am surprised; docter Lews; you would offer to put
my affairs in composition with the refuge and skim of the hearth。
I have toiled and moyled to a good purpuss; for the advantage of
Matt's family; if I can't safe as much owl as will make me an
under petticoat。 As for the butter…milk; ne'er a pig in the
parish shall thrust his snout in it; with my good…will。 There's a
famous physician at the Hot Well; that prescribes it to his
patience; when the case is consumptive; and the Scots and Irish
have begun to drink it already; in such quantities; that there is
not a drop left for the hogs in the whole neighbourhood of
Bristol。 I'll have our butter…milk barrelled up; and sent twice
a…week to Aberginny; where it may be sold for a half…penny the
quart; and so Roger may carry his pigs to another market  I hope;
Docter; you will not go to put any more such phims in my
brother's head; to the prejudice of my pockat; but rather give me
some raisins (which hitherto you have not done) to subscribe
myself

Your humble servant;
TAB。 BRAMBLE
BATH; May 19。



To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS; of Jesus college; Oxon。

DEAR PHILLIPS;

Without waiting for your answer to my last; I proceed to give you
an account of our journey to London; which has not been wholly
barren of adventure。 Tuesday last the 'squire took his place in a
hired coach and four; accompanied by his sister and mine; and Mrs
Tabby's maid; Winifrid Jenkins; whose province it was to support
Chowder on a cushion in her lap。 I could scarce refrain from
laughing when I looked into the vehicle; and saw that animal
sitting opposite to my uncle; like any other passenger。 The
squire; ashamed of his situation; blushed to the eyes: and;
calling to the postilions to drive on; pulled the glass up in my
face。 I; and his servant; John Thomas; attended them on
horseback。

Nothing worth mentioning occurred; till we arrived on the edge of
Marlborough Downs。 There one of the four horses fell; in going
down hill at a round trot; and the postilion behind; endeavouring
to stop the carriage; pulled it on one side into a deep rut;
where it was fairly overturned。 I had rode on about two hundred
yards before; but; hearing a loud scream; galloped back and
dismounted; to give what assistance was in my power。 When I
looked into the coach; I could see nothing distinctly; but the
nether end of Jenkins; who was kicking her heels and squalling
with great vociferation。 All of a sudden; my uncle thrust up his
bare pate; and bolted through the window; as nimble as a
grasshopper; having made use of poor Win's posteriors as a step
to rise in his ascent  The man (who had likewise quitted his
horse) dragged this forlorn damsel; more dead than alive; through
the same opening。 Then Mr Bramble; pulling the door off its
hinges with a jerk; laid hold on Liddy's arm; and brought her to
the light; very much frighted; but little hurt。 It fell to my
share to deliver our aunt Tabitha; who had lost her cap in the
struggle; and being rather more than half frantic; with rage and
terror; was no bad representation of one of the sister Furies
that guard the gates of hell  She expressed no sort of concern
for her brother; who ran about in the cold; without his periwig;
and worked with the most astonishing agility; in helping to
disentangle the horses from the carriage: but she cried; in a
tone of distraction; 'Chowder! Chowder! my dear Chowder! my poor
Chowder is certainly killed!'

This was not the case  Chowder; after having tore my uncle's leg
in the confusion of the fall; had retreated under the scat; and
from thence the footman drew him by the neck; for which good
office; he bit his fingers to the bone。 The fellow; who is
naturally surly; was so provoked at this assault; that he saluted
his ribs with a hearty kick; exclaiming; 'Damn the nasty son of a
bitch; and them he belongs to!' A benediction; which was by no
means lost upon the implacable virago his mistress  Her brother;
however; prevailed upon her to retire into a peasant's house;
near the scene of action; where his head and hers were covered;
and poor Jenkins had a fit。 Our next care was to apply some
sticking plaister to the wound in his leg; which exhibited the
impression of Chowder's teeth; but he never opened his lips
against the delinquent  Mrs Tabby; alarmed at this scene; 'You
say nothing; Matt (cried she); but I know your mind  I know the
spite you have to that poor unfortunate animal! I know you intend
to take his life away!' 'You are mistaken; upon my honour!
(replied the squire; with a sarcastic smile) I should be
incapable of harbouring any such cruel design against an object
so amiable and inoffensive; even if he had not the happiness to
be your favourite。'

John Thomas was not so delicate。 The fellow; whether really
alarmed for his life; or instigated by the desire of revenge;
came in; and bluntly demanded; that the dog should be put to
death; on the supposition; that if ever he should run mad
hereafter; he; who had been bit by him; would be infected  My
uncle calmly argued upon the absurdity of his opinion; observing;
that he himself was in the same predicament; and would certainly
take the precaution he proposed; if he was not sure he ran no
risque of infection。 Nevertheless; Thomas continued obstinate;
and; at length declared; that if the dog was not shot
immediately; he himself would be his executioner  This
declaration opened the flood…gates of Tabby's eloquence; which
would have shamed the first…rate oratress of Billingsgate。 The
footman retorted in the same stile; and the squire dismissed him
from his service; after having prevented me from giving him a
good horse…whipping for his insolence。

The coach being adjusted; another difficulty occurred  Mrs
Tabitha absolutely refused to enter it again; unless another
driver could be found to take the place of the postilion; who;
she affirmed; had overturned the carriage from malice
aforethought  After much dispute; the man resigned his place to a
shabby country fellow; who undertook to go as far as Marlborough;
where they could be better provided; and at that place we arrived
about one O'clock; without farther impediment。 Mrs Bramble;
however; found new matter of offence; which; indeed; she has a
particular genius for extracting at will from almost every
incident in life。 We had scarce entered the room at Marlborough;
where we stayed to dine; when she exhibited a formal complaint
against the poor fellow who had superseded the postilion。 She
said he was such a beggarly rascal that he had ne'er a shirt
to his back; and had the impudence to shock her sight by shewing
his bare posteriors; for which act of indelicacy he deserved to
be set in the stocks。 Mrs Winifred Jenkins confirmed the assertion;
with respect to his nakedness; observing; at the same time; that
he had a skin as fair as alabaster。

'This is a heinous offence; indeed (cried my uncle) let us hear
what the fellow has to say in his own vindication。' He was
accordingly summoned; and made his appearance; which was equally
queer and pathetic。 He seemed to be about twenty years of age; of
a middling size; with bandy legs; stooping shoulders; high
forehead; sandy locks; pinking eyes; flat nose; and long chin 
but his complexion was of a sickly yellow; his looks denoted
famine; and the rags that he wore could hardly conceal what
decency requires to be covered  My uncle; having surveyed him
attentively; said; with an ironical expression in his
countenance; 'An't you ashamed; fellow; to ride postilion without
a shirt to cover your backside from the view of the ladies in the
coach?' 'Yes; I am; an please your noble honour (answered the
man) but necessity has no law; as the saying is  And more than
that; it was an accident。 My breeches cracked behind; after I had
got into the saddle' 'You're an impudent varlet (cried Mrs Tabby)
for presuming to ride before persons of fashion without a shirt' 
'I am so; an please your worthy ladyship (said he) but I am a
poor Wiltshire lad  I ha'n't a shirt in the world; that I can
call my own; nor a rag of clothes; and please your ladyship; but
what you see  I have no friend nor relation upon earth to help me
out  I have had the fever and ague these six months; and spent
all I had in the world upon doctors; and to keep soul and body
together; and; saving your ladyship's good presence; I han't
broke bread these four and twenty hours。'

Mrs Bramble; turning from him; said; she had never seen such a
filthy tatterdemalion; and bid him begone; observing; that he
would fill the room full of vermin  Her brother darted a
significant glance at her; as she retired with Liddy into another
apartment; and then asked the man if he was known to any person
in Marlborough?  When he answered; that the landlord of the inn
had known him from his infancy; mine host was immediately called;
and being interrogated on the subject; declared that the young
fellow's name was Humphry Clinker。 That he had been a love
begotten babe; brought up in the work…house; and put out
apprentice by the parish to a country black…smith; who died
before the boy's time was out: that he had for some time worked
under his ostler; as a helper and extra postilion; till he was
taken ill of the ague; which disabled hi

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