tracks of a rolling stone-第28部分

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or　curse。　　But　the　breaking　point　was　reached　at　last。　　　That　night　I；　for　one；　had　not　much　sleep。　　I　was　soaked　from　　head　to　foot；　and　had　not　a　dry　rag　for　a　change。　　Alternate　　fits　of　fever　and　rigor　would　alone　have　kept　me　awake；　but　　renewed　ponderings　upon　the　situation　and　confirmed　　convictions　of　the　peremptory　necessity　of　breaking　up　the　　party；　forced　me　to　the　conclusion　that　this　was　the　right；　　the　only；　course　to　adopt。

For　another　twenty…four　hours　I　brooded　over　my　plans。　　Two　　main　difficulties　confronted　me：　　the　announcement　to　the　　men；　who　might　mutiny；　and　the　parting　with　Fred；　which　I　　dreaded　far　the　most　of　the　two。　　Would　he　not　think　it　　treacherous　to　cast　him　off　after　the　sacrifices　he　had　made　　for　me？　　Implicitly　we　were　as　good　as　pledged　to　stand　by　　each　other　to　the　last　gasp。　　Was　it　not　mean　and　dastardly　　to　run　away　from　the　battle　because　it　was　dangerous　to　fight　　it　out？　　Had　friendship　no　claims　superior　to　personal　　safety？　　Was　not　my　decision　prompted　by　sheer　selfishness？　　　Could　anything　be　said　in　its　defence？

Yes；　sentiment　must　yield　to　reason。　　To　go　on　was　certain　　death　for　all。　　It　was　not　too　late　to　return；　for　those　who　　wished　it。　　And　when　I　had　demonstrated；　as　I　could　easily　　do；　the　impossibility　of　continuance；　each　one　could　decide　　for　himself。　　The　men　were　as　reckless　as　they　were　ignorant。　　　However　they　might　execrate　us；　we　were　still　their　natural　　leaders：　　their　blame；　indeed；　implied　they　felt　it。　　No　　sentimental　argument　could　obscure　this　truth；　and　this　　conviction　was　decisive。

The　next　night　and　the　day　after　were；　from　a　moral　point　of　　view；　the　most　trying　perhaps；　of　the　whole　journey。　　We　had　　halted　on　a　wide；　open　plain。　　Due　west　of　us　in　the　far　　distance　rose　the　snowy　peaks　of　the　mountains。　　And　the　　prairie　on　that　side　terminated　in　bluffs；　rising　gradually　　to　higher　spurs　of　the　range。　　When　the　packs　were　thrown　　off；　and　the　men　had　turned；　as　usual；　to　help　themselves　to　　supper；　I　drew　Fred　aside　and　imparted　my　resolution　to　him。　　　He　listened　to　it　calmly　…　much　more　so　than　I　had　expected。　　　Yet　it　was　easy　to　see　by　his　unusual　seriousness　that　he　　fully　weighed　the　gravity　of　the　purpose。　　All　he　said　at　the　　time　was；　'Let　us　talk　it　over　after　the　men　are　asleep。'

We　did　so。　　We　placed　our　saddles　side　by　side　…　they　were　　our　regular　pillows　…　and；　covering　ourselves　with　the　same　　blanket；　well　out　of　ear…shot；　discussed　the　proposition　from　　every　practical　aspect。　　He　now　combated　my　scheme；　as　I　　always　supposed　he　would；　by　laying　stress　upon　our　bond　of　　friendship。　　This　was　met　on　my　part　by　the　arguments　already　　set　forth。　　He　then　proposed　an　amendment；　which　almost　upset　　my　decision。　　'It　is　true；'　he　admitted；　'that　we　cannot　get　　through　as　we　are　going　now；　the　provisions　will　not　hold　out　　another　month；　and　it　is　useless　to　attempt　to　control　the　　men。　　But　there　are　two　ways　out　of　the　difficulty：　　we　can　　reach　Salt　Lake　City　and　winter　there；　or；　if　you　are　bent　on　　going　to　California；　why　shouldn't　we　take　Jacob　and　Nelson　　（the　Canadian）；　pay　off　the　rest　of　the　brutes；　and　travel　　together；　…　us　four？'

Whether　'das　ewig　Wirkende'　that　shapes　our　ends　be　　beneficent　or　malignant　is　not　easy　to　tell；　till　after　the　　event。　　Certain　it　is　that　sometimes　we　seem　impelled　by　　latent　forces　stronger　than　ourselves　…　if　by　self　be　meant　　one's　will。　　We　cannot　give　a　reason　for　all　we　do；　the　　infinite　chain　of　cause　and　effect；　which　has　had　no　　beginning　and　will　have　no　end；　is　part　of　the　reckoning；　…　　with　this；　finite　minds　can　never　grapple。

It　was　destined　（my　stubbornness　was　none　of　my　making）　that　　I　should　remain　obdurate。　　Fred's　last　resource　was　an　　attempt　to　persuade　me　（he　really　believed：　　I；　too；　thought　　it　likely）　that　the　men　would　show　fight；　annex　beasts　and　　provisions；　and　leave　us　to　shift　for　ourselves。　　There　were　　six　of　them；　armed　as　we　were；　to　us　three；　or　rather　us　two；　　for　Samson　was　a　negligible　quantity。　　'We　shall　see；'　said　　I；　and　by　degrees　we　dropped　asleep。



CHAPTER　XXIV



BEFORE　the　first　streak　of　dawn　I　was　up　and　off　to　hunt　for　　the　horses　and　mules；　which　were　now　allowed　to　roam　in　　search　of　feed。　　On　my　return；　the　men　were　afoot；　taking　it　　easy　as　usual。　　Some　artemisia　bushes　were　ablaze　for　the　　morning's　coffee。　　No　one　but　Fred　had　a　suspicion　of　the　　coming　crisis。　　I　waited　till　each　one　had　lighted　his　pipe；　　then　quietly　requested　the　lot　to　gather　the　provision　packs　　together；　as　it　was　desirable　to　take　stock；　and　make　some　　estimate　of　demand　and　supply。　　Nothing　loth；　the　men　obeyed。　　　'Now；'　said　I；　'turn　all　the　hams　out　of　their　bags；　and　let　　us　see　how　long　they　will　last。'　　When　done：　　'What！'　I　　exclaimed；　with　well　…　feigned　dismay；　'that's　not　all；　　surely？　　There　are　not　enough　here　to　last　a　fortnight。　　　Where　are　the　rest？　　　No　more？　　Why；　we　shall　starve。'　　The　　men's　faces　fell；　but　never　a　murmur；　nor　a　sound。　　'Turn　out　　the　biscuit　bags。　　Here；　spread　these　empty　ham　sacks；　and　　pour　the　biscuit　on　to　them。　　Don't　lose　any　of　the　dust。　　We　　shall　want　every　crumb；　mouldy　or　not。'　　The　gloomy　faces　　grew　gloomier。　　What's　to　be　done？'　　Silence。　　'The　first　　thing；　as　I　think　all　will　agree；　is　to　divide　what　is　left　　into　nine　equal　shares　…　that's　our　number　now　…　and　let　each　　one　take　his　ninth　part；　to　do　what　he　likes　with。　　You　　yourselves　shall　portion　out　the　shares；　and　then　draw　lots　　for　choice。'

This　presentation　of　the　inevitable　compelled　submission。　　　The　whole；　amounting　to　twelve　light　mule　packs　（it　had　been　　fifteen　fairly　heavy　ones　after　our　purchases　at　Fort　　Laramie）；　was　still　a　goodly　bulk　to　look　at。　　The　nine　　peddling　dividends；　when　seen　singly；　were　not　quite　what　the　　shareholders　had　anticipated。

Why　were　they　still　silent？　　Why　did　they　not　rebel；　and　　visit　their　wrath　upon　the　directors？　　Because　they　knew　in　　their　hearts　that　we　had　again　and　again　predicted　the　　catastrophe。　　They　knew　we　had　warned　them　scores　and　scores　　of　times　of　the　consequences　of　their　wilful　and　reckless　　improvidence。　　They　were　stupefied；　aghast；　at　the　ruin　they　　had　brought　upon　themselves。　　To　turn　upon　us；　to　murder　us；　　and　divide　our　three　portions　between　them；　would　have　been　　suicidal。　　In　the　first　place；　our　situation　was　as　desperate　　as　theirs。　　We　should　fight　for　our　lives；　and　it　was　not　　certain；　in　fact　it　was　improbable；　that　either　Jacob　or　　William　would　side　against　us。　　Without　our　aid　…　they　had　　not　a　compass　among　them　…　they　were　helpless。　　The　instinct　　of　self…preservation　bade　them　trust　to　our　good　will。

So　far；　then；　the　game　was　won。　　Almost　humbly　they　asked　　what　we　advised　them　to　do。　　The　answer　was　prompt　and　　decisive：　　'Get　back　to　Fort　Laramie　as　fast　as　you　can。'　　　'But　how？　　Were　they　to　walk？　　They　couldn't　carry　their　　packs。'　　'Certainly　not；　we　were　English　gentlemen；　and　would　　behave　as　such。　　Each　man　should　have　his　own　mule；　each；　　into　the　bargain；　should　receive　his　pay　according　to　　agreement。'　They　were　agreeably　surprised。　　I　then　very　　strongly　counselled　them　not　to　travel　together。　　Past　　experience　proved　how　dangerous　this　must　be。　　To　avoid　the　　temptation；　even　the　chance；　of　this　happening；　the　surest　　and　safest　plan　would　be　for　each　party　to　start　separately；　　and　not　leave　till　the　last　was　out　of　sight。　　For　my　part　I　　had　resolved　to　go　alone。

It　was　a　melancholy　day　for　everyone。　　And　to　fill　the　cup　of　　wretchedness　to　overflowing；　the　rain；　beginning　with　a　　drizzle；　ended　with　a　downpour。　　Consultations　took　place　　between　men　who　had　not　spoken　to　one　another　for　weeks。　　　Fred　offered　to　go　on；　at　all　events　to　Salt　Lake　City；　if　　Nelson　the　Canadian　and　Jacob　would　go　with　him。　　Both　　eagerly　closed　with　the　offer。　　They　would　be　so　much　nearer　　to　the　'diggings；'　and　were；　moreover；　fond　of　their　leader。　　　Louis　would　go　back　to　Fort　Laramie。　　Potter　and　Morris　would　　cross　the　mountains；　and　strike　south　for　the　Mormon　city　if　　their　provisions　and　mules　threatened　to　give　out。　　William　　would　try　his　luck　alone　in　the　same　way。　　And　there　remained　　no　one　but　Samson；　undecided　and　unprovided　for。　　The　strong　　weak　man　sat　on　the　ground　in　the　steady　rain；　smoking　pipe　　after　pipe；　watching　first　the　preparations；　then　the　　departures；　one　after　the　other；　at　intervals　of　an　hour　or　　so。　　First　the　singles；　then　the　pair；　then；　late　in　the　　afternoon；　Fred　and　his　two　henchmen。

It　is　needless　to　depict　our　separation。　　I　do　not　think　　either　expected　ever　to　see　the　other　again。　　Yet　we　parted　　after　the　manner　of　trueborn　Britons；　as　if　we　should　meet　　again　in　a　day　or　two。　　'Well；　good…bye；　old　fellow。　　Good　　luck。　　What　a　beastly　day；　isn't　it？'　　But　emotions　are　only　　partially　suppressed　by　subduing　their　expression。　　The　　hearts　of　both　were　full。

I　watched　the　gradual　disappearance　of　my　dear　friend；　and　　thought　with　a　sigh　of　my　loss　in　Jacob　and　Nelson；　the　two　　best　men　of　the　band。　　It　was　a　comfort　to　reflect　that　they　　had　joined　Fred。　　Jacob　especially　was　full　of　resource；　　Nelson　of　energy　and　determination。　　And　the　courage　and　cool　　judgment　of　Fred；　and　his　presence　of　mind　in　emergencies；　　were　all　pledges　for　the　safety　of　the　trio。

As　they　vanished　behind　a　distant　bluff；　I　turned　to　the　　sodden　wreck　of　the　deserted　camp；　and　began　actively　to　pack　　my　mules。　　Samson　seemed　paralysed　by　imbecility。

'What　had　I　better　do？'　he　presently　asked；　gazing　with　dull　　eyes　at　his　two　mules　and　two　horses。

'I　don't　care　what　you　do。　　It　is　nothing　to　me。　　You　had　　better　pack　your　mules　before　it　is　dark；　or　you　may　lose　　them。'

'I　may　as　well　go　with　you；　I　think。　　I　don't　care　much　about　　going　back　to　Laramie。'

He　looked　miserable。　　I　was　so。　　I　had　held　out　under　a　long　　and　heavy　strain。　　Parting　with　Fred　had；　for　the　moment；　　staggered　my　resolution。　　I　was　sick　at　heart。　　The　thought　　of　packing　two　mules　twice　a　day；　single…handed；　weakened　as　　I　was　by　illness；　appalled　me。　　And　though　ashamed　of　the　　perversity　which　had　led　me　to　fling　away　the　better　and　　accept　the　worse；　I　yielded。

'Very　well　then。　　Make　haste。　　Get　your　traps　together。　　I'