robert falconer-第58部分

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man　who　understood　in　part　could　believe　it　to　be　ten　times　more

right　than　he　did　understand！　　Vaguely；　dimly；　yet　joyfully；　Robert

saw　something　like　this　in　the　possibility　of　things。　　His　heart　was

full；　and　the　tears　filled　his　eyes。　　Ericson　spoke　again。



'I　have　felt　like　that　often　for　a　few　moments；'　he　said；　'but

always　something　would　come　and　blow　it　away。　　I　remember　one　spring

morningbut　if　you　will　bring　me　that　bundle　of　papers；　I　will　show

you　what；　if　I　can　find　it；　will　let　you　understand'



Robert　rose；　went　to　the　cupboard；　and　brought　the　pile　of　loose

leaves。　　Ericson　turned　them　over；　and；　Robert　was　glad　to　see；　now

and　then　sorted　them　a　little。　　At　length　he　drew　out　a　sheet；

carelessly　written；　carelessly　corrected；　and　hard　to　read。



'It　is　not　finished；　or　likely　to　be；'　he　said；　as　he　put　the　paper

in　Robert's　hand。



'Won't　you　read　it　to　me　yourself；　Mr。　Ericson？'　suggested　Robert。



'I　would　sooner　put　it　in　the　fire；'　he　answered'it's　fate；

anyhow。　　I　don't　know　why　I　haven't　burnt　them　all　long　ago。

Rubbish；　and　diseased　rubbish！　　Read　it　yourself；　or　leave　it。'



Eagerly　Robert　took　it；　and　read。　　The　following　was　the　best　he

could　make　of　it：



Oh　that　a　wind　would　call

》From　the　depths　of　the　leafless　wood！

Oh　that　a　voice　would　fall

On　the　ear　of　my　solitude！

Far　away　is　the　sea；

With　its　sound　and　its　spirit…tone：

Over　it　white　clouds　flee；

But　I　am　alone；　alone。



Straight　and　steady　and　tall

The　trees　stand　on　their　feet；

Fast　by　the　old　stone　wall

The　moss　grows　green　and　sweet；

But　my　heart　is　full　of　fears；

For　the　sun　shines　far　away；

And　they　look　in　my　face　through　tears；

And　the　light　of　a　dying　day。



My　heart　was　glad　last　night；

As　I　pressed　it　with　my　palm；

Its　throb　was　airy　and　light

As　it　sang　some　spirit…psalm；

But　it　died　away　in　my　breast

As　I　wandered　forth　to…day

As　a　bird　sat　dead　on　its　nest；

While　others　sang　on　the　spray。



O　weary　heart　of　mine；

Is　there　ever　a　truth　for　thee？

Will　ever　a　sun　outshine

But　the　sun　that　shines　on　me？

Away；　away　through　the　air

The　clouds　and　the　leaves　are　blown；

And　my　heart　hath　need　of　prayer；

For　it　sitteth　alone；　alone。



And　Robert　looked　with　sad　reverence　at　Ericson；nor　ever　thought

that　there　was　one　who；　in　the　face　of　the　fact；　and　in　recognition

of　it；　had　dared　say；　'Not　a　sparrow　shall　fall　on　the　ground

without　your　Father。'　　The　sparrow　does　fallbut　he　who　sees　it　is

yet　the　Father。



And　we　know　only　the　fall；　and　not　the　sparrow。









CHAPTER　XII。



THE　GRANITE　CHURCH。



The　next　day　was　Sunday。　　Robert　sat；　after　breakfast；　by　his

friend's　bed。



'You　haven't　been　to　church　for　a　long　time；　Robert：　wouldn't　you

like　to　go　to…day？'　said　Ericson。



'I　dinna　want　to　lea'　you；　Mr。　Ericson；　I　can　bide　wi'　ye　a'　day　the

day；　an'　that's　better　nor　goin'　to　a'　the　kirks　in　Aberdeen。'



'I　should　like　you　to　go　to…day；　though；　and　see　if；　after　all；

there　may　not　be　a　message　for　us。　　If　the　church　be　the　house　of

God；　as　they　call　it；　there　should　be；　now　and　then　at　least；　some

sign　of　a　pillar　of　fire　about　it；　some　indication　of　the　presence

of　God　whose　house　it　is。　　I　wish　you　would　go　and　see。　　I　haven't

been　to　church　for　a　long　time；　except　to　the　college…chapel；　and　I

never　saw　anything　more　than　a　fog　there。'



'Michtna　the　fog　be　the　torn…edge　like；　o'　the　cloody　pillar？'

suggested　Robert。



'Very　likely；'　assented　Ericson；　'for；　whatever　truth　there　may　be

in　Christianity；　I'm　pretty　sure　the　mass　of　our　clergy　have　never

got　beyond　Judaism。　　They　hang　on　about　the　skirts　of　that　cloud　for

ever。'



'Ye　see；　they　think　as　lang　's　they　see　the　fog；　they　hae　a　grup　o'

something。　　But　they　canna　get　a　grup　o'　the　glory　that　excelleth；

for　it's　not　to　luik　at；　but　to　lat　ye　see　a'　thing。'



Ericson　regarded　him　with　some　surprise。　　Robert　hastened　to　be

honest。



'It's　no　that　I　ken　onything　aboot　it；　Mr。　Ericson。　　I　was　only

bletherin'　（talking　nonsense）rizzonin'　frae　the　twa　symbols　o'　the

cloud　an'　the　firekennin'　nothing　aboot　the　thing　itsel'。　　I'll

awa'　to　the　kirk；　an'　see　what　it's　like。　　Will　I　gie　ye　a　buik

afore　I　gang？'



'No；　thank　you。　　I'll　just　lie　quiet　till　you　come　backif　I　can。'



Robert　instructed　Shargar　to　watch　for　the　slightest　sound　from　the

sick…room；　and　went　to　church。



As　he　approached　the　granite　cathedral；　the　only　one　in　the　world；　I

presume；　its　stern　solidity；　so　like　the　country　and　its　men；　laid

hold　of　his　imagination　for　the　first　time。　　No　doubt　the　necessity

imposed　by　the　unyielding　material　had　its　share；　and　that　a　large

one；　in　the　character　of　the　building：　whence　else　that　simplest　of

west　windows；　seven　lofty；　narrow　slits　of　light；　parted　by　granite

shafts　of　equal　width；　filling　the　space　between　the　corner

buttresses　of　the　nave；　and　reaching　from　door　to　roof？　whence　else

the　absence　of　tracery　in　the　windowsexcept　the　severely　gracious

curves　into　which　the　mullions　divide？But　this　cause　could　not

have　determined　those　towers；　so　strong　that　they　might　have　borne

their　granite　weight　soaring　aloft；　yet　content　with　the　depth　of

their　foundation；　and　aspiring　not。　　The　whole　aspect　of　the

building　is　an　outcome；　an　absolute　blossom　of　the　northern　nature。



There　is　but　the　nave　of　the　church　remaining。　　About　1680；　more

than　a　century　after　the　Reformation；　the　great　tower　fell；

destroying　the　choir；　chancel；　and　transept；　which　have　never　been

rebuilt。　　May　the　reviving　faith　of　the　nation　in　its　own　history；

and　God　at　the　heart　of　it；　lead　to　the　restoration　of　this　grand

old　monument　of　the　belief　of　their　fathers。　　Deformed　as　the

interior　then　was　with　galleries；　and　with　Gavin　Dunbar's　flat

ceiling；　an　awe　fell　upon　Robert　as　he　entered　it。　　When　in　after

years　he　looked　down　from　between　the　pillars　of　the　gallery；　that

creeps　round　the　church　through　the　thickness　of　the　wall；　like　an

artery；　and　recalled　the　service　of　this　Sunday　morning；　he　felt

more　strongly　than　ever　that　such　a　faith　had　not　reared　that

cathedral。　　The　service　was　like　the　church　only　as　a　dead　body　is

like　a　man。　　There　was　no　fervour　in　it；　no　aspiration。　　The　great

central　tower　was　gone。



That　morning　prayers　and　sermon　were　philosophically　dull；　and

respectable　as　any　after…dinner　speech。　　Nor　could　it　well　be

otherwise：　one　of　the　favourite　sayings　of　its　minister　was；　that　a

clergyman　is　nothing　but　a　moral　policeman。　　As　such；　however；　he

more　resembled　one　of　Dogberry's　watch。　　He　could　not　even　preach

hell　with　any　vigour；　for　as　a　gentleman　he　recoiled　from　the

vulgarity　of　the　doctrine；　yielding　only　a　few　feeble　words　on　the

subject　as　a　sop　to　the　Cerberus　that　watches　over　the　dues　of　the

Biblequite　unaware　that　his　notion　of　the　doctrine　had　been　drawn

from　the　？neid；　and　not　from　the　Bible。



'Well；　have　you　got　anything；　Robert？'　asked　Ericson；　as　he　entered

his　room。



'Nothing；'　answered　Robert。



'What　was　the　sermon　about？'



'It　was　all　to　prove　that　God　is　a　benevolent　being。'



'Not　a　devil；　that　is；'　answered　Ericson。　'Small　consolation　that。'



'Sma'　eneuch；'　responded　Robert。　'I　cudna　help　thinkin'　I　kent　mony

a　tyke　（dog）　that　God　had　made　wi'　mair　o'　what　I　wad　ca'　the　divine

natur'　in　him　nor　a'　that　Dr。　Soulis　made　oot　to　be　in　God　himsel'。

He　had　no　ill　intentions　wi'　usit　amuntit　to　that。　　He　wasna

ill…willy；　as　the　bairns　say。　　But　the　doctor　had　some　sair　wark；　I

thoucht；　to　mak　that　oot；　seein'　we　war　a'　the　children　o'　wrath；

accordin'　to　him；　born　in　sin；　and　inheritin'　the　guilt　o'　Adam's

first　trespass。　　I　dinna　think　Dr。　Soulis　cud　say　that　God　had　dune

the　best　he　cud　for　's。　　But　he　never　tried　to　say　onything　like

that。　　He　jist　made　oot　that　he　was　a　verra　respectable　kin'　o'　a

God；　though　maybe　no　a'thing　we　micht　wuss。　　We　oucht　to　be　thankfu'

that　he　gae's　a　wee　blink　o'　a　chance　o'　no　bein'　brunt　to　a'

eternity；　wi'　nae　chance　ava。　　I　dinna　say　that　he　said　that；　but

that's　what　it　a'　seemed　to　me　to　come　till。　　He　said　a　hantle　aboot

the　care　o'　Providence；　but　a'　the　gude　that　he　did　seemed　to　me　to

be　but　a　haudin'　aff　o'　something　ill　that　he　had　made　as　weel。　　Ye

wad　hae　thocht　the　deevil　had　made　the　warl'；　and　syne　God　had

pitten　us　intil　't；　and　jist　gied　a　bit　wag　o'　's　han'　whiles　to

haud　the　deevil　aff　o'　's　whan　he　was　like　to　destroy　the　breed

a'thegither。　　For　the　grace　that　he　spak　aboot；　that　was　less　nor

the　nature　an'　the　providence。　　I　cud　see　unco　little　o'　grace　intil

't。'



Here　Ericson　broke　infearful；　apparently；　lest　his　boyfriend

should　be　actually　about　to　deny　the　God　in　whom　he　did　not　himself

believe。



'Robert；'　he　said　solemnly；　'one　thing　is　certain：　if　there　be　a　God

at　all；　he　is　not　like　that。　　If　there　be　a　God　at　all；　we　shall

know　him　by　his　perfectionhis　grand　perfect　truth；　fairness；

lovea　love　to　make　life　an　absolute　goodnot　a　mere　accommodation

of　difficulties；　not　a　mere　preponderance　of　the　balance　on　the　side

of　well…being。　　Love　only　could　have　been　able　to　create。　　But　they

don't　seem　jealous　for　the　glory　of　God；　those　men。　　They　don't　mind

a　speck；　or　even　a　blot；　here　and　there　upon　him。　　The　world　doesn't

make　them　miserable。　　They　can　get　over　the　misery　of　their

fellow…men　without　being　troubled　about　them；　or　about　the　God　that

could　let　such　things　be。7　They　represent　a　God　who　does　wonderfully

well；　on　the　whole；　after　a　middling　fashion。　　I　want　a　God　who

loves　perfectly。　　He　may　kill；　he　may　torture　even；　but　if　it　be　for

love's　sake；　Lord；　here　am　I。　Do　with　me　as　thou　wilt。'



Had　Ericson　forgotten　that　he　had　no　proof　of　such　a　God？　　The　next

moment　the　intellectual　demon　was　awake。



'But　what's　the　good　of　it　all？'　he　said。　'I　don't　even　know　that

there　is　anything