roundabout papers-第21部分

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　behind　boxes　in　the　pantry。　　Those　outsiders　wear　Thomas's　crest　and　livery；　and　call　him　〃Sir；〃　those　silent　women　address　the　female　servants　as　〃Mum；〃　and　curtsy　before　them；　squaring　their　arms　over　their　wretched　lean　aprons。　　Then；　again；　those　servi　servorum　have　dependants　in　the　vast；　silent；　poverty…　stricken　world　outside　your　comfortable　kitchen　fire；　in　the　world　of　darkness；　and　hunger；　and　miserable　cold；　and　dank；　flagged　cellars；　and　huddled　straw；　and　rags；　in　which　pale　children　are　swarming。　　It　may　be　your　beer　（which　runs　with　great　volubility）　has　a　pipe　or　two　which　communicates　with　those　dark　caverns　where　hopeless　anguish　pours　the　groan；　and　would　scarce　see　light　but　for　a　scrap　or　two　of　candle　which　has　been　whipped　away　from　your　worship's　kitchen。　　Not　many　years　agoI　don't　know　whether　before　or　since　that　white　mark　was　drawn　on　the　doora　lady　occupied　the　confidential　place　of　housemaid　in　this　〃private　residence；〃　who　brought　a　good　character；　who　seemed　to　have　a　cheerful　temper；　whom　I　used　to　hear　clattering　and　bumping　overhead　or　on　the　stairs　long　before　daylightthere；　I　say；　was　poor　Camilla；　scouring　the　plain；　trundling　and　brushing；　and　clattering　with　her　pans　and　brooms；　and　humming　at　her　work。　　Well；　she　had　established　a　smuggling　communication　of　beer　over　the　area　frontier。　　This　neat…handed　Phyllis　used　to　pack　up　the　nicest　baskets　of　my　provender；　and　convey　them　to　somebody　outsideI　believe；　on　my　conscience；　to　some　poor　friend　in　distress。　　Camilla　was　consigned　to　her　doom。　She　was　sent　back　to　her　friends　in　the　country；　and　when　she　was　gone　we　heard　of　many　of　her　faults。　　She　expressed　herself；　when　displeased；　in　language　that　I　shall　not　repeat。　　As　for　the　beer　and　meat；　there　was　no　mistake　about　them。　　But　apres？　　Can　I　have　the　heart　to　be　very　angry　with　that　poor　jade　for　helping　another　poorer　jade　out　of　my　larder？　　On　your　honor　and　conscience；　when　you　were　a　boy；　and　the　apples　looked　temptingly　over　Farmer　Quarringdon's　hedge；　did　you　never？　　When　there　was　a　grand　dinner　at　home；　and　you　were　sliding；　with　Master　Bacon；　up　and　down　the　stairs；　and　the　dishes　came　out；　did　you　ever　do　such　a　thing　as　just　to？　　Well；　in　many　and　many　a　respect　servants　are　like　children。　　They　are　under　domination。　　They　are　subject　to　reproof；　to　ill　temper；　to　petty　exactions　and　stupid　tyrannies　not　seldom。　They　scheme；　conspire；　fawn；　and　are　hypocrites。　　〃Little　boys　should　not　loll　on　chairs。〃　　〃Little　girls　should　be　seen；　and　not　heard；〃　and　so　forth。　　Have　we　not　almost　all　learnt　these　expressions　of　old　foozles：　and　uttered　them　ourselves　when　in　the　square…toed　state？　　The　Eton　master；　who　was　breaking　a　lance　with　our　Paterfamilias　of　late；　turned　on　Paterfamilias；　saying；　He　knows　not　the　nature　and　exquisite　candor　of　well…bred　English　boys。　Exquisite　fiddlestick's　end；　Mr。　Master！　　Do　you　mean　for　to　go　for　to　tell　us　that　the　relations　between　young　gentlemen　and　their　schoolmasters　are　entirely　frank　and　cordial；　that　the　lad　is　familiar　with　the　man　who　can　have　him　flogged；　never　shirks　his　exercise；　never　gets　other　boys　to　do　his　verses；　never　does　other　boys'　verses；　never　breaks　bounds；　never　tells　fibsI　mean　the　fibs　permitted　by　scholastic　honor？　　Did　I　know　of　a　boy　who　pretended　to　such　a　character；　I　would　forbid　my　scapegraces　to　keep　company　with　him。　　Did　I　know　a　schoolmaster　who　pretended　to　believe　in　the　existence　of　many　hundred　such　boys　in　one　school　at　one　time；　I　would　set　that　man　down　as　a　baby　in　knowledge　of　the　world。　　〃Who　was　making　that　noise？〃　　〃I　don't　know；　sir。〃And　he　knows　it　was　the　boy　next　him　in　school。　　〃Who　was　climbing　over　that　wall？〃　　〃I　don't　know；　sir。〃And　it　is　in　the　speaker's　own　trousers；　very　likely；　the　glass　bottle…tops　have　left　their　cruel　scars。　　And　so　with　servants。　　〃Who　ate　up　the　three　pigeons　which　went　down　in　the　pigeon…pie　at　breakfast　this　morning？〃　　〃O　dear　me！　sir；　it　was　John；　who　went　away　last　month！〃or；　〃I　think　it　was　Miss　Mary's　canary…bird；　which　got　out　of　the　cage；　and　is　so　fond　of　pigeons；　it　never　can　have　enough　of　them。〃　　Yes；　it　WAS　the　canary…bird；　and　Eliza　saw　it；　and　Eliza　is　ready　to　vow　she　did。　　These　statements　are　not　true；　but　please　don't　call　them　lies。　　This　is　not　lying；　this　is　voting　with　your　party。　　You　MUST　back　your　own　side。　　The　servants'…hall　stands　by　the　servants'…hall　against　the　dining…room。　The　schoolboys　don't　tell　tales　of　each　other。　　They　agree　not　to　choose　to　know　who　has　made　the　noise；　who　has　broken　the　window；　who　has　eaten　up　the　pigeons；　who　has　picked　all　the　plovers'…eggs　out　of　the　aspic；　how　it　is　that　liqueur　brandy　of　Gledstane's　is　in　such　porous　glass　bottles…and　so　forth。　　Suppose　Brutus　had　a　footman；　who　came　and　told　him　that　the　butler　drank　the　Curacoa；　which　of　these　servants　would　you　dismiss？the　butler；　perhaps；　but　the　footman　certainly。　No。　　If　your　plate　and　glass　are　beautifully　bright；　your　bell　quickly　answered；　and　Thomas　ready；　neat；　and　good…humored；　you　are　not　to　expect　absolute　truth　from　him。　　The　very　obsequiousness　and　perfection　of　his　service　prevents　truth。　　He　may　be　ever　so　unwell　in　mind　or　body；　and　he　must　go　through　his　servicehand　the　shining　plate；　replenish　the　spotless　glass；　lay　the　glittering　forknever　laugh　when　you　yourself　or　your　guests　jokebe　profoundly　attentive；　and　yet　look　utterly　impassiveexchange　a　few　hurried　curses　at　the　door　with　that　unseen　slavey　who　ministers　without；　and　with　you　be　perfectly　calm　and　polite。　　If　you　are　ill；　he　will　come　twenty　times　in　an　hour　to　your　bell；　or　leave　the　girl　of　his　hearthis　mother；　who　is　going　to　Americahis　dearest　friend；　who　has　come　to　say　farewellhis　lunch；　and　his　glass　of　beer　just　freshly　poured　outany　or　all　of　these；　if　the　door…bell　rings；　or　the　master　calls　out　〃THOMAS〃　from　the　hall。　　Do　you　suppose　you　can　expect　absolute　candor　from　a　man　whom　you　may　order　to　powder　his　hair？　　As　between　the　Rev。　Henry　Holyshade　and　his　pupil；　the　idea　of　entire　unreserve　is　utter　bosh；　so　the　truth　as　between　you　and　Jeames　or　Thomas；　or　Mary　the　housemaid；　or　Betty　the　cook；　is　relative；　and　not　to　be　demanded　on　one　side　or　the　other。　　Why；　respectful　civility　is　itself　a　lie；　which　poor　Jeames　often　has　to　utter　or　perform　to　many　a　swaggering　vulgarian；　who　should　black　Jeames's　boots；　did　Jeames　wear　them　and　not　shoes。　There　is　your　little　Tom；　just　ten；　ordering　the　great；　large；　quiet；　orderly　young　man　aboutshrieking　calls　for　hot　water　bullying　Jeames　because　the　boots　are　not　varnished　enough；　or　ordering　him　to　go　to　the　stables；　and　ask　Jenkins　why　the　deuce　Tomkins　hasn't　brought　his　pony　roundor　what　you　will。　　There　is　mamma　rapping　the　knuckles　of　Pincot　the　lady's…maid；　and　little　Miss　scolding　Martha；　who　waits　up　five　pair　of　stairs　in　the　nursery。　　Little　Miss；　Tommy；　papa；　mamma；　you　all　expect　from　Martha；　from　Pincot；　from　Jenkins；　from　Jeames；　obsequious　civility　and　willing　service。　　My　dear；　good　people；　you　can't　have　truth　too。　　Suppose　you　ask　for　your　newspaper；　and　Jeames　says；　〃I'm　reading　it；　and　jest　beg　not　to　be　disturbed；〃　or　suppose　you　ask　for　a　can　of　water；　and　he　remarks；　〃You　great；　big；　'ulking　fellar；　ain't　you　big　enough　to　bring　it　hup　yoursulf？〃　what　would　your　feelings　be？　　Now；　if　you　made　similar　proposals　or　requests　to　Mr。　Jones　next　door；　this　is　the　kind　of　answer　Jones　would　give　you。　You　get　truth　habitually　from　equals　only；　so　my　good　Mr。　Holyshade；　don't　talk　to　me　about　the　habitual　candor　of　the　young　Etonian　of　high　birth；　or　I　have　my　own　opinion　of　YOUR　candor　or　discernment　when　you　do。　　No。　　Tom　Bowling　is　the　soul　of　honor　and　has　been　true　to　Black…eyed　Syousan　since　the　last　time　they　parted　at　Wapping　Old　Stairs；　but　do　you　suppose　Tom　is　perfectly　frank；　familiar；　and　aboveboard　in　his　conversation　with　Admiral　Nelson；　K。C。B。？　　There　are　secrets；　prevarications；　fibs；　if　you　will；　between　Tom　and　the　Admiralbetween　your　crew　and　THEIR　captain。　　I　know　I　hire　a　worthy；　clean；　agreeable；　and　conscientious　male　or　female　hypocrite；　at　so　many　guineas　a　year；　to　do　so　and　so　for　me。　Were　he　other　than　hypocrite　I　would　send　him　about　his　business。　Don't　let　my　displeasure　be　too　fierce　with　him　for　a　fib　or　two　on　his　own　account。　Some　dozen　years　ago；　my　family　being　absent　in　a　distant　part　of　the　country；　and　my　business　detaining　me　in　London；　I　remained　in　my　own　house　with　three　servants　on　board　wages。　　I　used　only　to　breakfast　at　home；　and　future　ages　will　be　interested　to　know　that　this　meal　used　to　consist；　at　that　period；　of　tea；　a　penny　roll；　a　pat　of　butter；　and；　perhaps；　an　egg。　　My　weekly　bill　used　invariably　to　be　about　fifty　shillings；　so　that；　as　I　never　dined　in　the　house；　you　see；　my　breakfast；　consisting　of　the　delicacies　before　mentioned；　cost　about　seven　shillings　and　threepence　per　diem。　　I　must；　therefore；　have　consumed　daily　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　s。　d。　　　　　　A　quarter　of　a　pound　of　tea　（say）　　　1　　3　　　　　　A　penny　roll　（say）　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　1　　0　　　　　　One　pound　of　butter　（say）　　　　　　　　　　　1　　3　　　　　　One　pound　of　lump　sugar　　　　　　　　　　　　　1　　0　　　　　　A　new…laid　egg　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　2　　9

Which　is　the　only　possible　way　I　have　for　making　out　the　sum。　Well；　I　fell　ill　while　under　this　regimen；　and　had　an　illness　which；　but　for　a　certain　doctor；　who　was　brought　to　me　by　a　certain　kind　friend　I　had　in　those　days；　would；　I　think；　have　prevented　the　possibility　of　my　telling　this　interesting　anecdote　now　a　dozen　years　after。　　Don't　be　frightened；　my　dear　madam；　it　is　not　a　horrid；　sentimental　account　of　a　malady　you　are　coming　toonly　a　question　of　grocery。　　This　illness；　I　say；　lasted　some　seventeen　days；　during　which　the　servants　were　admirably　attentive　and　kind；　and　poor　John；　especially；　was　up　at　all　hours；　watching　night　after　nightamiable；　cheerful；　untiring；　respectful；　the　very　best　of　Johns　and　nurses。　Twice　or　thrice　in　the　seventeen　days　I　may　have　had　a　glass　of　eau　sucreesay　a　dozen　glasses　of　eau　sucreecertainly　not　more。　Well；　this　admirable；　watchful；　cheerful；　tender；　affectionate　John　brought　me　in　a　little　bill　for　seventeen　pounds　of　sugar　consumed　during　the　illness〃Often　'ad　sugar　and　water；　always　was　a　callin'　for　it；〃