roundabout papers-第25部分

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ry；　as　true　as　the　sausage　story　above　given；　was　told　regarding　me；　by　one　of　those　reverend　divines；　in　whose　frock　sits　some　anile　chatter…boxes；　as　any　man　who　knows　this　world　knows。　　They　take　the　privilege　of　their　gown。　They　cabal；　and　tattle；　and　hiss；　and　cackle　comminations　under　their　breath。　　I　say　the　old　women　of　the　other　sex　are　not　more　talkative　or　more　mischievous　than　some　of　these。　　〃Such　a　man　ought　not　to　be　spoken　to；〃　says　Gobemouche；　narrating　the　storyand　such　a　story！　　〃And　I　am　surprised　he　is　admitted　into　society　at　all。〃　Yes；　dear　Gobemouche；　but　the　story　wasn't　true；　and　I　had　no　more　done　the　wicked　deed　in　question　than　I　had　run　away　with　the　Queen　of　Sheba。　I　have　always　longed　to　know　what　that　story　was　（or　what　collection　of　histories）；　which　a　lady　had　in　her　mind　to　whom　a　servant　of　mine　applied　for　a　place；　when　I　was　breaking　up　my　establishment　once　and　going　abroad。　　Brown　went　with　a　very　good　character　from　us；　which；　indeed；　she　fully　deserved　after　several　years'　faithful　service。　　But　when　Mrs。　Jones　read　the　name　of　the　person　out　of　whose　employment　Brown　came；　〃That　is　quite　sufficient；〃　says　Mrs。　Jones。　　〃You　may　go。　　I　will　never　take　a　servant　out　of　THAT　house。〃　　Ah；　Mrs。　Jones；　how　I　should　like　to　know　what　that　crime　was；　or　what　that　series　of　villanies；　which　made　you　determine　never　to　take　a　servant　out　of　my　house。　　Do　you　believe　in　the　story　of　the　little　boy　and　the　sausages？　　Have　you　swallowed　that　little　minced　infant？　　Have　you　devoured　that　young　Polonius？　　Upon　my　word　you　have　maw　enough。　　We　somehow　greedily　gobble　down　all　stories　in　which　the　characters　of　our　friends　are　chopped　up；　and　believe　wrong　of　them　without　inquiry。　　In　a　late　serial　work　written　by　this　hand；　I　remember　making　some　pathetic　remarks　about　our　propensity　to　believe　ill　of　our　neighborsand　I　remember　the　remarks；　not　because　they　were　valuable；　or　novel；　or　ingenious；　but　because；　within　three　days　after　they　had　appeared　in　print；　the　moralist　who　wrote　them；　walking　home　with　a　friend；　heard　a　story　about　another　friend；　which　story　he　straightway　believed；　and　which　story　was　scarcely　more　true　than　that　sausage　fable　which　is　here　set　down。　　O　mea　culpa；　mea　maxima　culpa！　　But　though　the　preacher　trips；　shall　not　the　doctrine　be　good？　　Yea；　brethren！　　Here　be　the　rods。　　Look　you；　here　are　the　scourges。　　Choose　me　a　nice　long；　swishing；　buddy　one；　light　and　well…poised　in　the　handle；　thick　and　bushy　at　the　tail。　　Pick　me　out　a　whip…cord　thong　with　some　dainty　knots　in　itand　nowwe　all　deserve　itwhish；　whish；　whish！　　Let　us　cut　into　each　other　all　round。　A　favorite　liar　and　servant　of　mine　was　a　man　I　once　had　to　drive　a　brougham。　　He　never　came　to　my　house；　except　for　orders；　and　once　when　he　helped　to　wait　at　dinner　so　clumsily　that　it　was　agreed　we　would　dispense　with　his　further　efforts。　　The　（job）　brougham　horse　used　to　look　dreadfully　lean　and　tired；　and　the　livery…stable　keeper　complained　that　we　worked　him　too　hard。　　Now；　it　turned　out　that　there　was　a　neighboring　butcher's　lady　who　liked　to　ride　in　a　brougham；　and　Tomkins　lent　her　ours；　drove　her　cheerfully　to　Richmond　and　Putney；　and；　I　suppose；　took　out　a　payment　in　mutton…　chops。　　We　gave　this　good　Tomkins　wine　and　medicine　for　his　family　when　sickwe　supplied　him　with　little　comforts　and　extras　which　need　not　now　be　rememberedand　the　grateful　creature　rewarded　us　by　informing　some　of　our　tradesmen　whom　he　honored　with　his　custom；　〃Mr。　Roundabout？　　Lor'　bless　you！　I　carry　him　up　to　bed　drunk　every　night　in　the　week。〃　　He；　Tomkins；　being　a　man　of　seven　stone　weight　and　five　feet　high；　whereas　his　employer　wasbut　here　modesty　interferes；　and　I　decline　to　enter　into　the　avoirdupois　question。　Now；　what　was　Tomkins's　motive　for　the　utterance　and　dissemination　of　these　lies？　　They　could　further　no　conceivable　end　or　interest　of　his　own。　　Had　they　been　true　stories；　Tomkins's　master　would　still；　and　reasonably；　have　been　more　angry　than　at　the　fables。　　It　was　but　suicidal　slander　on　the　part　of　Tomkinsmust　come　to　a　discovery　must　end　in　a　punishment。　　The　poor　wretch　had　got　his　place　under；　as　it　turned　out；　a　fictitious　character。　　He　might　have　stayed　in　it；　for　of　course　Tomkins　had　a　wife　and　poor　innocent　children。　　He　might　have　had　bread；　beer；　bed；　character；　coats；　coals。　　He　might　have　nestled　in　our　little　island；　comfortably　sheltered　from　the　storms　of　life；　but　we　were　compelled　to　cast　him　out；　and　send　him　driving；　lonely；　perishing；　tossing；　starving；　to　seato　drown。　　To　drown？　　There　be　other　modes　of　death　whereby　rogues　die。　　Good…by；　Tomkins。　　And　so　the　nightcap　is　put　on；　and　the　bolt　is　drawn　for　poor　T。　Suppose　we　were　to　invite　volunteers　amongst　our　respected　readers　to　send　in　little　statements　of　the　lies　which　they　know　have　been　told　about　themselves；　what　a　heap　of　correspondence；　what　an　exaggeration　of　malignities；　what　a　crackling　bonfire　of　incendiary　falsehoods；　might　we　not　gather　together！　　And　a　lie　once　set　going；　having　the　breath　of　life　breathed　into　it　by　the　father　of　lying；　and　ordered　to　run　its　diabolical　little　course；　lives　with　a　prodigious　vitality。　　You　say；　〃Magna　est　veritas　et　praevalebit。〃　Psha！　　Great　lies　are　as　great　as　great　truths；　and　prevail　constantly；　and　day　after　day。　　Take　an　instance　or　two　out　of　my　own　little　budget。　　I　sit　near　a　gentleman　at　dinner；　and　the　conversation　turns　upon　a　certain　anonymous　literary　performance　which　at　the　time　is　amusing　the　town。　　〃Oh；〃　says　the　gentleman；　〃everybody　knows　who　wrote　that　paper：　it　is　Momus's。〃　　I　was　a　young　author　at　the　time；　perhaps　proud　of　my　bantling：　〃I　beg　your　pardon；〃　I　say；　〃it　was　written　by　your　humble　servant。〃　　〃Indeed！〃　was　all　that　the　man　replied；　and　he　shrugged　his　shoulders；　turned　his　back；　and　talked　to　his　other　neighbor。　　I　never　heard　sarcastic　incredulity　more　finely　conveyed　than　by　that　〃indeed。〃　　〃Impudent　liar；〃　the　gentleman's　face　said；　as　clear　as　face　could　speak。　Where　was　Magna　Veritas；　and　how　did　she　prevail　then？　　She　lifted　up　her　voice；　she　made　her　appeal；　and　she　was　kicked　out　of　court。　In　New　York　I　read　a　newspaper　criticism　one　day　（by　an　exile　from　our　shores　who　has　taken　up　his　abode　in　the　Western　Republic）；　commenting　upon　a　letter　of　mine　which　had　appeared　in　a　contemporary　volume；　and　wherein　it　was　stated　that　the　writer　was　a　lad　in　such　and　such　a　year；　and；　in　point　of　fact；　I　was；　at　the　period　spoken　of；　nineteen　years　of　age。　　〃Falsehood；　Mr。　Roundabout；〃　says　the　noble　critic：　〃You　were　then　not　a　lad；　you　were　then　six…and…twenty　years　of　age。〃　　You　see　he　knew　better　than　papa　and　mamma　and　parish　register。　　It　was　easier　for　him　to　think　and　say　I　lied；　on　a　twopenny　matter　connected　with　my　own　affairs；　than　to　imagine　he　was　mistaken。　　Years　ago；　in　a　time　when　we　were　very　mad　wags；　Arcturus　and　myself　met　a　gentleman　from　China　who　knew　the　language。　　We　began　to　speak　Chinese　against　him。　　We　said　we　were　born　in　China。　　We　were　two　to　one。　　We　spoke　the　mandarin　dialect　with　perfect　fluency。　　We　had　the　company　with　us；　as　in　the　old；　old　days；　the　squeak　of　the　real　pig　was　voted　not　to　be　so　natural　as　the　squeak　of　the　sham　pig。　　O　Arcturus；　the　sham　pig　squeaks　in　our　streets　now　to　the　applause　of　multitudes；　and　the　real　porker　grunts　unheeded　in　his　sty！　I　once　talked　for　some　little　time　with　an　amiable　lady：　it　was　for　the　first　time；　and　I　saw　an　expression　of　surprise　on　her　kind　face；　which　said　as　plainly　as　face　could　say；　〃Sir；　do　you　know　that　up　to　this　moment　I　have　had　a　certain　opinion　of　you；　and　that　I　begin　to　think　I　have　been　mistaken　or　misled？〃　　I　not　only　know　that　she　had　heard　evil　reports　of　me；　but　I　know　who　told　herone　of　those　acute　fellows；　my　dear　brethren；　of　whom　we　spoke　in　a　previous　sermon；　who　has　found　me　outfound　out　actions　which　I　never　did；　found　out　thoughts　and　sayings　which　I　never　spoke；　and　judged　me　accordingly。　　Ah；　my　lad！　have　I　found　YOU　out？　　O　risum　teneatis。　　Perhaps　the　person　I　am　accusing　is　no　more　guilty　than　I。　How　comes　it　that　the　evil　which　men　say　spreads　so　widely　and　lasts　so　long；　whilst　our　good；　kind　words　don't　seem　somehow　to　take　root　and　bear　blossom？　　Is　it　that　in　the　stony　hearts　of　mankind　these　pretty　flowers　can't　find　a　place　to　grow？　　Certain　it　is　that　scandal　is　good；　brisk　talk；　whereas　praise　of　one's　neighbor　is　by　no　means　lively　hearing。　　An　acquaintance　grilled；　scored；　devilled；　and　served　with　mustard　and　cayenne　pepper；　excites　the　appetite；　whereas　a　slice　of　cold　friend　with　currant　jelly　is　but　a　sickly；　unrelishing　meat。　Now；　such　being　the　case；　my　dear　worthy　Mrs。　Candor；　in　whom　I　know　there　are　a　hundred　good　and　generous　qualities：　it　being　perfectly　clear　that　the　good　things　which　we　say　of　our　neighbors　don't　fructify；　but　somehow　perish　in　the　ground　where　they　are　dropped；　whilst　the　evil　words　are　wafted　by　all　the　winds　of　scandal；　take　root　in　all　sods；　and　flourish　amazinglyseeing；　I　say；　that　this　conversation　does　not　give　us　a　fair　chance；　suppose　we　give　up　censoriousness　altogether；　and　decline　uttering　our　opinions　about　Brown；　Jones；　and　Robinson　（and　Mesdames　B。；　J。；　and　R。）　at　all。　　We　may　be　mistaken　about　every　one　of　them；　as；　please　goodness；　those　anecdote…mongers　against　whom　I　have　uttered　my　meek　protest　have　been　mistaken　about　me。　　We　need　not　go　to　the　extent　of　saying　that　Mrs。　Manning　was　an　amiable　creature；　much　misunderstood；　and　Jack　Thurtell　a　gallant；　unfortunate　fellow；　not　near　so　black　as　he　was　painted；　but　we　will　try　and　avoid　personalities　altogether　in　talk；　won't　we？　　We　will　range　the　fields　of　science；　dear　madam；　and　communicate　to　each　other　the　pleasing　results　of　our　studies。　　We　will；　if　you　please；　examine　the　infinitesimal　wonders　of　nature　through　the　microscope。　　We　will　cultivate　entomology。　　We　will　sit　with　our　arms　round　each　other's　waists　on　the　pons　asinorum；　and　see　the　stream　of　mathematics　flow　beneath。　　We　will　take　refuge　in　cards；　and　play　at　〃beggar　my　neighbor；〃　not　abuse　my　neighbor。　　We　will　go　to　the　Zoological　Gardens　and　talk　freely　about　the　gorilla　and　his　kindred；　but　not　talk　about　people　who　can　talk　in　their　turn。　　Suppose　we　praise　the　High　Church？　we