the expedition of humphry clinker-第51部分

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cause　of　this　contest；　Mrs　Winifred　Jenkins；　seemed　overwhelmed
with　affliction；　and　Mr　Clinker　acted　much　on　the　reserve；　though
he　did　not　presume　to　find　fault　with　her　conduct。

The　dispute　between　the　two　rivals　was　soon　brought　to　a　very
unexpected　issue。　Among　our　fellow…lodgers　at　Berwick；　was　a
couple　from　London；　bound　to　Edinburgh；　on　the　voyage　of
matrimony。　The　female　was　the　daughter　and　heiress　of　a
pawnbroker　deceased；　who　had　given　her　guardians　the　slip；　and
put　herself　under　the　tuition　of　a　tall　Hibernian；　who　had
conducted　her　thus　far　in　quest　of　a　clergyman　to　unite　them　in
marriage；　without　the　formalities　required　by　the　law　of　England。
I　know　not　how　the　lover　had　behaved　on　the　road；　so　as　to
decline　in　the　favour　of　his　inamorata；　but；　in　all　probability；
Dutton　perceived　a　coldness　on　her　side；　which　encouraged　him　to
whisper；　it　was　a　pity　she　should　have　cast　affections　upon　a
taylor；　which　he　affirmed　the　Irishman　to　be。　This　discovery
completed　her　disgust；　of　which　my　man　taking　the　advantage；
began　to　recommend　himself　to　her　good　graces；　and　the　smooth…tongued
rascal　found　no　difficulty　to　insinuate　himself　into　the
place　of　her　heart；　from　which　the　other　had　been　discarded　
Their　resolution　was　immediately　taken。　In　the　morning；　before
day；　while　poor　Teague　lay　snoring　a…bed；　his　indefatigable　rival
ordered　a　post…chaise；　and　set　out　with　the　lady　for　Coldstream；
a　few　miles　up　the　Tweed；　where　there　was　a　parson　who　dealt　in
this　branch　of　commerce；　and　there　they　were　noosed；　before　the
Irishman　ever　dreamt　of　the　matter。　But　when　he　got　up　at　six
o'clock；　and　found　the　bird　was　flown；　he　made　such　a　noise　as
alarmed　the　whole　house。　One　of　the　first　persons　he　encountered；
was　the　postilion　returned　from　Coldstream；　where　he　had　been
witness　to　the　marriage；　and　over　and　above　an　handsome　gratuity；
had　received　a　bride's　favour；　which　he　now　wore　in　his　cap　　When
the　forsaken　lover　understood　they　were　actually　married；　and　set
out　for　London；　and　that　Dutton　had　discovered　to　the　lady；　that
he　（the　Hibernian）　was　a　taylor；　he　had　like　to　have　run
distracted。　He　tore　the　ribbon　from　the　fellow's　cap；　and　beat　it
about　his　ears。　He　swore　he　would　pursue　him　to　the　gates　of
hell；　and　ordered　a　post…chaise　and　four　to　be　got　ready　as　soon
as　possible；　but；　recollecting　that　his　finances　would　not　admit
of　this　way　of　travelling；　he　was　obliged　to　countermand　this
order。

For　my　part；　I　knew　nothing　at　all　of　what　had　happened；　till　the
postilion　brought　me　the　keys　of　my　trunk　and　portmanteau；　which
he　had　received　from　Dutton；　who　sent　me　his　respects；　hoping　I
would　excuse　him　for　his　abrupt　departure；　as　it　was　a　step　upon
which　his　fortune　depended。　Before　I　had　time　to　make　my　uncle
acquainted　with　this　event；　the　Irishman　burst　into　my　chamber；
without　any　introduction；　exclaiming；　　'By　my　soul；　your　sarvant
has　robbed　me　of　five　thousand　pounds；　and　I'll　have
satisfaction；　if　I　should　be　hanged　tomorrow。'　　When　I　asked　him
who　he　was；　'My　name　（said　he）　is　Master　Macloughlin　but　it
should　be　Leighlin　Oneale；　for　I　am　come　from　Tir…Owen　the　Great；
and　so　I　am　as　good　a　gentleman　as　any　in　Ireland；　and　that
rogue；　your　sarvant；　said　I　was　a　taylor；　which　was　as　big　a　lie
as　if　he　had　called　me　the　pope　　I'm　a　man　of　fortune；　and　have
spent　all　I　had；　and　so　being　in　distress；　Mr　Coshgrave；　the
fashioner　in　Shuffolk…street；　tuck　me　out；　and　made　me　his　own
private　shecretary：　by　the　same　token；　I　was　the　last　he　bailed；
for　his　friends　obliged　him　to　tie　himself　up；　that　he　would　bail
no　more　above　ten　pounds；　for　why；　becaase　as　how；　he　could　not
refuse　any　body　that　asked；　and　therefore　in　time　would　have
robbed　himself　of　his　whole　fortune；　and；　if　he　had　lived　long　at
that　rate；　must　have　died　bankrupt　very　soon　and　so　I　made　my
addresses　to　Miss　Skinner；　a　young　lady　of　five　thousand　pounds
fortune；　who　agreed　to　take　me　for　better　nor　worse；　and；　to　be
sure；　this　day　would　have　put　me　in　possession；　if　it　had　not
been　for　that　rogue；　your　sarvant；　who　came　like　a　tief；　and
stole　away　my　property；　and　made　her　believe　I　was　a　taylor；　and
that　she　was　going　to　marry　the　ninth　part　of　a　man：　but　the
devil　burn　my　soul；　if　ever　I　catch　him　on　the　mountains　of
Tulloghobegly；　if　I　don't　shew　him　that　I'm　nine　times　as　good　a
man　as　he；　or　e'er　a　bug　of　his　country。'

When　he　had　rung　out　his　first　alarm；　I　told　him　I　was　sorry　he
had　allowed　himself　to　be　so　jockied；　but　it　was　no　business　of
mine；　and　that　the　fellow　who　robbed　him　of　his　bride；　had
likewise　robbed　me　of　my　servant　　'Didn't　I　tell　you　then　（cried
he）　that　Rogue　was　his　true　Christian　name。　　Oh　if　I　had　but　one
fair　trust　with　him　upon　the　sod；　I'd　give　him　lave　to　brag　all
the　rest　of　his　life。'

My　uncle　hearing　the　noise；　came　in；　and　being　informed　of　this
adventure；　began　to　comfort　Mr　Oneale　for　the　lady's　elopement；
observing　that　he　seemed　to　have　had　a　lucky　escape；　that　it　was
better　she　should　elope　before；　than　after　marriage　　The
Hibernian　was　of　a　very　different　opinion。　He　said；　'If　he　had
been　once　married；　she　might　have　eloped　as　soon　as　she　pleased；
he　would　have　taken　care　that　she　should　not　have　carried　her
fortune　along　with　her　　Ah　（said　he）　she's　a　Judas　Iscariot；　and
has　betrayed　me　with　a　kiss；　and；　like　Judas；　she　carried　the
bag；　and　has　not　left　me　money　enough　to　bear　my　expences　back　to
London；　and　so　I'm　come　to　this　pass；　and　the　rogue　that　was　the
occasion　of　it　has　left　you　without　a　sarvant；　you　may　put　me　in
his　place；　and　by　Jasus；　it　is　the　best　thing　you　can　do。'　　I
begged　to　be　excused；　declaring　I　could　put　up　with　any
inconvenience；　rather　than　treat　as　a　footman　the　descendant　of
Tir…Owen　the　Great。　I　advised　him　to　return　to　his　friend；　Mr
Cosgrave；　and　take　his　passage　from　Newcastle　by　sea；　towards
which　I　made　him　a　small　present；　and　he　retired；　seemingly
resigned　to　his　evil　fortune。　I　have　taken　upon　trial　a
Scotchman；　called　Archy　M'Alpin；　an　old　soldier；　whose　last
master；　a　colonel；　lately　died　at　Berwick。　The　fellow　is　old　and
withered；　but　he　has　been　recommended　to　me　for　his　fidelity；　by
Mrs　Humphreys；　a　very　good　sort　of　a　woman；　who　keeps　the　inn　at
Tweedmouth；　and　is　much　respected　by　all　the　travellers　on　this
road。

Clinker；　without　doubt；　thinks　himself　happy　in　the　removal　of　a
dangerous　rival；　and　he　is　too　good　a　Christian；　to　repine　at
Dutton's　success。　Even　Mrs　Jenkins　will　have　reason　to
congratulate　herself　upon　this　event；　when　she　cooly　reflects
upon　the　matter；　for；　howsoever　she　was　forced　from　her　poise　for
a　season；　by　snares　laid　for　her　vanity；　Humphry　is　certainly　the
north…star　to　which　the　needle　of　her　affection　would　have
pointed　at　the　long　run。　At　present；　the　same　vanity　is
exceedingly　mortified；　upon　finding　herself　abandoned　by　her　new
admirer；　in　favour　of　another　inamorata。　She　received　the　news
with　a　violent　burst　of　laughter；　which　soon　brought　on　a　fit　of
crying；　and　this　gave　the　finishing　blow　to　the　patience　of　her
mistress；　which　had　held　out　beyond　all　expectation。　She　now
opened　all　those　floodgates　of　reprehension；　which　had　been　shut
so　long。　She　not　only　reproached　her　with　her　levity　and
indiscretion；　but　attacked　her　on　the　score　of　religion；
declaring　roundly　that　she　was　in　a　state　of　apostacy　and
reprobation；　and　finally；　threatened　to　send　her　a　packing　at
this　extremity　of　the　kingdom。　All　the　family　interceded　for　poor
Winifred；　not　even　excepting　her　slighted　swain；　Mr　Clinker；　who；
on　his　knees；　implored　and　obtained　her　pardon。

There　was；　however；　another　consideration　that　gave　Mrs　Tabitha
some　disturbance。　At　Newcastle；　the　servants　had　been　informed　by
some　wag；　that　there　was　nothing　to　eat　in　Scotland；　but　oat…meal
and　sheep's…heads；　and　lieutenant　Lismahago　being　consulted；　what
he　said　served　rather　to　confirm　than　to　refute　the　report。　Our
aunt　being　apprised　of　this　circumstance；　very　gravely
advised　her　brother　to　provide　a　sumpter　horse　with　store　of
hams；　tongues；　bread；　biscuit；　and　other　articles　for　our
subsistence；　in　the　course　of　our　peregrination；　and　Mr　Bramble
as　gravely　replied；　that　he　would　take　the　hint　into
consideration：　but；　finding　no　such　provision　was　made；　she　now
revived　the　proposal；　observing　that　there　was　a　tolerable　market
at　Berwick；　where　we　might　be　supplied；　and　that　my　man's　horse
would　serve　as　a　beast　of　burthen　　The　'squire；　shrugging　his
shoulders；　eyed　her　askance　with　a　look　of　ineffable　contempt：
and；　after　some　pause；　'Sister　（said　he）；　I　can　hardly　persuade
myself　you　are　serious。'　She　was　so　little　acquainted　with　the
geography　of　the　island；　that　she　imagined　we　could　not　go　to
Scotland　but　by　sea；　and；　after　we　had　passed　through　the　town　of
Berwick；　when　he　told　her　we　were　upon　Scottish　ground；　she　could
hardly　believe　the　assertion　　If　the　truth　must　be　told；　the
South　Britons　in　general　are　woefully　ignorant　in　this
particular。　What；　between　want　of　curiosity；　and　traditional
sarcasms；　the　effect　of　ancient　animosity；　the　people　at　the
other　end　of　the　island　know　as　little　of　Scotland　as　of　Japan。

If　I　had　never　been　in　Wales；　I　should　have　been　more　struck　with
the　manifest　difference　in　appearance　betwixt　the　peasants　and
commonalty　on　different　sides　of　the　Tweed。　The　boors　of
Northumberland　are　lusty　fellows；　fresh　complexioned；　cleanly；
and　well　cloathed；　but　the　labourers　in　Scotland　are　generally
lank；　lean；　hard…featured；　sallow；　soiled；　and　shabby；　and　their
little　pinched　blue　caps　have　a　beggarly　effect。　The　cattle　are
much　in　the　same　stile　with　their　drivers；　meagre；　stunted；　and
ill　equipt。　When　I　talked　to　my　uncle　on　this　subject；　he　said；
'Though　all　the　Scottish　hinds　would　not　bear　to　be　compared　with
those　of　the　rich　counties　of　South　Britain；　they　would　stand
very　well　in　competition　with　the　peasants　of　France；　Italy；　and
Savoy　　not　to　mention　the　mountaineers　of　Wales；　and　the　red…shanks
of　Ireland。'

We　entered　Scotland　by　a　frightful　moor　of　sixteen　miles；　which
promises　very　little　for　the　interior　parts　of　the　kingdom；　but
the　prospect　mended　as　we　advanced。　Pas