the expedition of humphry clinker-第31部分

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remote　filbert　walk；　from　whence　most　of　them　dropt　off　one　after
another；　without　further　ceremony；　but　they　were　replaced　by
fresh　recruits　of　the　same　clan；　who　came　to　make　an　afternoon's
visit；　and；　among　others；　a　spruce　bookseller；　called　Birkin；　who
rode　his　own　gelding；　and　made　his　appearance　in　a　pair　of　new
jemmy　boots；　with　massy　spurs　of　plate。　It　was　not　without
reason；　that　this　midwife　of　the　Muses　used　exercise　a…horseback；
for　he　was　too　fat　to　walk　a…foot；　and　he　underwent　some　sarcasms
from　Tim　Cropdale；　on　his　unwieldy　size　and　inaptitude　for
motion。　Birkin；　who　took　umbrage　at　this　poor　author's　petulance
in　presuming　to　joke　upon　a　man　so　much　richer　than　himself；　told
him；　he　was　not　so　unwieldy　but　that　he　could　move　the　Marshalsea
court　for　a　writ；　and　even　overtake　him　with　it；　if　he　did　not
very　speedily　come　and　settle　accounts　with　him；　respecting　the
expence　of　publishing　his　last　ode　to　the　king　of　Prussia；　of
which　he　had　sold　but　three；　and　one　of　them　was　to　Whitfield　the
methodist。　Tim　affected　to　receive　this　intimation　with　good
humour；　saying；　he　expected　in　a　post　or　two；　from　Potsdam；　a
poem　of　thanks　from　his　Prussian　majesty；　who　knew　very　well　how
to　pay　poets　in　their　own　coin；　but；　in　the　mean　time；　he
proposed；　that　Mr　Birkin　and　he　should　run　three　times　round　the
garden　for　a　bowl　of　punch；　to　be　drank　at　Ashley's　in　the
evening；　and　he　would　run　boots　against　stockings。　The
bookseller；　who　valued　himself　upon　his　mettle；　was　persuaded　to
accept　the　challenge；　and　he　forthwith　resigned　his　boots　to
Cropdale；　who；　when　he　had　put　them　on；　was　no　bad　representation
of　captain　Pistol　in　the　play。

Every　thing　being　adjusted；　they　started　together　with　great
impetuosity；　and；　in　the　second　round；　Birkin　had　clearly　the
advantage；　larding　the　lean　earth　as　he　puff'd　along。　Cropdale
had　no　mind　to　contest　the　victory　further；　but；　in　a　twinkling；
disappeared　through　the　back…door　of　the　garden；　which　opened
into　a　private　lane；　that　had　communication　with　the　high　road。
The　spectators　immediately　began　to　hollow；　'Stole　away！'　and
Birkin　set　off　in　pursuit　of　him　with　great　eagerness；　but　he　had
not　advanced　twenty　yards　in　the　lane；　when　a　thorn　running　into
his　foot；　sent　him　hopping　back　into　the　garden；　roaring　with
pain；　and　swearing　with　vexation。　When　he　was　delivered　from　this
annoyance　by　the　Scotchman；　who　had　been　bred　to　surgery；　he
looked　about　him　wildly；　exclaiming；　'Sure；　the　fellow　won't　be
such　a　rogue　as　to　run　clear　away　with　my　boots！'　Our　landlord；
having　reconnoitered　the　shoes　he　had　left；　which；　indeed；　hardly
deserved　that　name；　'Pray　（said　he）；　Mr　Birkin；　wa'n't　your　boots
made　of　calf…skin？'　'Calf…skin　or　cow…skin　（replied　the　other）
I'll　find　a　slip　of　sheep…skin　that　will　do　his　business　　I　lost
twenty　pounds　by　his　farce　which　you　persuaded　me　to　buy　　I　am
out　of　pocket　five　pounds　by　his　damn'd　ode；　and　now　this　pair　of
boots；　bran　new；　cost　me　thirty　shillings；　as　per　receipt　　But
this　affair　of　the　boots　is　felony　　transportation。　　I'll　have
the　dog　indicted　at　the　Old　Bailey　　I　will；　Mr　S　I　will　be
reveng'd；　even　though　I　should　lose　my　debt　in　consequence　of　his
conviction。'

Mr　S　said　nothing　at　present；　but　accommodated　him　with　a　pair
of　shoes；　then　ordered　his　servant　to　rub　him　down；　and　comfort
him　with　a　glass　of　rum…punch；　which　seemed；　in　a　great　measure；
to　cool　the　rage　of　his　indignation。　'After　all　（said　our
landlord）　this　is　no　more　than　a　humbug　in　the　way　of　wit；　though
it　deserves　a　more　respectable　epithet；　when　considered　as　an
effort　of　invention。　Tim；　being　（I　suppose）　out　of　credit　with
the　cordwainer；　fell　upon　this　ingenious　expedient　to　supply　the
want　of　shoes；　knowing　that　Mr　Birkin；　who　loves　humour；　would
himself　relish　the　joke　upon　a　little　recollection。　Cropdale
literally　lives　by　his　wit；　which　he　has　exercised　upon　all　his
friends　in　their　turns。　He　once　borrowed　my　poney　for　five　or　six
days　to　go　to　Salisbury；　and　sold　him　in　Smithfield　at　his
return。　This　was　a　joke　of　such　a　serious　nature；　that；　in　the
first　transports　of　my　passion；　I　had　some　thoughts　of
prosecuting　him　for　horse…stealing；　and　even
when　my　resentment　had　in　some　measure　subsided；　as　he
industriously　avoided　me；　I　vowed；　I　would　take　satisfaction　on
his　ribs　with　the　first　opportunity。　One　day；　seeing　him　at　some
distance　in　the　street；　coming　towards　me；　I　began　to　prepare　my
cane　for　action；　and　walked　in　the　shadow　of　a　porter；　that　he
might　not　perceive　me　soon　enough　to　make　his　escape；　but；　in　the
very　instant　I　had　lifted　up　the　instrument　of　correction；　I
found　Tim　Cropdale　metamorphosed　into　a　miserable　blind　wretch；
feeling　his　way　with　a　long　stick　from　post　to　post；　and　rolling
about　two　bald　unlighted　orbs　instead　of　eyes。　I　was　exceedingly
shocked　at　having　so　narrowly　escaped　the　concern　and　disgrace
that　would　have　attended　such　a　misapplication　of　vengeance：　but；
next　day；　Tim　prevailed　upon　a　friend　of　mine　to　come　and　solicit
my　forgiveness；　and　offer　his　note；　payable　in　six　weeks；　for　the
price　of　the　poney。　This　gentleman　gave　me　to　understand；　that
the　blind　man　was　no　other　than　Cropdale；　who　having　seen　me
advancing；　and　guessing　my　intent；　had　immediately　converted
himself　into　the　object　aforesaid　　I　was　so　diverted　at　the
ingenuity　of　the　evasion；　that　I　agreed　to　pardon　his　offence；
refusing　his　note；　however；　that　I　might　keep　a　prosecution　for
felony　hanging　over　his　head；　as　a　security　for　his　future　good
behaviour　　But　Timothy　would　by　no　means　trust　himself　in　my
hands　till　the　note　was　accepted　　then　he　made　his　appearance　at
my　door　as　a　blind　beggar；　and　imposed　in　such　a　manner　upon　my
man；　who　had　been　his　old　acquaintance　and　pot…companion；　that
the　fellow　threw　the　door　in　his　face；　and　even　threatened　to
give　him　the　bastinado。　Hearing　a　noise　in　the　hall；　I　went
thither；　and　immediately　recollecting　the　figure　I　had　passed　in
the　street；　accosted　him　by　his　own　name；　to　the　unspeakable
astonishment　of　the　footman。'

Birkin　declared　he　loved　a　joke　as　well　as　another；　but　asked　if
any　of　the　company　could　tell　where　Mr　Cropdale　lodged；　that　he
might　send　him　a　proposal　about　restitution；　before　the　boots
should　be　made　away　with。　'I　would　willingly　give　him　a　pair　of
new　shoes　（said　he）；　and　half　a　guinea　into　the　bargain'　for　the
boots；　which　fitted　me　like　a　glove；　and　I　shan't　be　able　to　get
the　fellows　of　them　'till　the　good　weather　for　riding　is　over。
The　stuttering　wit　declared；　that　the　only　secret　which　Cropdale
ever　kept；　was　the　place　of　his　lodgings；　but　he　believed；　that；
during　the　heats　of　summer；　he　commonly　took　his　repose　upon　a
bulk；　or　indulged　himself；　in　fresco；　with　one　of　the　kennel…nymphs；
under　the　portico　of　St　Martin's　church。　'Pox　on　him！
（cried　the　bookseller）　he　might　as　well　have　taken　my　whip　and
spurs。　In　that　case；　he　might　have　been　tempted　to　steal　another
horse；　and　then　he　would　have　rid　to　the　devil　of　course。'

After　coffee；　I　took　my　leave　of　Mr　S；　with　proper
acknowledgments　of　his　civility；　and　was　extremely　well　pleased
with　the　entertainment　of　the　day；　though　not　yet　satisfied；　with
respect　to　the　nature　of　this　connexion；　betwixt　a　man　of
character　in　the　literary　world；　and　a　parcel　of　authorlings；
who；　in　all　probability；　would　never　be　able　to　acquire　any
degree　of　reputation　by　their　labours。　On　this　head　I
interrogated　my　conductor；　Dick　Ivy；　who　answered　me　to　this
effect　　'One　would　imagine　S　had　some　view　to　his　own　interest；
in　giving　countenance　and　assistance　to　those　people；　whom　he
knows　to　be　bad　men；　as　well　as　bad　writers；　but；　if　he　has　any
such　view；　he　will　find　himself　disappointed；　for　if　he　is　so
vain　as　to　imagine　he　can　make　them；　subservient　to　his　schemes
of　profit　or　ambition；　they　are　cunning　enough　to　make　him　their
property　in　the　mean　time。　There　is　not　one　of　the　company　you
have　seen　to…day　（myself　excepted）　who　does　not　owe　him
particular　obligations　　One　of　them　he　bailed　out　of　a　spunging…house；
and　afterwards　paid　the　debt　　another　he　translated　into
his　family；　and　clothed；　when　he　was　turned　out　half　naked　from
jail　in　consequence　of　an　act　for　the　relief　of　insolvent
debtors　　a　third；　who　was　reduced　to　a　woollen　night　cap；　and
lived　upon　sheeps　trotters；　up　three　pair　of　stairs　backward　in
Butcher…row；　he　took　into　present　pay　and　free　quarters；　and
enabled　him　to　appear　as　a　gentleman；　without　having　the　fear　of
sheriff's　officers　before　his　eyes。　Those　who　are　in　distress　he
supplies　with　money　when　he　has　it；　and　with　his　credit　when　he
is　out　of　cash。　When　they　want　business；　he　either　finds
employment　for　them　in　his　own　service；　or　recommends　them　to
booksellers　to　execute　some　project　he　has　formed　for　their
subsistence。　They　are　always　welcome　to　his　table　（which　though
plain；　is　plentiful）　and　to　his　good　offices　as　far　as　they　will
go；　and　when　they　see　Occasion；　they　make　use　of　his　name　with
the　most　petulant　familiarity；　nay；　they　do　not　even　scruple　to
arrogate　to　themselves　the　merit　of　some　of　his　performances；　and
have　been　known　to　sell　their　own　lucubrations　as　the　produce　of
his　brain。　The　Scotchman　you　saw　at　dinner　once　personated　him　at
an　alehouse　in　West…Smithfield　and；　in　the　character　of　S；　had
his　head　broke　by　a　cow…keeper；　for　having　spoke　disrespectfully
of　the　Christian　religion；　but　he　took　the　law　of　him　in　his　own
person；　and　the　assailant　was　fain　to　give　him　ten　pounds　to
withdraw　his　action。'

I　observed；　that　all　this　appearance　of　liberality　on　the　side　of
Mr　S　was　easily　accounted　for；　on　the　supposition　that　they
flattered　him　in　private；　and　engaged　his　adversaries　in　public；
and　yet　I　was　astonished；　when　I　recollected　that　I　often　had
seen　this　writer　virulently　abused　in　papers；　poems；　and
pamphlets；　and　not　a　pen　was　drawn　in　his　defence　'But　you　will
be　more　astonished　（said　he）　when　I　assure　you；　those　very　guests
whom　you　saw　at　his　table　to…day；　were　the　authors　of　great　part
of　that　abuse；　and　he　himself　is　well　aware　of　their　particular
favours；　for　they　are　all　eager　to　detect　and　betray　one
another。'　'But　this