the expedition of humphry clinker-第50部分

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started　innumerable　objections；　argued　and　wrangled　with　uncommon
perseverance；　and　grew　very　warm；　and　even　violent；　in　the
debate。　　Sometimes　he　was　puzzled；　and　once　or　twice；　I　think；
fairly　refuted；　but　from　those　falls　he　rose　again；　like　Antaeus；
with　redoubled　vigour；　till　at　length　I　was　tired；　exhausted；　and
really　did　not　know　how　to　proceed；　when　luckily　he　dropped　a
hint；　by　which　he　discovered　he　had　been　bred　to　the　law；　a
confession　which　enabled　me　to　retire　from　the　dispute　with　a
good　grace；　as　it　could　not　be　supposed　that　a　man　like　me；　who
had　been　bred　to　nothing；　should　be　able　to　cope　with　a　veteran
in　his　own　profession。　I　believe；　however；　that　I　shall　for　some
time　continue　to　chew　the　cud　of　reflection　upon　many
observations　which　this　original　discharged。

Whether　our　sister　Tabby　was　really　struck　with　his　conversation；
or　is　resolved　to　throw　at　every　thing　she　meets　in　the　shape　of
a　man；　till　she　can　fasten　the　matrimonial　noose；　certain　it　is；
she　has　taken　desperate　strides　towards　the　affection　of
Lismahago；　who　cannot　be　said　to　have　met　her　half　way；　though　he
does　not　seem　altogether　insensible　to　her　civilities。　　She
insinuated　more　than　once　how　happy　we　should　be　to　have　his
company　through　that　part　of　Scotland　which　we　proposed　to　visit；
till　at　length　he　plainly　told　us；　that　his　road　was　totally
different　from　that　which　we　intended　to　take；　that；　for　his
part；　his　company　would　be　of　very　little　service　to　us　in　our
progress；　as　he　was　utterly　unacquainted　with　the　country；　which
he　had　left　in　his　early　youth；　consequently；　he　could　neither
direct　us　in　our　enquiries；　nor　introduce　us　to　any　family　of
distinction。　He　said；　he　was　stimulated　by　an　irresistible
impulse　to　revisit　the　paternus　lar；　or　patria　domus；　though　he
expected　little　satisfaction；　inasmuch　as　he　understood　that　his
nephew；　the　present　possessor；　was　but　ill　qualified　to　support
the　honour　of　the　family。　　He　assured　us；　however；　as　we　design
to　return　by　the　west　road；　that　he　will　watch　our　motions；　and
endeavour　to　pay　his　respects　to　us　at　Dumfries。　　Accordingly　he
took　his　leave　of　us　at　a　place　half　way　betwixt　Morpeth　and
Alnwick；　and　pranced　away　in　great　state；　mounted　on　a　tall；
meagre；　raw…boned；　shambling　grey　gelding；　without　e'er　a　tooth
in　his　head；　the　very　counter…part　of　the　rider；　and；　indeed；　the
appearance　of　the　two　was　so　picturesque；　that　I　would　give
twenty　guineas　to　have　them　tolerably　presented　on　canvas。

Northumberland　is　a　fine　county；　extending　to　the　Tweed；　which　is
a　pleasant　pastoral　stream；　but　you　will　be　surprised　when　I　tell
you　that　the　English　side　of　that　river　is　neither　so　well
cultivated　nor　so　populous　as　the　other。　　The　farms　are　thinly
scattered；　the　lands　uninclosed；　and　scarce　a　gentleman's　seat
is　to　be　seen　in　some　miles　from　the　Tweed；　whereas　the　Scots　are
advanced　in　crowds　to　the　very　brink　of　the　river；　so　that　you
may　reckon　above　thirty　good　houses；　in　the　compass　of　a　few
miles；　belonging　to　proprietors　whose　ancestors　had　fortified
castles　in　the　same　situations；　a　circumstance　that　shews　what
dangerous　neighbours　the　Scots　must　have　formerly　been　to　the
northern　counties　of　England。

Our　domestic　oeconomy　continues　on　the　old　footing。　　My　sister
Tabby　still　adheres　to　methodism；　and　had　the　benefit　of　a　sermon
at　Wesley's　meeting　in　Newcastle；　but　I　believe　the　Passion　of
love　has　in　some　measure　abated　the　fervour　of　devotion　both　in
her　and　her　woman；　Mrs　Jenkins；　about　whose　good　graces　there　has
been　a　violent　contest　betwixt　my　nephew's　valet；　Mr　Dutton；　and
my　man；　Humphry　Clinker。　　Jery　has　been　obliged　to　interpose　his
authority　to　keep　the　peace；　and　to　him　I　have　left　the
discussion　of　that　important　affair；　which　had　like　to　have
kindled　the　flames　of　discord　in　the　family　of

Yours　always；
MATT。　BRAMBLE
TWEEDMOUTH；　July　15。



To　Sir　WATKIN　PHILLIPS；　Bart。　at　Oxon。

DEAR　WAT；

In　my　two　last　you　had　so　much　of　Lismahago；　that　I　suppose　you
are　glad　he　is　gone　off　the　stage　for　the　present。　　I　must　now
descend　to　domestic　occurrences。　　Love；　it　seems；　is　resolved　to
assert　his　dominion　over　all　the　females　of　our　family。　　After
having　practised　upon　poor　Liddy's　heart；　and　played　strange
vagaries　with　our　aunt　Mrs　Tabitha；　he　began　to　run　riot　in　the
affections　of　her　woman；　Mrs　Winifred　Jenkins；　whom　I　have　had
occasion　to　mention　more　than　once　in　the　course　of　our　memoirs。
Nature　intended　Jenkins　for　something　very　different　from　the
character　of　her　mistress；　yet　custom　and　habit　have　effected　a
wonderful　resemblance　betwixt　them　in　many　particulars。　Win；　to
be　sure；　is　much　younger　and　more　agreeable　in　her　person；　she　is
likewise　tender…hearted　and　benevolent；　qualities　for　which　her
mistress　is　by　no　means　remarkable；　no　more　than　she　is　for　being
of　a　timorous　disposition；　and　much　subject　to　fits　of　the
mother；　which　are　the　infirmities　of　Win's　constitution：　but　then
she　seems　to　have　adopted　Mrs　Tabby's　manner　with　her　cast
cloaths。　　She　dresses　and　endeavours　to　look　like　her　mistress；
although　her　own　looks　are　much　more　engaging。　　She　enters　into
her　scheme　of　oeconomy；　learns　her　phrases；　repeats　her　remarks；
imitates　her　stile　in　scolding　the　inferior　servants；　and；
finally；　subscribes　implicitly　to　her　system　of　devotion。　　This；
indeed；　she　found　the　more　agreeable；　as　it　was　in　a　great
measure　introduced　and　confirmed　by　the　ministry　of　Clinker；　with
whose　personal　merit　she　seems　to　have　been　struck　ever　since　he
exhibited　the　pattern　of　his　naked　skin　at　Marlborough。

Nevertheless；　though　Humphry　had　this　double　hank　upon　her
inclinations；　and　exerted　all　his　power　to　maintain　the　conquest
he　had　made；　he　found　it　impossible　to　guard　it　on　the　side　of
vanity；　where　poor　Win　was　as　frail　as　any　female　in　the　kingdom。
In　short；　my　rascal　Dutton　professed　himself　her　admirer；　and；　by
dint　of　his　outlandish　qualifications；　threw　his　rival　Clinker
out　of　the　saddle　of　her　heart。　Humphry　may　be　compared　to　an
English　pudding；　composed　of　good　wholesome　flour　and　suet；　and
Dutton　to　a　syllabub　or　iced　froth；　which；　though　agreeable　to
the　taste；　has　nothing　solid　or　substantial。　The　traitor　not　only
dazzled　her；　with　his　second…hand　finery；　but　he　fawned；　and
flattered；　and　cringed　　he　taught　her　to　take　rappee；　and
presented　her　with　a　snuff…box　of　papier　mache　　he　supplied　her
with　a　powder　for　her　teeth　　he　mended　her　complexion；　and　he
dressed　her　hair　in　the　Paris　fashion　　he　undertook　to　be　her
French　master　and　her　dancing…master；　as　well　as　friseur；　and
thus　imperceptibly　wound　himself　into　her　good　graces。　Clinker
perceived　the　progress　he　had　made；　and　repined　in　secret。　　He
attempted　to　open　her　eyes　in　the　way　of　exhortation；　and　finding
it　produced　no　effect　had　recourse　to　prayer。　At　Newcastle；　while
he　attended　Mrs　Tabby　to　the　methodist　meeting　his　rival
accompanied　Mrs　Jenkins　to　the　play。　He　was　dressed　in　a　silk
coat；　made　at　Paris　for　his　former　master；　with　a　tawdry
waistcoat　of　tarnished　brocade；　he　wore　his　hair　in　a　great　bag
with　a　huge　solitaire；　and　a　long　sword　dangled　from　his　thigh。
The　lady　was　all　of　a　flutter　with　faded　lutestring；　washed
gauze；　and　ribbons　three　times　refreshed；　but　she　was　most
remarkable　for　the　frisure　of　her　head；　which　rose；　like　a
pyramid；　seven　inches　above　the　scalp；　and　her　face　was　primed
and　patched　from　the　chin　up　to　the　eyes；　nay；　the　gallant
himself　had　spared　neither　red　nor　white　in　improving　the　nature
of　his　own　complexion。　In　this　attire；　they　walked　together
through　the　high　street　to　the　theatre；　and　as　they　passed　for
players　ready　dressed　for　acting；　they　reached　it　unmolested；　but
as　it　was　still　light　when　they　returned；　and　by　that　time　the
people　had　got　information　of　their　real　character　and　condition；
they　hissed　and　hooted　all　the　way；　and　Mrs　Jenkins　was　all
bespattered　with　dirt；　as　well　as　insulted　with　the　opprobrious
name　of　painted　Jezabel；　so　that　her　fright　and　mortification
threw　her　into　an　hysteric　fit　the　moment　she　came　home。

Clinker　was　so　incensed　at　Dutton；　whom　he　considered　as　the
cause　of　her　disgrace；　that　he　upbraided　him　severely　for　having
turned　the　poor　woman's　brain。　The　other　affected　to　treat　him
with　contempt；　and　mistaking　his　forbearance　for　want　of　courage；
threatened　to　horse…whip　him　into　good　manners。　Humphry　then　came
to　me；　humbly　begging　I　would　give　him　leave　to　chastise　my
servant　for　his　insolence　　'He　has　challenged　me　to　fight　him　at
sword's　point　（said　he）；　but　I　might　as　well　challenge　him　to
make　a　horse…shoe；　or　a　plough　iron；　for　I　know　no　more　of　the
one　than　he　does　of　the　other。　　Besides；　it　doth　not　become
servants　to　use　those　weapons；　or　to　claim　the　privilege　of
gentlemen　to　kill　one　another　when　they　fall　out；　moreover；　I
would　not　have　his　blood　upon　my　conscience　for　ten　thousand
times　the　profit　or　satisfaction　I　should　get　by　his　death；　but
if　your　honour　won't　be　angry；　I'll　engage　to　gee　'en　a　good
drubbing；　that；　may　hap；　will　do　'en　service；　and　I'll　take　care
it　shall　do　'en　no　harm。'　I　said；　I　had　no　objection　to　what　he
proposed；　provided　he　could　manage　matters　so　as　not　to　be　found
the　aggressor；　in　case　Dutton　should　prosecute　him　for　an　assault
and　battery。

Thus　licensed；　he　retired；　and　that　same　evening　easily　provoked
his　rival　to　strike　the　first　blow；　which　Clinker　returned　with
such　interest　that　he　was　obliged　to　call　for　quarter；　declaring；
at　the　same　time；　that　he　would　exact　severe　and　bloody
satisfaction　the　moment　we　should　pass　the　border；　when　he　could
run　him　through　the　body　without　fear　of　the　consequence。　　This
scene　passed　in　presence　of　lieutenant　Lismahago；　who　encouraged
Clinker　to　hazard　a　thrust　of　cold　iron　with　his　antagonist。
'Cold　iron　（cried　Humphry）　I　shall　never　use　against　the　life　of
any　human　creature；　but　I　am　so　far　from　being　afraid　of　his　cold
iron；　that　I　shall　use　nothing　in　my　defence　but　a　good　cudgel；
which　shall　always　be　at　his　service。'　In　the　mean　time；　the　fair
cause　of　this　contest；　Mrs　Winifred　Jenkins；　seemed　overwhelmed
with　affliction；　and　Mr　Clinker　acted　much