tracks of a rolling stone-第2部分

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t　features　were　ice　　perils；　and　the　no　less　imminent　one　of　being　captured　and　　shot　as　a　spy。　　The　crossing　of　the　rivers　stands　out　　prominently　in　my　recollection。　　All　the　bridges　were　of　　course　guarded；　and　he　had　two　at　least　within　the　enemy's　　lines　to　get　over　…　those　of　the　Mincio　and　of　the　Adige。　　　Probably　the　lagunes　surrounding　the　invested　fortress　would　　be　his　worst　difficulty。　　The　Adige　he　described　as　beset　　with　a　two…fold　risk　…　the　avoidance　of　the　bridges；　which　　courted　suspicion；　and　the　thin　ice　and　only　partially　frozen　　river；　which　had　to　be　traversed　in　the　dark。　　The　vigour；　　the　zest　with　which　the　wiry　veteran　'shoulder'd　his　crutch　　and　show'd　how　fields　were　won'　was　not　a　thing　to　be　　forgotten。

Lord　Lynedoch　lived　to　a　great　age；　and　it　was　from　his　house　　at　Cardington；　in　Bedfordshire；　that　my　brother　Leicester　　married　his　first　wife；　Miss　Whitbread；　in　1843。　　That　was　　the　last　time　I　saw　him。

Perhaps　the　following　is　not　out　of　place　here；　although　it　　is　connected　with　more　serious　thoughts：

Though　neither　my　father　nor　my　mother　were　more　pious　than　　their　neighbours；　we　children　were　brought　up　religiously。　　　From　infancy　we　were　taught　to　repeat　night　and　morning　the　　Lord's　Prayer；　and　invoke　blessings　on　our　parents。　　It　was　　instilled　into　us　by　constant　repetition　that　God　did　not　　love　naughty　children　…　our　naughtiness　being　for　the　most　　part　the　original　sin　of　disobedience；　rooted　in　the　love　of　　forbidden　fruit　in　all　its　forms　of　allurement。　　Moses　　himself　could　not　have　believed　more　faithfully　in　the　direct　　and　immediate　intervention　of　an　avenging　God。　　The　pain　in　　one's　stomach　incident　to　unripe　gooseberries；　no　less　than　　the　consequent　black　dose；　or　the　personal　chastisement　of　a　　responsible　and　apprehensive　nurse；　were　but　the　just　　visitations　of　an　offended　Deity。

Whether　my　religious　proclivities　were　more　pronounced　than　　those　of　other　children　I　cannot　say；　but　certainly；　as　a　　child；　I　was　in　the　habit　of　appealing　to　Omnipotence　to　　gratify　every　ardent　desire。

There　were　peacocks　in　the　pleasure　grounds　at　Holkham；　and　I　　had　an　aesthetic　love　for　their　gorgeous　plumes。　　As　I　hunted　　under　and　amongst　the　shrubs；　I　secretly　prayed　that　my　　search　might　be　rewarded。　　Nor　had　I　a　doubt；　when　　successful；　that　my　prayer　had　been　granted　by　a　beneficent　　Providence。

Let　no　one　smile　at　this　infantine　credulity；　for　is　it　not　　the　basis　of　that　religious　trust　which　helps　so　many　of　us　　to　support　the　sorrows　to　which　our　stoicism　is　unequal？　　Who　　that　might　be　tempted　thoughtlessly　to　laugh　at　the　child　　does　not　sometimes　sustain　the　hope　of　finding　his　'plumes'　　by　appeals　akin　to　those　of　his　childhood？　　Which　of　us　could　　not　quote　a　hundred　instances　of　such　a　soothing　delusion　…　　if　delusion　it　be？　　I　speak　not　of　saints；　but　of　sinners：　　　of　the　countless　hosts　who　aspire　to　this　world's　happiness；　　of　the　dying　who　would　live；　of　the　suffering　who　would　die；　　of　the　poor　who　would　be　rich；　of　the　aggrieved　who　seek　　vengeance；　of　the　ugly　who　would　be　beautiful；　of　the　old　who　　would　appear　young；　of　the　guilty　who　would　not　be　found　out；　　and　of　the　lover　who　would　possess。　　Ah！　the　lover。　　Here　　possibility　is　a　negligible　element。　　Consequences　are　of　no　　consequence。　　Passion　must　be　served。　　When　could　a　miracle　　be　more　pertinent？

It　is　just　fifty　years　ago　now；　it　was　during　the　Indian　　Mutiny。　　A　lady　friend　of　mine　did　me　the　honour　to　make　me　　her　confidant。　　She　paid　the　same　compliment　to　many　…　most　　of　her　friends；　and　the　friends　（as　is　their　wont）　confided　　in　one　another。　　Poor　thing！　her　case　was　a　sad　one。　　Whose　　case　is　not？　　She　was；　by　her　own　account；　in　the　forty…　second　year　of　her　virginity；　and　it　may　be　added；　　parenthetically；　an　honest　fourteen　stone　in　weight。

She　was　in　love　with　a　hero　of　Lucknow。　　It　cannot　be　said　　that　she　knew　him　only　by　his　well…earned　fame。　　She　had　seen　　him；　had　even　sat　by　him　at　dinner。　　He　was　young；　he　was　　handsome。　　It　was　love　at　sight；　accentuated　by　much　　meditation　…　'obsessions　＇peradventure＇　des　images　　genetiques。'　　She　told　me　（and　her　other　confidants；　of　　course）　that　she　prayed　day　and　night　that　this　distinguished　　officer；　this　handsome　officer；　might　return　her　passion。　　　And　her　letters　to　me　（and　to　other　confidants）　invariably　　ended　with　the　entreaty　that　I　（and　her　other；　&c。）　would　　offer　up　a　similar　prayer　on　her　behalf。　　Alas！　poor　soul；　　poor　body！　　I　should　say；　the　distinguished　officer；　together　　with　the　invoked　Providence；　remained　equally　insensible　to　　her　supplications。　　The　lady　rests　in　peace。　　The　soldier；　　though　a　veteran；　still　exults　in　war。

But　why　do　I　cite　this　single　instance？　　Are　there　not　　millions　of　such　entreaties　addressed　to　Heaven　on　this；　and　　on　every　day？　　What　difference　is　there；　in　spirit；　between　　them　and　the　child's　prayer　for　his　feather？　　Is　there　　anything　great　or　small　in　the　eye　of　Omniscience？　　Or　is　it　　not　our　thinking　only　that　makes　it　so？



CHAPTER　II



SOON　after　I　was　seven　years　old；　I　went　to　what　was　then；　　and　is　still；　one　of　the　most　favoured　of　preparatory　schools　　…　Temple　Grove　…　at　East　Sheen；　then　kept　by　Dr。　Pinkney。　　I　　was　taken　thither　from　Holkham　by　a　great　friend　of　my　　father's；　General　Sir　Ronald　Ferguson；　whose　statue　now　　adorns　one　of　the　niches　in　the　facade　of　Wellington　College。　　　The　school　contained　about　120　boys；　but　I　cannot　name　any　　one　of　the　lot　who　afterwards　achieved　distinction。　　There　　were　three　Macaulays　there；　nephews　of　the　historian　…　Aulay；　　Kenneth；　and　Hector。　　But　I　have　lost　sight　of　all。

Temple　Grove　was　a　typical　private　school　of　that　period。　　　The　type　is　familiar　to　everyone　in　its　photograph　as　　Dotheboys　Hall。　　The　progress　of　the　last　century　in　many　　directions　is　great　indeed；　but　in　few　is　it　greater　than　in　　the　comfort　and　the　cleanliness　of　our　modern　schools。　　The　　luxury　enjoyed　by　the　present　boy　is　a　constant　source　of　　astonishment　to　us　grandfathers。　　We　were　half　starved；　we　　were　exceedingly　dirty；　we　were　systematically　bullied；　and　　we　were　flogged　and　caned　as　though　the　master's　pleasure　was　　in　inverse　ratio　to　ours。　　The　inscription　on　the　threshold　　should　have　been　'Cave　canem。'

We　began　our　day　as　at　Dotheboys　Hall　with　two　large　　spoonfuls　of　sulphur　and　treacle。　　After　an　hour's　lessons　we　　breakfasted　on　one　bowl　of　milk　…　'Skyblue'　we　called　it　…　　and　one　hunch　of　buttered　bread；　unbuttered　at　discretion。　　　Our　dinner　began　with　pudding　…　generally　rice　…　to　save　the　　butcher's　bill。　　Then　mutton　…　which　was　quite　capable　of　　taking　care　of　itself。　　Our　only　other　meal　was　a　basin　of　　'Skyblue'　and　bread　as　before。

As　to　cleanliness；　I　never　had　a　bath；　never　bathed　（at　the　　school）　during　the　two　years　I　was　there。　　On　Saturday　　nights；　before　bed；　our　feet　were　washed　by　the　housemaids；　　in　tubs　round　which　half　a　dozen　of　us　sat　at　a　time。　　Woe　to　　the　last　comers！　for　the　water　was　never　changed。　　How　we　　survived　the　food；　or　rather　the　want　of　it；　is　a　marvel。　　　Fortunately　for　me；　I　used　to　discover；　when　I　got　into　bed；　　a　thickly　buttered　crust　under　my　pillow。　　I　believed；　I　　never　quite　made　sure；　（for　the　act　was　not　admissible）；　that　　my　good　fairy　was　a　fiery…haired　lassie　（we　called　her　　'Carrots；'　though　I　had　my　doubts　as　to　this　being　her　　Christian　name）　who　hailed　from　Norfolk。　　I　see　her　now：　　her　　jolly；　round；　shining　face；　her　extensive　mouth；　her　ample　　person。　　I　recall；　with　more　pleasure　than　I　then　endured；　　the　cordial　hugs　she　surreptitiously　bestowed　upon　me　when　we　　met　by　accident　in　the　passages。　　Kind；　affectionate　　'Carrots'！　　Thy　heart　was　as　bounteous　as　thy　bosom。　　May　the　　tenderness　of　both　have　met　with　their　earthly　deserts；　and　　mayest　thou　have　shared　to　the　full　the　pleasures　thou　wast　　ever　ready　to　impart！

There　were　no　railways　in　those　times。　　It　amuses　me　to　see　　people　nowadays　travelling　by　coach；　for　pleasure。　　How　many　　lives　must　have　been　shortened　by　long　winter　journeys　in　　those　horrible　coaches。　　The　inside　passengers　were　hardly　　better　off　than　the　outside。　　The　corpulent　and　heavy　　occupied　the　scanty　space　allotted　to　the　weak　and　small　…　　crushed　them；　slept　on　them；　snored　over　them；　and　　monopolised　the　straw　which　was　supposed　to　keep　their　feet　　warm。

A　pachydermatous　old　lady　would　insist　upon　an　open　window。　　　A　wheezy　consumptive　invalid　would　insist　on　a　closed　one。　　　Everybody's　legs　were　in　their　own；　and　in　every　other　　body's；　way。　　So　that　when　the　distance　was　great　and　time　　precious；　people　avoided　coaching；　and　remained　where　they　　were。

For　this　reason；　if　a　short　holiday　was　given　…　less　than　a　　week　say　…　Norfolk　was　too　far　off；　and　I　was　not　permitted　　to　spend　it　at　Holkham。　　I　generally　went　to　Charles　Fox's　at　　Addison　Road；　or　to　Holland　House。　　Lord　Holland　was　a　great　　friend　of　my　father's；　but；　if　Creevey　is　to　be　trusted　…　　which；　as　a　rule；　my　recollection　of　him　would　permit　me　to　　doubt；　though　perhaps　not　in　this　instance　…　Lord　Holland　did　　not　go　to　Holkham　because　of　my　father's　dislike　to　Lady　　Holland。

I　speak　here　of　my　introduction　to　Holland　House；　for　　although　Lady　Holland　was　then　in　the　zenith　of　her　　ascendency；　（it　was　she　who　was　the　Cabinet　Minister；　not　her　　too　amiable　husband；）　although　Holland　House　was　then　the　　resort　of　all　the　potentates　of　Whig　statecraft；　and　Whig　　literature；　and　Whig　wit；　in　the　persons　of　Lord　Grey；　　Brougham；　Jeffrey；　Macaulay；　Sydney　Smith；　and　others；　it　was　　not　till　eight　or　ten　years　later　that　I　knew；　when　I　met　　them　there；　who　and　what　her　Ladyship's　brilliant　satellites　　were。　　I　shall　not　return　to　Lady　Holland；　so　I　will　say　a　　parting　word　of　her　forthwith。

The　woman　who　corresponded　with　Buonaparte；　and　consoled　the　　prisoner　of　St。　Helena　with　black　currant　jam；　was　no　　ordinary　personage。　　Most　people；　I　fancy；　were　afraid　of　　her。　　Her　stature；　her　voice；　her　beard；　were　obtrusive　marks　　of　her　masculine　attributes。　　It　is　questionable　whether　her　　amity　or　her　enmity　was　most　to　be　dreaded。　　She　liked　those　　best　whom　she　could　most　easily　tyrannise　over。　　Those　in　the　　other　category　might　possibly　keep　aloof。