the expedition of humphry clinker-第42部分

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forthwith　handed　it　about　me　to　some　of　my　neighbours；　and　it　was
quite　emptied　before　Mr　Micklewhimmen　had　occasion　to　repeat　his
draught。　At　length；　turning　about；　he　took　hold　of　my　bottle；
instead　of　his　own；　and；　filling　a　large　glass；　drank　to　the
health　of　Mrs　Tabitha。　It　had　scarce　touched　his　lips；　when　he
perceived　the　change　which　had　been　put　upon　him；　and　was　at
first　a　little　out　of　countenance。　He　seemed　to　retire　within
himself；　in　order　to　deliberate；　and　in　half　a　minute　his
resolution　was　taken；　addressing　himself　to　our　quarter；　'I　give
the　gentleman　credit　for　his　wit　（said　he）；　it　was　a　gude
practical　joke；　but　sometimes　hi　joci　in　seria　ducunt　mala　　I
hope　for　his　own　sake　he　has　na　drank　all　the　liccor；　for　it　was
a　vara　poorful　infusion　of　jallap　in　Bourdeaux　wine；　at　its
possable　he　may　ha　ta'en　sic　a　dose　as　will　produce　a　terrible
catastrophe　in　his　ain　booels　'

By　far　the　greater　part　of　the　contents　had　fallen　to　the　share
of　a　young　clothier　from　Leeds；　who　had　come　to　make　a　figure　at
Harrigate；　and　was；　in　effect　a　great　coxcomb　in　his　way。　It　was
with　a　view　to　laugh　at　his　fellow…guests；　as　well　as　to　mortify
the　lawyer；　that　he　had　emptied　the　bottle；　when　it　came　to　his
turn；　and　he　had　laughed　accordingly：　but　now　his　mirth　gave　way
to　his　apprehension　　He　began　to　spit；　to　make　wry　faces；　and
writhe　himself　into　various　contorsions　　'Damn　the　stuff！　（cried
he）　I　thought　it　had　a　villainous　twang　　pah！　He　that　would　cozen
a　Scot；　mun　get　oope　betimes；　and　take　Old　Scratch　for　his
counsellor　'　'In　troth　mester　what　d'ye　ca'um　（replied　the
lawyer）；　your　wit　has　run　you　into　a　filthy　puddle　　I'm　truly
consarned　for　your　waeful　case　　The　best　advice　I　can　give　you；
in　sic　a　delemma；　is　to　send　an　express　to　Rippon　for　doctor
Waugh；　without　delay；　and；　in　the　mean　time；　swallow　all　the　oil
and　butter　you　can　find　in　the　hoose；　to　defend　your　poor　stomach
and　intastines　from　the　villication　of　the　particles　of　the
jallap；　which　is　vara　violent；　even　when　taken　in　moderation。'

The　poor　clothier's　torments　had　already　begun：　he　retired；
roaring　with　pain；　to　his　own　chamber；　the　oil　was　swallowed；　and
the　doctor　sent　for；　but　before　he　arrived；　the　miserable　patient
had　made　such　discharges　upwards　and　downwards；　that　nothing
remained　to　give　him　further　offence；　and　this　double　evacuation；
was　produced　by　imagination　alone；　for　what　he　had　drank　was
genuine　wine　of　Bourdeaux；　which　the　lawyer　had　brought　from
Scotland　for　his　own　private　use。　The　clothier；　finding　the　joke
turn　out　so　expensive　and　disagreeable；　quitted　the　house　next
morning；　leaving　the　triumph　to　Micklewhimmen；　who　enjoyed　it
internally　without　any　outward　signs　of　exultation　　on　the
contrary；　he　affected　to　pity　the　young　man　for　what　he　had
suffered；　and　acquired　fresh　credit　from　this　shew　of　moderation。

It　was　about　the　middle　of　the　night；　which　succeeded　this
adventure；　that　the　vent　of　the　kitchen　chimney　being　foul；　the
soot　took　fire；　and　the　alarm　was　given　in　a　dreadful　manner。
Every　body　leaped　naked　out　of　bed；　and　in　a　minute　the　whole
house　was　filled　with　cries　and　confusion　　There　was　two　stairs
in　the　house；　and　to　these　we　naturally　ran；　but　they　were　both
so　blocked　up；　by　the　people　pressing　one　upon　another；　that　it
seemed　impossible　to　pass；　without　throwing　down　and　trampling
upon　the　women。　In　the　midst　of　this　anarchy；　Mr　Micklewhimmen；
with　a　leathern　portmanteau　on　his　back；　came　running　as　nimble
as　a　buck　along　the　passage；　and　Tabby　in　her　underpetticoat；
endeavouring　to　hook　him　under　the　arm；　that　she　might　escape
through　his　protection；　he　very　fairly　pushed　her　down；　crying；
'Na；　na；　gude　faith；　charity　begins　at　hame！'　Without　paying　the
least　respect　to　the　shrieks　and　intreaties　of　his　female
friends；　he　charged　through　the　midst　of　the　crowd；　overturning
every　thing　that　opposed　him；　and　actually　fought　his　way　to　the
bottom　of　the　Stair…case　　By　this　time　Clinker　had　found　a　ladder
by　which　he　entered　the　window　of　my　uncle's　chamber；　where　our
family　was　assembled；　and　proposed　that　we　should　make　our　exit
successively　by　that　conveyance。　The　'squire　exhorted　his　sister
to　begin　the　descent；　but；　before　she　could　resolve；　her　woman；
Mrs　Winifred　Jenkins；　in　a　transport　of　terror；　threw　herself　out　at
the　window　upon　the　ladder；　while　Humphry　dropped　upon　the
ground；　that　he　might　receive　her　in　her　descent　　This　maiden　was
just　as　she　had　started　out　of　bed；　the　moon　shone　very　bright；
and　a　fresh　breeze　of　wind　blowing；　none　of　Mrs　Winifred's
beauties　could　possibly　escape　the　view　of　the　fortunate　Clinker；
whose　heart　was　not　able　to　withstand　the　united　force　of　so　many
charms；　at　least　I　am　much　mistaken；　if　he　has　not　been　her
humble　slave　from　that　moment　　He　received　her　in　his　arms；　and；
giving　her　his　coat　to　protect　her　from　the　weather；　ascended
again　with　admirable　dexterity。

At　that　instant；　the　landlord　of　the　house　called　out　with　an
audible　voice；　that　the　fire　was　extinguished；　and　the　ladies　had
nothing　further　to　fear：　this　was　a　welcome　note　to　the　audience；
and　produced　an　immediate　effect；　the　shrieking　ceased；　and　a
confused　sound　of　expostulation　ensued。　I　conducted　Mrs　Tabitha
and　my　sister　to　their　own　chamber；　where　Liddy　fainted　away；　but
was　soon　brought　to　herself。　Then　I　went　to　offer　my　services　to
the　other　ladies；　who　might　want　assistance　　They　were　all
scudding　through　the　passage　to　their　several　apartments；　and　as
the　thoroughfair　was　lighted　by　two　lamps；　I　had　a　pretty　good
observation　of　them　in　their　transit；　but　as　most　of　them　were
naked　to　the　smock；　and　all　their　heads　shrowded　in　huge
nightcaps；　I　could　not　distinguish　one　face　from　another；　though
I　recognized　some　of　their　voices　　These　were　generally
plaintive；　some　wept；　some　scolded；　and　some　prayed　　I　lifted　up
one　poor　old　gentlewoman；　who　had　been　overturned　and　sore
bruised　by　a　multitude　of　feet；　and　this　was　also　the　case　with
the　lame　person　from　Northumberland；　whom　Micklewhimmen　had　in
his　passage　overthrown；　though　not　with　impunity；　for　the
cripple；　in　falling；　gave　him　such　a　good　pelt　on　the　head　with
his　crutch；　that　the　blood　followed。

As　for　this　lawyer；　he　waited　below　till　the　hurly　burly　was
over；　and　then　stole　softly　to　his　own　chamber；　from　whence　he
did　not　venture　to　make　a　second　sally　till　eleven　in　the
forenoon；　when　he　was　led　into　the　Public　Room；　by　his　own
servant　and　another　assistant；　groaning　most　woefully；　with　a
bloody　napkin　round　his　head。　But　things　were　greatly　altered　
The　selfish　brutality　of　his　behaviour　on　the　stairs　had　steeled
their　hearts　against　all　his　arts　and　address　　Not　a　soul　offered
to　accommodate　him　with　a　chair；　cushion；　or　footstool；　so　that
he　was　obliged　to　sit　down　on　a　hard　bench　　In　that　position；　he
looked　around　with　a　rueful　aspect；　and；　bowing　very　low；　said　in
a　whining　tone；　'Your　most　humble　servant；　ladies　　Fire　is　a
dreadful　calamity'　　'Fire　purifies　gold；　and　it　ties　friendship；'
cried　Mrs　Tabitha；　bridling。　'Yea；　madam　（replied　Micklewhimmen）；
and　it　trieth　discretion　also'　　'If　discretion　consists　in
forsaking　a　friend　in　adversity；　you　are　eminently　possessed　of
that　virtue'　（resumed　our　aunt）。　　'Na；　madam　（rejoined　the
advocate）；　well　I　wot；　I　cannot　claim　any　merit　from　the　mode　of
my　retreat　　Ye'll　please　to　observe；　ladies；　there　are　twa
independent　principles　that　actuate　our　nature　　One　is　instinct；
which　we　have　in　common　with　the　brute　creation；　and　the　other　is
reason　　Noo；　in　certain　great　emergencies；　when　the　faculty　of
reason　is　suspended；　instinct　taks　the　lead；　and　when　this
predominates；　having　no　affinity　with　reason；　it　pays　no　sort　of
regard　to　its　connections；　it　only　operates　for　the　preservation
of　the　individual；　and　that　by　the　most　expeditious　and　effectual
means；　therefore；　begging　your　pardon；　ladies；　I'm　no　accountable
in　foro　conscientioe　for　what　I　did；　while　under　the　influence　of
this　irresistible　pooer。'

Here　my　uncle　interposing；　'I　should　be　glad　to　know　（said　he）；
whether　it　was　instinct　that　prompted　you　to　retreat　with　bag　and
baggage；　for；　I　think；　you　had　a　portmanteau　on　your　shoulder'
The　lawyer　answered；　without　hesitation；　'Gif　I　might　tell　my
mind　freely；　withoot　incuring　the　suspicion　of　presumption；　I
should　think　it　was　something　superior　to　either　reason　or
instinct　which　suggested　that　measure；　and　this　on　a　twafold
accoont：　in　the　first　place；　the　portmanteau　contained　the
writings　of　a　worthy　nobleman's　estate；　and　their　being　burnt
would　have　occasioned　a　loss　that　could　not　be　repaired；
secondly；　my　good　angel　seems　to　have　laid　the　portmanteau　on　my
shoulders；　by　way　of　defence；　to　sustain　the　violence　of　a　most
inhuman　blow；　from　the　crutch　of　a　reverend　clergyman；　which；
even　in　spite　of　that　medium；　hath　wounded　me　sorely；　even　unto
the　pericranium。'　'By　your　own　doctrine　（cried　the　parson；　who
chanced　to　be　present）；　I　am　not　accountable　for　the　blow；　which
was　the　effect　of　instinct。'　'I　crave　your　pardon；　reverend　sir
（said　the　other）；　instinct　never　acts　but　for　the　preservation　of
the　individual；　but　your　preservation　was　out　of　the　case　　you
had　already　received　the　damage；　and　therefore　the　blow　must　be
imputed　to　revenge；　which　is　a　sinful　passion；　that　ill　becomes
any　Christian；　especially　a　protestant　divine；　and　let　me　tell
you；　most　reverend　doctor；　gin　I　had　a　mind　to　plea；　the　law
would　hauld　my　libel　relevant。'　'Why；　the　damage　is　pretty　equal
on　both　sides　（cried　the　parson）；　your　head　is　broke；　and　my
crutch　is　snapt　in　the　middle。　Now；　if　you　will　repair　the　one；　I
will　be　at　the　expence　of　curing　the　other。'

This　sally　raised　the　laugh　against　Micklewhimmen；　who　began　to
look　grave；　when　my　uncle；　in　order　to　change　the　discourse；
observed；　that　instinct　had　been　very　kind　to　him　in　another
respect；　for　it　had　restored　to　him　the　use　of　his　limbs；　which；
in　his　exit；　he　had　moved　with　surprising　agility。　　He　replied；
that　it　was　the　nature　of　fear　to　brace　up　the　nerves；　and
mentioned　some　surprising　feats　of　strength　and　activity
performed　by　persons　under　the　impulse　of　ter