roundabout papers-第53部分

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ndon；　M。DCLV。）　a　few　remarks；　such　as　might　befit　a　dear　old　archbishop　departing　this　life。　　When　I　come　back　to　dress　for　dinner；　the　archbishop　is　dead　on　my　table　in　five　pages；　medicine；　topography；　theology；　all　right；　and　Jones　has　gone　home　to　his　family　some　hours。　　Sir　Christopher　is　the　architect　of　St。　Paul's。　　He　has　not　laid　the　stones　or　carried　up　the　mortar。　There　is　a　great　deal　of　carpenter's　and　joiner's　work　in　novels　which　surely　a　smart　professional　hand　might　supply。　　A　smart　professional　hand？　　I　give　you　my　word；　there　seem　to　me　parts　of　novelslet　us　say　the　love…making；　the　〃business；〃　the　villain　in　the　cupboard；　and　so　forth；　which　I　should　like　to　order　John　Footman　to　take　in　hand；　as　I　desire　him　to　bring　the　coals　and　polish　the　boots。　　Ask　ME　indeed　to　pop　a　robber　under　a　bed；　to　hide　a　will　which　shall　be　forthcoming　in　due　season；　or　at　my　time　of　life　to　write　a　namby…pamby　love　conversation　between　Emily　and　Lord　Arthur！　　I　feel　ashamed　of　myself；　and　especially　when　my　business　obliges　me　to　do　the　love…passages；　I　blush　so；　though　quite　alone　in　my　study；　that　you　would　fancy　I　was　going　off　in　an　apoplexy。　　Are　authors　affected　by　their　own　works？　　I　don't　know　about　other　gentlemen；　but　if　I　make　a　joke　myself　I　cry；　if　I　write　a　pathetic　scene　I　am　laughing　wildly　all　the　timeat　least　Tomkins　thinks　so。　　You　know　I　am　such　a　cynic！　The　editor　of　the　Cornhill　Magazine　（no　soft　and　yielding　character　like　his　predecessor；　but　a　man　of　stern　resolution）　will　only　allow　these　harmless　papers　to　run　to　a　certain　length。　　But　for　this　veto　I　should　gladly　have　prattled　over　half　a　sheet　more；　and　have　discoursed　on　many　heroes　and　heroines　of　novels　whom　fond　memory　brings　back　to　me。　　Of　these　books　I　have　been　a　diligent　student　from　those　early　days；　which　are　recorded　at　the　commencement　of　this　little　essay。　　Oh；　delightful　novels；　well　remembered！　　Oh；　novels；　sweet　and　delicious　as　the　raspberry　open…tarts　of　budding　boyhood！　　Do　I　forget　one　night　after　prayers　（when　we　under…boys　were　sent　to　bed）　lingering　at　my　cupboard　to　read　one　little　half…　page　more　of　my　dear　Walter　Scottand　down　came　the　monitor's　dictionary　upon　my　head！　　Rebecca；　daughter　of　Isaac　of　York；　I　have　loved　thee　faithfully　for　forty　years！　　Thou　wert　twenty　years　old　（say）　and　I　but　twelve；　when　I　knew　thee。　　At　sixty　odd；　love；　most　of　the　ladies　of　thy　Orient　race　have　lost　the　bloom　of　youth；　and　bulged　beyond　the　line　of　beauty；　but　to　me　thou　art　ever　young　and　fair；　and　I　will　do　battle　with　any　felon　Templar　who　assails　thy　fair　name。

ON　A　PEAR…TREE。

A　gracious　reader　no　doubt　has　remarked　that　these　humble　sermons　have　for　subjects　some　little　event　which　happens　at　the　preacher's　own　gate；　or　which　falls　under　his　peculiar　cognizance。　　Once；　you　may　remember；　we　discoursed　about　a　chalk…mark　on　the　door。　　This　morning　Betsy；　the　housemaid；　comes　with　a　frightened　look；　and　says；　〃Law；　mum！　there's　three　bricks　taken　out　of　the　garden　wall；　and　the　branches　broke；　and　all　the　pears　taken　off　the　pear…tree！〃　Poor　peaceful　suburban　pear…tree！　　Gaol…birds　have　hopped　about　thy　branches；　and　robbed　them　of　their　smoky　fruit。　　But　those　bricks　removed；　that　ladder　evidently　prepared；　by　which　unknown　marauders　may　enter　and　depart　from　my　little　Englishman's　castle；　is　not　this　a　subject　of　thrilling　interest；　and　may　it　not　BE　CONTINUED　IN　A　FUTURE　NUMBER？that　is　the　terrible　question。　　Suppose；　having　escaladed　the　outer　wall；　the　miscreants　take　a　fancy　to　storm　the　castle？　　Wellwell！　we　are　armed；　we　are　numerous；　we　are　men　of　tremendous　courage；　who　will　defend　our　spoons　with　our　lives；　and　there　are　barracks　close　by　（thank　goodness！）　whence；　at　the　noise　of　our　shouts　and　firing；　at　least　a　thousand　bayonets　will　bristle　to　our　rescue。　What　sound　is　yonder？　　A　church　bell。　　I　might　go　myself；　but　how　listen　to　the　sermon？　　I　am　thinking　of　those　thieves　who　have　made　a　ladder　of　my　wall；　and　a　prey　of　my　pear…tree。　　They　may　be　walking　to　church　at　this　moment；　neatly　shaved；　in　clean　linen；　with　every　outward　appearance　of　virtue。　　If　I　went；　I　know　I　should　be　watching　the　congregation；　and　thinking；　〃Is　that　one　of　the　fellows　who　came　over　my　wall？〃　　If；　after　the　reading　of　the　eighth　Commandment；　a　man　sang　out　with　particular　energy；　〃Incline　our　hearts　to　keep　this　law；〃　I　should　think；　〃Aha；　Master　Basso；　did　you　have　pears　for　breakfast　this　morning？〃　　Crime　is　walking　round　me；　that　is　clear。　　Who　is　the　perpetrator？　。　。　。　　What　a　changed　aspect　the　world　has；　since　these　last　few　lines　were　written！　　I　have　been　walking　round　about　my　premises；　and　in　consultation　with　a　gentleman　in　a　single…breasted　blue　coat；　with　pewter　buttons；　and　a　tape　ornament　on　the　collar。　　He　has　looked　at　the　holes　in　the　wall；　and　the　amputated　tree。　　We　have　formed　our　plan　of　defence　PERHAPS　OF　ATTACK。　　Perhaps　some　day　you　may　read　in　the　papers；　〃DARING　ATTEMPT　AT　BURGLARYHEROIC　VICTORY　OVER　THE　VILLAINS；〃　&c。　&c。　　Rascals　as　yet　unknown！　perhaps　you；　too；　may　read　these　words；　and　may　be　induced　to　pause　in　your　fatal　intention。　　Take　the　advice　of　a　sincere　friend；　and　keep　off。　　To　find　a　man　writhing　in　my　man…trap；　another　mayhap　impaled　in　my　ditch；　to　pick　off　another　from　my　tree　（scoundrel！　as　though　he　were　a　pear）　will　give　me　no　pleasure；　but　such　things　may　happen。　　Be　warned　in　time；　villains！　Or；　if　you　MUST　pursue　your　calling　as　cracksmen；　have　the　goodness　to　try　some　other　shutters。　　Enough！　subside　into　your　darkness；　children　of　night！　　Thieves！　we　seek　not　to　have　YOU　hangedyou　are　but　as　pegs　whereon　to　hang　others。　I　may　have　said　before；　that　if　I　were　going　to　be　hanged　myself；　I　think　I　should　take　an　accurate　note　of　my　sensations；　request　to　stop　at　some　Public…house　on　the　road　to　Tyburn　and　be　provided　with　a　private　room　and　writing…materials；　and　give　an　account　of　my　state　of　mind。　　Then；　gee　up；　carter！　beg　your　reverence　to　continue　your　apposite；　though　not　novel；　remarks　on　my　situation；and　so　we　drive　up　to　Tyburn　turnpike；　where　an　expectant　crowd；　the　obliging　sheriffs；　and　the　dexterous　and　rapid　Mr。　Ketch　are　already　in　waiting。　A　number　of　laboring　people　are　sauntering　about　our　streets　and　taking　their　rest　on　this　holidayfellows　who　have　no　more　stolen　my　pears　than　they　have　robbed　the　crown　jewels　out　of　the　Tower　and　I　say　I　cannot　help　thinking　in　my　own　mind；　〃Are　you　the　rascal　who　got　over　my　wall　last　night？〃　　Is　the　suspicion　haunting　my　mind　written　on　my　countenance？　　I　trust　not。　　What　if　one　man　after　another　were　to　come　up　to　me　and　say；　〃How　dare　you；　sir；　suspect　me　in　your　mind　of　stealing　your　fruit？　　Go　be　hanged；　you　and　your　jargonels！〃　　You　rascal　thief！　it　is　not　merely　three…halfp'orth　of　sooty　fruit　you　rob　me　of；　it　is　my　peace　of　mindmy　artless　innocence　and　trust　in　my　fellow…creatures；　my　childlike　belief　that　everything　they　say　is　true。　　How　can　I　hold　out　the　hand　of　friendship　in　this　condition；　when　my　first　impression　is；　〃My　good　sir；　I　strongly　suspect　that　you　were　up　my　pear…tree　last　night？〃　It　is　a　dreadful　state　of　mind。　　The　core　is　black；　the　death…　stricken　fruit　drops　on　the　bough；　and　a　great　worm　is　within　fattening；　and　feasting；　and　wriggling！　　WHO　stole　the　pears？　　I　say。　　Is　it　you；　brother？　　Is　it　you；　madam？　　Come！　are　you　ready　to　answerrespondere　parati　et　cantare　pares？　　（O　shame！　shame！）　Will　the　villains　ever　be　discovered　and　punished　who　stole　my　fruit？　　Some　unlucky　rascals　who　rob　orchards　are　caught　up　the　tree　at　once。　　Some　rob　through　life　with　impunity。　　If　I；　for　my　part；　were　to　try　and　get　up　the　smallest　tree；　on　the　darkest　night；　in　the　most　remote　orchard；　I　wager　any　money　I　should　be　found　outbe　caught　by　the　leg　in　a　man…trap；　or　have　Towler　fastening　on　me。　　I　always　am　found　out；　have　been；　shall　be。　　It's　my　luck。　　Other　men　will　carry　off　bushels　of　fruit；　and　get　away　undetected；　unsuspected；　whereas　I　know　woe　and　punishment　would　fall　upon　me　were　I　to　lay　my　hand　on　the　smallest　pippin。　　So　be　it。　　A　man　who　has　this　precious　self…knowledge　will　surely　keep　his　hands　from　picking　and　stealing；　and　his　feet　upon　the　paths　of　virtue。　I　will　assume；　my　benevolent　friend　and　present　reader；　that　you　yourself　are　virtuous；　not　from　a　fear　of　punishment；　but　from　a　sheer　love　of　good：　but　us　you　and　I　walk　through　life；　consider　what　hundreds　of　thousands　of　rascals　we　must　have　met；　who　have　not　been　found　out　at　all。　　In　high　places　and　low；　in　Clubs　and　on　'Change；　at　church　or　the　balls　and　routs　of　the　nobility　and　gentry；　how　dreadful　it　is　for　benevolent　beings　like　you　and　me　to　have　to　think　these　undiscovered　though　not　unsuspected　scoundrels　are　swarming！　　What　is　the　difference　between　you　and　a　galley…　slave？　　Is　yonder　poor　wretch　at　the　hulks　not　a　man　and　a　brother　too？　　Have　you　ever　forged；　my　dear　sir？　　Have　you　ever　cheated　your　neighbor？　　Have　you　ever　ridden　to　Hounslow　Heath　and　robbed　the　mail？　　Have　you　ever　entered　a　first…class　railway　carriage；　where　an　old　gentleman　sat　alone　in　a　sweet　sleep；　daintily　murdered　him；　taken　his　pocket…book；　and　got　out　at　the　next　station？　　You　know　that　this　circumstance　occurred　in　France　a　few　months　since。　　If　we　have　travelled　in　France　this　autumn　we　may　have　met　the　ingenious　gentleman　who　perpetrated　this　daring　and　successful　coup。　　We　may　have　found　him　a　well…informed　and　agreeable　man。　　I　have　been　acquainted　with　two　or　three　gentlemen　who　have　been　discovered　afterafter　the　performance　of　illegal　actions。　　What？　　That　agreeable　rattling　fellow　we　met　was　the　celebrated　Mr。　John　Sheppard？　　Was　that　amiable　quiet　gentleman　in　spectacles　the　well…　known　Mr。　Fauntleroy？　　In　Hazlitt's　admirable　paper；　〃Going　to　a　Fight；〃　he　describes　a　dashing　sporting　fellow　who　was　in　the　coach；　and　who　was　no　less　a　man　than　the　eminent　destroyer　of　Mr。　William　Weare。　　Don't　tell　me　that　you　would　not　like　to　have　met　（out　of　business）　Captain　Sheppard；　the　Reverend　Doctor　Dodd；　or　others　rendered　famous　by　their　actions　and　misfortunes；　by　their　lives　and　their　deaths。　　They　are　the　subjects　of　ballads；　the　heroes　of　romance。　　A　friend　of　mine　had　the　house　in　May　Fair；　out　of　which　poor　Doctor　Dodd　was　taken　handcuffed。　　There