anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-µÚ21²¿·Ö
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When¡¡I¡¡relate¡¡these¡¡various¡¡instances¡¡of¡¡contemptuous¡¡behaviour¡¡shown¡¡to¡¡a¡¡variety¡¡of¡¡people£»¡¡I¡¡am¡¡aware¡¡that¡¡those¡¡who¡¡till¡¡now¡¡have¡¡heard¡¡little¡¡of¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Johnson¡¡will¡¡here¡¡cry¡¡out¡¡against¡¡his¡¡pride¡¡and¡¡his¡¡severity£»¡¡yet¡¡I¡¡have¡¡been¡¡as¡¡careful¡¡as¡¡I¡¡could¡¡to¡¡tell¡¡them¡¡that¡¡all¡¡he¡¡did¡¡was¡¡gentle£»¡¡if¡¡all¡¡he¡¡said¡¡was¡¡rough¡£¡¡¡¡Had¡¡I¡¡given¡¡anecdotes¡¡of¡¡his¡¡actions¡¡instead¡¡of¡¡his¡¡words£»¡¡we¡¡should£»¡¡I¡¡am¡¡sure£»¡¡have¡¡had¡¡nothing¡¡on¡¡record¡¡but¡¡acts¡¡of¡¡virtue¡¡differently¡¡modified£»¡¡as¡¡different¡¡occasions¡¡called¡¡that¡¡virtue¡¡forth£º¡¡¡¡and¡¡among¡¡all¡¡the¡¡nine¡¡biographical¡¡essays¡¡or¡¡performances¡¡which¡¡I¡¡have¡¡heard¡¡will¡¡at¡¡last¡¡be¡¡written¡¡about¡¡dear¡¡Dr¡£¡¡Johnson£»¡¡no¡¡mean¡¡or¡¡wretched£»¡¡no¡¡wicked¡¡or¡¡even¡¡slightly¡¡culpable¡¡action¡¡will£»¡¡I¡¡trust£»¡¡be¡¡found£»¡¡to¡¡produce¡¡and¡¡put¡¡in¡¡the¡¡scale¡¡against¡¡a¡¡life¡¡of¡¡seventy¡¡years£»¡¡spent¡¡in¡¡the¡¡uniform¡¡practice¡¡of¡¡every¡¡moral¡¡excellence¡¡and¡¡every¡¡Christian¡¡perfection£»¡¡save¡¡humility¡¡alone£»¡¡says¡¡a¡¡critic£»¡¡but¡¡that¡¡I¡¡think¡¡MUST¡¡be¡¡excepted¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡was¡¡not£»¡¡however£»¡¡wanting¡¡even¡¡in¡¡that¡¡to¡¡a¡¡degree¡¡seldom¡¡attained¡¡by¡¡man£»¡¡when¡¡the¡¡duties¡¡of¡¡piety¡¡or¡¡charity¡¡called¡¡it¡¡forth¡£
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Mr¡£¡¡Johnson's¡¡knowledge¡¡of¡¡literary¡¡history¡¡was¡¡extensive¡¡and¡¡surprising¡£¡¡He¡¡knew¡¡every¡¡adventure¡¡of¡¡every¡¡book¡¡you¡¡could¡¡name¡¡almost£»¡¡and¡¡was¡¡exceedingly¡¡pleased¡¡with¡¡the¡¡opportunity¡¡which¡¡writing¡¡the¡¡¡¨Poets'¡¡Lives¡¨¡¡gave¡¡him¡¡to¡¡display¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡loved¡¡to¡¡be¡¡set¡¡at¡¡work£»¡¡and¡¡was¡¡sorry¡¡when¡¡he¡¡came¡¡to¡¡the¡¡end¡¡of¡¡the¡¡business¡¡he¡¡was¡¡about¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡feel¡¡so¡¡myself¡¡with¡¡regard¡¡to¡¡these¡¡sheets£º¡¡¡¡a¡¡fever¡¡which¡¡has¡¡preyed¡¡on¡¡me¡¡while¡¡I¡¡wrote¡¡them¡¡over¡¡for¡¡the¡¡press£»¡¡will¡¡perhaps¡¡lessen¡¡my¡¡power¡¡of¡¡doing¡¡well¡¡the¡¡first£»¡¡and¡¡probably¡¡the¡¡last¡¡work¡¡I¡¡should¡¡ever¡¡have¡¡thought¡¡of¡¡presenting¡¡to¡¡the¡¡public¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡could¡¡doubtless¡¡wish¡¡so¡¡to¡¡conclude¡¡it£»¡¡as¡¡at¡¡least¡¡to¡¡show¡¡my¡¡zeal¡¡for¡¡my¡¡friend£»¡¡whose¡¡life£»¡¡as¡¡I¡¡once¡¡had¡¡the¡¡honour¡¡and¡¡happiness¡¡of¡¡being¡¡useful¡¡to£»¡¡I¡¡should¡¡wish¡¡to¡¡record¡¡a¡¡few¡¡particular¡¡traits¡¡of£»¡¡that¡¡those¡¡who¡¡read¡¡should¡¡emulate¡¡his¡¡goodness£»¡¡but¡¡feeling¡¡the¡¡necessity¡¡of¡¡making¡¡even¡¡virtue¡¡and¡¡learning¡¡such¡¡as¡¡HIS¡¡agreeable£»¡¡that¡¡all¡¡should¡¡be¡¡warned¡¡against¡¡such¡¡coarseness¡¡of¡¡manners£»¡¡as¡¡drove¡¡even¡¡from¡¡HIM¡¡those¡¡who¡¡loved£»¡¡honoured£»¡¡and¡¡esteemed¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡His¡¡wife's¡¡daughter£»¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Lucy¡¡Porter£»¡¡of¡¡Lichfield£»¡¡whose¡¡veneration¡¡for¡¡his¡¡person¡¡and¡¡character¡¡has¡¡ever¡¡been¡¡the¡¡greatest¡¡possible£»¡¡being¡¡opposed¡¡one¡¡day¡¡in¡¡conversation¡¡by¡¡a¡¡clergyman¡¡who¡¡came¡¡often¡¡to¡¡her¡¡house£»¡¡and¡¡feeling¡¡somewhat¡¡offended£»¡¡cried¡¡out¡¡sudden£»¡¡¡¨Why£»¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Pearson£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡she£»¡¡¡¨you¡¡are¡¡just¡¡like¡¡Dr¡£¡¡Johnson£»¡¡I¡¡think£º¡¡¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡mean¡¡that¡¡you¡¡are¡¡a¡¡man¡¡of¡¡the¡¡greatest¡¡capacity¡¡in¡¡all¡¡the¡¡world¡¡like¡¡Dr¡£¡¡Johnson£»¡¡but¡¡that¡¡you¡¡contradict¡¡one¡¡every¡¡word¡¡one¡¡speaks£»¡¡just¡¡like¡¡him¡£¡¨
Mr¡£¡¡Johnson¡¡told¡¡me¡¡the¡¡story£º¡¡¡¡he¡¡was¡¡present¡¡at¡¡the¡¡giving¡¡of¡¡the¡¡reproof¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was£»¡¡however£»¡¡observable£»¡¡that¡¡with¡¡all¡¡his¡¡odd¡¡severity£»¡¡he¡¡could¡¡not¡¡keep¡¡even¡¡indifferent¡¡people¡¡from¡¡teasing¡¡him¡¡with¡¡unaccountable¡¡confessions¡¡of¡¡silly¡¡conduct£»¡¡which¡¡one¡¡would¡¡think¡¡they¡¡would¡¡scarcely¡¡have¡¡had¡¡inclination¡¡to¡¡reveal¡¡even¡¡to¡¡their¡¡tenderest¡¡and¡¡most¡¡intimate¡¡companions£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡was¡¡from¡¡these¡¡unaccountable¡¡volunteers¡¡in¡¡sincerity¡¡that¡¡he¡¡learned¡¡to¡¡warn¡¡the¡¡world¡¡against¡¡follies¡¡little¡¡known£»¡¡and¡¡seldom¡¡thought¡¡on¡¡by¡¡other¡¡moralists¡£
Much¡¡of¡¡his¡¡eloquence£»¡¡and¡¡much¡¡of¡¡his¡¡logic£»¡¡have¡¡I¡¡heard¡¡him¡¡use¡¡to¡¡prevent¡¡men¡¡from¡¡making¡¡vows¡¡on¡¡trivial¡¡occasions£»¡¡and¡¡when¡¡he¡¡saw¡¡a¡¡person¡¡oddly¡¡perplexed¡¡about¡¡a¡¡slight¡¡difficulty£»¡¡¡¨Let¡¡the¡¡man¡¡alone£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡would¡¡say£»¡¡¡¨and¡¡torment¡¡him¡¡no¡¡more¡¡about¡¡it£»¡¡there¡¡is¡¡a¡¡vow¡¡in¡¡the¡¡case£»¡¡I¡¡am¡¡convinced£»¡¡but¡¡is¡¡it¡¡not¡¡very¡¡strange¡¡that¡¡people¡¡should¡¡be¡¡neither¡¡afraid¡¡nor¡¡ashamed¡¡of¡¡bringing¡¡in¡¡God¡¡Almighty¡¡thus¡¡at¡¡every¡¡turn¡¡between¡¡themselves¡¡and¡¡their¡¡dinner£¿¡¨¡¡¡¡When¡¡I¡¡asked¡¡what¡¡ground¡¡he¡¡had¡¡for¡¡such¡¡imaginations£»¡¡he¡¡informed¡¡me£»¡¡¡¨That¡¡a¡¡young¡¡lady¡¡once¡¡told¡¡him¡¡in¡¡confidence¡¡that¡¡she¡¡could¡¡never¡¡persuade¡¡herself¡¡to¡¡be¡¡dressed¡¡against¡¡the¡¡bell¡¡rung¡¡for¡¡dinner£»¡¡till¡¡she¡¡had¡¡made¡¡a¡¡vow¡¡to¡¡heaven¡¡that¡¡she¡¡would¡¡never¡¡more¡¡be¡¡absent¡¡from¡¡the¡¡family¡¡meals¡£¡¨
The¡¡strangest¡¡applications¡¡in¡¡the¡¡world¡¡were¡¡certainly¡¡made¡¡from¡¡time¡¡to¡¡time¡¡towards¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Johnson£»¡¡who¡¡by¡¡that¡¡means¡¡had¡¡an¡¡inexhaustible¡¡fund¡¡of¡¡ancecdote£»¡¡and¡¡could£»¡¡if¡¡he¡¡pleased£»¡¡tell¡¡the¡¡most¡¡astonishing¡¡stories¡¡of¡¡human¡¡folly¡¡and¡¡human¡¡weakness¡¡that¡¡ever¡¡were¡¡confided¡¡to¡¡any¡¡man¡¡not¡¡a¡¡confessor¡¡by¡¡profession¡£
One¡¡day£»¡¡when¡¡he¡¡was¡¡in¡¡a¡¡humour¡¡to¡¡record¡¡some¡¡of¡¡them£»¡¡he¡¡told¡¡us¡¡the¡¡following¡¡tale£º¡¨A¡¡person£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡he£»¡¡¡¨had¡¡for¡¡these¡¡last¡¡five¡¡weeks¡¡often¡¡called¡¡at¡¡my¡¡door£»¡¡but¡¡would¡¡not¡¡leave¡¡his¡¡name¡¡or¡¡other¡¡message£»¡¡but¡¡that¡¡he¡¡wished¡¡to¡¡speak¡¡with¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡At¡¡last¡¡we¡¡met£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡told¡¡me¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡oppressed¡¡by¡¡scruples¡¡of¡¡conscience¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡blamed¡¡him¡¡gently¡¡for¡¡not¡¡applying£»¡¡as¡¡the¡¡rules¡¡of¡¡our¡¡Church¡¡direct£»¡¡to¡¡his¡¡parish¡¡priest¡¡or¡¡other¡¡discreet¡¡clergyman£»¡¡when£»¡¡after¡¡some¡¡compliments¡¡on¡¡his¡¡part£»¡¡he¡¡told¡¡me¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡clerk¡¡to¡¡a¡¡very¡¡eminent¡¡trader£»¡¡at¡¡whose¡¡warehouses¡¡much¡¡business¡¡consisted¡¡in¡¡packing¡¡goods¡¡in¡¡order¡¡to¡¡go¡¡abroad£»¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡often¡¡tempted¡¡to¡¡take¡¡paper¡¡and¡¡packthread¡¡enough¡¡for¡¡his¡¡own¡¡use£»¡¡and¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡indeed¡¡done¡¡so¡¡so¡¡often£»¡¡that¡¡he¡¡could¡¡recollect¡¡no¡¡time¡¡when¡¡he¡¡ever¡¡had¡¡bought¡¡any¡¡for¡¡himself¡£¡¡¡¡'But¡¡probably£»'¡¡said¡¡I£»¡¡'your¡¡master¡¡was¡¡wholly¡¡indifferent¡¡with¡¡regard¡¡to¡¡such¡¡trivial¡¡emoluments¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡had¡¡better¡¡ask¡¡for¡¡it¡¡at¡¡once£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡take¡¡your¡¡trifles¡¡with¡¡content¡£'¡¡¡¡'Oh£»¡¡sir£¡'¡¡replies¡¡the¡¡visitor£»¡¡'my¡¡master¡¡bid¡¡me¡¡have¡¡as¡¡much¡¡as¡¡I¡¡pleased£»¡¡and¡¡was¡¡half¡¡angry¡¡when¡¡I¡¡talked¡¡to¡¡him¡¡about¡¡it¡£'¡¡¡¡'Then¡¡pray£»¡¡sir£»'¡¡said¡¡I£»¡¡'tease¡¡me¡¡no¡¡more¡¡about¡¡such¡¡airy¡¡nothings£»'¡¡and¡¡was¡¡going¡¡on¡¡to¡¡be¡¡very¡¡angry£»¡¡when¡¡I¡¡recollected¡¡that¡¡the¡¡fellow¡¡might¡¡be¡¡mad£»¡¡perhaps£»¡¡so¡¡I¡¡asked¡¡him£»¡¡'When¡¡he¡¡left¡¡the¡¡counting¡house¡¡of¡¡an¡¡evening£¿'¡¡¡¡'At¡¡seven¡¡o'clock£»¡¡sir¡£'¡¡¡¡'And¡¡when¡¡do¡¡you¡¡go¡¡to¡¡bed£»¡¡sir£¿'¡¡¡¡'At¡¡twelve¡¡o'clock¡£'¡¡¡¡'Then£»'¡¡replied¡¡I£»¡¡'I¡¡have¡¡at¡¡least¡¡learnt¡¡thus¡¡much¡¡by¡¡my¡¡new¡¡acquaintancethat¡¡five¡¡hours¡¡of¡¡the¡¡four¡and¡twenty¡¡unemployed¡¡are¡¡enough¡¡for¡¡a¡¡man¡¡to¡¡go¡¡mad¡¡in£»¡¡so¡¡I¡¡would¡¡advise¡¡you£»¡¡sir£»¡¡to¡¡study¡¡algebra£»¡¡if¡¡you¡¡are¡¡not¡¡an¡¡adept¡¡already¡¡in¡¡it¡£¡¡Your¡¡head¡¡would¡¡get¡¡less¡¡MUDDY£»¡¡and¡¡you¡¡will¡¡leave¡¡off¡¡tormenting¡¡your¡¡neighbours¡¡about¡¡paper¡¡and¡¡packthread£»¡¡while¡¡we¡¡all¡¡live¡¡together¡¡in¡¡a¡¡world¡¡that¡¡is¡¡bursting¡¡with¡¡sin¡¡and¡¡sorrow¡£'¡¡¡¡It¡¡is¡¡perhaps¡¡needless¡¡to¡¡add¡¡that¡¡this¡¡visitor¡¡came¡¡no¡¡more¡£¡¨
Mr¡£¡¡Johnson¡¡had£»¡¡indeed£»¡¡a¡¡real¡¡abhorrence¡¡of¡¡a¡¡person¡¡that¡¡had¡¡ever¡¡before¡¡him¡¡treated¡¡a¡¡little¡¡thing¡¡like¡¡a¡¡great¡¡one£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡quoted¡¡this¡¡scrupulous¡¡gentleman¡¡with¡¡his¡¡packthread¡¡very¡¡often£»¡¡in¡¡ridicule¡¡of¡¡a¡¡friend¡¡who£»¡¡looking¡¡out¡¡on¡¡Streatham¡¡Common¡¡from¡¡our¡¡windows£»¡¡one¡¡day£»¡¡lamented¡¡the¡¡enormous¡¡wickedness¡¡of¡¡the¡¡times¡¡because¡¡some¡¡bird¡catchers¡¡were¡¡busy¡¡there¡¡one¡¡fine¡¡Sunday¡¡morning¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨While¡¡half¡¡the¡¡Christian¡¡world¡¡is¡¡permitted£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡he£»¡¡¡¨to¡¡dance¡¡and¡¡sing¡¡and¡¡celebrate¡¡Sunday¡¡as¡¡a¡¡day¡¡of¡¡festivity£»¡¡how¡¡comes¡¡your¡¡Puritanical¡¡spirit¡¡so¡¡offended¡¡with¡¡frivolous¡¡and¡¡empty¡¡deviations¡¡from¡¡exactness£¿¡¡¡¡Whoever¡¡loads¡¡life¡¡with¡¡unnecessary¡¡scruples£»¡¡sir£»¡¨¡¡continued¡¡he£»¡¡¡¨provokes¡¡the¡¡attention¡¡of¡¡others¡¡on¡¡his¡¡conduct£»¡¡and¡¡incurs¡¡the¡¡censure¡¡of¡¡singularity¡¡without¡¡reaping¡¡the¡¡reward¡¡of¡¡superior¡¡virtue¡£¡¨
I¡¡must¡¡not£»¡¡among¡¡the¡¡anecdotes¡¡of¡¡Dr¡£¡¡Johnson's¡¡life£»¡¡omit¡¡to¡¡relate¡¡a¡¡thing¡¡that¡¡happened¡¡to¡¡him¡¡one¡¡day£»¡¡which¡¡he¡¡told¡¡me¡¡of¡¡himself¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡he¡¡was¡¡walking¡¡along¡¡the¡¡Strand¡¡a¡¡gentleman¡¡stepped¡¡out¡¡of¡¡some¡¡neighbouring¡¡tavern£»¡¡with¡¡his¡¡napkin¡¡in¡¡his