anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第15部分

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Johnson　loved　his　dinner　exceedingly；　and　has　often　said　in　my　hearing；　perhaps　for　my　edification；　〃that　wherever　the　dinner　is　ill　got　there　is　poverty　or　there　is　avarice；　or　there　is　stupidity；　in　short；　the　family　is　somehow　grossly　wrong：　　for；〃　continued　he；　〃a　man　seldom　thinks　with　more　earnestness　of　anything　than　he　does　of　his　dinner；　and　if　he　cannot　get　that　well　dressed；　he　should　be　suspected　of　inaccuracy　in　other　things。〃　One　day；　when　he　was　speaking　upon　the　subject；　I　asked　him　if　he　ever　huffed　his　wife　about　his　dinner？　　〃So　often；〃　replied　he；　〃that　at　last　she　called　to　me；　and　said；　'Nay；　hold；　Mr。　Johnson；　and　do　not　make　a　farce　of　thanking　God　for　a　dinner　which　in　a　few　minutes　you　will　protest　not　eatable。'〃

When　any　disputes　arose　between　our　married　acquaintance；　however；　Mr。　Johnson　always　sided　with　the　husband；　〃whom；〃　he　said；　〃the　woman　had　probably　provoked　so　often；　she　scarce　knew　when　or　how　she　had　disobliged　him　first。　　Women；〃　says　Dr。　Johnson；　〃give　great　offence　by　a　contemptuous　spirit　of　non…compliance　on　petty　occasions。　　The　man　calls　his　wife　to　walk　with　him　in　the　shade；　and　she　feels　a　strange　desire　just　at　that　moment　to　sit　in　the　sun：　　he　offers　to　read　her　a　play；　or　sing　her　a　song；　and　she　calls　the　children　in　to　disturb　them；　or　advises　him　to　seize　that　opportunity　of　settling　the　family　accounts。　　Twenty　such　tricks　will　the　faithfullest　wife　in　the　world　not　refuse　to　play；　and　then　look　astonished　when　the　fellow　fetches　in　a　mistress。　　Boarding…schools　were　established；〃　continued　he；　〃for　the　conjugal　quiet　of　the　parents。　　The　two　partners　cannot　agree　which　child　to　fondle；　nor　how　to　fondle　them；　so　they　put　the　young　ones　to　school；　and　remove　the　cause　of　contention。　　The　little　girl　pokes　her　head；　the　mother　reproves　her　sharply。　　'Do　not　mind　your　mamma；'　says　the　father；　'my　dear；　but　do　your　own　way。'　　The　mother　complains　to　me　of　this。　　'Madam；'　said　I；　'your　husband　is　right　all　the　while；　he　is　with　you　but　two　hours　of　the　day；　perhaps；　and　then　you　tease　him　by　making　the　child　cry。　　Are　not　ten　hours　enough　for　tuition？　and　are　the　hours　of　pleasure　so　frequent　in　life；　that　when　a　man　gets　a　couple　of　quiet　ones　to　spend　in　familiar　chat　with　his　wife；　they　must　be　poisoned　by　petty　mortifications？　　Put　missy　to　school；　she　will　learn　to　hold　her　head　like　her　neighbours；　and　you　will　no　longer　torment　your　family　for　want　of　other　talk。'〃。

The　vacuity　of　life　had　at　some　early　period　of　his　life　struck　so　forcibly　on　the　mind　of　Mr。　Johnson；　that　it　became　by　repeated　impression　his　favourite　hypothesis；　and　the　general　tenor　of　his　reasonings　commonly　ended　there；　wherever　they　might　begin。　　Such　things；　therefore；　as　other　philosophers　often　attribute　to　various　and　contradictory　causes；　appeared　to　him　uniform　enough；　all　was　done　to　fill　up　the　time；　upon　his　principle。　　I　used　to　tell　him　that　it　was　like　the　clown's　answer　in　As　You　Like　It；　of　〃Oh；　lord；　sir！〃　for　that　it　suited　every　occasion。　　One　man；　for　example；　was　profligate　and　wild；　as　we　call　it；　followed　the　girls；　or　sat　still　at　the　gaming…table。　　〃Why；　life　must　be　filled　up；〃　says　Johnson；　〃and　the　man　who　is　not　capable　of　intellectual　pleasures　must　content　himself　with　such　as　his　senses　can　afford。〃　　Another　was　a　hoarder。　　〃Why；　a　fellow　must　do　something；　and　what；　so　easy　to　a　narrow　mind　as　hoarding　halfpence　till　they　turn　into　sixpences。〃　　Avarice　was　a　vice　against　which；　however；　I　never　much　heard　Mr。　Johnson　declaim；　till　one　represented　it　to　him　connected　with　cruelty；　or　some　such　disgraceful　companion。　　〃Do　not；〃　said　he；　〃discourage　your　children　from　hoarding　if　they　have　a　taste　to　it：　　whoever　lays　up　his　penny　rather　than　part　with　it　for　a　cake；　at　least　is　not　the　slave　of　gross　appetite；　and　shows　besides　a　preference　always　to　be　esteemed；　of　the　future　to　the　present　moment。　　Such　a　mind　may　be　made　a　good　one；　but　the　natural　spendthrift；　who　grasps　his　pleasures　greedily　and　coarsely；　and　cares　for　nothing　but　immediate　indulgence；　is　very　little　to　be　valued　above　a　negro。〃　　We　talked　of　Lady　Tavistock；　who　grieved　herself　to　death　for　the　loss　of　her　husband〃She　was　rich；　and　wanted　employment；〃　says　Johnson；　〃so　she　cried　till　she　lost　all　power　of　restraining　her　tears：　　other　women　are　forced　to　outlive　their　husbands；　who　were　just　as　much　beloved；　depend　on　it；　but　they　have　no　time　for　grief：　　and　I　doubt　not；　if　we　had　put　my　Lady　Tavistock　into　a　small　chandler's　shop；　and　given　her　a　nurse…child　to　tend；　her　life　would　have　been　saved。　　The　poor　and　the　busy　have　no　leisure　for　sentimental　sorrow。〃　　We　were　speaking　of　a　gentleman　who　loved　his　friend〃Make　him　Prime　Minister；〃　says　Johnson；　〃and　see　how　long　his　friend　will　be　remembered。〃　　But　he　had　a　rougher　answer　for　me；　when　I　commended　a　sermon　preached　by　an　intimate　acquaintance　of　our　own　at　the　trading　end　of　the　town。　　〃What　was　the　subject；　madam？〃　says　Dr。　Johnson。　〃Friendship；　sir；〃　replied　I。　　〃Why；　now；　is　it　not　strange　that　a　wise　man；　like　our　dear　little　Evans；　should　take　it　in　his　head　to　preach　on　such　a　subject；　in　a　place　where　no　one　can　be　thinking　of　it？〃　　〃Why；　what　are　they　thinking　upon；　sir？〃　said　I。　　〃Why；　the　men　are　thinking　on　their　money；　I　suppose；　and　the　women　are　thinking　of　their　mops。〃

Dr。　Johnson's　knowledge　and　esteem　of　what　we　call　low　or　coarse　life　was　indeed　prodigious；　and　he　did　not　like　that　the　upper　ranks　should　be　dignified　with　the　name　of　THE　WORLD。　　Sir　Joshua　Reynolds　said　one　day　that　nobody　WORE　laced　coats　now；　and　that　once　everybody　wore　them。　　〃See；　now；〃　says　Johnson；　〃how　absurd　that　is；　as　if　the　bulk　of　mankind　consisted　of　fine　gentlemen　that　came　to　him　to　sit　for　their　pictures。　　If　every　man　who　wears　a　laced　coat　（that　he　can　pay　for）　was　extirpated；　who　would　miss　them？〃　　With　all　this　haughty　contempt　of　gentility；　no　praise　was　more　welcome　to　Dr。　Johnson　than　that　which　said　he　had　the　notions　or　manners　of　a　gentleman：　　which　character　I　have　heard　him　define　with　accuracy；　and　describe　with　elegance。　　〃Officers；〃　he　said；　〃were　falsely　supposed　to　have　the　carriage　of　gentlemen；　whereas　no　profession　left　a　stronger　brand　behind　it　than　that　of　a　soldier；　and　it　was　the　essence　of　a　gentleman's　character　to　bear　the　visible　mark　of　no　profession　whatever。〃　　He　once　named　Mr。　Berenger　as　the　standard　of　true　elegance；　but　some　one　objecting　that　he　too　much　resembled　the　gentleman　in　Congreve's　comedies；　Mr。　Johnson　said；　〃We　must　fix　them　upon　the　famous　Thomas　Hervey；　whose　manners　were　polished　even　to　acuteness　and　brilliancy；　though　he　lost　but　little　in　solid　power　of　reasoning；　and　in　genuine　force　of　mind。〃　　Mr。　Johnson　had；　however；　an　avowed　and　scarcely　limited　partiality　for　all　who　bore　the　name　or　boasted　the　alliance　of　an　Aston　or　a　Hervey；　and　when　Mr。　Thrale　once　asked　him　which　had　been　the　happiest　period　of　his　past　life？　he　replied；　〃It　was　that　year　in　which　he　spent　one　whole　evening　with　M…y　Asn。　　That；　indeed；〃　said　he；　〃was　not　happiness；　it　was　rapture；　but　the　thoughts　of　it　sweetened　the　whole　year。〃　　I　must　add　that　the　evening　alluded　to　was　not　passed　tete…a…tete；　but　in　a　select　company；　of　which　the　present　Lord　Killmorey　was　one。　〃Molly；〃　says　Dr。　Johnson；　〃was　a　beauty　and　a　scholar；　and　a　wit　and　a　Whig；　and　she　talked　all　in　praise　of　liberty：　　and　so　I　made　this　epigram　upon　her。　　She　was　the　loveliest　creature　I　ever　saw！！！

　　　　　〃'Liber　ut　esse　velim；　suasisti　pulchra　Maria；　　　　　　　　Ut　maneam　liberpulchra　Maria；　vale！'〃

〃Will　it　do　this　way　in　English；　sir？〃　said　I。

　　　　　〃Persuasions　to　freedom　fall　oddly　from　you；　　　　　　　If　freedom　we　seekfair　Maria；　adieu！〃

〃It　will　do　well　enough；‘　replied　he；　〃but　it　is　translated　by　a　lady；　and　the　ladies　never　loved　M…y　Asn。〃　　I　asked　him　what　his　wife　thought　of　this　attachment？　　〃She　was　jealous；　to　be　sure；〃　said　he；　〃and　teased　me　sometimes　when　I　would　let　her；　and　one　day；　as　a　fortune…telling　gipsy　passed　us　when　we　were　walking　out　in　company　with　two　or　three　friends　in　the　country；　she　made　the　wench　look　at　my　hand；　but　soon　repented　her　curiosity；　'for；'　says　the　gipsy；　'your　heart　is　divided；　sir；　between　a　Betty　and　a　Molly：　　Betty　loves　you　best；　but　you　take　most　delight　in　Molly's　company。'　　When　I　turned　about　to　laugh；　I　saw　my　wife　was　crying。　Pretty　charmer！　she　had　no　reason！〃

It　was；　I　believe；　long　after　the　currents　of　life　had　driven　him　to　a　great　distance　from　this　lady；　that　he　spent　much　of　his　time　with　Mrs。　F…tzhbt；　of　whom　he　always　spoke　with　esteem　and　tenderness；　and　with　a　veneration　very　difficult　to　deserve。　　〃That　woman；〃　said　he；　〃loved　her　husband　as　we　hope　and　desire　to　be　loved　by　our　guardian　angel。　　F…tzhb…　…t　was　a　gay；　good…humoured　fellow；　generous　of　his　money　and　of　his　meat；　and　desirous　of　nothing　but　cheerful　society　among　people　distinguished　in　SOME　way；　in　ANY　WAY；　I　think；　for　Rousseau　and　St。　Austin　would　have　been　equally　welcome　to　his　table　and　to　his　kindness。　　The　lady；　however；　was　of　another　way　of　thinking：　　her　first　care　was　to　preserve　her　husband's　soul　from　corruption；　her　second；　to　keep　his　estate　entire　for　their　children：　　and　I　owed　my　good　reception　in　the　family　to　the　idea　she　had　entertained；　that　I　was　fit　company　for　F…tzhbt；　whom　I　loved　extremely。　　'They　dare　not；'　said　she；　'swear；　and　take　other　conversation…liberties　before　YOU。'〃　　I　asked　if　her　husband　returned　her　regard？　　〃He　felt　her　influence　too　powerfully；〃　replied　Mr。　Johnson；　〃no　man　will　be　fond　of　what　forces　him　daily　to　feel　himself　inferior。　　She　stood　at　the　door　of　her　paradise　in　Derbyshire；　like　the　angel　with　a　flaming　sword；　to　keep　the　devil　at　a　distance。　　But　she　was　not　immortal；　poor　dear！　she　died；　and　her　husband　felt　at　once　afflicted　and　released。〃　I　inquired　if　she　was　handsome？　　〃She　would　have　been　handsome　for　a　queen；〃　replied　the　panegyrist；　〃her　beauty　had　more　in　it　of　majesty　than　of　attraction；　more　of　the　dignity　of　virtue　than　the　vivacity　of　wit。〃　The　friend　of　this　lady；　Miss　Bthby；　succeeded　her　in　the　management　of　Mr。　F…tzhbt's　family；　and　in　the　esteem　of　Dr。　Johnson；　though　he　told　me　she　pushed　her　piety　to　bigotry；　her　devo