roundabout papers-第34部分

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　it。　　You　can　say　of　such　what　Tully　says　of　his　books：　Pernoctat　nobiscum；　peregrinatur；　rusticatur。　　It　is　a　little　slatternlyit　is　a　good　deal　stainedit　isn't　becomingit　smells　of　cigar…smoke；　but；　allons　donc！　let　the　world　call　me　idle　and　sloven。　　I　love　my　ease　better　than　my　neighbor's　opinion。　　I　live　to　please　myself；　not　you；　Mr。　Dandy；　with　your　supercilious　airs。　I　am　a　philosopher。　　Perhaps　I　live　in　my　tub；　and　don't　make　any　other　use　of　it。　　We　won't　pursue　further　this　unsavory　metaphor；　but；　with　regard　to　some　of　your　old　habits　let　us　say　1。　　The　habit　of　being　censorious；　and　speaking　ill　of　your　neighbors。　2。　　The　habit　of　getting　into　a　passion　with　your　man…servant；　your　maid…servant；　your　daughter；　wife；　&c。　3。　　The　habit　of　indulging　too　much　at　table。　4。　　The　habit　of　smoking　in　the　dining…room　after　dinner。　5。　The　habit　of　spending　insane　sums　of　money　in　bric…a…brac；　tall　copies；　binding；　Elzevirs；　&c。；　'20　Port；　outrageously　fine　horses；　ostentatious　entertainments；　and　what　not？　or；　6。　　The　habit　of　screwing　meanly；　when　rich；　and　chuckling　over　the　saving　of　half　a　crown；　whilst　you　are　poisoning　your　friends　and　family　with　bad　wine。　7。　　The　habit　of　going　to　sleep　immediately　after　dinner；　instead　of　cheerfully　entertaining　Mrs。　Jones　and　the　family：　or；　8。　　LADIES！　　The　habit　of　running　up　bills　with　the　milliners；　and　swindling　paterfamilias　on　the　house　bills。　9。　　The　habit　of　keeping　him　waiting　for　breakfast。　10。　　The　habit　of　sneering　at　Mrs。　Brown　and　the　Miss　Browns；　because　they　are　not　quite　du　monde；　or　quite　so　genteel　as　Lady　Smith。　11。　　The　habit　of　keeping　your　wretched　father　up　at　balls　till　five　o'clock　in　the　morning；　when　he　has　to　be　at　his　office　at　eleven。　12。　　The　habit　of　fighting　with　each　other；　dear　Louisa；　Jane；　Arabella；　Amelia。　13。　　The　habit　of　ALWAYS　ordering　John　Coachman；　three…quarters　of　an　hour　before　you　want　him。　SUCH　habits；　I　say；　sir　or　madam；　if　you　have　had　to　note　in　your　diary　of　'61；　I　have　not　the　slightest　doubt　you　will　enter　in　your　pocket…book　of　'62。　　There　are　habits　Nos。　4　and　7；　for　example。　　I　am　morally　sure　that　some　of　us　will　not　give　up　those　bad　customs；　though　the　women　cry　out　and　grumble；　and　scold　ever　so　justly。　There　are　habits　Nos。　9　and　13。　　I　feel　perfectly　certain；　my　dear　young　ladies；　that　you　will　continue　to　keep　John　Coachman　waiting；　that　you　will　continue　to　give　the　most　satisfactory　reasons　for　keeping　him　waiting：　and　as　for　（9）；　you　will　show　that　you　once　（on　the　1st　of　April　last；　let　us　say；）　came　to　breakfast　first；　and　that　you　are　ALWAYS　first　in　consequence。　Yes；　in　our　'62　diaries；　I　fear　we　may　all　of　us　make　some　of　the　'61　entries。　　There　is　my　friend　Freehand；　for　instance。　　（Aha！　Master　Freehand；　how　you　will　laugh　to　find　yourself　here！）　　F。　is　in　the　habit　of　spending　a　little；　ever　so　little；　more　than　his　income。　　He　shows　you　how　Mrs。　Freehand　works；　and　works　（and　indeed　Jack　Freehand；　if　you　say　she　is　an　angel；　you　don't　say　too　much　of　her）；　how　they　toil；　and　how　they　mend；　and　patch；　and　pinch；　and　how　they　CAN'T　live　on　their　means。　　And　I　very　much　fearnay；　I　will　bet　him　half　a　bottle　of　Gladstone　14s。　per　dozen　claretthat　the　account　which　is　a　little　on　the　wrong　side　this　year；　will　be　a　little　on　the　wrong　side　in　the　next　ensuing　year　of　grace。　A　diary。　　Dies。　　Hodie。　　How　queer　to　read　are　some　of　the　entries　in　the　journal！　　Here　are　the　records　of　dinners　eaten；　and　gone　the　way　of　flesh。　　The　lights　burn　blue　somehow；　and　we　sit　before　the　ghosts　of　victuals。　　Hark　at　the　dead　jokes　resurging！　　Memory　greets　them　with　the　ghost　of　a　smile。　　Here　are　the　lists　of　the　individuals　who　have　dined　at　your　own　humble　table。　　The　agonies　endured　before　and　during　those　entertainments　are　renewed；　and　smart　again。　　What　a　failure　that　special　grand　dinner　was！　　How　those　dreadful　occasional　waiters　did　break　the　old　china！　　What　a　dismal　hash　poor　Mary；　the　cook；　made　of　the　French　dish　which　she　WOULD　try　out　of　Francatelli！　　How　angry　Mrs。　Pope　was　at　not　going　down　to　dinner　before　Mrs。　Bishop！　　How　Trimalchio　sneered　at　your　absurd　attempt　to　give　a　feast；　and　Harpagon　cried　out　at　your　extravagance　and　ostentation！　　How　Lady　Almack　bullied　the　other　ladies　in　the　drawing…room　（when　no　gentlemen　were　present）：　never　asked　you　back　to　dinner　again：　left　her　card　by　her　footman：　and　took　not　the　slightest　notice　of　your　wife　and　daughters　at　Lady　Hustleby's　assembly！　　On　the　other　hand；　how　easy；　cozy；　merry；　comfortable；　those　little　dinners　were；　got　up　at　one　or　two　days'　notice；　when　everybody　was　contented；　the　soup　as　clear　as　amber；　the　wine　as　good　as　Trimalchio's　own；　and　the　people　kept　their　carriages　waiting；　and　would　not　go　away　until　midnight！　Along　with　the　catalogue　of　bygone　pleasures；　balls；　banquets；　and　the　like；　which　the　pages　record；　comes　a　list　of　much　more　important　occurrences；　and　remembrances　of　graver　import。　　On　two　days　of　Dives's　diary　are　printed　notices　that　〃Dividends　are　due　at　the　Bank。〃　　Let　us　hope；　dear　sir；　that　this　announcement　considerably　interests　you；　in　which　case；　probably；　you　have　no　need　of　the　almanac…maker's　printed　reminder。　　If　you　look　over　poor　Jack　Reckless's　note…book；　amongst　his　memoranda　of　racing　odds　given　and　taken；　perhaps　you　may　read：〃Nabbam's　bill；　due　29th　September；　142l。　15s。　6d。〃　　Let　us　trust；　as　the　day　has　passed；　that　the　little　transaction　here　noted　has　been　satisfactorily　terminated。　　If　you　are　paterfamilias；　and　a　worthy　kind　gentleman；　no　doubt　you　have　marked　down　on　your　register；　17th　December　（say）；　〃Boys　come　home。〃　　Ah；　how　carefully　that　blessed　day　is　marked　in　THEIR　little　calendars！　　In　my　time　it　used　to　be；　Wednesday；　13th　November；　〃5　WEEKS　FROM　THE　HOLIDAYS；〃　Wednesday；　20th　November；　〃4　WEEKS　FROM　THE　HOLIDAYS；〃　until　sluggish　time　sped　on；　and　we　came　to　WEDNESDAY　l8th　DECEMBER。　　O　rapture！　　Do　you　remember　pea…　shooters？　　I　think　we　only　had　them　on　going　home　for　holidays　from　private　schools；at　public　schools　men　are　too　dignified。　　And　then　came　that　glorious　announcement；　Wednesday；　27th；　〃Papa　took　us　to　the　Pantomime；〃　or　if　not　papa；　perhaps　you　condescended　to　go　to　the　pit；　under　charge　of　the　footman。　That　was　near　the　end　of　the　yearand　mamma　gave　you　a　new　pocket…　book；　perhaps；　with　a　little　coin；　God　bless　her；　in　the　pocket。　And　that　pocket…book　was　for　next　year；　you　know；　and；　in　that　pocket…book　you　had　to　write　down　that　sad　day；　Wednesday；　January　24th；　eighteen　hundred　and　never　mind　what；when　Dr。　Birch's　young　friends　were　expected　to　re…assemble。　Ah　me！　　Every　person　who　turns　this　page　over　has　his　own　little　diary；　in　paper　or　ruled　in　his　memory　tablets；　and　in　which　are　set　down　the　transactions　of　the　now　dying　year。　　Boys　and　men；　we　have　our　calendar；　mothers　and　maidens。　　For　example；　in　your　calendar　pocket…book；　my　good　Eliza；　what　a　sad；　sad　day　that　ishow　fondly　and　bitterly　rememberedwhen　your　boy　went　off　to　his　regiment；　to　India；　to　danger；　to　battle　perhaps。　　What　a　day　was　that　last　day　at　home；　when　the　tall　brother　sat　yet　amongst　the　family；　the　little　ones　round　about　him　wondering　at　saddle…boxes；　uniforms；　sword…cases；　gun…cases；　and　other　wondrous　apparatus　of　war　and　travel　which　poured　in　and　filled　the　hall；　the　new　dressing…case　for　the　beard　not　yet　grown；　the　great　sword…case　at　which　little　brother　Tom　looks　so　admiringly！　　What　a　dinner　that　was；　that　last　dinner；　when　little　and　grown　children　assembled　together；　and　all　tried　to　be　cheerful！　　What　a　night　was　that　last　night；　when　the　young　ones　were　at　roost　for　the　last　time　together　under　the　same　roof；　and　the　mother　lay　alone　in　her　chamber　counting　the　fatal　hours　as　they　tolled　one　after　another；　amidst　her　tears；　her　watching；　her　fond　prayers。　　What　a　night　that　was；　and　yet　how　quickly　the　melancholy　dawn　came！　　Only　too　soon　the　sun　rose　over　the　houses。　　And　now　in　a　moment　more　the　city　seemed　to　wake。　　The　house　began　to　stir。　　The　family　gathers　together　for　the　last　meal。　For　the　last　time　in　the　midst　of　them　the　widow　kneels　amongst　her　kneeling　children；　and　falters　a　prayer　in　which　she　commits　her　dearest；　her　eldest　born；　to　the　care　of　the　Father　of　all。　　O　night；　what　tears　you　hidewhat　prayers　you　hear！　　And　so　the　nights　pass　and　the　days　succeed；　until　that　one　comes　when　tears　and　parting　shall　be　no　more。　In　your　diary；　as　in　mine；　there　are　days　marked　with　sadness；　not　for　this　year　only；　but　for　all。　　On　a　certain　dayand　the　sun　perhaps；　shining　ever　so　brightlythe　housemother　comes　down　to　her　family　with　a　sad　face；　which　scares　the　children　round　about　in　the　midst　of　their　laughter　and　prattle。　　They　may　have　forgottenbut　she　has　nota　day　which　came；　twenty　years　ago　it　may　be；　and　which　she　remembers　only　too　well：　the　long　night…watch；　the　dreadful　dawning　and　the　rain　beating　at　the　pane；　the　infant　speechless；　but　moaning　in　its　little　crib；　and　then　the　awful　calm；　the　awful　smile　on　the　sweet　cherub　face；　when　the　cries　have　ceased；　and　the　little　suffering　breast　heaves　no　more。　　Then　the　children；　as　they　see　their　mother's　face；　remember　this　was　the　day　on　which　their　little　brother　died。　　It　was　before　they　were　born；　but　she　remembers　it。　And　as　they　pray　together；　it　seems　almost　as　if　the　spirit　of　the　little　lost　one　was　hovering　round　the　group。　　So　they　pass　away：　friends；　kindred；　the　dearest…loved；　grown　people；　aged；　infants。　As　we　go　on　the　down…hill　journey；　the　mile…stones　are　grave…stones；　and　on　each　more　and　more　names　are　written；　unless　haply　you　live　beyond　man's　common　age；　when　friends　have　dropped　off；　and；　tottering；　and　feeble；　and　unpitied；　you　reach　the　terminus　alone。　In　this　past　year's　diary　is　there　any　precious　day　noted　on　which　you　have　made　a　new　friend？　　This　is　a　piece　of　good　fortune　bestowed　but　grudgingly　on　the　old。　　After　a　certain　age　a　new　friend　is　a　wonder；　like　Sarah's　child。　　Aged　persons　are　seldom　capable　of　bearing　friendships。　　Do　you　remember　how　warmly　you　loved　Jack　and　Tom　when　you　were　at　school；　what　a　passionate　regard　you　had　for　Ned　when　you　were　at　college；　and　the　immense　letters　you　wrote　to　each　other？　　How　often　do　you　write；　now　that　postage　costs　nothing？　　There　is　the　age　of