the expedition of humphry clinker-第7部分

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me　last　night；　with　great　good…humour；　that　betwixt　the　age　of
twenty　and　forty；　he　had　been　obliged　to　provide　for　nine
bastards；　sworn　to　him　by　women　whom　he　never　saw　　Mr　Bramble's
character；　which　seems　to　interest　you　greatly；　opens　and
improves　upon　me　every　day。　His　singularities　afford　a　rich　mine
of　　entertainment；　his　understanding；　so　far　as　I　can　judge；　is
well　cultivated；　his　observations　on　life　are　equally　just；
pertinent；　and　uncommon。　He　affects　misanthropy；　in　order　to
conceal　the　sensibility　of　a　heart；　which　is　tender；　even　to　a
degree　of　weakness。　This　delicacy　of　feeling；　or　soreness　of　the
mind；　makes　him　timorous　and　fearful；　but　then　he　is　afraid　of
nothing　so　much　as　of　dishonour；　and　although　he　is　exceedingly
cautious　of　giving　offence；　he　will　fire　at　the　least　hint　of
insolence　or　ill…breeding。　　Respectable　as　he　is；　upon　the
whole；　I　can't　help　being　sometimes　diverted　by　his　little
distresses；　which　provoke　him　to　let　fly　the　shafts　of　his
satire；　keen　and　penetrating　as　the　arrows　of　Teucer　　Our　aunt；
Tabitha；　acts　upon　him　as　a　perpetual　grind…stone　　She　is；　in
all　respects；　a　striking　contrast　to　her　brother　　But　I　reserve
her　portrait　for　another　occasion。

Three　days　ago　we　came　hither　from　the　Hot　Well；　and　took
possession　of　the　first　floor　of　a　lodging…house；　on　the　South
Parade；　a　situation　which　my　uncle　chose；　for　its　being　near　the
Bath；　and　remote　from　the　noise　of　carriages。　He　was　scarce　warm
in　the　lodgings　when　he　called　for　his　night…cap；　his　wide　shoes；
and　flannel；　and　declared　himself　invested　with　the　gout　in　his
right　foot；　though；　I　believe　it　had　as　yet　reached　no　farther
than　his　imagination。　It　was　not　long　before　he　had　reason　to
repent　his　premature　declaration；　for　our　aunt　Tabitha　found
means　to　make　such　a　clamour　and　confusion；　before　the　flannels
could　be　produced　from　the　trunk；　that　one　would　have　imagined
the　house　was　on　fire。　All　this　time；　uncle　sat　boiling　with
impatience；　biting　his　fingers；　throwing　up　his　eyes；　and
muttering　ejaculations；　at　length　he　burst　into　a　kind　of
convulsive　laugh；　after　which　he　hummed　a　song；　and　when　the
hurricane　was　over；　exclaimed　'Blessed　be　God　for　all　things！'
This；　however；　was　but　the　beginning　of　his　troubles。　Mrs
Tabitha's　favourite　dog　Chowder；　having　paid　his　compliments　to　a
female　turnspit　of　his　own　species；　in　the　kitchen；　involved
himself　in　a　quarrel　with　no　fewer　than　five　rivals；　who　set　upon
him　at　once；　and　drove　him　up　stairs　to　the　dining　room　door；
with　hideous　noise：　there　our　aunt　and　her　woman；　taking　arms　in
his　defence；　joined　the　concert；　which　became　truly　diabolical。
This　fray　being　with　difficulty　suppressed；　by　the　intervention
of　our　own　footman　and　the　cook…maid　of　the　house；　the　squire　had
just　opened　his　mouth；　to　expostulate　with　Tabby；　when　the　town…waits；
in　the　passage　below；　struck　up　their　music　（if　music　it
may　be　called）　with　such　a　sudden　burst　of　sound；　as　made　him
start　and　stare；　with　marks　of　indignation　and　disquiet。　He　had
recollection　enough　to　send　his　servant　with　some　money　to
silence　those　noisy　intruders；　and　they　were　immediately
dismissed；　though　not　without　some　opposition　on　the　part　of
Tabitha；　who　thought　it　but　reasonable　that　he　should　have　more
music　for　his　money。　Scarce　had　he　settled　this　knotty　point；
when　a　strange　kind　of　thumping　and　bouncing　was　heard　right
over…head；　in　the　second　story；　so　loud　and　violent；　as　to　shake
the　whole　building。　I　own　I　was　exceedingly　provoked　at　this　new
alarm；　and　before　my　uncle　had　time　to　express　himself　on　the
subject；　I　ran　up　stairs；　to　see　what　was　the　matter。　Finding　the
room…door　open；　I　entered　without　ceremony；　and　perceived　an
object；　which　I　can　not　now　recollect　without　laughing　to　excess
　It　was　a　dancing　master；　with　his　scholar；　in　the　act　of
teaching。　The　master　was　blind　of　one　eye；　and　lame　of　one　foot；
and　led　about　the　room　his　pupil；　who　seemed　to　be　about　the　age
of　threescore；　stooped　mortally；　was　tall；　raw…boned；　hard…favoured；
with　a　woollen　night…cap　on　his　head；　and　he　had　stript
off　his　coat；　that　he　might　be　more　nimble　in　his　motions　
Finding　himself　intruded　upon；　by　a　person　he　did　not　know；　he
forthwith　girded　himself　with　a　long　iron　sword；　and　advancing　to
me；　with　a　peremptory　air；　pronounced；　in　a　true　Hibernian
accent；　'Mister　What　d'ye　callum；　by　my　saoul　and　conscience；　I
am　very　glad　to　sea　you；　if　you　are　after　coming　in　the　way　of
friendship；　and　indeed；　and　indeed　now；　I　believe　you　are　my
friend　sure　enough；　gra；　though　I　never　had　the　honour　to　sea
your　face　before；　my　dear；　for　becaase　you　come　like　a　friend；
without　any　ceremony　at　all；　at　all'　　I　told　him　the　nature　of
my　visit　would　not　admit　of　ceremony；　that　I　was　come　to　desire
he　would　make　less　noise；　as　there　was　a　sick　gentleman　below；
whom　he　had　no　right　to　disturb　with　such　preposterous　doings。
'Why；　look…ye　now；　young　gentleman　（replied　this　original）
perhaps；　upon　another　occasion；　I　might　shivilly　request　you　to
explain　the　maining　of　that　hard　word；　prepasterous：　but　there's
a　time　for　all　things；　honey'　　So　saying；　he　passed　me　with
great　agility；　and；　running　down　stairs；　found　our　foot…man　at
the　dining…room　door；　of　whom　he　demanded　admittance；　to　pay　his
respects　to　the　stranger。　As　the　fellow　did　not　think　proper　to
refuse　the　request　of　such　a　formidable　figure；　he　was
immediately　introduced；　and　addressed　himself　to　my　uncle　in
these　words：　'Your　humble　servant；　good　sir；　　I'm　not　so
prepasterous；　as　your　son　calls　it；　but　I　know　the　rules　of
shivility　…　I'm　a　poor　knight　of　Ireland；　my　name　is　sir　Ulic
Mackilligut；　of　the　county　of　Galway；　being　your　fellow…lodger；
I'm　come　to　pay　my　respects；　and　to　welcome　you　to　the　South
Parade；　and　to　offer　my　best　services　to　you；　and　your　good　lady；
and　your　pretty　daughter；　and　even　to　the　young　gentleman　your
son；　though　he　thinks　me　a　prepasterous　fellow　　You　must　know　I
am　to　have　the　honour　to　open　a　ball　next　door　to…morrow　with
lady　Mac　Manus；　and　being　rusted　in　my　dancing；　I　was　refreshing
my　memory　with　a　little　exercise；　but　if　I　had　known　there　was　a
sick　person　below；　by　Christ！　I　would　have　sooner　danced　a
hornpipe　upon　my　own　head；　than　walk　the　softest　minuet　over
yours。'　　My　uncle；　who　was　not　a　little　startled　at　his　first
appearance；　received　his　compliment　with　great　complacency；
insisted　upon　his　being　seated；　thanked　him　for　the　honour　of　his
visit；　and　reprimanded　me　for　my　abrupt　expostulation　with　a
gentleman　of　his　rank　and　character。　Thus　tutored；　I　asked　pardon
of　the　knight；　who；　forthwith　starting　up；　embraced　me　so　close；
that　I　could　hardly　breathe；　and　assured　me；　he　loved　me　as　his
own　soul。　At　length；　recollecting　his　night…cap；　he　pulled　it　off
in　some　confusion；　and；　with　his　bald…pate　uncovered；　made　a
thousand　apologies　to　the　ladies；　as　he　retired　　At　that
instant；　the　Abbey　bells；　began　to　ring　so　loud；　that　we　could
not　hear　one　another　speak；　and　this　peal；　as　we　afterwards
learned；　was　for　the　honour　of　Mr　Bullock；　an　eminent　cowkeeper
of　Tottenham；　who　had　just　arrived　at　Bath；　to　drink　the　waters
for　indigestion。　Mr　Bramble　had　not　time　to　make　his　remarks　upon
the　agreeable　nature　of　this　serenade；　before　his　ears　were
saluted　with　another　concert　that　interested　him　more　nearly。　Two
negroes；　belonging　to　a　Creole　gentleman；　who　lodged　in　the　same
house；　taking　their　station　at　a　window　in　the　stair…case；　about
ten　feet　from　our　dining…room　door；　began　to　practise　upon　the
French…horn；　and　being　in　the　very　first　rudiments　of　execution；
produced　such　discordant　sounds；　as　might　have　discomposed　the
organs　of　an　ass。　You　may　guess　what　effect　they　had　upon　the
irritable　nerves　of　uncle；　who；　with　the　most　admirable
expression　of　splenetic　surprize　in　his　countenance；　sent　his　man
to　silence　these　dreadful　blasts；　and　desire　the　musicians　to
practise　in　some　other　place；　as　they　had　no　right　to　stand　there
and　disturb　all　the　lodgers　in　the　house。　Those　sable　performers；
far　from　taking　the　hint；　and　withdrawing；　treated　the　messenger
with　great　insolence；　bidding　him　carry　his　compliments　to　their
master；　colonel　Rigworm；　who　would　give　him　a　proper　answer；　and
a　good　drubbing　into　the　bargain；　in　the　mean　time　they　continued
their　noise；　and　even　endeavoured　to　make　it　more　disagreeable；
laughing　between　whiles；　at　the　thoughts　of　being　able　to　torment
their　betters　with　impunity。　Our　'squire；　incensed　at　the
additional　insult；　immediately　dispatched　the　servant；　with　his
compliments　to　colonel　Rigworm；　requesting　that　he　would　order
his　blacks　to　be　quiet；　as　the　noise　they　made　was　altogether
intolerable　　To　this　message；　the　Creole　colonel　replied；　that
his　horns　had　a　right　to　sound　on　a　common　staircase；　that　there
they　should　play　for　his　diversion；　and　that　those　who　did　not
like　the　noise；　might　look　for　lodgings　elsewhere。　Mr　Bramble　no
sooner　received　this　reply；　than　his　eyes　began　to　glisten；　his
face　grew　pale；　and　his　teeth　chattered。　After　a　moment's　pause；
he　slipt　on　his　shoes；　without　speaking　a　word；　or　seeming　to
feel　any　further　disturbance　from　the　gout　in　his　toes。　Then
snatching　his　cane；　he　opened　the　door　and　proceeded　to　the
place　where　the　black　trumpeters　were　posted。　There；　without
further　hesitation；　he　began　to　belabour　them　both；　and　exerted
himself　with　such　astonishing　vigour　and　agility；　that　both　their
heads　and　horns　were　broken　in　a　twinkling；　and　they　ran　howling
down　stairs　to　their　master's　parlour…door。　The　squire；　following
them　half　way；　called　aloud；　that　the　colonel　might　hear　him；
'Go；　rascals；　and　tell　your　master　what　I　have　done；　if　he　thinks
himself　injured；　he　knows　where　to　come　for　satisfaction。　As　for
you；　this　is　but　an　earnest　of　what　you　shall　receive；　if　ever
you　presume　to　blow　a　horn　again　here；　while　I　stay　in　the
house。'　So　saying；　he　retired　to　his　apartment；　in　expectation　of
hearing　from　the　West　Indian；　but　the　colonel　prudently　declined
any　farther　prosecution　of　the　dispute。　My　sister　Liddy　was
frighted　into　a　fit；　from　which　she　was　no　sooner　recovered；　than
Mrs　Tabitha　began　a　lecture　upon　p