the expedition of humphry clinker-第5部分

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a　wart　upon　his　nose；　that　looked　a　little　suspicious。　'I　don't
pretend　to　be　a　judge　of　those　matters　（said　he）　but　I　understand
that　warts　are　often　produced　by　the　distemper；　and　that　one　upon
your　nose　seems　to　have　taken　possession　of　the　very　keystone　of
the　bridge；　which　I　hope　is　in　no　danger　of　falling。'　Ln　seemed
a　little　confounded　at　this　remark；　and　assured　him　it　was
nothing　but　a　common　excrescence　of　the　cuticula；　but　that　the
bones　were　all　sound　below；　for　the　truth　of　this　assertion　he
appealed　to　the　touch；　desiring　he　would　feel　the　part。　My　uncle
said　it　was　a　matter　of　such　delicacy　to　meddle　with　a
gentleman's　nose；　that　he　declined　the　office　　upon　which；　the
Doctor　turning　to　me；　intreated　me　to　do　him　that　favour。　I
complied　with　his　request；　and　handled　it　so　roughly；　that　he
sneezed；　and　the　tears　ran　down　his　cheeks；　to　the　no　small
entertainment　of　the　company；　and　particularly　of　my　uncle；　who
burst　out　a…laughing　for　the　first　time　since　I　have　been　with
him；　and　took　notice；　that　the　part　seemed　to　be　very　tender。
'Sir　（cried　the　Doctor）　it　is　naturally　a　tender　part；　but　to
remove　all　possibility　of　doubt；　I　will　take　off　the　wart　this
very　night。'

So　saying；　he　bowed；　with　great　solemnity　all　round；　and　retired
to　his　own　lodgings；　where　he　applied　a　caustic　to　the　wart；　but
it　spread　in　such　a　manner　as　to　produce　a　considerable
inflammation；　attended　with　an　enormous　swelling；　so　that　when　he
next　appeared；　his　whole　face　was　overshadowed　by　this　tremendous
nozzle；　and　the　rueful　eagerness　with　which　he　explained　this
unlucky　accident；　was　ludicrous　beyond　all　description。　　I　was
much　pleased　with　meeting　the　original　of　a　character；　which　you
and　I　have　often　laughed　at　in　description；　and　what　surprises　me
very　much；　I　find　the　features　in　the　picture；　which　has　been
drawn　for　him；　rather　softened　than　over…charged。

As　I　have　something　else　to　say；　and　this　letter　has　run　to　an
unconscionable　length；　I　shall　now　give　you　a　little　respite；　and
trouble　you　again　by　the　very　first　post。　I　wish　you　would　take
it　in　your　head　to　retaliate　these　double　strokes　upon

Yours　always；
J。　MELFORD



To　Sir　WATKIN　PHILLIPS；　of　Jesus　college；　Oxon。

HOT　WELL；　April　20。

DEAR　KNIGHT；

I　now　sit　down　to　execute　the　threat　in　the　tail　of　my　last。　The
truth　is；　I　am　big　with　the　secret；　and　long　to　be　delivered。　It
relates　to　my　guardian；　who；　you　know；　is　at　present　our
principal　object　in　view。

T'other　day；　I　thought　I　had　detected　him　in　such　a　state　of
frailty；　as　would　but　ill　become　his　years　and　character。　There
is　a　decent　sort　of　woman；　not　disagreeable　in　her　person；　that
comes　to　the　Well；　with　a　poor　emaciated　child；　far　gone　in　a
consumption。　I　had　caught　my　uncle's　eyes　several　times　directed
to　this　person；　with　a　very　suspicious　expression　in　them；　and
every　time　he　saw　himself　observed；　he　hastily　withdrew　them；
with　evident　marks　of　confusion　　I　resolved　to　watch　him　more
narrowly；　and　saw　him　speaking　to　her　privately　in　a　corner　of
the　walk。　At　length；　going　down　to　the　Well　one　day；　I　met　her
half　way　up　the　hill　to　Clifton；　and　could　not　help　suspecting
she　was　going　to　our　lodgings　by　appointment；　as　it　was　about　one
o'clock；　the　hour　when　my　sister　and　I　are　generally　at　the　Pump…room。
　This　notion　exciting　my　curiosity；　I　returned　by　a　back…way；
and　got　unperceived　into　my　own　chamber；　which　is　contiguous
to　my　uncle's　apartment。　Sure　enough；　the　woman　was　introduced
but　not　into　his　bedchamber；　he　gave　her　audience　in　a　parlour；
so　that　I　was　obliged　to　shift　my　station　to　another　room；　where；
however；　there　was　a　small　chink　in　the　partition；　through　which
I　could　perceive　what　passed。　My　uncle；　though　a　little　lame；
rose　up　when　she　came　in；　and　setting　a　chair　for　her；　desired
she　would　sit　down：　then　he　asked　if　she　would　take　a　dish　of
chocolate；　which　she　declined；　with　much　acknowledgment。　After　a
short　pause；　he　said；　in　a　croaking　tone　of　voice；　which
confounded　me　not　a　little；　'Madam；　I　am　truly　concerned　for　your
misfortunes；　and　if　this　trifle　can　be　of　any　service　to　you；　I
beg　you　will　accept　it　without　ceremony。'　So　saying；　he　put　a　bit
of　paper　into　her　hand；　which　she　opening　with　great　trepidation；
exclaimed　in　an　extacy；　'Twenty　pounds！　Oh；　sir！'　and　sinking
down　upon　a　settee；　fainted　away　　Frightened　at　this　fit；　and；
I　suppose；　afraid　of　calling　for　assistance；　lest　her　situation
should　give　rise　to　unfavourable　conjectures；　he　ran　about　the
room　in　distraction；　making　frightful　grimaces；　and；　at　length；
had　recollection　enough　to　throw　a　little　water　in　her　face；　by
which　application　she　was　brought　to　herself：　but；　then　her
feeling　took　another　turn。　She　shed　a　flood　of　tears；　and　cried
aloud；　'I　know　not　who　you　are：　but；　sure　　worthy　sir　
generous　sir！　　the　distress　of　me　and　my　poor　dying　child　
Oh！　if　the　widow's　prayers　　if　the　orphan's　tears　of　gratitude
can　ought　avail　　gracious　Providence　　Blessings！　　shower
down　eternal　blessings。'　　Here　she　was　interrupted　by　my　uncle；
who　muttered　in　a　voice　still　more　and　more　discordant；　'For
Heaven's　sake　be　quiet；　madam　　consider　　the　people　of　the
house　'sdeath！　can't　you。'　　All　this　time　she　was　struggling
to　throw　herself　on　her　knees；　while　he　seizing　her　by　the
wrists；　endeavoured　to　seat　her　upon　the　settee；　saying；　'Prithee
　good　now　　hold　your　tongue'　　At　that　instant；　who　should
burst　into　　the　room　but　our　aunt　Tabby！　of　all　antiquated
maidens　the　most　diabolically　capricious　　Ever　prying　into
other　people's　affairs；　she　had　seen　the　woman　enter；　and
followed　her　to　the　door；　where　she　stood　listening；　but　probably
could　hear　nothing　distinctly；　except　my　uncle's；　last
exclamation；　at　which　she　bounded　into　the　parlour　in　a　violent
rage；　that　dyed　the　tip　of　her　nose　of　a　purple　hue；　　'Fy　upon
you；　Matt！　（cried　she）　what　doings　are　these；　to　disgrace　your
own　character；　and　disparage　your　family？'　　Then；　snatching　the
bank　note　out　of　the　stranger's　hand；　she　went　on　　'How　now；
twenty　pounds！　　here　is　temptation　with　a　witness！　　Good…woman；
go　about　your　business　　Brother；　brother；　I　know　not　which　most
to　admire；　your　concupissins；　or　your　extravagance！'　　'Good　God
（exclaimed　the　poor　woman）　shall　a　worthy　gentleman's　character
suffer　for　an　action　that　does　honour　to　humanity？'　By　this　time；
uncle's　indignation　was　effectually　roused。　His　face　grew　pale；
his　teeth　chattered；　and　his　eyes　flashed　　'Sister　（cried　he；　in
a　voice　like　thunder）　I　vow　to　God；　your　impertinence　is
exceedingly　provoking。'　With　these　words；　he　took　her　by　the
hand；　and；　opening　the　door　of　communication；　thrust　her　into　the
chamber　where　I　stood；　so　affected　by　the　scene；　that　the　tears
ran　down　my　cheeks。　Observing　these　marks　of　emotion；　'I　don't
wonder　（said　she）　to　see　you　concerned　at　the　back…slidings　of　so
near　a　relation；　a　man　of　his　years　and　infirmities：　These　are
fine　doings；　truly　　This　is　a　rare　example；　set　by　a　guardian；
for　the　benefit　of　his　pupils　　Monstrous！　incongruous！
sophistical！'　　I　thought　it　was　but　an　act　of　justice　to　set　her
to　rights；　and　therefore　explained　the　mystery。　But　she　would　not
be　undeceived；　'What　（said　she）　would　you　go　for　to　offer　for　to
arguefy　me　out　of　my　senses？　Did'n't　I　hear　him　whispering　to　her
to　hold　her　tongue？　Did'n't　I　see　her　in　tears？　Did'n't　I　see　him
struggling　to　throw　her　upon　the　couch？　0　filthy！　hideous！
abominable！　Child；　child；　talk　not　to　me　of　charity。　　Who　gives
twenty　pounds　in　charity？　　But　you　are　a　stripling　　You　know
nothing　of　the　world。　Besides；　charity　begins　at　home　　Twenty
pounds　would　buy　me　a　complete　suit　of　flowered　silk；　trimmings
and　all　'　In　short；　I　quitted　the　room；　my　contempt　for　her；　and
my　respect　for　her　brother；　being　increased　in　the　same
proportion。　I　have　since　been　informed；　that　the　person；　whom　my
uncle　so　generously　relieved；　is　the　widow　of　an　ensign；　who　has
nothing　to　depend　upon　but　the　pension　of　fifteen　pounds　a　year。
The　people　of　the　Well…house　give　her　an　excellent　character。　She
lodges　in　a　garret；　and　works　very　hard　at　plain　work；　to　support
her　daughter；　who　is　dying　of　a　consumption。　I　must　own；　to　my
shame；　I　feel　a　strong　inclination　to　follow　my　uncle's　example；
in　relieving　this　poor　widow；　but；　betwixt　friends；　I　am　afraid
of　being　detected　in　a　weakness；　that　might　entail　the　ridicule
of　the　company；　upon；

Dear　Phillips；
Yours　always；
J。　MELFORD

Direct　your　next　to　me　at　Bath；　and　remember　me　to　all　our
fellow…jesuits。



To　Dr　LEWIS。

H0T　WELL；　April　20。

I　understand　your　hint。　There　are　mysteries　in　physic；　as　well　as
in　religion；　which　we　of　the　profane　have　no　right　to　investigate
　A　man　must　not　presume　to　use　his　reason；　unless　he　has
studied　the　categories；　and　can　chop　logic　by　mode　and　figure　
Between　friends；　I　think　every　man　of　tolerable　parts　ought；　at
my　time　of　day；　to　be　both　physician　and　lawyer；　as　far　as　his
own　constitution　and　property　are　concerned。　For　my　own　part；　I
have　had　an　hospital　these　fourteen　years　within　myself；　and
studied　my　own　case　with　the　most　painful　attention；　consequently
may　be　supposed　to　know　something　of　the　matter；　although　I　have
not　taken　regular　courses　of　physiology　et　cetera　et　cetera。　
In　short；　I　have　for　some　time　been　of　opinion　（no　offence；　dear
Doctor）　that　the　sum　of　all　your　medical　discoveries　amounts　to
this；　that　the　more　you　study　the　less　you　know。　　I　have　read
all　that　has　been　written　on　the　Hot　Wells；　and　what　I　can
collect　from　the　whole；　is；　that　the　water　contains　nothing　but　a
little　salt；　and　calcarious　earth；　mixed　in　such　inconsiderable
proportion；　as　can　have　very　little；　if　any；　effect　on　the　animal
economy。　This　being　the　case；　I　think　the　man　deserves　to　be
fitted　with　a　cap　and　bells；　who　for　such　a　paultry　advantage　as
this　spring　affords；　sacrifices　his　precious　time；　which　might　be
employed　in　taking　more　effectual　remedies；　and　exposes　himself
to　the　dirt；　the　stench；　the　chilling　blasts；　and　perpetual
rains；　that　render　this　place　to　me　intolerable。　If　these　waters；
from　a　small　degree　of　astringency；　are　of　some　service　in　the
diabetes；　di