roundabout papers-第8部分

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nto　te。〃　　As　we　rolled　along　the　way；　and　passed　the　weathercocks　on　the　temples；　I　saluted　the　symbol　of　the　goddess　Fortune　with　a　reverent　awe。　　〃We　have　done　our　little　endeavor；〃　I　said；　bowing　my　head；　〃and　mortals　can　do　no　more。　　But　we　might　have　fought　bravely　and　not　won。　　We　might　have　cast　the　coin；　calling；　'Head；'　and　lo！　Tail　might　have　come　uppermost。〃　　O　thou　Ruler　of　Victories！thou　Awarder　of　Fame！thou　Giver　of　Crowns　（and　shillings）if　thou　hast　smiled　upon　us；　shall　we　not　be　thankful？　　There　is　a　Saturnine　philosopher；　standing　at　the　door　of　his　book…shop；　who；　I　fancy；　has　a　pooh…pooh　expression　as　the　triumph　passes。　　（I　can't　see　quite　clearly　for　the　laurels；　which　have　fallen　down　over　my　nose。）　　One　hand　is　reining　in　the　two　white　elephants　that　draw　the　car；　I　raise　the　other　hand　up　to　to　the　laurels；　and　pass　on；　waving　him　a　graceful　recognition。　　Up　the　Hill　of　Ludgatearound　the　Pauline　Squareby　the　side　of　Chepeuntil　it　reaches　our　own　Hill　of　Cornthe　procession　passes。　The　Imperator　is　bowing　to　the　people；　the　captains　of　the　legions　are　riding　round　the　car；　their　gallant　minds　struck　by　the　thought；　〃Have　we　not　fought　as　well　as　yonder　fellow；　swaggering　in　the　chariot；　and　are　we　not　as　good　as　he？〃　　Granted；　with　all　my　heart；　my　dear　lads。　　When　your　consulship　arrives；　may　you　be　as　fortunate。　　When　these　hands；　now　growing　old；　shall　lay　down　sword　and　truncheon；　may　you　mount　the　car；　and　ride　to　the　temple　of　Jupiter。　　Be　yours　the　laurel　then。　　Neque　me　myrtus　dedecet；　looking　cosily　down　from　the　arbor　where　I　sit　under　the　arched　vine。　I　fancy　the　Imperator　standing　on　the　steps　of　the　temple　（erected　by　Titus）　on　the　Mons　Frumentarius；　and　addressing　the　citizens：　〃Quirites！〃　he　says；　〃in　our　campaign　of　six　months；　we　have　been　engaged　six　times；　and　in　each　action　have　taken　near　upon　a　HUNDRED　THOUSAND　PRISONERS。　　Go　to！　　What　are　other　magazines　compared　to　our　magazine？　　（Sound；　trumpeter！）　　What　banner　is　there　like　that　of　Cornhill？　　You；　philosopher　yonder！〃　（he　shirks　under　his　mantle。）　　〃Do　you　know　what　it　is　to　have　a　hundred　and　ten　thousand　readers？　　A　hundred　thousand　readers？　a　hundred　thousand　BUYERS！〃　（Cries　of　〃No！〃〃Pooh！〃　　〃Yes；　upon　my　honor！〃　　〃Oh；　come！〃　and　murmurs　of　applause　and　derision）〃I　say　more　than　a　hundred　thousand　purchasersand　I　believe　AS　MUCH　AS　A　MILLION　readers！〃　（Immense　sensation。）　　〃To　these　have　we　said　an　unkind　word？　　We　have　enemies；　have　we　hit　them　an　unkind　blow？　　Have　we　sought　to　pursue　party　aims；　to　forward　private　jobs；　to　advance　selfish　schemes？　　The　only　persons　to　whom　wittingly　we　have　given　pain　are　some　who　have　volunteered　for　our　corpsand　of　these　volunteers　we　have　had　THOUSANDS。〃　　（Murmurs　and　grumbles。）　　〃What　commander；　citizens；　could　place　all　these　men！could　make　officers　of　all　these　men？〃　（cries　of　〃Nono！〃　and　laughter）〃could　say；　'I　accept　this　recruit；　though　he　is　too　short　for　our　standard；　because　he　is　poor；　and　has　a　mother　at　home　who　wants　bread？'　could　enroll　this　other；　who　is　too　weak　to　bear　arms；　because　he　says；　'Look；　sir；　I　shall　be　stronger　anon。'　　The　leader　of　such　an　army　as　ours　must　select　his　men；　not　because　they　are　good　and　virtuous；　but　because　they　are　strong　and　capable。　　To　these　our　ranks　are　ever　open；　and　in　addition　to　the　warriors　who　surround　me〃（the　generals　look　proudly　conscious）〃I　tell　you；　citizens；　that　I　am　in　treaty　with　other　and　most　tremendous　champions；　who　will　march　by　the　side　of　our　veterans　to　the　achievement　of　fresh　victories。　　Now；　blow；　trumpets！　　Bang；　ye　gongs！　and　drummers；　drub　the　thundering　skins！　Generals　and　chiefs；　we　go　to　sacrifice　to　the　gods。〃　Crowned　with　flowers；　the　captains　enter　the　temple；　the　other　Magazines　walking　modestly　behind　them。　　The　people　huzza；　and；　in　some　instances；　kneel　and　kiss　the　fringes　of　the　robes　of　the　warriors。　　The　Philosopher　puts　up　his　shutters；　and　retires　into　his　shop；　deeply　moved。　　In　ancient　times；　Pliny　（apud　Smith）　relates　it　was　the　custom　of　the　Imperator　〃to　paint　his　whole　body　a　bright　red；〃　and；　also；　on　ascending　the　Hill；　to　have　some　of　the　hostile　chiefs　led　aside　〃to　the　adjoining　prison；　and　put　to　death。〃　　We　propose　to　dispense　with　both　these　ceremonies。

THORNS　IN　THE　CUSHION。

In　the　Essay　with　which　this　volume　commences；　the　Cornhill　Magazine　was　likened　to　a　ship　sailing　forth　on　her　voyage；　and　the　captain　uttered　a　very　sincere　prayer　for　her　prosperity。　　The　dangers　of　storm　and　rock；　the　vast　outlay　upon　ship　and　cargo；　and　the　certain　risk　of　the　venture；　gave　the　chief　officer　a　feeling　of　no　small　anxiety；　for　who　could　say　from　what　quarter　danger　might　arise；　and　how　his　owner's　property　might　be　imperilled？　　After　a　six　months'　voyage；　we　with　very　thankful　hearts　could　acknowledge　our　good　fortune：　and；　taking　up　the　apologue　in　the　Roundabout　manner；　we　composed　a　triumphal　procession　in　honor　of　the　Magazine；　and　imagined　the　Imperator　thereof　riding　in　a　sublime　car　to　return　thanks　in　the　Temple　of　Victory。　　Cornhill　is　accustomed　to　grandeur　and　greatness；　and　has　witnessed；　every　ninth　of　November；　for　I　don't　know　how　many　centuries；　a　prodigious　annual　pageant；　chariot；　progress；　and　flourish　of　trumpetry；　and　being　so　very　near　the　Mansion　House；　I　am　sure　the　reader　will　understand　how　the　idea　of　pageant　and　procession　came　naturally　to　my　mind。　　The　imagination　easily　supplied　a　gold　coach；　eight　cream…colored　horses　of　your　true　Pegasus　breed；　huzzaing　multitudes；　running　footmen；　and　clanking　knights　in　armor；　a　chaplain　and　a　sword…bearer　with　a　muff　on　his　head；　scowling　out　of　the　coach…window；　and　a　Lord　Mayor　all　crimson；　fur；　gold　chain；　and　white　ribbons；　solemnly　occupying　the　place　of　state。　　A　playful　fancy　could　have　carried　the　matter　farther；　could　have　depicted　the　feast　in　the　Egyptian　Hall；　the　Ministers；　Chief　Justices；　and　right　reverend　prelates　taking　their　seats　round　about　his　lordship；　the　turtle　and　other　delicious　viands；　and　Mr。　Toole　behind　the　central　throne；　bawling　out　to　the　assembled　guests　and　dignitaries：　〃My　Lord　So…and…so；　my　Lord　What…　d'ye…call…'im；　my　Lord　Etcaetera；　the　Lord　Mayor　pledges　you　all　in　a　loving…cup。〃　　Then　the　noble　proceedings　come　to　an　end；　Lord　Simper　proposes　the　ladies；　the　company　rises　from　table；　and　adjourns　to　coffee　and　muffins。　　The　carriages　of　the　nobility　and　guests　roll　back　to　the　West。　　The　Egyptian　Hall；　so　bright　just　now；　appears　in　a　twilight　glimmer；　in　which　waiters　are　seen　ransacking　the　dessert；　and　rescuing　the　spoons。　　His　lordship　and　the　Lady　Mayoress　go　into　their　private　apartments。　　The　robes　are　doffed；　the　collar　and　white　ribbons　are　removed。　　The　Mayor　becomes　a　man；　and　is　pretty　surely　in　a　fluster　about　the　speeches　which　he　has　just　uttered；　remembering　too　well　now；　wretched　creature；　the　principal　points　which　he　DIDN'T　make　when　he　rose　to　speak。　　He　goes　to　bed　to　headache；　to　care；　to　repentance；　and；　I　dare　say；　to　a　dose　of　something　which　his　body…physician　has　prescribed　for　him。　And　there　are　ever　so　many　men　in　the　city　who　fancy　that　man　happy！　Now；　suppose　that　all　through　that　9th　of　November　his　lordship　has　had　a　racking　rheumatism；　or　a　toothache；　let　us　say；　during　all　dinner…timethrough　which　he　has　been　obliged　to　grin　and　mumble　his　poor　old　speeches。　　Is　he　enviable？　　Would　you　like　to　change　with　his　lordship？　　Suppose　that　bumper　which　his　golden　footman　brings　him；　instead　i'fackins　of　ypocras　or　canary；　contains　some　abomination　of　senna？　　Away！　　Remove　the　golden　goblet；　insidious　cupbearer！　　You　now　begin　to　perceive　the　gloomy　moral　which　I　am　about　to　draw。　Last　month　we　sang　the　song　of　glorification；　and　rode　in　the　chariot　of　triumph。　　It　was　all　very　well。　　It　was　right　to　huzza；　and　be　thankful；　and　cry；　Bravo；　our　side！　and　besides；　you　know；　there　was　the　enjoyment　of　thinking　how　pleased　Brown；　and　Jones；　and　Robinson　（our　dear　friends）　would　be　at　this　announcement　of　success。　　But　now　that　the　performance　is　over；　my　good　sir；　just　step　into　my　private　room；　and　see　that　it　is　not　all　pleasurethis　winning　of　successes。　　Cast　your　eye　over　those　newspapers；　over　those　letters。　　See　what　the　critics　say　of　your　harmless　jokes；　neat　little　trim　sentences；　and　pet　waggeries！　　Why；　you　are　no　better　than　an　idiot；　you　are　drivelling；　your　powers　have　left　you；　this　always　overrated　writer　is　rapidly　sinking　to；　&c。　This　is　not　pleasant；　but　neither　is　this　the　point。　　It　may　be　the　critic　is　right；　and　the　author　wrong。　　It　may　be　that　the　archbishop's　sermon　is　not　so　fine　as　some　of　those　discourses　twenty　years　ago　which　used　to　delight　the　faithful　in　Granada。　　Or　it　may　be　（pleasing　thought！）　that　the　critic　is　a　dullard；　and　does　not　understand　what　he　is　writing　about。　　Everybody　who　has　been　to　an　exhibition　has　heard　visitors　discoursing　about　the　pictures　before　their　faces。　　One　says；　〃This　is　very　well；〃　another　says；　〃This　is　stuff　and　rubbish；〃　another　cries；　〃Bravo！　this　is　a　masterpiece：〃　and　each　has　a　right　to　his　opinion。　　For　example；　one　of　the　pictures　I　admired　most　at　the　Royal　Academy　is　by　a　gentleman　on　whom　I　never；　to　my　knowledge；　set　eyes。　　This　picture　is　No。　346；　〃Moses；〃　by　Mr。　S。　Solomon。　　I　thought　it　had　a　great　intention；　I　thought　it　finely　drawn　and　composed。　　It　nobly　represented；　to　my　mind；　the　dark　children　of　the　Egyptian　bondage；　and　suggested　the　touching　story。　　My　newspaper　says：　〃Two　ludicrously　ugly　women；　looking　at　a　dingy　baby；　do　not　form　a　pleasing　object；〃　and　so　good…by；　Mr。　Solomon。　　Are　not　most　of　our　babies　served　so　in　life？　and　doesn't　Mr。　Robinson　consider　Mr。　Brown's　cherub　an　ugly；　squalling　little　brat？　　So　cheer　up；　Mr。　S。　S。　　It　may　be　the　critic　who　discoursed　on　your　baby　is　a　bad　judge　of　babies。　　When　Pharaoh's　kind　daughter　found　the　child；　and　cherished　and　loved　it；　and　took　it　home；　and　found　a　nurse　for　it；　too；　I　dare　say　there　were　grim；　brick…dust　colored　chamberlains；　or　some　of　the　tough；　old；　meagre；　yellow　princesses　at　court；　who　never　had　children　themselves；　who　cried　out；　〃Faugh！　the　horrid　little　squalling　wretch！〃　and　knew　he　would　never　come　to　good；　and　said；　〃Didn't　I　tell　you　so？〃　when　he　assaulted　the　Egyptian。　Never　mind　then；　Mr。　S。